With Joe Pa out, Urban Meyer In?

Greetings from God's waiting room, Indian River County. Today blogisode (again, not a word...but as soon as I get this petition off the ground, it just might become one) I thought that it'd be interesting to use my sarcasm and wit for more than Twitter, Facebook, and the occasional post on the World's largest and greatest Super Secret Internet Forum (SSIF) for short, and use it towards talking college football. (Which is why eViL G brought me here in the first place, apparently.)

Today's topic: Urban Meyer

Urban Meyer (Corch Urban Meyers for those of you reading this from inside the Nat Moore or Corrine Brown household) was Florida's head coach from 2005-2010. In that time frame, The Gators accumulated 2 BCS National Championships, 2 SEC Conference Championships, 3 SEC Championship appearances, as well as a Heisman Trophy winner in Tim Tebow.  Long story short, he returned Florida to relevancy in the state as well as the Nation after Steve Spurrier resigned in 2001. 

Passing the torch? 

Fast forward to this year.  Urban Meyer resigned from coaching the Gators due to health and family issues, and is currently an analyst for ESPN. Joe Paterno is in what is probably the biggest non-cheating scandal to ever hit college football. Today, Joe Paterno announced that effective at the end of the season, he will resign as Head Coach of the Penn State Nittany Lions. Without getting into the meat and potatoes of the scandal and having this blog turn into the opening statement of my college thesis, I'll save you all the details of the retirement; since I'm sure that by now,  you all are aware why he is. If you're not aware, check me out on iTunes this Friday where I'll get more into it.

First things first, Joe Paterno has coached the Lions of Penn State for 61 years. He IS Penn State. I don't know what it is about head football coaching in the state of Pennsylvania, but if ever you're fortunate enough to get a job coaching the game of football in that state, you're there for the long haul. In a society where high profile teams allow you a very limited window to show their fans what you have as a head coach, Penn State is a anomaly. They allow their coaches to recruit, coach, rebuild, compete, try, fail, and eventually, find the correct recipe for winning.  This would be the perfect condition for Urban Meyer.

As the head coach at Florida, it's safe to say that Meyer put pressures on himself to win. Win at all costs; even if it meant straining the relationship between his children, his wife, or even his health.  Those pressures paid off with the aforementioned accolades he acquired while in Gainesville, but they left a toll on him both mentally, physically, and emotionally. Coaching in the SEC and specifically at Florida is NOT an easy job. I will say that Meyer stepped up to the plate while in Orange and Blue, and at the end of the day, his legacy and his stamp on this program will never be forgotten.

With Joe Paterno retiring at the conclusion of this season, there will be a head coaching position open in University Park, Pennsylvania; and for the first time in 61 years, there will not be a Paterno roaming the sidelines. It's safe to say that because of the black eye Penn State has suffered from this scandal, they will look to start over completely. Starting over means not having anyone with the last name "Paterno" being on their football team's staff. Urban Meyer is a perfect fit for this job. He would have been out of football going on two years, he would have been able to spend time with his two smoking hot daughters, and his son, whatshisname....as well as his MILF of a wife, Shelley.

Going to Penn State makes sense. He's not going to worry himself into a stroke, and PSU won't push him to bring them back to relevancy and prominence in one years time. They'll allow him to do the shopping, do the cooking, and serve the meal. They'll allow him to recruit, rebuild, and restore the image of Penn State Football to what it was in Joe Pa's hayday. Let's be clear, he's not going to overshadow anything Paterno has meant or done for that community or university over the past 61 years, but if ever there was someone who could come in and get the job done and keep traditions running strong in University Park, Pennsylvania, it's Urban Winston Meyer.

(For the record, I know Urban's middle name isn't Winston)

Until next week,
-FlawdaGator

Follow me on "the twitters" @FlawdaGator 

Facebook at facebook.com/lionelforbescomedy

Sunday Morning Hangover

Alabama kicker Cade Foster practices sleeping with one eye open

I'm sitting here on the couch, at 12:05 EDT...about to be EST in about 2 hours...attempting to catch my breath after that defensive masterpiece.  It's not often I'm riveted to the TV set watching two teams combine for 15 points, but like many of you I was on the edge of my seat for over three hours, and didn't miss one play.

How awesome were those two defenses? When was the last time Trent Richardson looked almost ordinary? Who expected Bama to make uncharacteristic mistakes in OT....who breaks the huddle with 12 men at such a crucial point? Who knew Jordan Jefferson would be the difference on offense?  Marquis Maze...catch the damn punt!  And that poor kicker...

My heart goes out to Bama buddies KeithE, KeithW and Garland...I know you guys are hurting right now. I exchanged a couple dozen text messages with Keith Edwards, who somehow found his way inside Bryant-Denny Stadium to watch that grindfest in person.

Meanwhile, Coach E was in Winston-Salem watching Wake Forest-Notre Dame, and we swapped another 30 texts throughout the evening.

Yes folks, Coach E is alive.

Some other thoughts from the weekend...

- Congratulations Georgia Bulldogs...best of luck in the SEC Championship Game. I understand your opponent is pretty good.

- Honey Badger Matheiu has been officially exposed. He's an effective blitzer with solid ball skills, but he's LSU's 3rd best defensive back behind Reid and Claiborne, not to mention a decent cheap shot artist.  Claiborne is a flat out stud.

- By finishing the season 6-6, my Florida Gators will be bowl eligible.  Of course I'm assuming we beat Furman in a couple weeks.  Basketball season can't get here soon enough.

- Speaking of basketball, Dwight Howard called a press conference this weekend to announce he's leaving the Orlando Magic to join the Big 12.

- I think the refs got the Reid INT call correct.  Very close call but I think they got it right.

- Kentucky won the Pink Slip Bowl...Houston Nutt, thanks for playing.  The Memphis job should be open soon.

- Congratulations Charlie Strong...HUGE win at West Virginia with a freshman QB.

That's all I got.

Be good.

EG

eViL G's Weekly Picks for November 5th





Greetings from Central Florida, where the hometown UCF Knights just lost a tough game to Tulsa as I type this. 

Speaking of UCF, I'd like to wish an early HAPPY BIRTHDAY to 2-time Conference USA Champion, Conference USA Coach of the Year, 2-time Gold Medalist with USA Basketball's Womens U19 National Team, and MY sister...Joi Williams.  Happy Birthday Coach!!!  Love you!!

A shout out also goes to my second favorite Alabama fan on the planet, Keith Edwards, for checking in before the big game.  You know Alabama's having a good year when Keith calls me every week asking how to format posts on Blogger.  It should also be noted that Keith is terrified of my sister, who nearly severed his jugular vein with a butter knife at the SEC Womens' Basketball Tournament back in the mid-90s.  One day I'll share that story with the entire internet...and by entire internet, I mean my 13 followers here on Blogger.

I've been deliquent in posting my wildly popular Monday Morning Hangover segment, a recap of the week that was, so please accept my apologies.  Truth be told, based on recent developments my weekend hangovers are lasting well into Wednesday and Thursday, with no end in sight.  Will Muschamp has managed to out-Zook Ron Zook, and he's not done yet.  Bowl eligibility is about as good as it gets for Gator Nation.

That's all I got...let's get on with it....

PICKS!!!

New Mexico State at Georgia

The silver lining from UGA's win over Florida is two-fold.  There's a good chance UGA wins the East, where they will get absolutely destroyed by the Bama-LSU winner, and Mark Richt gets to stay in Athens a while longer.  The rest of the SEC should send UF (Chris "Butterfingers" Rainey in particular) a fruit basket.  Mark Richt is a mediocre football coach whose success has come when Florida, LSU, Tennessee and Alabama were all down.  With the exception of LSU and Bama, history appears to be repeating itself.  Nice timing on those suspensions...

Dawgs - 42

NMSU - 14

Vanderbilt at Florida

Will Muschamp has taken the joy out of fall Saturdays in Gainesville, so I made an executive decision to sit this one out.  I'd rather save gas money and relax on the couch watching games on two flat screens (one with picture-in-picture), and thanks to the WatchESPN app, two more games on the iPad and iPhone.  That's five games at once folks.  I'll be watching this game on the iPhone.  This is Vandy's Super Bowl, and UF doesn't really give a shit about much of anything right now...and you thought we hit rock bottom during the Zook Era. 

Vandy - 24

Rock Bottom - 23

South Carolina at Arkansas

If two 7-1 teams still in contention for their division and conference title play the same week #1 plays #2, does anyone care?  It's a shame this game starts at 7:15, because it's the perfect JV warm-up game before Bama-LSU.  Arkansas can play spoiler on their way to the Capital One Bowl, making plenty of friends in Athens along the way.  South Carolina is a totally different team without Marcus Lattimore, and just like their in-state rival Clemson last week, sooner or later the Gamecocks have to start living down to their historic expectations of underachievement...it's science.

Hogs - 27

Cocks - 19

Do you really care about Kansas State-Oklahoma State, Oregon-Washington or Boise State-UNLV?

That's what I thought.

and finally....

LSU at Alabama

Game of the Century....Ali vs. Frazier....Hulk Hogan vs. Ultimate Warrior.....Desmond Howard vs. The English Language....Aretha Franklin vs. Gravity....you get the picture.  It's the game we've all been waiting for.

Throughout the season I've shown lots of love to my Crimson Tide buddies Keith Edwards, Keith Williams and the legendary Garland Harwell.  Therefore it's only fair I give equal time to my favorite LSU fan on the planet, Nall Gearheard, who makes up 1/13th of my followers.  Like Garland and Keith, Nall lives in Atlanta and is subjected to UGA fans on a regular basis, so there's a special place in heaven awaiting him in the afterlife.  Nall, if you're making the trip to Bryant-Denny, be safe and enjoy yourself.

Bama and LSU appear to be mirror images of each other.  Offensively both teams rarely make mistakes, defensively both teams create mistakes and there's always the possibility of a little trickeration on special teams.  In the trenches, both defensive lines are better than the offensive lines they'll face Saturday night.  Trent Richardson and Spencer Ware are both powerful runners who can run by defenders just as easily through them.  Marquis Maze and Reuben Randle are both deadly deep threats.

You're tempted to give Bama the coaching edge based on Nick Saban's methodical management style versus Les Miles and his various eccentricities.  However I give a slight talent edge to LSU.  I particularly like the matchup of their secondary against Bama's receivers.  I also think A.J. McCarron is the weak link.  Julio Jones is gone, and for all the hype surrounding honey badger Tyrann Matheiu, Morris Claiborne is a better cover corner.  That's how good LSU's secondary is.

Bama gets the home field advantage obviously, and I expect the atmosphere to be off the charts.  But there's something about this LSU team.  Yes, Les Miles might be due for another Special Olympics clock management moment.  Yes, Bama is virtually unbeatable at home.  And yes, Trent Richardson is the best college running back I've seen since Shaun Alexander.

But it's 2011, and the BCS title game is in New Orleans.  LSU won their last two national titles in 2003 and 2007...the last two times the BCS title game took place in New Orleans. 

It's science.

LSU - 23

Bama - 20

Be good.

eG

Hate Week and Honey Badgers

Finally, it's that time of year where any feelings of love, compassion or human kindness must give way to our innermost tendencies toward pure hatred -- thank God Hate Week is back!!!

To start things off properly, I HATE LSU... not as much as Auburn mind you, but it's pretty damn close. With all due respect (or disrespect) for the blood feud / border war that is the Tennessee game, I am lobbying the Tide to temporarily move the Bayou Bengals up from our 3rd biggest rival to our 2nd. Why you ask? It's simple: I HATE LSU much more than Tennessee.

My Armageddon ticket is in grave jeopardy... as some of you know, my precious golden ticket to the Apocalypse has been hanging by a thread for the last few weeks and it looks like my perpetual lucky streak is about to come to an end. To his credit, my friend's sick father has successfully used his life threatening illness to steal the free ticket I was shamelessly mooching off of his son (how dare he?!?). Since all attempts to drive a wedge between father and son have failed, I have no choice but to execute "Plan B" (depicted below) on my friend. I've found it to be a timeless negotiating tactic and should afford me the opportunity to attend the game with the sick father while my buddy "sits this one out". And before you ask, yes the sneaker is mandatory (that's how you do it where I'm from). BTW - in case you might've forgotten... I HATE LSU.

Speaking of HATING LSU... here is a multiple choice question (my favorite type). Of the options listed below, what do YOU consider a REAL honey badger to be? As info, option C would've been much more graphic but I know eViL's mom is a regular reader of the blog. I'll share the poll results next week.

Good luck to everyone's teams this weekend (except Auburn and LSU),

Roll

eViL G's Weekly Picks for October 29th

Greetings from Central Florida.

Normally this week I mention something about how Halloween used to be about kids getting candy from neighbors, but now it's turned into an excuse for young women to dress up like a bunch of sluts. I'll spare you that, because I know how much you all hate slutty women...right Lionel?

Let's keep the conversation to football...

Thanks largely in part to the overall awesomeness of Alabama and LSU, who are both off this week, Saturday's slate of games are for the most part irrelevant. Oklahoma made things interesting last week, but all they did was save themselves from being humiliated. Oklahoma State, you're on deck.  Clemson, please stand by.  Stanford, we'll start taking you seriously after this week.  Wisconsin, thanks for playing.  Boise State, the kiddie table is over there...go play nice with Cincinnati and Houston.

There's your BCS picture right there folks.

Until next week, that's all I got...November 5th can't get here soon enough.

PICKS!!!

Michigan State at Nebraska

I took some heat last week from some non-believers who actually thought WISCONSIN was worthy of national title consideration. You know who you are. No team outside of Tuscaloosa or Baton Rouge is worthy of national title consideration. A win in Lincoln gives Sparty a commanding lead in the Big 10 Legends Division...how weird does that sound? I'd say about as weird as Michigan State winning the Big 10...or perhaps Nebraska playing in the Big 10. Sparty might win this game, but they won't beat Wisconsin twice. Check that, they won't win this game either.

Huskers - 26

Spartans - 21

Wisconsin at Ohio State

Your Ohio State Buckeyes are sitting in fifth place in the Big 10's Leaders Division, one game in front of last place Indiana. Wisconsin can kiss a January trip to New Orleans goodbye, but chances they'll get another shot at Michigan State in the Big 10 title game. Raise your hand if you feel sorry for Ohio State. Anyone?

Bucky - 34

Brutus - 24

I just picked two Big 10 games back-to-back...I'll lose a couple followers over that.

South Carolina at Tennessee

Derek Dooley addressed the media earlier this week, dropping knowledge as only the spawn of Vince Dooley's demon seed can. Coach Dooley shared some motivational secrets with the press, telling the assembled media how he's keeping his struggling team focused and hungry. Here goes...Dooley told his team...and I quote, "The smallest room in the world is a mushroom, and the biggest room in the world is the 'room for improvement'". Several UT players are expected to miss Saturday's game after their heads exploded.

Gamecocks - 21

We Need A Bigger Room - 14

NC State at Florida State

And I thought last week's games sucked donkey balls. This game sucks donkey balls, if for no other reason FSU appears to be hitting stride now that the pressure's off. I sense an outbreak of Nolesheimers coming.

Can We Play Clemson Again? - 28

NC State - 10

Southern Cal at Stanford

USC's freshmen beat Notre Dame's seniors last week. Stanford is not Notre Dame. If the Trojans somehow manage to win this game I'll start believing Lane Kiffin can actually coach worth a damn. Until then.....

Stanford - 41

So Cal - 21

Missouri at Texas A&M

A preview of things to come in God's Conference...two mediocre football programs battling it out for 4th place in the SEC West. Thanks for the new TV markets.

Aggies - 24

Mizzou - 13

...and finally

Florida vs. Georgia

I'd consider skipping this game if I didn't grow up in Jacksonville, and my mother wasn't cooking macaroni and cheese (hint hint), my grandmother didn't need help loading letter-sized paper into her HP inkjet printer, and my father could figure out how to download pictures from his digital camera. Please don't discount how serious these family obligations are.

But just like every year for the past quarter century, like clockwork, I'll be at whatever they're calling the Gator Bowl this year, wearing orange and blue. And just like last year, my expectations are low, as I don't expect John Brantley or Jeff Demps to play meaningful snaps. I take little comfort in UGA's Aaron Murray leading the SEC in TD passes, as UF's secondary can't cover a dead cockroach with a beach blanket. I'm also starting to lose faith in Will Muschamp, because for the past three weeks UF has looked about as disorganized as I can remember.

But in spite of all this I'll be tailgating in Lot Z, along with several members of the world's most dangerous super secret Internet message board, in what's become an annual tradition. This is easily my favorite game of the year...it always will be. But until I see something resembling a competitive football team wearing orange helmets and blue jerseys, my heart can't overrule my head.

UGA - 28

UF - 16

Be good.

eG