eViL G's Weekly Picks - September 19th

These uniforms were YOUR idea Taylor? MOTHERF#$%&@!!!

Greetings people.

I considered taking another week off, resting up so I’m 100% healthy and ready for Tennessee week. Outside of Hate Week it’s the busiest weekend around here, so I can’t let down the good people at Volnation.com and GoVolsExtra.com. That’s their football team’s job.

There’s just too much ammunition to work with this week. I don’t know where to start.

For the record, I wasn’t offended by Jim McElwain’s Hate Week inspired tirade over Kelvin Taylor’s unsportsmanlike conduct penalty. After all it was UF’s second personal foul following a touchdown that night. Coach Mac was justified for going off, even if his delivery was a tad over the top. I doubt you’ll see another excessive celebration penalty from UF this season.

I maintain the referee misinterpreted Taylor's gesture, which was simply Kelvin's way of saying "all this orange makes me want to slit my throat." Makes perfect sense right? In defense of Taylor and Joey Ivie (who got flagged for UF's first excessive celebration penalty), our football team isn’t used to scoring touchdowns.

That's all I got...the Chiefs-Broncos game just ended and I'm getting sleepy.

PICKS!!!

Florida State at Boston College

UF alum Marco Rubio made waves this week, essentially calling FSU the Plan B university of choice for high school seniors lacking the academic credentials to get into Florida. Obviously Senator Rubio hasn’t visited UCF’s campus lately, the student dorms look like a Disney resort. Ditto for UNF in Jacksonville. UNF has a gotdamned lazy river ON CAMPUS. We had to drive 35 minutes to Lake Itchetucknee to go tubing. USF is next door to Busch Gardens…wildlife, roller coasters AND beer samples. Depending on your major, FSU might be Plan E. Next thing you know they’ll start scheduling football games on Friday night…wait, what?
Noles-27
Eagles-20

Auburn at LSU

With apologies to LSU super fan Nall Gearheard up in Atlanta, this game slipped under my radar. Sorry Nall. Jacksonville State exposed Auburn as national title contending frauds, which pleases me greatly because F Muschamp. Auburn QB Jeremy Johnson has been hereby dubbed “Black Driskel” based on his knack for completing passes to the wrong team, seemingly on purpose. Meanwhile LSU looks like an upgraded version of Georgia. Fournette is slightly better than Chubb (both are studs), LSU’s no-name QB is more talented than UGA’s nameless, faceless QB. LSU’s defense is stacked as usual. LSU needs to start off strong, because their schedule is backloaded and brutal. Given how Auburn’s playing LSU should roll.
Geaux Tigahz – 31
F Muschamp – 14

South Carolina at Georgia

The Gamecocks look like ass, losing at home to Kentucky, and barely squeaking by North Carolina. UGA looks as one-dimensional as those Vince Dooley-Herschel Walker teams from the early 80s, minus any national championship aspirations whatsoever. Both QBs are garbage. Spurrier looks like he's ready for a Farewell Tour. Why am I wasting my time picking this game? F both of these teams...

Ole Miss at Alabama
Now THIS is what I'm talking about. Ole Miss looks like a Spurrier-led UF squad from the mid-90s, laying beat downs on opponents like Carly Fiorina bitch slapping Donald Trump a couple nights ago. Bama looks, well, boring. Their QB situation is worse this year than last, and Amari Cooper isn't around to bail them out. This Bama squad looks like those 1990s Gene Stallings-coached teams Spurrier used to get the best of...great defense, but outside of a single stud tailback, not much in the way of game breakers. Ole Miss looks like the better team, much better in fact.
Rebels – 38
Tide - 21

...and finally

Florida at Kentucky

The last time Kentucky beat Florida, eViLG was a 17 year-old UF freshman living on campus in Simpson Hall. Our games weren’t televised due to UF being on probation for doing the same shit Alabama’s done for decades. Back then ESPN and CBS didn’t pay conferences billions of dollars to air football games, and as a result the NCAA doled out sanctions a bit differently. I think a group of us went tubing at Lake Itchetucknee that day, but I’m not sure.It was 29 years ago.

Coach Mac named Will Grier the starting QB Saturday night, to which Gator Nation collectively said, “Well, duh.  ”Nothing against Treon Harris, but anyone paying attention can see Grier is the long term answer.  He has a stronger arm and reads defenses better.  I’m very bullish on Grier, hopefully he proves me right.

As for Saturday night, I always expect to beat Kentucky, regardless of how bad we appear to be or how great they appear to be. This year is no different.

My first and only trip to Lexington was 2007, when UF won its 21^st straight over Kentucky.  Our winning streak was finally old enough to legally drink.

Fast forward to 2015…our winning streak graduated college, got married 3 years ago and is expecting its first child in February. It’s also put on about 20 pounds since getting married, and it may or may not have a profile on Ashley Madison.

Bottom line...they're Kentucky, we're Florida, and it's not basketball season.

Science.

Gators - 26

Wildcats – 21
 
Be good.
eG