eViL G's Weekly Picks - September 29 Edition




Are you better off than you were four years ago?  I keep hearing this question lately, and depending on the individual asking I feel like I’m being led to a certain conclusion.

If you believe one particular politician, there’s no way you could be better off, what with unemployment still high and our national deficit increasing almost exponentially.  This person also believes if you voted a certain way four years ago, you have no personal accountability for your life.  He also suggests if you want to start a business, get a loan from mom and dad…because everyone’s parents have money just sitting around to loan their kids, right?

Now if you believe the other guy, of course you’re better off.   Chances are your 401K is trending back in the right direction, Bin Laden is dead, General Motors is alive, and the housing sector is turning around.  This person also has gigantic ears, and as of yesterday goofed up again during a campaign speech where he vowed to “export jobs”, then corrected himself to say “export products”.  If you started your own successful business, there’s a good possibility you won’t be voting for this guy based on some other infamous comments.

Personally, at the end of the day, neither candidate is responsible for choices I made a long time ago that have either directly or indirectly led to my particular position in life.  I'm sure your situation is no different.

What does any of this have to do with college football?

 

Read on…and vote…

PICKS!!!

Alabama at Ole Miss

Four years ago, right around this time, Ole Miss pulled off a shocking upset in Gainesville prompting Tim Tebow’s immortal “promise” speech.  For Ole Miss fans it probably feels like 40 years ago.  Meanwhile back in 2008, Alabama was Tebow’s final SEC victim before leading UF to its third national championship.  Since then Alabama’s made the entire nation their bitch, and there appears to be no end in sight.

Crimson Tide – 42

Crimson Tide’s Bitch - 10

Ohio State at Michigan State

In spite of hiring a high profile coach, nothing’s really changed in Columbus.  Those of us down in God’s conference readily acknowledge Ohio State is the Big 10’s premiere program, while at the same time acknowledging what a joke the Big 10 is.  Urban Meyer left Gainesville to get away from Nick Saban, but he still has to go though Nick Saban for Buckeye fans to be truly satisfied.  Good luck with that…Big 10 titles might grow on trees in Columbus, but Urban Meyer is at least two recruiting classes away from being a 13-point underdog to the SEC champion.

Sparty – 21

Bucks – 19

Texas at Oklahoma State

Back in 2008, Texas got screwed out of a national title shot, where my Gators would have stomped a mudhole in Colt McCoy’s ass.  We had to settle for Sam Bradford’s ass instead.  Since then Texas got a mudhole stomped in them by Alabama in the national title game, followed by its first losing season in a LONG time.  A year later their coach-in-waiting got tired of waiting and bolted for Gainesville.  The Longhorn Network hasn't exactly taken off as expected.  Given the financial and geographic advantages, you almost wonder why Texas isn’t a Top 5 team every season…then you realize career underachiever Mack Brown is the CEO.

Pokes – 38

Horns – 35

Florida State at South Florida

Nearly four years ago, USF appeared to be an up and coming program, at one point rising to #2 in the BCS.  South Florida even beat the Seminoles at Doak Campbell if I’m not mistaken.  Then Matt Grothe graduated and Jim Leavitt went nuts.  Around this time in Tallahassee, Papa Bowden was asleep at the wheel, coming perilously close to driving FSU’s football program off a cliff.  Now USF can’t beat Ball State, and FSU might be the nation’s only hope to dethrone the SEC as this season’s national champion.  FSU comes out flat after reading all week about how great they are, and then lays the wood to USF.

Noles – 38

Bulls – 13

…and finally

Tennessee at Georgia

Ask a Tennessee fan if they’re better off today versus four years ago, and you get a mixed bag.  The Vols aren’t losing to the likes of Wyoming at home anymore, but they’re still looking up at Florida and Alabama.  Expectations took a huge hit two weeks ago when the Vols seemingly quit after the Mighty Gators took a whopping 7-point lead in the THIRD QUARTER…in front of a national television audience and ESPN Gameday in their back yard.

Leadership issues at the top have many Vol fans waxing poetic to the days of Phil Fulmer clapping on the sidelines, “fighting like heck” for the Big Orange.  At this point in his coaching career, Derek Dooley is to Vince Dooley what Marvis Frazier was to Joe Frazier. 

Leadership on the field is also questionable.  Tyler Bray has a million dollar arm, but appears to be mentally weak when faced with modest levels of adversity…and he’s about as mobile as my grandmother without her walker.  All that said, this is Tennessee’s best team since 2007, and they will go as far as Tyler Bray’s head and Sunseri’s defense will take them.

Over in Athens, expectations are high, which historically spells doom for UGA.  Four years ago Georgia was pre-season #1, followed by epic beatdowns at the hands of Alabama (no black outs since then) and Florida (no team end zone celebrations since then).  Trindon Sturdivant just blew out his ACL attempting to read this paragraph.

UGA arguably has the SEC’s best QB in Aaron Murray, and without question the SEC’s best football player in Jarvis Jones.  The Dawgs seem to lose one stud tailback, only to replace him with another stud tailback.  Mark Richt is a steady leader, and UGA always contends for the East…but is that enough to pacify one of the most delusional fan bases on the planet? 

Georgia is the better football team, and they should win this game playing at home.  My views on Derek Dooley are well documented.  I don’t think he lasts past the 2013 season if he makes it that far. 

The bigger question is whether or not UGA is worthy of their #5 ranking.  We won’t know until they play Alabama in the SEC Championship Game.  If they don’t make it to Atlanta, then clearly UGA is no better off now than four years ago…in which case I’m all for the status quo. 

Silver Britches– 31

Big Orange – 23

Be good.

eG

eViL G's Weekly Picks - September 22 Edition



"Come at the king, you best not miss." -Omar Little

Greetings from Dwight Howard’s former home.  Hate Week is over two months away, so I'll hold my comments about Dwight for now.

But I do I need to get something off my chest.  I’m taking ridiculous heat from many of you for picking UF to lose at Tennessee.  Now if you’ve followed me all the way back to the days of BellSouth, unlimited Marriott Rewards Points and a distinguishable hairline, are you surprised?  My picks have consistently sucked ass since the mid 90s.  Who knew Jeff Driskel was the second coming after only one start?  If you expect me to be right all the time…well, that would make you the exact opposite of my ex-wife.

Just be glad the reverse mojo worked two weeks in a row, because it rarely happens, and I'm picking UF to beat Kentucky.  I didn’t expect Florida to win, let alone Tennessee playing dead in the 4^th quarter, so I picked accordingly.  But hey, I was right about Trey Burton and Jordan Reed contributing on offense.  If you turkeys can’t at least acknowledge that and give me a little credit…well, that would make you exactly like my ex-wife.

Like Omar Little once told Brother Mouzone, “Worrying about you is like worrying about whether or not the sun’s gonna come up.”  The same holds true for my weekly picks, unless of course you have no idea who Omar Little or Brother Mouzone are.  The Wire…Season 4….Episode 9. 

The weekly picks are for entertainment purposes only. 

I feel a theme coming on….

PICKS!

Akron at Tennessee

Like Bunny Colvin and Hamsterdam, Tennessee’s distorted, but well-intended view of reality came to an untimely end, at the hands of a familiar foe.  For Bunny Colvin, it was his overbearing commanding officer Major Rawles (boo).  For Tennessee, it was the dreaded Florida Gators (yay).  Yes, that’s another reference from The Wire.  What was most troubling about the Vols' disappearing act was Tyler Bray going mental while the game was still in question, not to mention that Tennessee’s defense still is not comfortable with its new scheme.  Then there’s Derek Dooley…hoo boy...as time passes it becomes apparent he’s about as competent at coaching big boy football as Ziggy Sopotka was selling drugs in Baltimore...Season 2.  But like Bubbles in Season 5, Tennessee recovers, finding its way out of the basement to dine on a cupcake.

Vols – 31

F Lebron and His Hometown – 7


Missouri at South Carolina

The new kid on the block goes up against the second-newest kid on the block.  This game has a lifetime undercard feel to it.  Take any scene from The Wire involving Herc and Carver for instance.  By and large those two cops were insignificant in the big picture, and they were known to screw up the easiest assignments.  Expectations were not very high.  Carver did get a promotion, if for no other reason he was the only option worth a damn (see also South Carolina's SEC East title two years ago).  South Carolina takes its next step up the divisional ladder before being busted back to traffic duty by Georgia in a few weeks.

Gamecocks - 24

Tigers - 20


Kentucky at Florida

After Omar got capped by little Kinard at the convenience store, Marlo Stanfield said to Chris and Snoop, "It's a good day to get back out on them corners."  Gator Nation is happy to be back in familiar surroundings too, in The Swamp against an overmatched opponent.  And it definitely won't be a 40 degree day...

Orange & Blue - 48

Just Blue - 14

LSU at Auburn

My wife cried when Omar and Brother Mouzone killed Stringer Bell.  Like most women, she found him attractive, in spite of being a ruthless drug dealer who killed innocent people and ruined the lives of countless others.  Likewise, I was nearly moved to tears when Cam Newton tranformed himself from a career backup at UF to Superman at Auburn.  Gene Chizik is probably shedding a tear too...since Cam left The Plains, Auburn has been downright mediocre, and after Saturday night LSU will have another 85,000 Auburn fans crying in their toilet paper.

Geaux - 34

War - 13


Michigan at Notre Dame

Notre Dame and Michigan are like the Barksdale crew.  Historically significant, still garnering a measure of respect in the game, but not nearly as powerful as they used to be...and you can find better much product elsewhere.  Prop Joe can point you in the right direction for all that.  Notre Dame wins a close one at home.
Irish - 27
Wolverines - 24


Clemson at Florida State

FSU is relevant again, and the winner of this game gets a huge leg up on the A She She title.  Being the top dog in the ACC is like that house where Wee Bay's baby mama and Namond lived.  It was the most beautiful ghetto fabulous house in the worst part of town.  And nobody outside of that neighborhood cared about the damn house.

ACC jokes aside, FSU looks as good as it did in the 1990s...and with the exception on Clemson, the rest of the conference looks just as bad.  Since Gameday will be in our state's capital, it's only fitting we have the Honorable Senator Clay Davis chime in on Clemson's chances of beating FSU on the road.

Noles - 45
Tigers - 18

Be good.
eG

eViL G's Weekly Picks - September 15 Edition




UF head coach Phil Masecamp and his unborn child prepare for a much improved Tennessee squad

Greetings from Ocoee, Florida, also known as The Center of Good Living.  I love it here in Ocoee.  It's a sleepy little burg west of Orlando with a mix of 4th generation Florida natives, transplanted suburbanites, and just enough Hispanics to keep the cops from profiling my black ass on a regular basis.  We have indeed overcome...watch your back Hector.

Before I get into the weekly picks I'd like to thank the future radio voice of the Middle Tennessee Blue Raiders, Jason "Lebron is my 3rd cousin" James, for stopping by to give his take on this week's action.  I don't know about you guys, but I am SHOCKED that Campbell County, Tennessee is just a decade or two behind the technology curve.  What sucks for Jason is there are in fact telephone bills on Rocky Top, and the overage charges for that last "broadcast" are gonna be a bitch.

But I'm not here to pick on Jason, that's what our super secret internet message board is for.  We have an entire forum dedicated to it.

There's only one game worth talking about this week, so let's get on with it.

PICK!!

I'm not wasting your time (or mine) talking about FSU-Wake Forest, Ole Miss-Texas, USC-Stanford or even Alabama-Arkansas.  Look at those matchups.  Stevie Wonder can see what's coming. 

Michigan State-Notre Dame is a decent enough matchup, but what game will you be watching Saturday night?  That's what I thought.

This week is all about Florida and Tennessee...let's fire up the Way Back Machine...

My first trip to Neyland Stadium was 1996.  The Knox County locals were calling this game the most important game in Tennessee Football's history, yet in the same breath these same locals were belittling UF's lack of long-term historical significance in college football.  Nevermind my Gators absolutely blasted Tennessee a year ago, and other than Chris Doering, just about everyone on offense returned for the '96 game.  Tennessee fans were convinced they'd get revenge, and Peyton Manning would show everyone who was the best QB in all of college football. 

You know the rest...before a then-record crowd of over 108,000 could get settled, UF was up 35-0 with 10 minutes left in the 2nd quarter.  Danny Wuerffel passed for four touchdowns, Manning tossed four interceptions...in the first half.  The crowd thinned out at halftime, prompting UF linebacker James Bates to quip during the post-game interview, "I'm not sure where they went...maybe the Jeff Foxworthy Show was on."  UF won 35-29, finishing the season ranked #1.  Good times.

Fast forward to 2002...Ron Zook is UF's coach.  Rex Grossman is his starting QB, knee-deep in alcohol, whippets and sorrority girls during any given week.  UF got hammered 41-16 by Miami the week before heading to Knoxville.  Tennessee on the other hand was coming off a huge win at Gainesville the previous season (followed by the mother of all choke jobs in the SEC title game), and their long time nemesis Steve Spurrier left UF for the Redskins. 

The SEC was finally Tennessee's for the taking.  Optimism was at an all-time high in Knoxville.  Surely 2002 was the year UT began their own winning streak against UF right? 

Nope. 

Casey Clausen fumbled about 5 snaps from center, no one in creamsickle orange bothered to cover Taylor Jacobs all day, and Rex Grossman stopped inhaling helium long enough to completely destroy the home team.  UF won 30-13.  Sadly, this was one of the few high points of Zook's time at UF...other than that 2003 recruiting class.

Fast foward ten years to 2012, and I'm hard-pressed to find a time since 1996 when so many Tennessee fans were this confident of a victory.  I referenced the '96 and '02 games because UT was expected by many to win.  Just about every other game in Neyland Stadium since then, the teams were either evenly matched ('98, '00, '04 and '06), or UF was the superior team. ('08 and '10).  Meanwhile, there's a 43-page thread on Volnation.com debating whether or not students should storm the field following Saturday night's game.

Fast forward to 2012 and you'll find the script completely flipped.  Tennessee has the high-powered passing attack while UF is grinding it out with a tough running game, an allegedly stout defense and solid special teams.  Tyler Bray is on fire...again...and this Patterson kid might be better than Da'Rick Rogers and Justin Hunter.  Meanwhile Jeff Driskel is responsible for managing the game while a gimpy Mike Gillislee carries the load, with a little Jordan Reed and Trey Burton sprinkled in here and there to move the chains.  UF's wide receivers are by and large invisible.

Both teams have nagging injuries on defense.

ESPN Gameday is back in Knoxville, the game is sold out, and Neyland Stadium will indeed be rocking.  The last time I felt this sure about a UF loss in Knoxville was 2002.  Thankfully I was wrong.  A decade later I'm struggling to come up with answers for UT's passing game, and how UF's offense will keep pace.  UF will need huge performances from a couple backup linebackers, a secondary that has to play physical (but within the rules), and a QB who might be growing up in front of our very eyes, but will be forced to make a play or two in the most hostile enviroment he's faced yet.

UF head coach Bill Offramp bought some time and earned a little equity with Gator Nation last week in College Station.  If UF somehow pulls off another close road victory, he'd have us all in the palm of his chubby hands.  Hell, I might even start referring to him by his actual name.

But I've got to see it first to believe it.  The win last week was impressive, but unlike Texas A&M, Tennessee has two games under its belt and all the confidence of a Spurrier-coached team in the 90s.  The Vols are expecting to win, while an emotionally spent and dinged up UF squad is hoping they can surprise its own fan base with a win in Knoxville of all places. 

Times have changed, if only for one year.  UF runs out of gas, and Rocky Top rejoices...but only for one year.

Vols - 28

Gators - 19

Be good.

eG

I, for one, welcome our new Gameday overlords...

I'm just taking a look around here at this, ahem, blog that goes out into literally thousands of reader's homes--what's that?  No...not...not thousands?  Well, I'm sure that it at least goes into hundre--no?  Teens.  Into literally what appears to be just a couple of eViL's family members homes. and the rest consisting of what I can only assume are homebound medical patients suffering from some  debilitating disease rendering them incapable of surfing other websites, and completely dependent upon Meals On Wheels programs for their daily dose of human contact and sustenance.

This almost feels like you've hired an agent to get you a ton of really great gigs to get your burgeoning media conglomerate brand name out into the public eye (by the way, you can catch my bringing you all the Campbell County Cougar football play-by-play action on http://www.wtnqfm.com on Friday nights) and you walk up to the joint and realize you're playing to the recently re-opened Sunny Brightside Retirement Community that was shut down for several years of excessive Medicare fraud and suspected resident abuse.

Speaking of taking over the bustling world of rural east Tennessee high school football radio, I may as well share with you the behind-the-scenes world of radio.  The radio station I work for considers the carrying of our local high school football games slightly above the "Soppin' up the Biscuit" hour that is on our station on Saturday mornings and a tribute to really, really old country music.

No, the name of that show is not made up.

So, every week, I stop by the studio to pick up the modem, call-in system thingy and they reassure me all is well with their system that is basically the broadcasting equivalent of tin cans and string.  We head to a nearby county to do the play-by-play of what is, honestly, probably the biggest football game in my high school's history.  Now, keep in mind here, that my high school has all the winning of tradition of a Prairie View A & M with none of the sizzle, so that statement is to be tempered a bit.

Nevertheless, the school is on the local broadcast carried by the local CBS affiliate and goes all over most of east Tennessee in sparkling high-definition and it is an opportunity to really boost the program at our high school.  This is a big deal and I want to come off as professional as we possibly can  because I knew several media outlets would be there.

We get there and we're right.  We're seeing cameras, t-shirt give aways from the cannon, local tv guys you see every day are all over the place, and it is all a bit much when your usual contemporaries of the one cow and scattered chickens that usually accompany the press box are what you're accustomed to seeing.  We get there, try to set up the headsets, and we're getting nothing.  The thing won't dial out.  Now, keep in mind we're looking around at TV monitors, webcast set ups, bloggers, and the like and we're trying to get our deal to dial in and it just won't budge.  So, our...what I guess would be a producer says "You're gonna have to do this from your phone."  Come again.  "You're gonna have to call in this number and do the game from your phone."

So, we proceed to do the entire 36-0 beat down of our team from my cell phone.  Everyone else is carrying out their professional responsibilities admirably and I'm the lunatic over in the corner screaming at a 16-year old center that can't snap the ball correctly all night.  On the plus side, I did ask former Pro Bowl defensive back and Tennessee legend Terry Fair if he minded doing a halftime interview from the sweaty phone that I'm talking into.

For all those people knew, my color guy and I were two idiots who had made their way to the press box and pretended to call the game by yelling into their phone.  I'm like the Appalachian Edward R. Murrow.

SPIN MOVE!

PICKS!

Arkansas at Alabama

Obviously, this one looked a lot more intriguing before Arkansas decided to sleep walk through their latest game with ULM and losing their quarterback in the process.  ESPN obviously lost all interest as they decided to move Gameday to Circle Park on the campus of UTK for the Florida-Tennessee contest.  To me, Alabama looked like a low-caliber NFL squad against Michigan, to me.  Heading into Alabama isn't a place to try and get things shored up.

987 National Championships (6 of which are only recognized by anyone else) - 34

So, he was boning a co-ed...bring him back!  - 10

Stanford at USC

Lane Kiffin, as much as I hate to admit it, can recruit because 18 year olds love swag.  Swag and Red Bull and Wild Boys and all that stuff.  So, as long as Lane Kiffin keeps that going, he'll out talent most everyone else on the Pacific side of things and that should set up some pretty epic USC-Oregon battles in the years to come.  I don't see an Andrew Luck-less Stanford keeping it close in this one.

USC - 31

Stanford - 17

Michigan St. at Notre Dame

I don't know anything about this game...so I'm going to post this:

Ron Powlus' 3 Heismans  23

Michigan St.  28

And now...for the main event...

Florida at Tennessee

This game is hard to get a feel for as both teams have a ton of question marks.  Let's examine Florida's question marks first:

1.)  Can Florida put together two back-to-back road performances where they somehow get it done despite a pedestrian offense?

2.)  Is the "should be fine" going to be good enough for Gilleslee's groin injury?

3.)  Can UF continue to shut down the Tennessee rushing attack as they have the past seven years?

For Tennessee:

1.)  These players have been without national attention their entire careers and they're suddenly getting a ton of it...how do they handle that?

2.)  Tennessee decided to replace their PK this week and you have to wonder if the game is tight if that is going to adversely affect the Vols?

3.)  Do we get the Tyler Bray that has shown complete command of his offense in the first two games or do we get the one that is prone to get impatient and put the ball in harm's way?

I think Florida is walking into a hornet's nest from a fan's perspective.  This fan base has been without any type of semblance of success since 2008.  Gameday hasn't been on campus since 2004.  Neyland Stadium is sold out in advance for the first time in a handful of seasons.  The fans, clearly, are ready for some results on the football field.  Will that play a factor as Florida just got through playing in a tough environment...that remains to be seen.

I have had the good fortune of watching UF play in both their games and I simply do not see UF having the offense to stay stride for stride with a pretty potent Tennessee passing attack.  If you are UF, you can't like the fact that your quarterback was sacked 8 times the previous week.  Even if the quarterback could have gotten the ball away on most occasions, your quarterback was still on the ground 8 times.  So, which way does this one go?  Does a young Tennessee defense still getting used to the 3-4, but showing a lot more aggression on defense get to the quarterback or do they early secondary struggles that Tennessee has faced sort of allow Florida to hit some big gainers and slow it down with the run?

I think Tennessee's strength (passing attack) outperforms Florida's strength (defense).

I'm calling for the streak to come to an end before a pretty upbeat home crowd on Saturday night.

Tennessee 31

UF 20

Introducing......

Just in time for Florida-Tennessee week, eViL G and Coach E are pleased to welcome our newest contributor.  He comes to us from Jacksboro, Tennessee, which from what I'm told is no place for a black man after 7pm...even during Daylight Savings Time.

I've had the pleasure of tailgating with this young man countless times over the past 9 years, in front of Little Hall in Gainesville and behind the Copper Cellar in Knoxville.  He is as geniune as they come...he's folksy as hell too.  I've saved him from skirmishes with obnoxious Gator fans wearing gold fronts, and he was kind enough to loan me a jacket before the 2004 night game at Neyland when temperatures dipped below 70 degrees.

During football season he can be heard Friday Nights on WTNQ-FM Country 104.9, where he is the radio voice of Campbell County Football, Home of the Cougars.  Right now WNTQ playing "Amarillo by Morning" by George Strait, the follow-up track to his top-selling single, "Amarillo - Nature's Little Tank"...boom...

This gentleman is a member of the world's most dangerous super secret internet message board, and he is one of only two Tennessee fans allowed to participate.  Seeing as how this is Florida-Tennessee week, I also invited our other Tennessee fan to share his thoughts and opinions, but he was too busy breaking down the Democratic National Convention and hoarding Chunky Soup just in case President Obama gets re-elected.

Ladies and gentlemen, all 14 of you, please give a big Hee Haw welcome to Jason Dontavious James!

You have the floor Jason...do work son.

eG

Sunday Evening Hangover

Some random thoughts from yesterday's action...on and off the field...

- When you host a football watch party, and you work for the cable company, you will catch hell if your converter box craps out during the game.  Yeah, it happened.  Luckily I had a spare converter box (actually several spare converter boxes), and managed to restore order before one of my guests took a hostage.

- I'm watching Pittsburgh play Peyton and the Broncos, and I would LOVE to have Pouncey, Starks and Gilbert back on our offensive line.

- Memo to Missouri:  As much as I hate Georgia, you needed that ass whuppin.  Whatever brand of football that Missouri player accused UGA of playing, it wasn't old man football.  It was more like Kyrie Irving disguised as old man football.

- When you host a football watch party, and you haven't tapped a keg since 1989, you will catch hell from your wife for attempting to tap said keg with the lever down.  Yeah, it happened.  One of our kitchen walls still smells like Bud Light, and my 23 year-old daughter has lost all respect for me.

- It's good to know the unintentional reverse mojo pick still works for UF. We'll test that theory again this weekend, based on how many of our injured guys are back for Tennessee.  Our coaching staff should give Mike Gillislee a one-week moratorium on banging coeds.  We need his groin at 100%, and those coeds aren't going anywhere, especially if  Gillislee leads us to another big road win.

- When you host a college football party on the same day UCF plays Ohio State, and you invite your Buckeye neighbors, along with your sister (who coaches at UCF) and a bunch of Gator fans (who now despise Urban Meyer), the conversation can get pretty lively...especially after I figured out how to tap the keg without spilling 15.5 gallons of beer on my wife's kitchen floor.

- Memo to CBS:  It's not too late to ditch Arkansas-Bama for UF-Tennessee.  Oh my bad, it is too late.....BUAHAHAHA!!!!

Be good.

eG

eViL G's Weekly Picks - September 8 Edition

MSU Smoke Machine - 85 (scholarship athletes), MSU Football Team - 0

Way to represent the conference fellas....

Happy Friday everyone.  Seeing as how I'm staying put this football season, I have a bunch of unused vacation days to take before the end of the year...something like 296 hours, and they don't carry over.  So I'm taking a much needed day off.  Nothing like sandwiching a three-day work week in between two three-day weekends.



Is it basketball season yet?

But there's no rest for the well-rested.  Months ago mRs. eViL G decided to hold our official housewarming/pool/football watch party this Saturday.  In addition to friends, family, current and former neighbors, members of the world's most dangerous super secret internet message board will all convene at my home in what promises to be the mother of all social experiments.  Seminoles, Buckeyes, Crimson Elephants, War Eagles, Knights, bandwagon Hurricane fans and mostly Florida fans all under the same roof with a keg, swimming pool and over a dozen UF mini basketballs that hopefully won't be used as weapons.  This can't end well, can it?

Bottom line is I have a "Honey Do" list longer than Bill Clinton's DNC speech the other night, so I need to finish dusting our antique baroque sconces in the dining room before mowing the lawn.

PICKS!

UCF at Ohio State

I'm still struggling to muster some good old-fashioned hatred for Urban Meyer, but I can't.  Those two crystal footballs he brought to Gainesville won't let me.  As time passes, and if UF remains as mediocre as they are now, maybe I'll blame him for leaving Bill Musclecramp with just enough talent on offense to win the 3A Florida High School State Championship.  Until that time I have no beef with Urban Meyer.  That said, I want UCF to beat the dogshit out of Ohio State.

Buckeyes - 34

Knights - 14

Washington at LSU

Honey Badger gets dismissed from LSU, and his replacement returned a punt to the house last week.  Don't weep for LSU folks.  Weep for Washington.

LSU Tigers - 38

U Dub - 14

Auburn at Mississippi State

Both teams are coming off tough losses last week.  Auburn lost a close game to Clemson, and Mississippi State got bitch slapped by its smoke machine.  These two teams played a classic a few years ago, combining for a whopping 5 points.  Expect another low scoring snoozefest as both teams battle for 4th place in the SEC West.

AU Tigers - 17

MSU Bulldogs - 6

Georgia at Missouri

Mizzou gets their first taste of big-time SEC football, but some of their players are talking smack like they've won the last six national championships.  A Missouri player accused Georgia of playing "old man football".  In spite of not knowing exactly what the hell that kid meant, I was offended by his comments for multiple reasons.  First, I'm an old man.  Second, I don't like being compared to UGA football...ever.  Lastly, someone forgot to tell Missouri's football team the real reason they're in God's conference...so their basketball program can make life miserable for John Calipari and Kentucky.  Missouri Football hasn't done a damn thing to warrant talking smack to Georgia.  So as The Rock would say, "Know your role, and shut your mouth!".  This doesn't happen very often, but I'd like to see UGA send a message and welcome Mizzou to the Southeastern Conference like the LAPD welcomed Rodney King after he got out of his car. 

Other Bulldogs - 28

Great...more Tigers  - 10

Florida A&M at Oklahoma

The only compelling reason why Oklahoma fans considered going to this game is gone, pending an internal school investigation for band hazing.  So to boost attendance, the scheduled halftime show will be Oklahoma's band paying tribute to the armadillo, nature's little tank.  Yes, I plan to force that joke on you all every week.  Besides, Oklahoma is crawling with armadillos.

Boomer Sooner - 63

This one time, at band camp, we beat the drum major to death - 7

...and finally

Florida at Texas A&M

Lately...and by "lately" I mean since the 2010 season...it seems I have the same progression of thoughts throughout the week.  On Sunday following UF's "performance" against Bowling Green, I was ready to start my own www.firewillnutscamp.com website.  Usually by Friday I'm all fired up because there's a big game on the horizon, and I know we've got the horses to play with anyone.  Positivity rules the day.

Then gameday comes, UF's offense takes the field, and I'm painfuly reminded that Reidel Anthony, Ike Hilliard and Percy Harvin aren't walking through that door.  Hell, I'll settle for Sorola Palmer, O.J. Small and Jamie Richardson.  I'm also compelled to write a 6-page apology letter to Doug Johnson.

Yes, we Gator fans are spoiled.  For the past two decades, we didn't just expect to win.  We expected to win a certain way...by scoring a shit ton of points before our opponent knew what hit them.  Those days are gone, and now we're praying to split the next two games.

I don't know much about Texas A&M, but I know I should be a lot more excited about UF's chances...if for no other reason it's Friday.  By now I should be rationalizing why this is the week Florida finally starts to look like something resembling the Mighty Gators.  But it still feels like Monday.

I'll always love my alma mater, but my faith in this football team and its coaching staff is being tested.  I want to believe, but it would help if Muschamp and Company gave us something to believe in.

Aggies - 26

Gators - 17

Be good.

eG