Thursday Morning Hangover

You see that guy up there, rocking the ugly 1987 orange mesh jersey, wearing the same #22 eViL G wore while winning back-to-back District 3-3A triple jump championships at legendary track and field powerhouse Bishop Kenny High School?

 

You see him? 

That guy knows a shitty quarterback when he sees one.  That’s why he’s not smiling.

He had the misfortune of playing with some of the worst signal callers in UF history…Kyle Morris, Donald Douglas, some guy named Lex Smith. 

Oh, he knows.

He even had an offensive coordinator who thought it was a great idea to use him as a decoy. 

He knows shitty coaching too.

So who can blame him for blasting our coaching staff for continuing to play Jeff Driskel?

If you had a dollar for every Gator fan who agreed with Emmitt, you’d have more than enough cheese to buy out Nick Saban and Kevin Sumlin’s respective contracts, with enough money left over to cover Aretha Franklin’s food budget for a couple months.

Gator Nation is frustrated.  We’re frustrated because our coach is either too stubborn or too stupid to see what the rest of world sees.  Stevie Wonder can see it.

No need to apologize Emmitt, you said what had to be said.

Be good.
-eG

eViL G's September 20th Picks



More scrong accusations against Jameis Winston....real scrong....

Greetings everyone.

 

At the urging of one of my 26 followers, I bring you an abbreviated weekly picks column this week, featuring a school I love and another school I hate.

 

And with apologies to Dorothy Williams in Jacksonville, it’s not Hate Week, but some of this week’s adult language is essential to the plot.

 

So let’s do this thing….exactly two….

 

PICKS!!!

 

 

Clemson at Florida State

 

Jameis Winston….doing all he can to make Johnny Football look like Mother Theresa off the field.

 

Recently Jameis took a break from his rigorous course load of nine credit hours at The Florida State University to entertain our future leaders and retail assistant managers of this great nation.  As the story goes, at the urging of no one in particular, Jamies stood on a table at the FSU student union and yelled, “FUCK HER RIGHT IN THE PUSSY!!!”

 

Given what Winston’s gone through recently, this is analogous to O.J. Simpson yelling, “SLICE THE BITCH UP AND KILL HER PUNK ASS BOYFRIEND!!!” at a 1995 USC booster function.

 

Apparently a good number of FSU students didn’t initially recognize Winston uttered those vulgarities, because they could clearly understand the words that came out of his mouth.  But it quickly became obvious to everyone Winston was the culprit, because university cops working at the student union immediately looked the other way.

 

SEC Network ran with the story immediately, and everyone had a good chuckle when Paul Finebaum had to explain to Tim Tebow what that phrase actually meant.

 

None of this matters, as FSU thumps Clemson without Winston playing the first half.  It just goes to show what an idiot Jameis Winston is.

 

If you’re scoring at home, the Jameis Winston penal code (tee hee hee) goes like this:

·        Allegedly rape someone: No suspension

·        Shoplift crab legs from Publix, where shopping is a pleasure: Suspended 3 baseball games

·       Encourage the student body to do what he did (consent optional) – miss the 1^st half vs Clemson

 

Charlie Ward should punch Jameis Winston in the face next time he sees him.

 

As far as the game goes...

 

Noles – 34

Tigers – 17

                                                                                                                                                                        

And finally...

 

Florida at Alabama

 

So which is it Gator Nation?  Is Kentucky Football legit, or has Florida reached another level of sucktitude under head coach Shrill Musclecramps.  To increase the likelihood of being correct I’m going with both.

 

Musclecramps needed the Kentucky win much more than this game.  He got it, and his seat is hotter than it’s ever been.

 

Four years in the program…FOUR…and with the best offensive coordinator UF’s had since Dan Mullen, Jeff Driskel still looks lost at times.  Thank God for Demarcus Robinson, who from all accounts has stopped partaking in activities that violate team rules, even if those activities are legal in Washington and Colorado.

 

UF finding a go-to receiver seems to have coincided with UF needing some playmakers in the secondary.  Gator defensive backs got abused repeatedly in the second half, most often by a freshman wide receiver playing varsity tackle football at the University of Kentucky.  That’s like MIT losing a science fair to West Virginia.  Amari Cooper is already open. 

 

And while Bama’s QB’s aren’t exactly lighting the world on fire right now, none of their QBs are named Jeff Motherfucking Driskel. 

 

Advantage Alabama.

 

Waiting for Jeff Driskel to miss a deep pass, not recognize an obvious corner blitz, hold on to the ball too long before getting sacked, or throw a 4 yard pass on 3^rd and 12….well, it’s a lot like having sex with Jameis Winston.  You can kick, scream and object to it all night long, but you won’t stop it from happening.

 

Matt Jones looks mortal this week against a real defense, and Driskel continues to Driskel against a real defense.  Vernon Hargreaves suffers a season ending back injury from carrying the entire secondary.  Demarcus Robinson continues to shine while Clay Burton and Latroy Pittman combine for at least three drops.  Kyle Cristy averages 62 yards on 11 punts.

 

Nick Saban gives a dry press conference afterwards.

 

What everyone expected to happen, happens…UF gets fucked right in the pussy.

 

Tide - 31

Gators – 10

 

Be good.

eG