Friday, December 31, 2010

2010-11 Bowl Picks Edition

Happy New Years Eve everyone.

I hope all of you had a Happy Holidays with friends and family, and I trust that you will all celebrate responsibily later this evening.

It's almost noon, so I'm up against a Sun Bowl deadline....but I have to give some love to Derek Dooley and the Tennessee Volunteers.  Derek Dooley is the first coach in NCAA history to lose two games he won in the same season.  This guy is the anti-Les Miles.  Hell, Derek Dooley totally explains Les Miles.  That whole life balance, yin-yang all makes sense now.

Blame the refs all day long Vol fans...make an extra point and we're having a different discussion.  I do think the head referee was premature in calling the game HAVE to review that spike play...and I also think college football should adopt the NFL's ten second run-off in situations like we saw last night.  But from a pure entertainment standpoint, that game was about as good as it gets.  The Music City Bowl should win an ESPY for Biggest Clusterfuck of a Bowl Game Involving Teams with Pastel Colors.

Be safe everyone....


Sun Bowl
Miami vs. Notre Dame
Catholics vs. Convicts revisited?  Waking up the echoes while grooving to some 2Live Crew booty music?  Hardly.  Reuniting these two teams, at this point in their respective histories, in El Paso, has the same charm as watching Terry Funk wrestle Arn Anderson at the Charlotte/Mecklenberg County Fair.  Both was well past their respective primes, and for the most part no one cares.
Convicts - 26
Catholics - 14

Liberty Bowl
Georgia vs. Central Florida
The home team squares off against my most hated rival on the planet.  UCF was arguably Florida's best college football team, and they have a future star in QB Jeff Godfrey.  This is an emotional pick, one that'll likely come back to bite me in the ass, but I get the feeling UGA isn't all that motivated, and UCF is eager for a little national respect.
Black and Gold - 24
Red and Black - 21

Chik Fil'a Bowl
South Carolina vs. Florida State
Speaking of most hated rivals, the ole ball corch reunites with the team that owned him during his glory days in Gainesville.  FSU is on a steady rise, getting the UF monkey off their back in addition to making some serious noise on the recruiting trail.  The Seminoles are indeed back....but South Carolina is better.  The Cocks will have the best running back and receiver on the field, and their defense is superior.  Spurrier beats Bowden  Fisher.
Chickens - 34
Savages - 17

Gator Bowl
Mississippi State vs. Michigan
Odd pairing of a traditional power with a traditional doormat.  Mississippi State officially locked down Dan Mullen for another 4 years, while Rich Rod could be shown the door any day now.  Similar to the UCF-UGA game, one team is fired up to be there while the other wonders what the hell they're doing playing Mississippi State. 
Miss State - 17
Meatchicken - 16

Capital One Bowl
Alabama vs. Michigan State
Michigan State's 1-loss season isn't as impressive as it looks, and Alabama's 4th place finish in the SEC West isn't as bad as it looks...unless of course you're an Alabama fan.  I usually catch this game, thanks to free food and booze from my employer, but on this day I'll be in Tampa enjoying food and booze with some very good friends.  Michigan State's highlight of the day will be their marching band's kick step entrance.  Bama sleepwalks through the first half before waking up.
Tide - 30
Spartans - 13

Outback Bowl
Florida vs. Penn State
I'm tempted to do a reverse mojo pick here, but it's wasted on this game.  Nothing I've seen from Penn State this season concerns me...and if UF can't get up for Urban Meyer's last game then they deserve to lose.  In spite of everything that's wrong with the 2010 Florida Gators, I refuse to believe a 7-5 Penn State team is any better.
Crocs - 21
Lions - 10

Rose Bowl
Wisconsin vs. TCU
Can TCU stop Wisconsin's punishing rush attack?  Can Wisconsin stop super ginger Andy Dalton and TCU's aerial attack?  Stay tuned...this game has me totally baffled.  I've never thought much of Wisconsin as a national power, and TCU crapped the bed last year against Boise State.  If I had money to bet on this game, I'd take the over, and I'd take the team from the big boy conference.
Badgers - 41
Frogs - 38

Fiesta Bowl
Oklahoma vs. Connecticut
This would have been a great basketball game 3 years ago...Blake Griffin vs. Hasheem Thabeet.  Hell, UConn-Oklahoma in womens hoops is 100 times more entertaining than this garbage matchup.  There should be a performance clause in the BCS bylaws.  If your conference champion continues to get beaten senseless on college football's biggest stage, you lose your automatic bid.  Yeah I know it will never happen, but we can dream can't we?
Sooners - 45
Huskies - 10

Orange Bowl
Virginia Tech vs. Stanford
Andrew Luck is getting lots of love lately.  Stanford was one bad night in Eugene from getting destroyed by Auburn in the national title game.  Meanwhile the Hokies are only the hottest team in college football.  I like the team who had the least distance to travel.  Tech is becoming an Orange Bowl regular.
Hokies - 27
Cardinal - 17

Sugar Bowl
Arkansas vs. Ohio State
Just when you thought the NCAA couldn't be more inconsistent....they sit on Tattoo Gate for a year, then allow the kids to play the bowl game.  Really?  Who cares about next season?  If all this stuff happened when the NCAA says it did, the Ohio State players in question should have missed five games this past season.  Right A.J. Green?  Meanwhile, no one is talking about Arkansas, and that's just fine with them. 
Hogs - 34
SEC's Bitch - 24

Cotton Bowl
LSU vs. Texas A&M
When the next round of conference re-alignment happens, expect these two teams to face off every year.  I don't know much about Texas A&M, but they don't have a prayer against Les Miles and his evil brand of college football sorcery.
LSU - 38
TAMU - 13

And finally....

BCS National Championship Game
Auburn vs. Oregon
How seriously is Oregon taking the BCS national championship game?  They're unveiling new uniforms to be worn specially for the big game.  A man much wiser than me once said, "The only cure for vanity is laughter, and the only fault that is laughable is vanity."  Memo to Oregon:  Your uniforms are ugly, and glow-in-the-dark neon green socks won't make you play defense any better.

No matter how you attempt to break this game down, you inevitably come to the conclusion that Auburn will obliterate Oregon.  It's's's the motherf**king Southeastern Conference.  It is what it is.

Auburn has the better defense, the better QB and better offensive line.  Period.  I can't come up with a scenario where Oregon wins this game....outside of AU turning the ball over 3-4 times...mixed in with Oregon blocking a punt and recovering the opening onside kickoff. 

Defense wins championships.  Auburn has one, Oregon doesn't.

Auburn - 52
Oregon - 24

Be good.


Monday, December 13, 2010

Legends and Leaders? BUAHAHAHA!!!

As if the Southeastern Conference needed another reason to laugh hysterically at the Big 10. It's not enough that you're our bitch in BCS title games. It's not enough that your last national championship required the mother of all pass interference calls...five seconds after the play. It's not enough that you crap the bed on TV's biggest stage year after year. It's even cliché to make light of the fact that you still refer to yourselves as the Big 10 even though you now have 12 member schools.

Legends and Leaders? The Big 10 has had over a year to figure this out, and with all those excellent institutions of higher learning in the Big 10, that's the best you got? 

Wow, just wow.....Legends and Leaders.

Now I give the Big 10 credit for what appears to be a fair and equal distribution of contenders in each division; Michigan/Nebraska/Iowa on one side and Ohio State/Penn State/Wisconsin on the other. But those division names sound like a Harry Potter book, or a Tony Robbins seminar. It makes you wonder what names missed the cut.

Well, wonder no more. Thanks to the crack research staff here at eViL G and Coach E's Football Forum, we were able to get our hands on that list.

Here are your "Top 10 Rejected Big 10 Division Names":

10. "SEC Victims" and "Future SEC Victims"
9. "Slow" and "Slower"
8. "STFU" and "GTFO"
7. "Six In One" and "Half a Dozen In the Other"
6. "Peaches" and "Herb"
5. "Yogi" and "Boo Boo"
4. "BCS Bowl Loser" and "Outback Bowl Loser"
3. "George" and "Weezie"
2. "Ndamukong" and "Biakabatuka"

And finally...

1. "Please Be Michigan" And "Please Be Ohio State"

Saturday, December 11, 2010

As I Was Saying Earlier This Week...

UF names Dan Mullen this guy as its next football coach.
Let me be among the first to welcome Bill Westchamp to Gator Nation as UF's next head football coach.  The press conference would have been televised earlier tonight on ESPN, but they had some awards ceremony or something going on...probably the ESPYs.

Anyways, Coach Westchamp as I understand it was the next in line at Texas, but since Mack Brown isn't close to death like Bobby Bowden, Bill decided to head east.

As I read more about this guy (and please excuse me while I read more about this guy) it appears as though he's been a very good defensive coordinator, an excellent recruiter, and he's a native of Gainesville. 

So far so good.  (still reading up on Coach Muskstamp...)

His coaching stops included Texas, Auburn, LSU and the NFL's Miami Dolphins.  Westchase played college football at the University of, this has to be a misprint.  No way in hell UF would hire a former UGA player would they?  I'm sure there's an explanation for this, so I'll reserve judgment about this guy's background until after National Signing Day.

In the meantime, I welcome Coach Trampstamp to Gainesville with open arms.  Gator Nation is behind you coach.  No pressure...just win every game and we will love you conditionally.

Peace and love.

eViL G

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Urban Leaving = Love Wins!!!

Few Florida fans will readily admit this but aside from recruiting, Urban leaving is a win win for everyone. Follow me...

1) Most obviously, gay love wins out!! When was the last time anyone saw Urban "cheese" like he is in the pic to the left? Most of us thought that winning a championship is what he was smiling about but after much analysis (and consulting with a few gay friends of mine), I now know that this is the look of a man in physical and romantic love with another man. And you know what? It's ok. In fact, IT'S BEAUTIFUL DAMMITT!! My condolences to all the homophobic Superman followers, Verne Lundquist, Gary Danielson, religious zealots and the thousands of smokin' hot UF co-eds who went untouched by Timmy for four years.

One way ticket from Gainesville to Denver $525. Saving your virginity for your college head football coach, priceless. Get your smile back Urban...get your smile back.

2) Steve Addazio can sleep with the in whatever corner of the 2 million square miles of Sunshine State swamp that eViL G and Coach E have contracted for his final resting spot...allegedly.

3) Every paramedic and heart specialist on 24/7 standby in Gainesville can finally breathe a sigh of relief.

4) The genius behind the website "Fire Steve Addazio" should now have time to run for any number of political offices in Florida -- Good Luck and God Speed sir!!

5) Mercifully, Dan Mullen's poor family can escape from Mississippi or should I say M, I, crooked letter, crooked letter, I, crooked letter, crooked letter...

6) Should benefit #5 not happen, maybe SOS (that's cool Gator code for Steve Spurrier) and Jeremy Foley can reconnect, given the close "brother like" relationship they've always enjoyed. In all seriousness, I can guarantee you the old ball coach's passion and spirt would be more into it than what UF fans were subjected to this year.


Welcome Home Coach Mullen

Goodbye Starkville

Let me be the first to welcome Dan Mullen BACK to Gator Nation.  I know he hasn't been hired yet, but inside sources close to eViL G and Coach E's College Football Forum have learned that Dan Mullen is currently up in his attic, gathering all of his old UF gear to pack up for Gainesville.  He's got a press conference to get ready for next week, and more importantly he's got recruits to call.

As for all of the supposed usual suspects, if I hear John Gruden's name again I swear I'm gonna dropkick a baby kitten into rush hour traffic.  I was looking through the yellow pages to find an air conditioner repair guy, and you know whose name came up?  John Gruden.  I dropped off my dry cleaning this morning and John Gruden handed me a claim ticket.  My wife went to get a  manicure, and she had to reschedule because her normal nail technician was busy training John Gruden.  Is there a job opening in America this man is NOT interested in?

As for Bob Stoops, how many times can one man turn down the same job?  I'm happily married, but back in my single and more reckless days as a bachelor, even I had enough pride not to go back to the well after a chick gave me the Heisman 7 or 8 times.  Going from Oklahoma to Florida is a lateral, not a promotion.  Texas is down and Stoops is poised to own what's left of the Big 12 for years to come.

And finally, here's to you Urban Meyer.  Thanks for 6 great years, two national championships, two SEC titles, another Heisman winner, Percy Harvin, never losing to Tennessee and having fewer players arrested than Georgia.  You may never be as beloved as the ole ball corch in Gainesville, but you will definitely be missed by this UF alum.  You raised the bar to heights never seen around these parts, and I wish you, your wife and your smoking hot daughters nothing but the best.

Peace and love.

eViL G

Friday, December 3, 2010

Championship Week Picks

The ACC Championship Game:  Making Empty Seats Look Like North Carolina Fans Since 2005

Welcome to Championship Week, brought to you by the 48 car, Ric Flair, and the WNBA's Phoenix Mercury.

So let me get this straight....former Oklahoma State receiver Dez Bryant can go to dinner with Deion Sanders, which isn't an NCAA violation.  But if you lie to the NCAA about doing something that's not an NCAA violation, like Bryant did, the NCAA can immediately suspend you for virtually the entire season.  A.J. Green got a four-game suspension, making what amounted to chump change for hawking some of his UGA game jerseys on eBay.  

But if you pimp your son to the highest bidder, it's cool as far as the NCAA is concerned, as long as the pimpee had no knowledge of being pimped.  The ho can just keep on trickin'.  Unlike our true pimp Mr. Edwards, up until this season I really had no quarrel with Auburn University.  Now it's clear between Auburn's decision to rule Cam Newton ineligible, and the NCAA's warp speed decision to reinstate him in less than 24 hours, there's enough shadiness here to make Charles Rangel and Bernie Madoff look like eagle scouts.

Shame on Auburn University, SEC commissioner Mike Slive and the NCAA for opening up an Rex Ryan-sized can of worms and setting a potentially disastrous precedent.  

Pimpin' ain't easy, but until this loophole is closed, apparently it's legal. 


Oregon at Oregon State
I'll go ahead and get the shocker out of the way (no...not that shocker) need to prolong the drama.  Oregon State throws the mother of all monkey wrenches into the BCS by denying Oregon a shot at the national title.  Over the next two weeks, TCU and all the 1-loss teams begin furiously lobbying Michael Wilbon and Tony Kornheiser on PTI as to why they deserve a shot to play for all the marbles.  You notice I didn't mention Auburn.  If you're intrigued, by all means please read on.
Beavers - 24
Ducks - 23

Yeah, this game is

Conference USA Championship Game
Southern Methodist at Central Florida
My employer has naming rights at UCF's on-campus stadium, and my sister is employed by UCF, so it's only right I show some love for the home town team.  I turned down tickets in my employer's club suite for the same reason that overweight beer delivery guy removes Miller High Life from dog shows and polo matches.  Give me two seats in the end zone with the unwashed masses.  Better yet, give me a two-way splitter, two flat screen TVs in the living room, a steady flow of Makers Mark and an unlimited supply of salted pistachio nuts.  That my friends is living the high life.  By now, based on all this filler material, you've come to the realization I know absolutely nothing about these two teams, and any speculation about tomorrow's outcome is about as reliable as John Brantley on 3rd and 9.
Knights - 34
'Stangs - 23

ACC Championship Game
Virginia Tech vs. Florida State
FSU looked like world-beaters last week, but given the competition that's not saying much.  The Noles have been up and down most of the season, winning games they shouldn't have (Clemson) and losing games they shouldn't have (UNC and NC State).  Meanwhile since the James Madison fiasco, VT is playing the nation's best football outside of Eugene and Opelika.  In what should be an evenly matched game, I'm picking FSU to win, if for no other reason my predictions usually suck ass.  Come on reverse mojo.....
Noles - 37
Hokies - 17

Big 12 Championship Game
Oklahoma vs. Nebraska
It's no secret Nebraska had no desire to stay in the Big 12, earning chump change while Texas pulled in the lion's share of spite of a 5-7 season.  Truth be told, everyone left in the Big 12 feels that way....except of course Texas.  You wonder how much Oklahoma has left in the tank after that wild game in Stillwater, while Big Red coasted against Colorado.  No reverse mojo necessary here...Nebraska gets in one last parting shot before taking their talents to a conference with its own TV network.  Big Game Bob falls short again, which saves America from having to watch him fall short in a BCS bowl.
Huskers - 26
Sooners - 18

...and finally

SEC Championship Game
Auburn vs. South Carolina
It's amazing how close Auburn came to not playing in this game.  A close win on the road at Mississippi State here, a comeback for the ages at Alabama there...not to mention an overtime escape at home against Clemson that would have already ruined the perfect BCS scenario. 

Steve Spurrier is no stranger to this game, but you wonder if his players will be satisfied with advancing to the title game instead of competing to win it.  The only motivation they need is tape from the first game these two teams played.  The Gamecocks were a fourth quarter Stephen Garcia meltdown away from winning at Auburn.

It's possible SEC commisioner Mike Slive may not watch this game, but that's contingent upon Slive removing his head from his ass sometime before 4:00 EST tomorrow.  As badly as I want to pick South Carolina, there's some cosmic forces at play that don't appear willing to let Auburn lose.  The legend of Cam Newton grows and Auburn's title run continues. 

Sorry can take comfort in knowing there's a very good chance Auburn's SEC (and national) title(s) will be vacated in a couple years.

War Eagle - 28
Fried Chicken - 21

Be good.