Friday, November 29, 2013

eViL G's 2013 Hate Week Picks

Welcome to Hate Week.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!  Here's hoping you had a great day spending time with friends, family and loved ones.  If you didn't have a great day spending time with friends, family and loved ones, I hope you faked it so as not to cause unnecessary drama on a day when we're supposed to count our blessings.  Nobody likes being around an asshole on Thanksgiving.

Hate Week is upon us, but unlike years past I'm struggling to muster up excessive amounts of animosity and general dickishness.  Being subjected to the last two months of Gator football has me more apathetic than pissed.  I'll stop short of ripping the coaching staff or Jeremy Foley.  Why bother?  Gator Nation is emotionally drained, and we're ready for this season to be over. 

Thankfully by this time tomorrow it will be.


South Florida at Central Florida
As far as Hate Week rivalries go, this one is barely old enough to successfully poo poo in the potty without getting a little bit of shit on the bathroom floor.  USF is used to having its way with UCF, winning all four games in the series.  But that ends tomorrow night.  Your hometown Knights have patiently waited all year to lay down this ass whuppin'.
UCF - 40
USF - 14

Texas A&M at Missouri
Not exactly two teams who hate each other, but the stakes are high for Mizzou, who can clinch a spot in the SEC title game, and Johnny Manziel, who I've grown to hate and I'm sure you have too.  Mike Evans doesn't get nearly enough love, and he deserves it because he's bailed out Johnny Acne countless times this season.  A&M's defense is garbage, and Missouri's gigantic receivers should have a field day.  Go Tigers, and F Manziel.
Mizzou - 38
aTm - 28

(Oh and Kevin Sumlin, I should clarify that I hate your QB, not your team and especially not you.  You are a wonderful human being.  If for whatever reason you get tired of College Station...we'll be over here, sucking ass and longing for a new football coach...hugs and kisses.) 

Ohio State at Michigan
As a Florida fan/alum, how do you reconcile Urban Meyer winning two national titles at UF with laying the groundwork for the steamy crapfest Gator football has become?  By hating his fucking guts...that's how.  Good news is Ohio State won't sniff the BCS title game this season.  The bad news is Ohio State gets to masquerade as a legit title contender again...even though anyone paying attention knows FSU or Alabama would beat the Buckeyes like Chris Brown beat Rihanna.  Michigan doesn't stand a chance because their offense sucks almost as badly as ours, without being forced to play their 3rd string QB.  Buckeyes attempt to embarrass Michigan in their house, then bad things happen...stay tuned.
Buckeyes - 31
Wolverines - 17 

Georgia at Georgia Tech
Clemson at South Carolina
Nothing on the line here...just two in-state rivalries no one cares about outside of Georgia or South Carolina.  However I'm curious to see if ClowneyMonster takes one last chunk out of Tajh Boyd's ass.  I'd also like to wish a speedy recovery to UGA's Aaron Murray.  Even though he played for the enemy, he consistently sucked ass against UF for four straight years, and somehow Georgia won three of those games in spite of him doing all he could to help the Gators win.
Dawgs - 17
Jackets - 16

Cocks - 38
Tigers - 24 

FSU at Florida
Man, this is depressing.  I'm having trouble fostering legitimate hatred for FSU.  They're an amazing team to watch.  Jameis Winston should win the Heisman.  If the Crimson Tide get past Auburn and Missouri, FSU's passing game will give Alabama fits. I just hate that UF won't offer one bit of resistance, in The Swamp on Senior Day, in front of 40,000 Seminole fans.  In all kinds of weather we all stick together.  I say fuck this weather.  An epic FSU beat down might just be what the doctor ordered to make things right again.  I hate what UF has become more than what FSU has accomplished...and I'm not alone.  To all my FSU friends and co-workers, enjoy the game.  I'll be watching, hoping for a miracle.
Noles - 52
Crocs - 10
and finally... 

Alabama at Auburn
Nick Saban has plenty of haters.  Hate Nick Saban all you want, he doesn't care.  Nick Saban doesn't know you exist, nor does he care.  You are a pimple on Nick Saban's ass crack.  And when Nick Saban finishes taking a dump, he wipes shit all up in your face.  

The only saving grace for Nick Saban's haters is he doesn't appear to enjoy having the entire college football universe as his bitch.  I'm guessing a lesser person like you or me would handle that type of power differently.  We'd be bigger assholes than Nick Saban...we'd be Lane Kiffin with four national titles.  How fucked up would that be?

As for Auburn, if we leaned anything this year, we learned Gus Malzahn did the heavy lifting three seasons ago while Gene Chizik got all the credit.  Gus is a great coach.  Gene Chizik is unemployed.

The problem with Auburn is, their strengths don't match up well against Alabama.  Auburn can't pass consistently unless two UGA defenders crash into each other on 4th and 18.  Bama struggles defensively against passing teams.  Auburn's rush attack is great.  Bama's rush defense is as great, if not greater.

I don't expect this game to be cosmetically pleasing.  Bama is a notoriously slow starter...and that'll bite them in the ass if they play FSU, but they grind out  an old fashioned SEC street fight.  Roll Tide.

Bama - 18
Auburn - 14

Be good.

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

eViL G Flashback - The Hiring of Will Muschamp

What better way to kick off Hate Week...celebrating the most hated man in Gainesville. 

Man, ignorance was bliss three years ago.  Now the joke's on us...literally. 

Stay tuned for Hate Week picks on Friday.


DECEMBER 10, 2011
UF names Dan Mullen this guy as its next football coach.

Let me be among the first to welcome Bill Westchamp to Gator Nation as UF's next head football coach.  The press conference would have been televised earlier tonight on ESPN, but they had some awards ceremony or something going on...probably the ESPYs.

Anyways, Coach Westchamp as I understand it was the next in line at Texas, but since Mack Brown isn't close to death like Bobby Bowden, Bill decided to head east.

As I read more about this guy (and please excuse me while I read more about this guy) it appears as though he's been a very good defensive coordinator, an excellent recruiter, and he's a native of Gainesville. 

So far so good.  (still reading up on Coach Muskstamp...)

His coaching stops included Texas, Auburn, LSU and the NFL's Miami Dolphins.  Westchase played college football at the University of, this has to be a misprint.  No way in hell UF would hire a former UGA player would they?  I'm sure there's an explanation for this, so I'll reserve judgment about this guy's background until after National Signing Day.

In the meantime, I welcome Coach Trampstamp to Gainesville with open arms.  Gator Nation is behind you coach.  No pressure...just win every game and we will love you conditionally.

Peace and love.

eViL G


Friday, November 15, 2013

eViL G's Weekly Picks - November 16th

And the show has reached a new least the basketball team beat Wiscons....nevermind....


UCF at Temple
Bill Cosby, John Chaney and some mysterious intellectual property attorney conspire to keep UCF from fulfilling their BCS destiny.  They fail miserably.
Knights - 27
Owls - 7

Syracuse at FSU
Jameis Winston will not miss playing time, not that FSU needs him to score 50 against us in a couple weeks.
Noles - More than 50
Orange - 14 or less

Florida at South Carolina
Someone named Skyler Morning Wigs will start at QB for Florida tomorrow.  His favorite color is potato and he enjoys eating cheese....that's straight from UF's media guide.  Word out of Columbia is Jadeveon Clowney hasn't been fed in three days, and he's been locked in a room since Thursday morning watching a looped video of DiCaprio's The Great Gatsby.  He'll be ready to kill someone by 7:00 tomorrow night.  I wonder if Steve Spurrier remembers that 56-6 beat down in Gainesville 5 years ago...I'm guessing yes.
Cocks - 1,056
Gators - 6

Georgia at Auburn
Gal Malzhan stakes his claim to unanimously winning SEC Coach of the Year.  All of a sudden that Iron Bowl doesn't look like a sure thing for Alabama.
War Eagle - 34
Hunker Down - 21

Alabama at Mississippi State
Stanford at Southern Cal
The college football gods threw us a bone, giving GatorNation not one, but TWO somewhat compelling games to watch while South Carolina makes UF their prison bitch.  I'll be watching Stanford-USC, just to see Ed Orgeron get interviewed.  Alabama-MSU won't be nearly as entertaining.
Tide - 31
MSU - 14

Trojans - 24
Stanford - 21

Be good.

Big ups to Chad B...thanks buddy!

Thursday, November 7, 2013

eViL G's Weekly Picks - November 9th

Let's stay in touch.  You know...just in case....
Greetings from Central Florida, where this shitfest of a college football season gets more and more painful each week. 

I’m struggling to stay positive folks, struggling to give a damn.  And as I type this Oregon’s doing everything they can to ensure my hated in-state rival gets a national title shot.  Oregon head coach Larry Coker looks completely dumbfounded on the sidelines.  Stanford’s offense resembles what Florida’s offense should look like, but they do it with a bunch of nerds instead of 5* recruits like Xavier Nixon.

Basketball season can’t get here soon enough.  SAVE US KASEY HILL….SAVE US!!!


Auburn at Tennessee
Auburn lost 9 games last year, and they’re on schedule to win 9 games this year.  Gus Malzahn is a shoe-in for SEC Coach of the Year, and his squad might make the Iron Bowl more interesting than anyone expected a couple months ago.  Tennessee’s secondary gets a workout tomorrow.
War Eagle – 30
Rocky Top – 17

Vanderbilt at Florida
Another week, another season ending injury…this time it’s starting left tackle/matador Tyler Moore.  Get well soon Tyler.  If we’ve learned anything this season about UF, his back-up is probably an improvement.  Will Muschamp couldn’t be reached for comment on this latest season-ending injury.  Unconfirmed sources tell me he was alone in his office naked, masturbating to Stanford’s offense.  As a result, UF plays its most inspired football of the front of 50,000 fans bored out of their minds.
Gators - 16
Dores - 10

Houston at UCF
Your hometown, nationally ranked Knights lay a big fat egg at home after believing they’re as great as everyone says they are.
Cougars – 24
Knights – 20

…and finally

LSU at Alabama
Home field means little in this series, and LSU’s passing game is the best Bama’s faced since Johnny Football and Mike Evans torched them in September.  That’s about as good as it gets for LSU.  Bama appears to have hit that championship stride, and LSU’s defense won’t be able to keep pace.
Tide – 37
Tigers – 17

Be good.