Monday Morning Hangover

Sadly, I have no comeback for this.

What is this, Groundhog Day?

After two consecutive beatdowns, this much is clear...I do NOT want UF to win the SEC East.  That's right, I said it.  Let some other fan base else deal with getting heckled at the World Congress Center MARTA station pre and post-game.  Georgia and South Carolina, I'm talking to you.  I'd much rather watch you guys get killed from the comfort of my living room than convince myself to support my school, then drive 6 hours to Atlanta to watch college football's equivalent of the opening scene from Saving Private Ryan.

In other news...

• Oklahoma did what I expected them to do...and then some.
• Andre Debose scores on a big play, after which LSU scores 14 unanswered points...the Ted Ginn Curse lives on.
• Florida State is not back.  
• No Florida school is currently ranked in the Top 25.  This hasn't happened since 1982.
• Oklahoma State-Oklahoma will be the most entertaining game of the year.
• Russell Wilson is not the best college football player in the country, but he's pretty good.
• Tennessee fans, welcome to my world.  Good luck against LSU and Alabama with a backup QB.

That's all I got...back to work!

eG

Do You Remember The Time?

Gators, Assume. The. Position.

Good Day, Fellow Gators (and the rest of y'all....)

It's your good friend, FlawdaGator aka...yadda yadda yadda... Today, I'd like to share with you all a piece of my childhood so that you can better understand how I feel about (by the time you read this) today's game verses the Mighty Corndog Tigers of Louisiana State.

When I was a kid, I was pretty good..a bit of a class clown, but overall, not what most would consider a "bad child"...At times, my hyperactivity and my inability to shut the f**k up while the teacher was talking got me sent to the principals office... Depending on the severity of what the teacher said you did, you'd get what's called a "paddling" (For anybody under the age of 25 reading this, you don't know what paddling is, so you can just skip to the end of this where I explain how it relates to the game)

When getting paddled, the principal or assistant principal or really whoever wasn't in the teachers lounge getting blazed up, would come into the office, close the door, tell you to bend over while they administered 1 or 3 solid and swift strikes to the butt. Some kids cried, some didn't...I wasn't much of a crier... you see, I knew that the asswhoopin I'd get after they called home and told my mom that I had been sent to the principals office would be waaaay worse than anything they could with that raggedy paddle.

Speaking of mom, on special occasions when I really was in class acting a fool, they did the ultimate, they called home. This would prompt one or two different things. One would be my mom coming to school, the other would be her coming to school, but AFTER school to pick me up. Let me explain number two... When they call home and they explain what you've done and they say to you "Your mom will be here at 3 o'clock to pick you up" That's what's called a "special asswhoopin" pay attention, because it'll come back up here in a second. If my mama had to get off from work, drive 30 minutes across town because my narrow black ass was up in class acting a fool; oh you can believe that was a special asswhoopin. When they sent you back to class on "special asswhoopin day" You had the rest of the day to sit...think...pray...for what you just KNEW was going to be the mother of all asswhoopins. This feeling in the pit of your stomach that, to this day, I can't explain, can only be described as 'bubble guts' Bubble Guts happen when impending doom is approaching...aka, that "special asswhoopin"

Enter tomorrow's matchup vs. LSU. I have that feeling in the pit of my stomach. Problem is, I wasn't being bad or anything, but I that tomorrow around 3 o'clock...mama's coming to school and she ain't happy. That special asswhoopin is coming, folks. If LSU is going to rip us a new one, I for one, would like to ask  now to be gentle and stay away from my eyes when they finish.

Final Score:

Tigers 42

Gators 17

eViLG's Weekly Picks for October 8th

The truth is out there....

Greetings everyone.

I can always count on Alabama Super Pimp Keith Edwards to make an appearance following a big Bama win, which unfortunately means we'll be hearing from him quite a bit before the season ends....but enough about him.

Lost in the rush to crown Alabama BCS and NFC South Champions, something more dark and sinister went completely unnoticed during Alabama's dismantling of my beloved Gators. And I'm NOT talking about Dominique Easley allegedly beating up a former Bama player after the game. Although from eyewitness accounts it was the hardest Easley hit anyone associated with Alabama football Saturday night.

I'm talking about the Tedd Ginn curse. The curse's origins go back to the BCS National Championship Game, January 2007 in Glendale, Arizona. Ohio State receiver Tedd Ginn, Jr. returned the opening kickoff for a TD, injured his ankle after getting mobbed by teammates, and his Buckeyes wound up losing 41-14. As the story goes, while Florida celebrated its second national title, the former Ohio State receiver/return specialist placed a devastating curse on Florida football, affecting future generations of Gator return specialists.  

Enter Andre Debose.

The curse made its first appearance in Gainesville last November when South Carolina came to town. Andre Debose returned the opening kickoff for a TD, then UF lost its mojo for the remaining 59 minutes and 46 seconds, sending South Carolina to its first and only SEC title game. Fast forward to last Saturday where Debose scores on the first play from scrimmage, followed by Trent Richardson running wild and Bama's defense completely shutting down the Mighty Gators.

If memory serves, last year Debose returned a 4th quarter kickoff against LSU for a TD, after which UF suffered the biggest special teams brain cramp of Urban Meyer's UF career, allowing LSU to convert a fake FG into a first down...followed by a game-winning TD with seconds left on the clock.

This is not a coincidence. I want to see our slowest, fattest offensive lineman returning kickoffs against LSU. Anybody wearing a jersey number in the 60s or 70s, I don't care. What's the worst that could happen? LSU might beat us anyway? I'll take that chance.

That's all I got....RIP Steve Jobs. I'm still kicking myself for not buying AAPL stock when it dipped to $85 a share back in 2008.

PICKS!!!

Georgia at Tennessee

In what amounts to a SEC East elimination game for Tennessee, the Big Creamsickle Orange look to avenge last year's ass whuppin' in Athens. Georgia's conference schedule is conveniently missing Alabama, Arkansas and LSU, so a win on Saturday, followed up with a win over a Brantley-less Florida squad, topped off with at least one more Stephen Garcia meltdown, could place UGA back in the SEC title game, where Alabama will do unspeakable things to them. UGA's defense is slightly better than Tennessee, and their running game is much better. Advantage road team.

Jawjuh - 27

Tennessee - 17

Kentucky at South Carolina

Speaking of Stephen Garcia, he'll have a standing room only, VIP sideline view for Kentucky...and he totally earned it. You wonder what took Corch Spurrier so long. I remember when the ole ball coach used to pull Jesse Palmer for settling on an 18-yard corner route completion to Nafis Karim instead of throwing deep to Taylor Jacobs. You also wonder if Garcia will have enough time to wipe queso dip out of his beard and put his pants back on if Connor Shaw screws up badly enough for Spurrier to switch back. It's a non-issue this week.

Cocks - 37

Wix's Wildcats - 10

Florida State at Wake Forest

Unlike my alma mater who's facing an October gauntlet of Alabama, LSU, Auburn and Georgia, the School Out West has its own murderer's row consisting of Wake Forest, Duke, Maryland and NC State. Now you know why I want FSU to join the SEC.

Noles - 34

Deacs - 7

Ohio State at Nebraska

NU got a rude awakening to Big 10 football last week. Meanwhile in Columbus, the Buckeyes are staring a 5-loss season in the face, best case.  And that was based on the expectation that playmakers Herron and Posey would be back for this game.  They're still suspended, and the Huskers will roll.
Tommie Frazier U. - 27
Eddie George U. - 9

Auburn at Arkansas
Auburn's young squad appears to be growing up before our very eyes, which sucks considering we play there next week.  Auburn took A She She favorite Clemson to the brink, then followed up that effort with a big win at South Carolina.  Meanwhile, Arkansas is still completing passes against Texas A&M, which will also be the case on Saturday....too much offense for AU to handle.
Razorbacks - 31
Plainsmen - 17

Oklahoma vs. Texas

The Sooners should have a huge chip on their collective shoulders, what with LSU and Alabama gaining ground in the polls so quickly. Texas finally settled on a QB with a familiar name, who likes to throw to a receiver with a familiar name. McCoy to Shipley is back, however Texas is too young at key positions to pull off the upset.

Sooners - 35

Horns - 13


Miami at Virginia Tech
Do I really have to spend time on this game?  I don't?  Cool....

And finally...

Florida at Green Bay...err...LSU
Week Two of UF's Beatdown Tour takes them to Baton Rouge, where surprisingly enough, the Gators have a winning record all-time, and they've won 11 out of the last 15 over in the real Death Valley (sorry Clemson).  However none of those 11 victories came when LSU was ranked #1, and UF had a true freshman making his first start at QB.

Jordan Jefferson publicly proclaimed he wants to be LSU's starting QB.  What he needs to do is shut up, keep his nose clean and watch Jarrett Lee from the sidelines.  The last thing LSU needs is a QB controversy kick started by a QB who likes to kick defenseless Marines in the head.  If his sneakers get bloody, no big deal. He's got another 50 pair in his closet...and some people think college athletes should get paid.  Don't get me started.

I expect UF's defense to perform much better than last week's debacle, if for no other reason I think Alabama is 7-10 points better than LSU on a neutral field.  UF's offense will struggle to score 7-10 points, so here's hoping Chris Rainey blocks another punt, and Andre Debose returns a kickoff for a touchdo...nevermind.

Is it too soon to start drinking?

LSU - 28

UF - 7

Be good.

eG

ROLL TIDE and of course...God bless Tebow (Florida's Bear Bryant)

Belated greetings to the (mostly Gator) eViL G and Coach E College Football Forum. As the resident Bama Blogger, I am remiss in not posting sooner but it's good to be back especially after such a pleasant outcome in Gainesvegas.

Things I learned this weekend....

Tim Tebow is Swampland's living breathing version of Bear Bryant -- Just when I thought we had a gentlemen's agreement to cease and desist with any mention of God's favorite human...er... Tim Tebow (pictured left in his street clothes), he rears his saintly head YET AGAIN. This time my poor friend Garland Harwell (Roll Tide!!) was dragged into the mix. I'm not sure if Garland's picture was photoshopped or eViL spiked his tailgating beverage or the intoxication of seeing all the scantily clad UF co-eds induced Mr. Harwell to take a knee (understandable) but either way this is 100% UNACCEPTABLE! I'm sure that photo will follow Garland around like that ridiculous pimp sign stalked me for so long. I blame eViL for all of this!!!!

Dominique Easley would've done well as a South Central Police Officer in the early 90's because he seemingly treated Bama Fans (allegedly) like LA cops treated Rodney King. What's up with that?? Again, I blame eViL for all of this!!!

Bama's D is pretty good (technically something I already knew but go with me). In particular, shout out to Courtney Upshaw for being all over the field. With the absence of CJ Mosely, this was a critical component in completely neutralizing Florida's insanely fast RBs -- something that I honestly didn't think was possible. Lives could well be lost on Nov 5th when LSU rolls into T-town.

Andre Debose is better than advertised -- eViL bet that I couldn't name any Florida WRs before the game and I told him it only matters if I know their names AFTER the game. Debose (no relation to former Tide coach Mike "dumb dumb" Dubose) completely smoked Dre Kirkpatrick on that 65 yd bomb to start the game (another thing I didn't think was possible). Debose and Deonte Thompson played big early and they will have to continue to do so this season as it might save someone's life...namely Jeff Driskel.

Fescue grass sucks -- I seem to overseed and aerate every damn year. I'm no lawn master but this shi%# is more temperamental than my wife -- and that is saying a lot!!!

**************NFL ALERT***********

Steelers offensive line sucks -- normally I would make some crack about the Steeler's O-line sucking because of the proliferation of UF alums that populate it but...ok you got me...it's because we have UF alums populating it. We got one Pouncey and everyone knows you either need matching sets or none at all. More importantly, MARCUS GILBERT is AWFUL!!!!

***********END OF NFL ALERT********

Good luck to everyone's teams this weekend (except for Auburn) and...

ROLL motherfu#$%*IN' TIDE!!!!

Some Sunday Afternoon Thoughts...

Never underestimate the power of prayer

First off, congratulations to Alabama. Clearly they were the superior team, as I feared, and Trent Richardson is downright awesome. I've loved this kid since he was a freshman, and I'll be damn glad when he's scoring TDs for the Jacksonville Jaguars next year...or wherever the Jaguars decide to relocate. Richardson is to Urban Meyer what Vince Carter was to former UF hoops coach Lon Kruger...the must-have, in-state stud recruit who got away.

Some other thoughts from the weekend that was...

Alabama super booster Garland Harwell and his buddy Keith Williams (no relation) were treated to the mother of all tailgates, and no doubt their necks are sore from taking in all the lovely sights on our campus. Garland also took some time to pay his respects to former Gator great Tim Tebow's statue (see above) prompting Ben Hill Griffin Stadium security guards to ask if he lost a bet.

Sadly, in what was the most difficult thing I had to do all day, I  broke the news to Keith Edwards that not only is he now my third favorite Alabama fan on the planet, but after Saturday he is now my second favorite Alabama fan on the planet named Keith.

Other than Alabama, the other big winner yesterday appears to be Georgia. Brantley's injury, coupled with South Carolina laying an egg at home and a cakewalk of a conference schedule (no LSU, no Arkansas and no Alabama) suddenly has UGA in the SEC East catbird seat. However Tennessee might have something to say about that.

Speaking of Tennessee, the natives over at Volnation.com were in full-on celebratory mode last night, as if the Big Orange underachievers had actually accomplished something. Memo to Tennessee fans: Laughing at a classmate for getting stomped by the class bully rings hollow when that classmate already beat you down for the seventh straight year...and you still have to face the class bully.

Will Muschamps's tone during the post-game press conference was tense to say the least. He sounded like he wanted to rip off John Brantley's injured leg and beat someone upside the head with it.

In a related story, Steve Spurrier would also like to use John Brantley's severed leg so he can beat Stephen Garcia upside the head.

That's all I got...enjoy your Sunday...Go Jags and Go Bills!!

eG