Friday, October 2, 2015

eViL G's Weekly Picks - October 3rd

eViL G Flashback - 2008
Tim Tebow's relationship with the Almighty wasn't
enough to combat the Ole Miss curse.

Happy Friday folks.
Not much time for jibber jabber this week.  That said I’d like to give a shout out to my good friends from Rocky Top who made the trip to Gainesville last week.  Marlon, James, Jamie and Jonathan…we had a great time tailgating with you guys.  I won’t mention the game because you’ve suffered enough.
Speaking of crappy coaches, it looks like the Hurricanes kept their Muschamp one year longer than we did.  But since it’s a Canes thing, I probably wouldn’t understand.
Ignorance is bliss.
Alabama at Georgia
Historically Georgia doesn’t handle prosperity very well…take last year’s Florida-Georgia game for instance.  Now they’re favored to beat Alabama.  The last time Alabama was an underdog, they made Tim Tebow cry like Michael Corleone after Mary took a bullet outside the opera house.  Bama’s defense matches up very well with Georgia’s offense, who unlike Ole Miss won’t attempt 20 passes before halftime.  For all of UGA’s stud tailbacks, Derrick Henry might be better.  However Lane Kiffin sometimes forgets Henry traveled with the team, is dressed out and ready to play.  Take that last drive against Ole Miss for instance.  For as ordinary as Bama looks relative to years past, their front seven is still plenty strong, and they’ll force UGA’s nameless, faceless QB into situations he’s not ready for.  Don’t expect this game to be aesthetically pleasing…lots of running, plenty of punting and not too many points scored.  UGA loses, everyone wins.
Tide – 16
Dawgs – 14

Ole Miss at Florida
Per Southeastern Conference bylaw 50.3.14b Section 4, whenever Ole Miss has a competitive football team, they MUST rotate onto UF’s schedule.  How else do you explain Ole Miss winning three of the last four games in Gainesville, or Ole Miss leading the all-time series against UF by a couple games?  Eli Manning never lost to Florida during his stay in Oxford…a freaking MANNING!!!  Now Ole Miss brings arguably its most talented team in 60 years to The Swamp, a TD-plus favorite against the Mighty Gators.  This is actually a favorable matchup for UF’s defense.  Ole Miss doesn’t run all that much, which is good because UF has maybe two linebackers healthy enough and good enough to play tomorrow.  Ole Miss likes to throw, and UF has an elite secondary, not to mention a very good pass rush.  UF’s offense grew up in front of our eyes last week, but Ole Miss has a championship caliber defense led by Robert Kazqsalkshqchee (pronounced “kim-DEE-chee”) and his brother Denzel Washington Kzqytrdlfloydschee (also pronounced “kim-DEE-chee”).  Both will make life miserable for UF’s green but improving offensive line.  Ole Miss has a knack for beating UF when they probably shouldn’t.  It’s almost not fair they’re back in Gainesville with a team good enough to beat anyone.  Ole Miss had their letdown game last week looking forward to this week, and UF simply won’t be able to outscore them.  Unlike Bama-UGA, this game will not put you to sleep midway through the second quarter…but unfortunately the good guys come up short.
Rebs – 35
Gators – 27
Be good.

Thursday, September 24, 2015

eViL G's Weekly Picks - September 26th

eViL G Flashback - 1997:
Classy UF fans rent out billboard to show their appreciation.
Happy Friday everyone.
First and foremost, I’d like to give a shout out to Marlon McKinney at  Marlon is a friend, former co-worker and proud University of Tennessee alum.  Every year around this time Marlon shares this discount, off-brand blog with the good people who frequent  I’m not sure why Marlon tortures his readers with my nonsense, but I appreciate the extra eyeballs…I might even eclipse 30 members by 2018.
I’d also like to say hello to Volunteer super fan Jason James from Jacksboro, an up and coming educator and all-around great guy.  Ditto for Scottie Hall in San Antonio and John Buchanan in Nashville.   And wherever you are David and Leslie Patterson, I hope all is well.  I miss those tailgates in Knoxville behind Copper Cellar.  Speaking of tailgates I’m looking forward to seeing James Norris and his wife Jaime this weekend in Gainesville.  We’ll be at our same spot behind Tigert Hall, so stop by anytime.
Contrary to popular belief in the Volunteer State (and the nutjobs on, Florida fans roll out the blue carpet for our visitors from Rocky Top.  The days of UF students throwing piss balloons and harassing Vickie Fulmer are all a distant memory.  Nowadays our students are too busy checking their smartphones to get into it with rival fans.
Lastly, before I break down Florida-Tennessee, please allow me to gloat for a few seconds for picking Ole Miss to beat Alabama last week.

Thank you.

Let’s do this.
Tennessee at Florida
Outside of Athens, Big Orange Nation is easily the SEC’s most tortured fan base.  Pre-season expectations fueled by a blowout bowl win, a budding superstar QB, and an absolutely ridiculous recruiting class had Tennessee fans downright giddy with anticipation.
Then Oklahoma happened.  Grief counselors worked overtime in Knoxville while Paul Finebaum further distanced himself from his alma mater.
Josh Dobbs went from Heisman contender to a kid who can’t complete a downfield pass.  Butch Jones went from SEC Coach of the Year favorite to resembling a former Tennessee coach whose name rhymes with Schmerek Schmooley, with a similar win-loss record as Coach Schmooley.  Extra points and field goals were an adventure.  Fans criticized Mike Debord’s play calling.  Maybe Randy Sanders wasn’t so bad after all. 
Meanwhile, in Gainesville, our QB situation is still uncertain despite Will Grier not having to look over his shoulder for at least a week.  Grier took some shots in Lexington last week and didn’t appear to be 100% as the game wore on.  Treon Harris decided to go full knucklehead before the Tennessee game this year, unlike last year…allegedly.
UF fans still don’t know what to make of Jim McElwain, and we probably won’t know until after the 2016 season.  We do know UF’s offensive line is a bigger train wreck than Tennessee’s offensive line.  We know UF’s kicking game is no better than Tennessee’s kicking game.  We know Vernon Hargreaves is not 100% healthy.  After three games we suspect UF’s best wide receiver might be a true freshman.  And without question we now know Jalen Tabor is an idiot.  Check his Twitter feed.
Given the state of this so-called rivalry I don’t expect Tennessee fans to cry crocodile tears over UF’s current state of affairs.  In the 90s when UT was great, UF was greater.  In the 10s when UF sucked, UT sucked worse.
And then there’s that 10-game winning streak...
Historically the winner of this game has more success running the ball, and I simply don’t trust UF’s offensive line to get the job done.  Tennessee won’t have much success running either, but they have Jalen Hurd and we don’t.
Unless Will Grier channels his inner 1993 Danny Wuerffel, or UF’s defense scores a TD or two, Tennessee wins an ugly, low scoring game.
Vols - 19
Gators - 14

Thursday, September 17, 2015

eViL G's Weekly Picks - September 19th

These uniforms were YOUR idea Taylor? MOTHERF#$%&@!!!

Greetings people.

I considered taking another week off, resting up so I’m 100% healthy and ready for Tennessee week. Outside of Hate Week it’s the busiest weekend around here, so I can’t let down the good people at and That’s their football team’s job.

There’s just too much ammunition to work with this week. I don’t know where to start.

For the record, I wasn’t offended by Jim McElwain’s Hate Week inspired tirade over Kelvin Taylor’s unsportsmanlike conduct penalty. After all it was UF’s second personal foul following a touchdown that night. Coach Mac was justified for going off, even if his delivery was a tad over the top. I doubt you’ll see another excessive celebration penalty from UF this season.

I maintain the referee misinterpreted Taylor's gesture, which was simply Kelvin's way of saying "all this orange makes me want to slit my throat." Makes perfect sense right? In defense of Taylor and Joey Ivie (who got flagged for UF's first excessive celebration penalty), our football team isn’t used to scoring touchdowns.

That's all I got...the Chiefs-Broncos game just ended and I'm getting sleepy.


Florida State at Boston College
UF alum Marco Rubio made waves this week, essentially calling FSU the Plan B university of choice for high school seniors lacking the academic credentials to get into Florida. Obviously Senator Rubio hasn’t visited UCF’s campus lately, the student dorms look like a Disney resort. Ditto for UNF in Jacksonville. UNF has a gotdamned lazy river ON CAMPUS. We had to drive 35 minutes to Lake Itchetucknee to go tubing. USF is next door to Busch Gardens…wildlife, roller coasters AND beer samples. Depending on your major, FSU might be Plan E. Next thing you know they’ll start scheduling football games on Friday night…wait, what?

Auburn at LSU
With apologies to LSU super fan Nall Gearheard up in Atlanta, this game slipped under my radar. Sorry Nall. Jacksonville State exposed Auburn as national title contending frauds, which pleases me greatly because F Muschamp. Auburn QB Jeremy Johnson has been hereby dubbed “Black Driskel” based on his knack for completing passes to the wrong team, seemingly on purpose. Meanwhile LSU looks like an upgraded version of Georgia. Fournette is slightly better than Chubb (both are studs), LSU’s no-name QB is more talented than UGA’s nameless, faceless QB. LSU’s defense is stacked as usual. LSU needs to start off strong, because their schedule is backloaded and brutal. Given how Auburn’s playing LSU should roll.
Geaux Tigahz – 31
F Muschamp – 14

South Carolina at Georgia
The Gamecocks look like ass, losing at home to Kentucky, and barely squeaking by North Carolina. UGA looks as one-dimensional as those Vince Dooley-Herschel Walker teams from the early 80s, minus any national championship aspirations whatsoever. Both QBs are garbage. Spurrier looks like he's ready for a Farewell Tour. Why am I wasting my time picking this game? F both of these teams...

Ole Miss at Alabama
Now THIS is what I'm talking about. Ole Miss looks like a Spurrier-led UF squad from the mid-90s, laying beat downs on opponents like Carly Fiorina bitch slapping Donald Trump a couple nights ago. Bama looks, well, boring. Their QB situation is worse this year than last, and Amari Cooper isn't around to bail them out. This Bama squad looks like those 1990s Gene Stallings-coached teams Spurrier used to get the best of...great defense, but outside of a single stud tailback, not much in the way of game breakers. Ole Miss looks like the better team, much better in fact.
Rebels – 38
Tide - 21

...and finally

Florida at Kentucky
The last time Kentucky beat Florida, eViLG was a 17 year-old UF freshman living on campus in Simpson Hall. Our games weren’t televised due to UF being on probation for doing the same shit Alabama’s done for decades. Back then ESPN and CBS didn’t pay conferences billions of dollars to air football games, and as a result the NCAA doled out sanctions a bit differently. I think a group of us went tubing at Lake Itchetucknee that day, but I’m not sure.It was 29 years ago.

Coach Mac named Will Grier the starting QB Saturday night, to which Gator Nation collectively said, “Well, duh.  ”Nothing against Treon Harris, but anyone paying attention can see Grier is the long term answer.  He has a stronger arm and reads defenses better.  I’m very bullish on Grier, hopefully he proves me right.

As for Saturday night, I always expect to beat Kentucky, regardless of how bad we appear to be or how great they appear to be. This year is no different.

My first and only trip to Lexington was 2007, when UF won its 21st straight over Kentucky.  Our winning streak was finally old enough to legally drink.

Fast forward to 2015…our winning streak graduated college, got married 3 years ago and is expecting its first child in February. It’s also put on about 20 pounds since getting married, and it may or may not have a profile on Ashley Madison.

Bottom line...they're Kentucky, we're Florida, and it's not basketball season.


Gators - 26
Wildcats – 21
Be good.

Thursday, September 3, 2015

eViL G's Weekly Picks - September 5th

Will Grier practices pushing Treon Harris in front of a moving vehicle.
Greetings everyone.
Since 1995, Coach E and I have provided some of the worst gameday predictions in the history of college football, primarily because we usually wait until the last minute to send out picks and we really don’t put much thought into this.
2015 will be no different.  It’s what we do.  It’s what you want…all 26 of you.
Along with most of you tonight I suffered through UNC-South Carolina, and obviously UCF is still nursing a hangover from that bowl game two seasons ago. 
Now I’m knee deep in TCU-Minnesota and Utah-Michigan. 
Is Thursday night college football awesome or what? 
New Mexico State at Florida
For the second straight season UF’s offense is a complete unknown.  Treon Harris and Will Grier are scheduled to split snaps under center, which on the surface suggests the hype over Grier heading into fall camp was overblown.  Or perhaps it means Treon Harris is ready to be the man.  Whatever it means, it’ll feel damn good not to see you know who on the sideline acting a fool Saturday night, making us all die slowly inside.  Coach Mac will make everything alright.  Right?
Gators – 40
Aggies – 17
Texas at Notre Dame
The like/hate relationship between Texas fans and Charlie Strong gets a bit more strained this weekend, as Notre Dame gets all up in that ass.  Hang in there Charlie…
Irish - 24
'Horns - 10
Alabama vs. Wisconsin
Nick Saban’s had about four guys competing for the starting QB job this fall, including a kid who played wide receiver last season.   Whoever wins the job is irrelevant, as they’ll spend most of Saturday night handing the ball off to Derrick Henry and Kenyan Drake.  Unfortunately Wisconsin’s best chance to win this game recently signed a ten million dollar contract with the San Diego Chargers.
Hello Derrick Henry – 24
Goodbye Melvin Gordon - 14
Louisville vs. Auburn
See Alabama vs. Wisconsin, with a few more pass attempts from Louisville and an extra TD for Auburn.
AU – 31
Da Lou – 14
And finally…
Ohio State at Virginia Tech
Urban Meyer proved last season he’s the best coach in college football when he’s focused and isn’t suffering from “health issues”.  His squad is absolutely loaded...2001 Miami loaded...2004 Southern Cal loaded...1985 Chicago Bears loaded.  That Big 10 schedule doesn’t appear to be all that daunting outside of Michigan State and maybe Penn State.  Just when you thought Virginia Tech couldn't be taken seriously they pulled off an opening day upset last season in Columbus.  Now unfortunately they have Ohio State's full attention.  Expect the Hokies to feed off the home crowd for about a quarter and a half, then they’ll do what they always do against top ranked teams.   
The Ohio State University - 47
Virginia Polytechnic University - 20

Monday, August 31, 2015

2015 Pre-Season Rant - The Will Muschamp Nightmare is OVER!!!

"Over the past three seasons, UF's average pass attempt was this long."
- Jim McElwain
Greetings everyone.

Last year eViLG took the season off, to the point where 2010 Urban Meyer and Jamarcus Russell questioned my work ethic. 
Now I’m not making any promises for 2015, but if I do take some time off again you won’t hear me making bullshit health excuses like Urban did 5 years ago.  Hey Urbs, anyone with their ear to the ground in Gainesville knows what really went down (allegedly), who they went down on, and why our wide receiver coach suddenly found greener pastures in Baton Rouge.  Streets talk Urban, but I digress… 

I’m in a strange place this season folks, turned the corner in life if you will.  This December my parents will be married 51 years.  The ring bearer in their wedding, now in his mid-50s, has a 6-7, 300 pound beast of son who’ll play left tackle at UNC Chapel Hill this fall.  My mother’s best friend, a close family friend who passed away many years ago, her grandson is UF freshman wide receiver Kalif Jackson.  Nearly 30 years ago I graduated from Bishop Kenny High School…God’s alma mater…with the father of UF freshman center Tyler Jordan. 

So as the season wears on I’ll struggle with balancing the right amount of smart assed commentary with the understanding that these kids are in fact kids.  

Where was I...oh yeah, football season… 

Have you ever been let down by the same person so many times, perhaps a friend or family member who can’t get his/her shit together, to the point where you celebrate when they do something so basic, so common, so ordinary relative to other people?  That’s the collective psyche of Gator Nation right now.  Ponder that this weekend, when UF completes two consecutive forward passes in the same drive and you lose your gotdamned mind. 

Then you question why you’re celebrating this nonsense in the first place, causing you to resent that person even more for compromising your standards.  Shouldn’t we expect better?  Is a 9-3 or 8-4 season really worth doing backflips? 
Sadly Gator fans, the answer is yes.
Jeremy Foley hired a retarded caveman to run my alma mater’s football program, and in less than four years Captain Cavemen damn near burned it to the ground.  He invented ways to lose games never before seen in the history of college football. 
Hold an opponent to 95 yards of total offense and still lose?  Check. 
Get four takeaways in the first half and still lose?  Check. 
Hold an FCS opponent to ZERO PASSING YARDS and still home?  Check. 
Continue to start Jeff Driskel when the one-armed kid on UF's basketball team is clearly a more accurate passer?  Check. 
Even last year's Georgia win felt tainted, because it bought that ape Muschimp more time.  I never really had legitimate reason to HATE Auburn, now I do.  Screw that guy. 

Enter Jim McElwain and his folksy swagger, his goofy smoothness, his “that’s what it’s all about” tagline…seems like he gets it.  Coach Mac made Charlie Strong his bitch in the 2009 SEC Championship Game.  He convinced Jeremy Foley to pry open his wallet for an indoor practice facility.  He miraculously healed Antonio Morrison’s knee.  HE HAS HEAD COACHING EXPERIENCE!!!  WAS THAT SO HARD JEREMY???  WAS IT??? 

From all accounts he’s saying the right things and our kids appear to be buying in.  Time will tell if he’s the answer.  Twenty-five years ago Gator football was in a similar funk, mired in mediocrity, and we brought in an offensive-minded coach who changed everything. 
Hopefully history repeats itself.

Be good.