September 25th Picks

Welcome to Week Five of the college football season, brought to you by Southwest Airlines, Harris Teeter, and the Asheville Comfort Inn and Suites.  The award winning eViLG and Coach E traveling party made another successful road trip to Knoxville this past weekend, and we were treated to another fabulous tailgate hosted by my Vol buddy Tim and his wife Sharon.  Our good friend John Buchanan even stopped by to say hello. 

I’d like to personally thank the Tennessee ticket office for bringing me closer to God this weekend…literally.  My seats were at the top row of Neyland Stadium’s upper deck.  Michael Jackson, UGA VII, Bernie Mac and Jesus kept telling us to sit down so they could see.

That’s all I got this week, real life stuff is kicking my ass with a vengeance.

PICKS!!!

Georgia at Mississippi State

Mark Richt is catching all kinds of hell from Dawg fans, and as you might imagine I’m enjoying every minute of it.  Richt made his bones in the SEC East back when Ron Zook was ruining Florida and a seemingly uninterested Phil Fulmer was beginning to wear out his welcome in Knoxville.  Now his butt is squarely on the hot seat, with Florida, Auburn and Georgia Tech all left to play.  Mississippi State should have taken Auburn to overtime back in Week One, and every time I watch Dan Mullen’s team I harken back to a time when UF could actually pull off a big play or two on offense.   Can you imagine living in a world where UGA starts out 0-3 in conference play?  We can only dream….

Athens Bulldogs – 21

Starkville Bulldogs – 17

South Carolina at Auburn

We saw the best and worst of Cam Newton last week against Clemson.  The first half he looked like ass, just like the kid I remember stinking up the Orange and Blue spring game a few years ago, the same kid who couldn’t beat out Johnny Brantley for the honor of being Tim Tebow’s backup in 2008.  The second half he looked like Vince Young in the Rose Bowl.  Expect more of the same Auburn faithful…this kid is the walking definition of inconsistent, and he’s going to drive you crazy.  Stephen Garcia’s been driving Steve Spurrier crazy for over three years now, but the proverbial light bulb may have finally come on.  The Gamecocks make a major statement down on the Plains.  Keith Edwards rejoices.

Cocks – 33

Tigers – 27

Oregon State at Boise State

ESPN says this is a big game, so against my better judgment I’m including this battle of super awesome traditional college football powerhouses in the weekly picks.  Are we to believe that by beating the mighty Oregon State Beavers, Boise State belongs in the national title conversation?  Child please…..nothing short of 28-point beatdown will get my attention. 

Broncos – 31

Beavers – 27

Kentucky at Florida

ESPN’s Mark May thinks Kentucky will win this game.  Kentucky thinks Kentucky will win this game.  Florida’s offense continues to underwhelm, and the defense plays brilliantly long enough to allow a big play thanks to blown coverage in the secondary.  If Florida was a high school team, Jeff Demps might be our only D-1 prospect.  I refuse to pick Kentucky, but don’t be surprised if the unthinkable happens.

Orange and Blue – 27

Just Blue - 23

Stanford at Notre Dame

Stanford is the best team in the PAC-10, and they will absolutely murderize Notre Dame in their own house.  Yes, I said murderize…don’t judge.  Stanford’s QB gets no Heisman love because the left coast media hacks enjoy slurping Jake Locker for some reason, but this Luck kid can flat out play.  Jim Harbaugh might be the most underrated coach in the country.  I don’t want to see this guy anywhere near the Southeastern Conference, unless of course he’s named the new Florida coach after next week’s Bama massacre causes Urban Meyer’s heart to explode on national television.  Stanford is for real folks.

Cardinal – 38

Irish – 17

Wake Forest at Florida State

FSU gets another tune up before the Hurricanes come calling.  Wake will offer a little more resistance than the Mormons did last week, but this isn’t the same Wake Forest that owned FSU from 2006-2008.

Noles – 27

Deacs – 9

West Virginia at LSU

One team is coached by Ned Flanders from the Simpsons, the other is coached by Coach McGirk from Home Movies.  If you’ve never seen Home Movies on Adult Swim, shame on you.  LSU rarely loses big home games, especailly at night, and West Virginia rarely wins big games, ever.  Hell they should have lost to Marshall a few weeks ago.

LSU – 23

WVU – 14

And finally….

Alabama at Arkansas

Arkansas was cruising against Georgia until they fell asleep, while Bama had the Duke game in cruise control before the first quarter ended.  Ryan Mallett had a mini-Heisman moment last week, but he steps up in weight class on Saturday.   Much has been said about Bama’s defense replacing 9 starters, but the majority of these new guys are upperclassmen who got plenty of playing time last year. 

Arkansas has no answers for Bama’s offense.  I’m struggling to think of anyone in college football does.  Alabama might be the best college football team since the 2001 Miami Hurricanes.

God help us all.

Tide – 36

Hogs – 21

Be good.

e