eViL G's Weekly Picks - September 8 Edition

MSU Smoke Machine - 85 (scholarship athletes), MSU Football Team - 0

Way to represent the conference fellas....

Happy Friday everyone.  Seeing as how I'm staying put this football season, I have a bunch of unused vacation days to take before the end of the year...something like 296 hours, and they don't carry over.  So I'm taking a much needed day off.  Nothing like sandwiching a three-day work week in between two three-day weekends.



Is it basketball season yet?

But there's no rest for the well-rested.  Months ago mRs. eViL G decided to hold our official housewarming/pool/football watch party this Saturday.  In addition to friends, family, current and former neighbors, members of the world's most dangerous super secret internet message board will all convene at my home in what promises to be the mother of all social experiments.  Seminoles, Buckeyes, Crimson Elephants, War Eagles, Knights, bandwagon Hurricane fans and mostly Florida fans all under the same roof with a keg, swimming pool and over a dozen UF mini basketballs that hopefully won't be used as weapons.  This can't end well, can it?

Bottom line is I have a "Honey Do" list longer than Bill Clinton's DNC speech the other night, so I need to finish dusting our antique baroque sconces in the dining room before mowing the lawn.

PICKS!

UCF at Ohio State

I'm still struggling to muster some good old-fashioned hatred for Urban Meyer, but I can't.  Those two crystal footballs he brought to Gainesville won't let me.  As time passes, and if UF remains as mediocre as they are now, maybe I'll blame him for leaving Bill Musclecramp with just enough talent on offense to win the 3A Florida High School State Championship.  Until that time I have no beef with Urban Meyer.  That said, I want UCF to beat the dogshit out of Ohio State.

Buckeyes - 34

Knights - 14

Washington at LSU

Honey Badger gets dismissed from LSU, and his replacement returned a punt to the house last week.  Don't weep for LSU folks.  Weep for Washington.

LSU Tigers - 38

U Dub - 14

Auburn at Mississippi State

Both teams are coming off tough losses last week.  Auburn lost a close game to Clemson, and Mississippi State got bitch slapped by its smoke machine.  These two teams played a classic a few years ago, combining for a whopping 5 points.  Expect another low scoring snoozefest as both teams battle for 4th place in the SEC West.

AU Tigers - 17

MSU Bulldogs - 6

Georgia at Missouri

Mizzou gets their first taste of big-time SEC football, but some of their players are talking smack like they've won the last six national championships.  A Missouri player accused Georgia of playing "old man football".  In spite of not knowing exactly what the hell that kid meant, I was offended by his comments for multiple reasons.  First, I'm an old man.  Second, I don't like being compared to UGA football...ever.  Lastly, someone forgot to tell Missouri's football team the real reason they're in God's conference...so their basketball program can make life miserable for John Calipari and Kentucky.  Missouri Football hasn't done a damn thing to warrant talking smack to Georgia.  So as The Rock would say, "Know your role, and shut your mouth!".  This doesn't happen very often, but I'd like to see UGA send a message and welcome Mizzou to the Southeastern Conference like the LAPD welcomed Rodney King after he got out of his car. 

Other Bulldogs - 28

Great...more Tigers  - 10

Florida A&M at Oklahoma

The only compelling reason why Oklahoma fans considered going to this game is gone, pending an internal school investigation for band hazing.  So to boost attendance, the scheduled halftime show will be Oklahoma's band paying tribute to the armadillo, nature's little tank.  Yes, I plan to force that joke on you all every week.  Besides, Oklahoma is crawling with armadillos.

Boomer Sooner - 63

This one time, at band camp, we beat the drum major to death - 7

...and finally

Florida at Texas A&M

Lately...and by "lately" I mean since the 2010 season...it seems I have the same progression of thoughts throughout the week.  On Sunday following UF's "performance" against Bowling Green, I was ready to start my own www.firewillnutscamp.com website.  Usually by Friday I'm all fired up because there's a big game on the horizon, and I know we've got the horses to play with anyone.  Positivity rules the day.

Then gameday comes, UF's offense takes the field, and I'm painfuly reminded that Reidel Anthony, Ike Hilliard and Percy Harvin aren't walking through that door.  Hell, I'll settle for Sorola Palmer, O.J. Small and Jamie Richardson.  I'm also compelled to write a 6-page apology letter to Doug Johnson.

Yes, we Gator fans are spoiled.  For the past two decades, we didn't just expect to win.  We expected to win a certain way...by scoring a shit ton of points before our opponent knew what hit them.  Those days are gone, and now we're praying to split the next two games.

I don't know much about Texas A&M, but I know I should be a lot more excited about UF's chances...if for no other reason it's Friday.  By now I should be rationalizing why this is the week Florida finally starts to look like something resembling the Mighty Gators.  But it still feels like Monday.

I'll always love my alma mater, but my faith in this football team and its coaching staff is being tested.  I want to believe, but it would help if Muschamp and Company gave us something to believe in.

Aggies - 26

Gators - 17

Be good.

eG