Thursday, February 6, 2014

2014 UF Recruiting Recap - Defense

Alright, now moving on to defense.

Defensive End:
Justus Reed, Taven Bryan, Gerald Willis III
I know Reed is a BUCK and Willis is sort of that hybrid inside/outside guy like Bullard. But for simplicity's sake I'm listing them as DE's. For as much shit as I give Muschamp for being a shitty evaluator of offensive talent, I give him more leeway on his defensive evaluations. Reed seems to fit the part physically, but his competition level sucked. However, he's a guy that Muschamp identified early and jumped on so I'll give the benefit of the doubt. I have to say I'm extremely skeptical of taking a kid from Wyoming. Initial reports are that the staff is impressed with Bryan physically. I'll wait and see here. Willis is a stud. What the group lacks is an elite pass-rusher. The two guys they had initially targeted (Carter and Featherston) would not have helped much, IMO. For all his accolades, Carter plays like a pussy. Featherston weighs 125 lbs and won't see the field for a few years anyway. Overall an acceptable group, but I'll go with B- here.

Defensive Tackle:
Khairi Clark, Thomas Holley
If nothing else, Muschamp is leaving our next coach stacked with DT's. Clark and Holley are both elite prospects, and combined with Brantley and Bostwick from last year this is a home run. One more body would have been nice, but this is an A.

Linebacker: None...fucking NO ONE!!!
Don't give a shit about what we have on the roster, this is a flat F. You never go a year completely ignoring a position. It's like they were thinking Christian Miller or bust. No excuses for this shit.

Jalen Tabor, Duke Dawson, J.C. Jackson, Deiondre Porter
I'm leaving Dawson at CB for now, because that's where he was told he'd play. I think Dawson may be able to play the nickel like Brian Poole did, though his best position is safety. Tabor and Jackson make this class a home run. I like the versatility of Porter and added him here because that's where they claim he'll start. I would love to see him flip over to WR instead because we need playmakers and the guy is a super athlete. This is an A+. Two bona fide studs (Tabor Jackson), one very good prospect (Dawson) and one versatile athlete type.

Quincy Wilson
I'm not sold on Wlson. I think his real value was in getting our foot in the door in South Florida at a school that produces good talent. He was also thought to be a pied piper type to help reel in Cook and Lane. He's worth the scholarship, but his ceiling is basically being another Jabari Gorman. Adams would have been a home run. Wilson is a C+.

ser bueno
- Senor Chupacabra

2014 UF Recruiting Recap - Offense

Greetings Gator Nation!

Every now and then I'll bring in an expert who actually knows what he's talking about, because Lord knows half the predictions here come straight out of my ass.

Please put your hands together for our resident recruiting guru from the 561, Señor Chupacabra.  Señor was raised in the mean streets of Dade County, and now calls Palm Beach Gardens home.  He's like Mel Kiper, only shorter and hairier.  He also has a day job and he doesn't want to get fired...which makes sense considering he happens to be one of the best attorneys in South Florid...oh dear, I fear I've shared too much.
Anyways, the experts are gushing over Shrill Mustclamp's Top 10 recruiting class, in spite of the abortion that was Florida Football in 2013.
Señor Counselor cuts through the crap, pulls no punches, and tells it like it here it is...

Okay, so let me preface my grades with a couple of points.  First, when grading a class/position group addressing needs is the thing I value most.  This means not only getting the numbers at the positions of need correctly, but also landing kids who can: a) play, and b) make your team better.  

Second, I look at what we took in the context of what was available.  Some years you don't take great players at certain positions simply because there aren't may to be had.  

Finally, I don't necessarily dwell on who we missed on since you have to play what you did get.  But, I do subtract major points when I think the coaches have flat fucked something up.  With that being said, I'll do my view of the offense first:

Will Grier, Treon Harris
This was an A, IMO.  The only thing keeping it from being an A+ is that you can only really give a perfect grade when you've found a Tebow or Winston type, and these guys aren't that.  However, we desperately had a need for capable bodies at the position.  I don't think our offense will ever be very good as long as Driskel is the starter because Driskel is just a bad QB.  Superb athlete? Sure.  QB? Nope.  Forget the OC stuff, Driskel is dumb.  The only worse thing than having a dumb QB as your starter is having such piss-poor depth behind him that there is no real competition for the job.  Enter Grier and Harris.  Grier's biggest question mark is whether he's able to perform against real competition instead of the garbage he played in high school.  But he's a coach's son and put up ridiculous numbers.  When a guy is better than his competition, he should dominate.  Grier did that.  He's also an early enrollee and therefore poses a threat to Driskel,  With that being said, you can't ignore that Harris was dominant at the highest level of high school competition.  The kid may be short, but he has a gun and has tremendous pocket presence.  He also looked great when the stage was biggest (state championship game).  I know Driskel is going to start no matter what, because Muschamp is retarded and will think, "Since my job is on the line, I need to put the ball in the hands of the most experienced guy."  Because that's the conservative, textbook and dumb thing to do.  But if this offense is ever going to get going, it's got to be with either Harris or Grier at the wheel.

Running Back:
Brandon Powell
I'm giving this one a B-, because I'm higher on Powell than most.  Obviously, the top tier guys in Florida this year were Cook, Yearby, Michel and Scarborough (if he counts).  Powell isn't on their level, but he is at the top of the next tier of kids.  The thing that limits Powell is that he's not -- and never will be -- a workhorse back.  He's a change of pace guy.  However, he gives us something in the backfield that we don't currently have, and that is breakaway ability.  If he gets into the open field, he can take it to the house.  The fact that he adds a new dimension to the offense makes him a kid that improves the team.  In my mind, we only have three RB's on the roster worth a shit, and one of them (Lane) is based on potential only.  I love having a kid like Matt Jones on the team and he can certainly play at the college level, but he's just not a SEC-caliber RB.  It's not his fault that the staff misuses him and that he needs to be an H-back.  But nevertheless, recruits see a depth chart with a shitload of names and very shitty production (Jones, Brown, Herndon, Showers, Taylor, Lane) and it's hard to land more than one here.  Plus, I think it was actually a smart move to take only one this year because 2015 is loaded and we have enough on the roster to get by for 2014.

Wide Receiver:
Ryan Sousa, C.J. Worton
To me, this is a C-/D+ grade.  The only thing that keeps it from being lower is that I think more highly of Worton than most.  Sousa is, IMO, just another guy.  We desperately, desperately, desperately needed playmaking ability at the skill positions and got none of it at WR.  I don't even blame the staff for whiffing on Artavis Scott (kid wanted to leave the state), Adoree (tough pull) or Ermon Lane (has bust written all over him).  But I blame the coaching staff for how they managed their board and how they fucked it up at the end.  To begin with, we could have gotten in on Jovon Harrison a long time ago but we felt so good about Lane that we didn't bother.  Stupid.  We also had Travis Rudolph gift-wrapped for this class after Miami screwed up his recruitment, and we slow-played him instead.  Stupid.  Notwithstanding those fuck-ups, we had the chance to add a playmaker in Isiah McKenzie late in the process and we fucked that one up, too, because we felt so good about Adoree.  Look, if Adoree wanted to go to UF he would have done it with or without McKenzie on the roster.  So what was the harm in offering and taking McKenzie? Worst case scenario, you have two playmakers to use.  And if we had taken McKenzie, then the loss of Adoree wouldn't have been so bad.  We also never bothered to go after Steve Ishmael (who wound up at Syracuse of all places) or Isiah Ford, who could have been had.  In lieu of the necessary playmakers, we wind up with a "solid" player (Worton) and a "steady" player (Sousa).  Gawd, Muschamp is a dickhead when it comes to offense.

Tight End:
Deandre Goolsby, C'yontai Lewis, Moral Stephens
This group is a C.  I actually think Goolsby can be a very good player for us here, and is certainly an upgrade over the pile of shit we currently have at TE on the roster (Burton and Westbrook).  Lewis has some potential, but I don't see a big difference here.  I have no idea why Moral Stephens is on this team.  He sucks.  And by sucks, I mean he fucking sucks, he won't play here and he took a valuable scholarship that could have gone to McKenzie or someone else who can actually play at this level.  Goddammit, Muschamp, stay the fuck out of the offense. But still, they get a C because there weren't many great options out there and we still upgraded the roster with what we landed.

Offensive Line:
Drew Sarvary, Travaris Dorsey, Nolan Kelleher, David Sharpe, Kavaris Harkless, Andrew Mike
I see this class as an A.  Not an Alabama-style A+, but certainly about as well as any team can reasonably hope to do.  With Silberman leaving, Sarvary plays the ever-important role of barely warm body that can give someone a breather for a few snaps a game.  I think Kelleher and Dorsey provide immediate depth, with Kelleher having the potential to be very good.  With Mike and Harkless, you have kids with good potential in a year or two.  And Sharpe has all the physical tools you're looking for in an OT.  Plus, all of these guys go far in increasing the size of our OL.  4 out of 6 contribute in year one, and 2 upside kids who need a little time to grow.  And we definitely filled a bunch of holes here.  Prince would have made this an A+.

Defense is on the way....

Tuesday, December 31, 2013

eViL G's BCS Bowl Picks

I won't miss you when you're gone.
Happy Holidays!
Here’s hoping you had a very Merry Christmas, and best wishes for a Happy New Year.  Santa was very good to the eViL G family this year.  Hopefully next year he brings me a new football coach.
No time to waste...gotta get these picks in before 2014.
Party safe tonight!
Sugar Bowl – Oklahoma vs. Alabama
Sponsored by Harvey Updyke’s Legal Defense Team…Call 1-888-ROW-TIED…
Auburn’s in the national title game, which means there’s literally hundreds of Alabama fans ready to act a fool if FSU somehow loses.  God forbid if Auburn comes within 27 recognized national titles of Alabama…LET’S GO PLANT AN ATOMIC BOMB AT TOOMER’S CORNER NEXT TO THAT STRIP MALL WITH THE KIDDIE DAY CARE AND PUPPY PET STORE!!!  ROW TIED!!!  I’m still convinced the aliens from Space Jam stole Nick Saban’s brain hours before the Iron Bowl.  Luckily those same aliens took off with Bobby Stoops’ medulla oblongata back in the early 2000s.  Oklahoma hasn’t won a meaningful bowl game since.  I’m hoping the trend of ridiculous alternative bowl uniforms continues, because these two teams have identical colors and uniforms.  Texas Tech’s Holiday Bowl uniforms look like they were made out of tweed.  By the time America figures out which red helmet team is Oklahoma, Alabama will be up 14-0 five minutes into the first quarter.  Row Tied Row.
Bama – 34
OU - 18
Rose Bowl – Michigan State vs. Stanford
Sponsored by Whoever Pays for that Awesome Pre-Game B-2 Stealth Bomber Flyover in Pasadena
I love both of these teams.  Michigan State ended the most overrated winning streak in college football, while at the same time ensuring Florida State plays a team with a pulse in the national title game.  That’s a win-win.  Stanford continues to make the PAC-12 its bitch…Oregon in particular…playing like an SEC school with a collective GPA higher than Vanderbilt’s chess team.  What’s not to love?  Due to both teams’ ball control, run-first style of offense, Will Muschamp will likely watch this game naked in his living room, with 26 aerosol containers of Cheez Whiz and a 2-liter jug of Jergens lotion to prevent chafing.  While Musclecramp is lusting over what real ball control offenses look like, I will continue to openly lust after Stanford's Director of Athletics…and Gainesville native…Bernard Muir.  Come on home Bernard, and bring David Shaw…or James Franklin…or Kevin Sumlin…or the object of mRs. eViLG’s lust Charlie Strong along with you.
Cardinal – 20
Sparty – 14
Fiesta Bowl – UCF vs. Baylor
Sponsored by the State of Arizona’s Attempts to Legally Kill Anyone Who Looks Like An Illegal Alien
It’s bad enough UCF has an identity complex over every media outlet outside of Central Florida insisting on calling them “Central Florida”.  Now on at least six occasions I’ve heard ESPN talking heads refer to UCF as the “Golden Knights”.  UCF dropped the “Golden” about seven years ago.  They’re just the Knights…the UCF Freaking Knights.  Is that so hard to remember?  Baylor is a prohibitive favorite, despite this being their first big boy bowl game too.  Blake Bortles might have something to say about the outcome.  Unfortunately so will UCF’s defense.  Your hometown Knights struggled down the stretch against teams they should have destroyed, and Baylor's offense is no joke.
Bears - 44
Knights - 28
Orange Bowl – Clemson vs. Ohio State
Sponsored by A&E’s “The First 48”, TruTV and the Florida Department of Corrections
Two rabid fan bases wondering what could have been get together in Miami, where there’s a better chance of their rental cars being stolen than anyone outside of Columbus or Clemson staying awake for the entire game.  My advice to OSU and IPTAY fans is this…leave the keys in your rental car with the motor running at all times.  Dade County locals will think it’s a bait car and leave it alone.  Two very good college QBs end their college career in this game.  One of them has the luxury of throwing to Sammy Watkins, the other doesn’t.  That said, Urban Meyer is usually money in bowl games.  Clemson gave up 70 points in the Orange Bowl a few years ago, and they treated last year’s Chick Fil’A Bowl win against LSU like their second national title.  Clemson has more horses than Ohio State, so I suspect they’ll expose Ohio State and the Big 10 once again, in spite of being Clemson.
Tigers – 38
Buckeyes - 27
and finally...
BCS National Championship Game – Florida State vs. Auburn
Sponsored by Beelzebub and Whoever Signed Off on Those Honda Commercials with Michael Bolton
By the end of September it was clear to anyone paying attention that FSU was damn good, and Jamies Winston was downright special.  By the end of the season it was clear to anyone paying attention Auburn made another deal with the devil, exactly three years removed from their last deal.
FSU looks like an SEC team, and unlike Alabama they have over a month to prepare for Tre Mason and Auburn's complex spread running attack.  How do you prepare for Jameis Winston?   Pray he has an off night, or hope he gets fat and out of shape doing the Heisman rubber chicken banquet circuit, like Chris Weinke in 2000.  Neither is likely.  Chris Weinke was 48 years old in 2000.
This is the most complete FSU team since their 1999 national title team, which is a testament to Jimbo Fisher considering FSU lost 11 kids to the NFL last season.  It's called developing talent Will Muschamp, something UF hasn't done in four seasons.  Next time you and Jimbo are at the beach condo, go ahead and pick Jimbo's brain on how that all works. 
I hope I'm wrong, and this is not some passive aggressive attempt at reverse mojo.  FSU has an explosive offense, a stingy defense and their kicker is automatic inside of 50 yards.  FSU is the best football in the country, and unfortunately the only team with a shot to beat them is playing Oklahoma in the Sugar Bowl.

Noles - 31
Tigers - 20

Happy New Year, and be good.

Thursday, December 5, 2013

eViL G's Championship Week Picks

Greetings everyone.
I’d like to give a shout out to The Unsportsmanlike Gentleman, who recently announced he’s ending his wildly popular blog site,  Thanks for making me laugh TUG, and for giving this D-list, off-brand blogger some inspiration.  You will be missed.  There’s an open invitation to a super, secret internet message board with your name on it.  Some very important people in Polk County will be contacting you soon regarding membership.
Enough jibber jabber...we’ve got some huge HUGE games this week, so let’s get on with it.
UCF at Southern Methodist
UCF wants to be called UCF, not Central Florida, not C. Florida, not that school Dante Culpepper played for.  Directional schools not named Southern California typically don’t get to call their shot, but your hometown Knights are a Louisville win tonight…or a Saturday win at SMU…from making BCS history.  As I type this Louisville’s screwing around with Cincinnati, so UCF might have to put in its own work to make that big boy bowl game.  UCF handles their business on the road, leading to a possible Sugar Bowl matchup against a very pissed off (or apathetic) Alabama squad.
The University of Central Florida, located in Orlando – 27
It’s the New SMU, the Incredible New SMU – 14
ACC Championship Game
Duke vs. Florida State
Duke’s football team is playing for the ACC championship.  Miami fans, wrap your fat lips around that delicious historical nugget and gently suck on it.  Duke made it to the ACC Championship Game before you did.  Duke Football is playing for a championship.  My iPad tried auto-correcting “football” for “basketball” eight times before it exploded....just in time for Santa to hook me up with a new iPad Air in a couple weeks.  To no one’s surprise Jameis Winston will be available for the remainder of this season, barring any new allegations from alleged victims.  UF’s secondary is considering filing sexual assault charges against Kelvin Benjamin.  In fact, Loucheiz Purifoy and Cody Riggs might already be pregnant with Benjamin’s children.
FSU – 51
Duke – 21
PAC-12 Championship Game
Stanford at Arizona State
Stanford alums typically go on to do great things, like become Secretary of State, or CEOs of Fortune 500 companies.  Tiger Woods went to Stanford.  Condi Rice went to Stanford.  Arizona State coeds typically go on to be porn stars, or if they’re really lucky, the spouse of Phil Mickelson.  Tiger Woods knows a thing or two about porn stars, but that’s beside the point.  Stanford already kicked ASU’s teeth in earlier this year, racing to a 29-0 halftime lead then coasting to an easy win.  Stanford won’t coast in the Sun Devil’s house, but they win again.  I’d trade David Shaw and Stanford AD Bernard Muir for Muschamp and Jeremy Foley straight up…that’s right, I said it.
Cardinal – 38
Sun Devils – 34
SEC Championship Game
Auburn vs. Missouri
Nick Saban’s lobotomy was obviously a major success.  How else do you explain that abomination at Jordan-Hare?  Now we’ve got the most unlikely SEC title game ever.  Missouri doesn’t have Auburn’s football pedigree, but they’ve got a nasty defensive line, several gigantic receivers and a veteran QB who really aren’t all that impressed with Auburn’s recent good fortune.  Meanwhile, AU’s kids are hearing about how great they are, doing interviews, banging coeds, and collectively patting themselves on the back for being the luckiest team college football’s seen since the 1998 Tennessee Volunteers.  Auburn might be fun to watch, but Missouri has the better football team. 
Missouri Tigers – 28
Auburn Tigers – 23

 and finally…

Big 10 Championship Game
Michigan State vs. Ohio State
It’s only fitting this last major conference championship game of the BCS era holds the key to no fewer than five bowl matchups.  The possibilities are endless.
Ohio State is college football’s Miley Cyrus.  Given their most recent performances on the big stage, people have a hard time taking them seriously.  Count me in with that group.  The Buckeyes don’t pass the eyeball test like FSU, even though FSU’s schedule is arguably weaker than Ohio State’s.  I don’t know much about Michigan State, other than they have an elite defense, and their marching band has the best entrance in college football…LOVE that kick step.
I’m a huge SEC homer, but if Ohio State wins, they earn the right to get destroyed by Florida State.  If Michigan State wins, Stanford will be waiting for them at the Rose Bowl.  FSU’s BCS title game opponent under that scenario will be determined by penalty kicks, free throws, and a book report on Mike Tyson’s new biography, “This Cheesecake Is Malicious”.
Urban Meyer isn't facing Nick Saban, so Ohio State wins, resulting in Gator Nation’s worst nightmare.  The school you hate versus that coach you used to love, playing for a national title.
Buckeyes – 32
Spartans – 24

Be good.

Rest In Peace
Nelson Mandela
(July 18, 1918 - December 5, 2013)

Friday, November 29, 2013

eViL G's 2013 Hate Week Picks

Welcome to Hate Week.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!  Here's hoping you had a great day spending time with friends, family and loved ones.  If you didn't have a great day spending time with friends, family and loved ones, I hope you faked it so as not to cause unnecessary drama on a day when we're supposed to count our blessings.  Nobody likes being around an asshole on Thanksgiving.

Hate Week is upon us, but unlike years past I'm struggling to muster up excessive amounts of animosity and general dickishness.  Being subjected to the last two months of Gator football has me more apathetic than pissed.  I'll stop short of ripping the coaching staff or Jeremy Foley.  Why bother?  Gator Nation is emotionally drained, and we're ready for this season to be over. 

Thankfully by this time tomorrow it will be.


South Florida at Central Florida
As far as Hate Week rivalries go, this one is barely old enough to successfully poo poo in the potty without getting a little bit of shit on the bathroom floor.  USF is used to having its way with UCF, winning all four games in the series.  But that ends tomorrow night.  Your hometown Knights have patiently waited all year to lay down this ass whuppin'.
UCF - 40
USF - 14

Texas A&M at Missouri
Not exactly two teams who hate each other, but the stakes are high for Mizzou, who can clinch a spot in the SEC title game, and Johnny Manziel, who I've grown to hate and I'm sure you have too.  Mike Evans doesn't get nearly enough love, and he deserves it because he's bailed out Johnny Acne countless times this season.  A&M's defense is garbage, and Missouri's gigantic receivers should have a field day.  Go Tigers, and F Manziel.
Mizzou - 38
aTm - 28

(Oh and Kevin Sumlin, I should clarify that I hate your QB, not your team and especially not you.  You are a wonderful human being.  If for whatever reason you get tired of College Station...we'll be over here, sucking ass and longing for a new football coach...hugs and kisses.) 

Ohio State at Michigan
As a Florida fan/alum, how do you reconcile Urban Meyer winning two national titles at UF with laying the groundwork for the steamy crapfest Gator football has become?  By hating his fucking guts...that's how.  Good news is Ohio State won't sniff the BCS title game this season.  The bad news is Ohio State gets to masquerade as a legit title contender again...even though anyone paying attention knows FSU or Alabama would beat the Buckeyes like Chris Brown beat Rihanna.  Michigan doesn't stand a chance because their offense sucks almost as badly as ours, without being forced to play their 3rd string QB.  Buckeyes attempt to embarrass Michigan in their house, then bad things happen...stay tuned.
Buckeyes - 31
Wolverines - 17 

Georgia at Georgia Tech
Clemson at South Carolina
Nothing on the line here...just two in-state rivalries no one cares about outside of Georgia or South Carolina.  However I'm curious to see if ClowneyMonster takes one last chunk out of Tajh Boyd's ass.  I'd also like to wish a speedy recovery to UGA's Aaron Murray.  Even though he played for the enemy, he consistently sucked ass against UF for four straight years, and somehow Georgia won three of those games in spite of him doing all he could to help the Gators win.
Dawgs - 17
Jackets - 16

Cocks - 38
Tigers - 24 

FSU at Florida
Man, this is depressing.  I'm having trouble fostering legitimate hatred for FSU.  They're an amazing team to watch.  Jameis Winston should win the Heisman.  If the Crimson Tide get past Auburn and Missouri, FSU's passing game will give Alabama fits. I just hate that UF won't offer one bit of resistance, in The Swamp on Senior Day, in front of 40,000 Seminole fans.  In all kinds of weather we all stick together.  I say fuck this weather.  An epic FSU beat down might just be what the doctor ordered to make things right again.  I hate what UF has become more than what FSU has accomplished...and I'm not alone.  To all my FSU friends and co-workers, enjoy the game.  I'll be watching, hoping for a miracle.
Noles - 52
Crocs - 10
and finally... 

Alabama at Auburn
Nick Saban has plenty of haters.  Hate Nick Saban all you want, he doesn't care.  Nick Saban doesn't know you exist, nor does he care.  You are a pimple on Nick Saban's ass crack.  And when Nick Saban finishes taking a dump, he wipes shit all up in your face.  

The only saving grace for Nick Saban's haters is he doesn't appear to enjoy having the entire college football universe as his bitch.  I'm guessing a lesser person like you or me would handle that type of power differently.  We'd be bigger assholes than Nick Saban...we'd be Lane Kiffin with four national titles.  How fucked up would that be?

As for Auburn, if we leaned anything this year, we learned Gus Malzahn did the heavy lifting three seasons ago while Gene Chizik got all the credit.  Gus is a great coach.  Gene Chizik is unemployed.

The problem with Auburn is, their strengths don't match up well against Alabama.  Auburn can't pass consistently unless two UGA defenders crash into each other on 4th and 18.  Bama struggles defensively against passing teams.  Auburn's rush attack is great.  Bama's rush defense is as great, if not greater.

I don't expect this game to be cosmetically pleasing.  Bama is a notoriously slow starter...and that'll bite them in the ass if they play FSU, but they grind out  an old fashioned SEC street fight.  Roll Tide.

Bama - 18
Auburn - 14

Be good.