Thursday, October 18, 2012

eViL G's Weekly Picks - October 20 Edition

Steve Spurrier and, friend...prepare for Florida by posing topless together.

Greetings from the 407….don’t start none, won’t be none.

I love my family, and I love college football.  This weekend I was forced to choose between the two.   My cousin is getting married in Jacksonville this weekend to a UF med student.  He comes from a long line of Florida State Seminoles, but he can’t help how he was raised.  I’m just glad he married up. 

I often joke with family members about scheduling weddings during football season, saying if you HAVE to do it, make sure it’s the week before UF plays Georgia.  Historically UF has that week off, and this would have been that week. 

However thanks to Texas A&M and Missouri joining the fold, everyone’s conference schedule got thrown for a loop.  I’m giving my cousin the benefit of the doubt, because they’ve been engaged for what seems like eight years, and they happen to be big football fans.  Yeah I know FSU plays Miami this weekend, but even FSU fans don’t care about Miami anymore.  The 3,000 Miami fans who actually bought tickets don’t care…the 8:00 kickoff gives them something to do before hitting the club.

According to this wedding invitation, the ceremony begins at 4:00pm, thirty minutes after Florida-South Carolina kicks off.  Seeing as how this is a black wedding, there’s a very good chance I’ll be able to watch the entire game before the wedding starts.  That’s how we do.

I love my family.


Alabama at Tennessee
The Southeastern Conference released its 2013 football schedule earlier today, and if you needed a reminder that God’s Conference is headquartered in Birmingham, look no further than Alabama’s conference slate next year.  Outside their division, the Tide's Eastern division opponents are Tennessee….and Tennessee’s freshman team.  Bama also gets to play Ole Miss twice, with an option to drop either LSU or Texas A&M from the schedule depending on who’s ranked higher.  Meanwhile on Rocky Top, recently added a forum specifically for “Tennessee Coaching Rumors and Speculation”, and it’s got over 17,000 posts since October 14th.  I hate to see Derek Dooley go, but the writing is on the rock. 
Tide – 35
Vols – 17

Auburn at Vanderbilt
Gene Chizik is who we thought he was.  It just took a couple seasons for the Cam Newton Effect to wear off.  Now his Iowa State aura is shining through.  It would be nice, just once, to have Auburn rotate back on UF’s schedule when they suck this hard.  James Franklin, this is your audition to move from Nashville to Knoxville…or possibly Auburn, Lexington or Fayetteville.  Don’t f**k it up.
VU Commodores - 24
ISU Cyclo...err...Auburn - 13

LSU at Texas A&M
Screw Freshman of the Year, Johnny Football is on course to winning SEC Player of the Year.  LSU looks like they finally hit stride last week against South Carolina, and they win this game while making Manziel look downright average.
Geaux - 20
Gig 'Em - 17

Kansas State at West Virginia
Kansas State-West Virginia…this sounds like a Sun Bowl matchup from 1987, or perhaps a second round game during March Madness.  KState-WVU sounds like anything but the two best football teams in the Big 12.  Interesting contrast in styles...K-State plays defense and does just enough on offense, while WVU throws the ball 70 times a game and makes no attempt whatsoever to play defense.  Advantage road team.
KSU - 31
WVU - 28

Florida State at Miami
There will be more people at my cousin’s wedding reception doing the Wobble than Miami fans in attendance at this football game. 
Noles – 45
Canes – 17

…and finally

South Carolina at Florida
ESPN Gameday is back in Gainesville, and UF's most beloved brain dead, pot head, drop dead hunky Olympian Ryan Lochte is ESPN guest prognosticator.  This can't end well, can it?  Ryan Lochte and insightful commentary don't exactly go hand-in-hand.  mRs. eViL G thinks he should just stand in front of the Gameday set with with his shirt off, while slowly feeding grapes to himself.

The Gamecocks pulled a Clemson one week too late for Georgia, and one week too early for Florida.  Meanwhile in Gainesville, the Gators are #2 in BCS, which has some less enlightened college football fans crying foul.  To those people I say, please enjoy a nice tall glass of shut the f**k up.  We're only halfway through the season, and as I type this Oregon is on pace to score 146 points against Arizona State.

UF gets a bunch of injured starters back, while South Carolina is banged up.  Marcus Lattimore has a bruised hip, and he's not expected to start, but I'll be shocked if he doesn't play.  Matt Elam, please find out which hip is bruised and react as if that bruised hip did something worthy of celebrating...within the rules of course.  Thanks in advance.

The urge to keep my reverse mojo going is very strong.  Picking UF to lose paid huge dividends for Gator Nation, and yes, you are all welcome.  I fully expected us to lose to Texas A&M, Tennessee and LSU...and I picked accordingly.  But my heart tells me something special is happening with this team, and I can only feel what my heart tells me to feel. 

I expect Florida to beat South Carolina.

Gators - 27
Cocks - 23

Be good.

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