eViL G's Weekly Picks - September 26th



eViL G Flashback - 1997:
Classy UF fans rent out billboard to show their appreciation.

Happy Friday everyone.

 

First and foremost, I’d like to give a shout out to Marlon McKinney at GoVolsXtra.com.  Marlon is a friend, former co-worker and proud University of Tennessee alum.  Every year around this time Marlon shares this discount, off-brand blog with the good people who frequent GoVolsXtra.com.  I’m not sure why Marlon tortures his readers with my nonsense, but I appreciate the extra eyeballs…I might even eclipse 30 members by 2018.

 

I’d also like to say hello to Volunteer super fan Jason James from Jacksboro, an up and coming educator and all-around great guy.  Ditto for Scottie Hall in San Antonio and John Buchanan in Nashville.   And wherever you are David and Leslie Patterson, I hope all is well.  I miss those tailgates in Knoxville behind Copper Cellar.  Speaking of tailgates I’m looking forward to seeing James Norris and his wife Jaime this weekend in Gainesville.  We’ll be at our same spot behind Tigert Hall, so stop by anytime.

 

Contrary to popular belief in the Volunteer State (and the nutjobs on VolNation.com), Florida fans roll out the blue carpet for our visitors from Rocky Top.  The days of UF students throwing piss balloons and harassing Vickie Fulmer are all a distant memory.  Nowadays our students are too busy checking their smartphones to get into it with rival fans.

 

Lastly, before I break down Florida-Tennessee, please allow me to gloat for a few seconds for picking Ole Miss to beat Alabama last week.

 



 

Thank you.

Let’s do this.

 

 

Tennessee at Florida

Outside of Athens, Big Orange Nation is easily the SEC’s most tortured fan base.  Pre-season expectations fueled by a blowout bowl win, a budding superstar QB, and an absolutely ridiculous recruiting class had Tennessee fans downright giddy with anticipation.

 

Then Oklahoma happened.  Grief counselors worked overtime in Knoxville while Paul Finebaum further distanced himself from his alma mater.

 

Josh Dobbs went from Heisman contender to a kid who can’t complete a downfield pass.  Butch Jones went from SEC Coach of the Year favorite to resembling a former Tennessee coach whose name rhymes with Schmerek Schmooley, with a similar win-loss record as Coach Schmooley.  Extra points and field goals were an adventure.  Fans criticized Mike Debord’s play calling.  Maybe Randy Sanders wasn’t so bad after all. 

 

Meanwhile, in Gainesville, our QB situation is still uncertain despite Will Grier not having to look over his shoulder for at least a week.  Grier took some shots in Lexington last week and didn’t appear to be 100% as the game wore on.  Treon Harris decided to go full knucklehead before the Tennessee game this year, unlike last year…allegedly.

 

UF fans still don’t know what to make of Jim McElwain, and we probably won’t know until after the 2016 season.  We do know UF’s offensive line is a bigger train wreck than Tennessee’s offensive line.  We know UF’s kicking game is no better than Tennessee’s kicking game.  We know Vernon Hargreaves is not 100% healthy.  After three games we suspect UF’s best wide receiver might be a true freshman.  And without question we now know Jalen Tabor is an idiot.  Check his Twitter feed.

 

Given the state of this so-called rivalry I don’t expect Tennessee fans to cry crocodile tears over UF’s current state of affairs.  In the 90s when UT was great, UF was greater.  In the 10s when UF sucked, UT sucked worse.

 

And then there’s that 10-game winning streak...

 

Historically the winner of this game has more success running the ball, and I simply don’t trust UF’s offensive line to get the job done.  Tennessee won’t have much success running either, but they have Jalen Hurd and we don’t.

 

Unless Will Grier channels his inner 1993 Danny Wuerffel, or UF’s defense scores a TD or two, Tennessee wins an ugly, low scoring game.

 

Vols - 19

Gators - 14

eViL G's Weekly Picks - September 19th

These uniforms were YOUR idea Taylor? MOTHERF#$%&@!!!

Greetings people.

I considered taking another week off, resting up so I’m 100% healthy and ready for Tennessee week. Outside of Hate Week it’s the busiest weekend around here, so I can’t let down the good people at Volnation.com and GoVolsExtra.com. That’s their football team’s job.

There’s just too much ammunition to work with this week. I don’t know where to start.

For the record, I wasn’t offended by Jim McElwain’s Hate Week inspired tirade over Kelvin Taylor’s unsportsmanlike conduct penalty. After all it was UF’s second personal foul following a touchdown that night. Coach Mac was justified for going off, even if his delivery was a tad over the top. I doubt you’ll see another excessive celebration penalty from UF this season.

I maintain the referee misinterpreted Taylor's gesture, which was simply Kelvin's way of saying "all this orange makes me want to slit my throat." Makes perfect sense right? In defense of Taylor and Joey Ivie (who got flagged for UF's first excessive celebration penalty), our football team isn’t used to scoring touchdowns.

That's all I got...the Chiefs-Broncos game just ended and I'm getting sleepy.

PICKS!!!

Florida State at Boston College

UF alum Marco Rubio made waves this week, essentially calling FSU the Plan B university of choice for high school seniors lacking the academic credentials to get into Florida. Obviously Senator Rubio hasn’t visited UCF’s campus lately, the student dorms look like a Disney resort. Ditto for UNF in Jacksonville. UNF has a gotdamned lazy river ON CAMPUS. We had to drive 35 minutes to Lake Itchetucknee to go tubing. USF is next door to Busch Gardens…wildlife, roller coasters AND beer samples. Depending on your major, FSU might be Plan E. Next thing you know they’ll start scheduling football games on Friday night…wait, what?
Noles-27
Eagles-20

Auburn at LSU

With apologies to LSU super fan Nall Gearheard up in Atlanta, this game slipped under my radar. Sorry Nall. Jacksonville State exposed Auburn as national title contending frauds, which pleases me greatly because F Muschamp. Auburn QB Jeremy Johnson has been hereby dubbed “Black Driskel” based on his knack for completing passes to the wrong team, seemingly on purpose. Meanwhile LSU looks like an upgraded version of Georgia. Fournette is slightly better than Chubb (both are studs), LSU’s no-name QB is more talented than UGA’s nameless, faceless QB. LSU’s defense is stacked as usual. LSU needs to start off strong, because their schedule is backloaded and brutal. Given how Auburn’s playing LSU should roll.
Geaux Tigahz – 31
F Muschamp – 14

South Carolina at Georgia

The Gamecocks look like ass, losing at home to Kentucky, and barely squeaking by North Carolina. UGA looks as one-dimensional as those Vince Dooley-Herschel Walker teams from the early 80s, minus any national championship aspirations whatsoever. Both QBs are garbage. Spurrier looks like he's ready for a Farewell Tour. Why am I wasting my time picking this game? F both of these teams...

Ole Miss at Alabama
Now THIS is what I'm talking about. Ole Miss looks like a Spurrier-led UF squad from the mid-90s, laying beat downs on opponents like Carly Fiorina bitch slapping Donald Trump a couple nights ago. Bama looks, well, boring. Their QB situation is worse this year than last, and Amari Cooper isn't around to bail them out. This Bama squad looks like those 1990s Gene Stallings-coached teams Spurrier used to get the best of...great defense, but outside of a single stud tailback, not much in the way of game breakers. Ole Miss looks like the better team, much better in fact.
Rebels – 38
Tide - 21

...and finally

Florida at Kentucky

The last time Kentucky beat Florida, eViLG was a 17 year-old UF freshman living on campus in Simpson Hall. Our games weren’t televised due to UF being on probation for doing the same shit Alabama’s done for decades. Back then ESPN and CBS didn’t pay conferences billions of dollars to air football games, and as a result the NCAA doled out sanctions a bit differently. I think a group of us went tubing at Lake Itchetucknee that day, but I’m not sure.It was 29 years ago.

Coach Mac named Will Grier the starting QB Saturday night, to which Gator Nation collectively said, “Well, duh.  ”Nothing against Treon Harris, but anyone paying attention can see Grier is the long term answer.  He has a stronger arm and reads defenses better.  I’m very bullish on Grier, hopefully he proves me right.

As for Saturday night, I always expect to beat Kentucky, regardless of how bad we appear to be or how great they appear to be. This year is no different.

My first and only trip to Lexington was 2007, when UF won its 21^st straight over Kentucky.  Our winning streak was finally old enough to legally drink.

Fast forward to 2015…our winning streak graduated college, got married 3 years ago and is expecting its first child in February. It’s also put on about 20 pounds since getting married, and it may or may not have a profile on Ashley Madison.

Bottom line...they're Kentucky, we're Florida, and it's not basketball season.

Science.

Gators - 26

Wildcats – 21
 
Be good.
eG

eViL G's Weekly Picks - September 5th

Will Grier practices pushing Treon Harris in front of a moving vehicle.

Greetings everyone.

 

Since 1995, Coach E and I have provided some of the worst gameday predictions in the history of college football, primarily because we usually wait until the last minute to send out picks and we really don’t put much thought into this.

 

2015 will be no different.  It’s what we do.  It’s what you want…all 26 of you.

 

Along with most of you tonight I suffered through UNC-South Carolina, and obviously UCF is still nursing a hangover from that bowl game two seasons ago. 

 

Now I’m knee deep in TCU-Minnesota and Utah-Michigan. 

 

Is Thursday night college football awesome or what? 

 

PICKS!!!

 

New Mexico State at Florida

For the second straight season UF’s offense is a complete unknown.  Treon Harris and Will Grier are scheduled to split snaps under center, which on the surface suggests the hype over Grier heading into fall camp was overblown.  Or perhaps it means Treon Harris is ready to be the man.  Whatever it means, it’ll feel damn good not to see you know who on the sideline acting a fool Saturday night, making us all die slowly inside.  Coach Mac will make everything alright.  Right?

Gators – 40

Aggies – 17

 

Texas at Notre Dame

The like/hate relationship between Texas fans and Charlie Strong gets a bit more strained this weekend, as Notre Dame gets all up in that ass.  Hang in there Charlie…

Irish - 24

'Horns - 10

 

Alabama vs. Wisconsin

Nick Saban’s had about four guys competing for the starting QB job this fall, including a kid who played wide receiver last season.   Whoever wins the job is irrelevant, as they’ll spend most of Saturday night handing the ball off to Derrick Henry and Kenyan Drake.  Unfortunately Wisconsin’s best chance to win this game recently signed a ten million dollar contract with the San Diego Chargers.

Hello Derrick Henry – 24

Goodbye Melvin Gordon - 14

 

Louisville vs. Auburn

See Alabama vs. Wisconsin, with a few more pass attempts from Louisville and an extra TD for Auburn.

AU – 31

Da Lou – 14

 

And finally…

 

Ohio State at Virginia Tech

Urban Meyer proved last season he’s the best coach in college football when he’s focused and isn’t suffering from “health issues”.  His squad is absolutely loaded...2001 Miami loaded...2004 Southern Cal loaded...1985 Chicago Bears loaded.  That Big 10 schedule doesn’t appear to be all that daunting outside of Michigan State and maybe Penn State.  Just when you thought Virginia Tech couldn't be taken seriously they pulled off an opening day upset last season in Columbus.  Now unfortunately they have Ohio State's full attention.  Expect the Hokies to feed off the home crowd for about a quarter and a half, then they’ll do what they always do against top ranked teams.   

The Ohio State University - 47

Virginia Polytechnic University - 20