Thursday, October 31, 2013

eViL G's Weekly Picks - November 2nd

Invisible Alabama fan in the middle and Stanford fan on the far right...
I'd like to take this time to wish the entire Internet a Happy Halloween. 

We're headed to Jacksonville for a football double-header, and the weekend can't get here soon enough.  My alma mater, undefeated Bishop Kenny High School, takes on Baker County Friday night.  And despite protests from both fan bases, my other alma mater still plans on playing Georgia Saturday afternoon. 

Guess which game I'm more excited about....


Tennessee at Missouri

Knoxville's Future
Mizzou came crashing down to earth last week, and Tennessee may have found its starting QB for the next four years.  His name is Josh Dobbs, and he looks like the light-skinned love child of Manute Bol and Grace Jones.  Judge for yourselves.  Mizzou still controls its destiny to play for its first SEC Championship, and they hold off a pesky Tennessee team that just won't go away.
Mizzou - 27
Vols - 24

Miami at Florida State
Miami's 2013 squad looks eerily similar to UF's 2012 team.  The Canes win, at times looking like complete dog shit while winning...against teams they should destroy.  FSU looks like the best team in the country not named Alabama...or Bishop Kenny High School (suck it Bolles).

Miami gave up over 400 yards to UF's offense.  FSU will eclipse that midway through the second quarter.  Miami gave up 16 points to UF's pathetic offense.  FSU will eclipse that before the second quarter.  Miami almost lost to Wake Forest at home.  Wake Forest is considering cancelling their game with FSU.

FSU is favored by three touchdowns.  They will win by at least four, maybe five.  FSU-Clemson was ugly...this will be much uglier. 
Noles - 55
Canes - 17

 ...and finally

Florida vs. Georgia
Both teams come limping into this game at 4-3, and to make matters worse, the usually festive Florida-Georgia Lot Z pre-game tailgate will also be minus a bunch of regulars.  Hopefully our backups can step in and produce.  Man down, man up.  Chadwick, I’m looking directly at you...this is your time.

Coach E will be a no-show for the second consecutive year, which is unprecedented.  He’s working like a slave up in Charlotte on some super secret IT project.  Good news is, once he’s done and the check clears he’s buying each and every one of you a brand new 2014 Honda Civic…because he can.

Earlier this week UF head coach Will Mustcramps announced freshman tailback prodigy Kelvin Taylor will make his first career start tomorrow.  Injuries aside, it’s been clear to anyone paying attention Taylor should have started weeks ago.  KT looked great against Missouri last week, but we scored too quickly when he was in the game so Mustcramps had no choice but to bench him in favor of a 5 foot, 3 inch Asian kid with one leg.  Winning the time of possession battle is just that important. 

UGA gets Todd Gurley back, which almost seems unfair even when you consider Aaron Murray usually saves his worst performances for Florida.  UGA’s defense is suspect, but they’re going up against UF’s offense.  UGA's offense is decimated by skill position injuries, but UF's defense looks more mortal each week.  Advantage Georgia. 

Muschamp’s margin of error is slimmer than JJ from Good Times.  Three straight losses to Georgia puts him in squarely on the hot seat, uncharted territory Ron Zook never reached.  Say what you want about Brent Pease, but I marvel at his consistency.  The timing of Tyler Murphy's regression is remarkably similar to Driskel's regression last season.  Pease might lose his job before halftime. 

UF should bust out the orange jerseys Saturday to make this tranformation back to being UGA's bitch complete.

It feels like 1988 all over again.

Dawgs - 24
Gators - 10

Be good.


Thursday, October 24, 2013

eViL G's Bye Week Extravaganza

Tiger Woods reacts to last week's UF-Missouri game.
Welcome to the most anticipated bye week in the history of Florida Football.
I know we’re supposed to stick together in all kinds of weather, but let's face it...Gator Nation needs a break from its football team.
I would encourage all of you to engage in stress-free activities this weekend while you have the opportunity.
I’m taking the week off too, but not before patting myself on the back for calling UCF’s upset over Louisville.  Don't act like you weren't impressed.
I'll be back next week for the least anticipated Cocktail Party since Gary Darnell and Ray Goff roamed the sidelines.

Until then, be good.

Friday, October 18, 2013

eViL G's Weekly Picks - October 19th

Well see, what had happen wuz...
 Happy Friday!
No time to waste this week, so let's get right to it....


UCF at Louisville
In a world where a BCS title contender's toughest opponent is a directional school in Orlando...followed by USF, UConn, Memphis, Houston and Cincinnati...sometimes the football gods throw you a bone and make everything right. 
Knights - 27
Cardinals - 24

Florida at Missouri
UF's offense is much like these weekly picks, or perhaps the final season of Dexter.  We've all grown accustomed to being underwhelmed week in and week out.  While last week's loss at LSU wasn't all that surprising, patience is wearing exremely thin with this old-fangled offense on display in Gainesville.  Does Brent Pease suck as an offensive coordinator, or does head coach Bill Roughstamp have an incentive clause in his contract for winning time of possession...or both?  Whatever the case, UF's coaching staff is officially on notice.  Ron Zook never lost more than 5 games at UF.  Muschamp is in danger of doing it twice in his first 3 years.  With South Carolina, Georgia and FSU looming on the schedule, a loss in Columbia tomorrow is the first nail in Muscramp's coffin.  The direction of UF's football program hinges on the outcome of this game.  To make matters worse, rumor has it Tyler Murphy hasn't practiced all week.  Is it basketball season yet?  Man I can't wait to see Kasey Hill dunk on Marshall Henderson.
Mizzou - 20
Gators - 9

South Carolina at Tennessee
Careful ol' ball coach...Tennessee is improving, and your team appears to be slightly distracted, if not disjointed over all this Clowney nonsense.  Luckily Connor Shaw is a gamer, and Tennessee's starting QB would be the backup at every SEC school except Kentucky.
Cocks - 27
Vols - 13
In other action:
- Texas A&M and Auburn combine for 105 points
- Les Miles gets it done against Ole Miss
- Stanford handles UCLA

and finally...

Florida State at Clemson
ESPN College Gameday is in Clemson for the second time in less than 8 weeks...that's like Haley's Comet showing up every night for a month.

If you're still hating on Jameis Winston, like some wearing orange and blue glasses, because of an alleged lack of competition, please keep in mind this is the same shitty ACC competition EJ Manuel struggled with.  It's same shitty ACC competition Charlie Ward didn't get the opportunity to start against until he was a junior...and Charlie nearly got benched his junior year after completing one too many passes to defenders on shitty ACC teams.

Jamies Winston is on his way to breaking single-season passing records at FSU as a freshman.  Charlie Ward was FSU's starting punter as a freshman.

My views on Clemson are well documented, and they've proved me wrong once already.  But FSU's defense, specifically FSU's secondary, is much better than that green UGA defense Clemson torched back in September. 

If FSU beats Clemson and UF, Jameis Winston will win the Heisman Trophy...a Heisman Trophy winner named Winston.  I wonder if he can triple jump.

If Clemson beats FSU...well, chalk it up to a geeked up home crowd and a little reverse mojo.

I'm still not sold on Clemson.

Noles - 31
Tigers - 27

Be good.

Thursday, October 10, 2013

eViL G's Weekly Picks - October 12th

Jadeveon Who?
Happy Friday Everyone.

Tomorrow afternoon, mRs. eViL G and I are entertaining friends, family, and members of the Internet's most dangerous super secret message board for our 2nd Annual Big Ass Gator Football Watch/Pool Party.  The guest list includes former UF basketball great Craig Brown, UCF's head women's basketball coach, and some guy named Chadwick.

It's also my father's 80th birthday today, so tomorrow's big watch/pool party takes on added significance.  He will be in attendance, along with a few family members he hasn't seen in a please don't ruin the surprise.

Now my father doesn't swim...he's an 80 year-old black man after all...and I predict he'll sleep through the second half of Florida-LSU after a vodka shot or two.  But I love him just the same, and I can't wait to see him this weekend.

Happy 80th Birthday SLW, Jr!!  Your baby boy has a bottle of Absolut and a hand rolled Montecristo with your name on it.


Texas vs. Oklahoma
The Mack Brown Farewell Tour makes its final stop at the Texas State Fair, but not before Bobby Stoops gets all up in that ass one last time.  
Sooners - 42
Longhorns - 14

Missouri at Georgia
Last year UGA taught Mizzou the true meaning of grown man football.  This year UGA's defense is chock full of 13th graders, and Mizzou is playing much better than expected.  Aaron Murray's had a week to learn the names of his new starting tailback and receivers, so those timing and chemistry issues we saw in Knoxville shouldn't be an issue.  UGA needs to make a statement after last week's near debacle...and they do just that.
Georgia - 38
Mizzou - 13

South Carolina at Arkansas
You want drama?  We got drama.  A couple weeks ago Steve Spurrier got all liquored up (allegedly) following a come from behind win at the snake pit known as Bright House Networks Stadium.  A week later, someone close to Jadeveon Clowney shared with him what a bi-monthly paycheck looks like when your annual salary is $8.5 million.  Shit, I'd pass on playing Kentucky too.  Whether Clowney plays or not, Arkansas doesn't have enough offensive firepower to keep up with Shaw and Company.  Cocks win.
Chickens - 30
Pigs - 17

...and finally

Florida at LSU
LSU pays tribute to its 2003 national championship team this Saturday in Red Stick, which is weird considering their only loss that season came at the hands of Ron Zook's Florida Gators.  Perhaps UF should recognize our 2008 national championship team five years from now when Ole Miss comes to town...okay maybe not.

Every week it seems like we learn something new about Florida.  Three weeks ago we learned Tyler Murphy might be college football's best kept secret.  Two weeks ago we learned it takes Matt Jones two minutes and eight seconds to run 67 yards.  Last week we learned Solomon Patton might look like a 9th grader playing varsity, but he's the gamebreaker UF's offense desparately needed.

This week we'll find out just how good UF's defense is.  Ditto for LSU's offense.  Tyler Murphy's had the luxury of playing two games at home, and another at make that three home games.  Saturday's environment will be slightly more intense when UF has the ball.

In spite of LSU's questionable defense, Florida struggles to get the running game going, primarily because UF's coaching staff hates Kelvin Taylor.  UF's defense plays lights out again...led by Dante Fowler...but UF's offense stalls out one too many times, resulting in a missed field goal with seconds to play.

The good guys cover, but the bad guys win.

LSU - 21
UF - 20

Be good.

Thursday, October 3, 2013

eViL G's Weekly Picks - October 5th

UF's 2013 offense...I think I've seen it somewhere before....

Greetings from Central Florida, where Steve Spurrier's blood alcohol level is none of your damn business.

A non-gameday pilgrimage to UF’s campus yesterday has me feeling somwhat nostalgic.  It was a business trip, but I still managed to find time to sneak into The Swamp in between meetings at Shands.  It bears noting that I was able to park illegally at the O’Dome without getting a ticket, something that NEVER happened when I was a student 27 years ago.

There’s a Starbucks and Chick Fil’A on campus now.  We had Burger King and Krystal across the street from campus on University Ave, and we liked it.

The HUB is no longer the hub. 

Burrito Brothers is gone, but you can tailgate where it used to be.

The cable company didn't carry Fox back then, so on Sunday nights we'd go to Joe's Deli to watch The Simpsons via satellite.

There was no internet access at Library East or Library West.  We had something called LUIS, which was an improvement over Dewey and his decimal system, but that book you needed for your research paper was never where it was supposed to be. 

Our preferred gaming system was the Space N’ Gator arcade conveniently located at the Reitz Union.  We didn't have cell phones.

It's crazy to think it's been almost THREE DECADES since I first stepped foot on campus.  But some things never change...after 60 years, Century Tower hasn't lost a brick.  

Our student body is still undefeated.  Boom. 

You know what time it is.


Maryland at Florida State
FSU fans are going straight up Tebow over Jameis Winston, to the point where they’re buying t-shirts with Winston posing as Jesus…the Messiah.  It reminded me of that Good Times episode when JJ painted a picture of Black Jesus, and his mother (whose first name coincidentally was Florida) didn’t approve…because as we all know, every baby born in Jerusalem back in the day had blonde hair and blue eyes.  If you’re too young to remember Good Times, think Cosby Show, but with poor people.  If you’re too young to remember the Cosby Show, quit reading this and go finish your damn homework.  Maryland is better than usual, but FSU is still much better than Maryland.  Science.
Noles – 38
Terps - 17

Ohio State at Northwestern
Let’s see…leave Florida because Nick Saban owns you, but not before taking the entire 2010 season off to practice for your ESPN announcer gig.  Check.  Report your former employer to the NCAA for some nit-picky secondary violations.  Check.  Kick out members of the media from open practices because they wore blue shirts.  Check.  Convince James Clark to leave New Smyrna Beach for Columbus instead of Gainesville.  Check.  It took a little longer than expected, but I now officially hate Urban Meyer, and I hope he catches pink eye and rickets.  I also look forward to booing him 20 years from now when UF Director of Athletics Shane Matthews inducts Meyer into the Ring of Honor, hopefully followed by Shane punching Urban in the face.  As for the game, if this was a science fair, or a battle of journalism essays, Northwestern might stand a chance.  It’s not, they don’t, and this game gets ugly quick.
Dumb Kids – 41
Smart Kids – 21

Georgia at Tennessee
Tennessee is a dumpster fire right now, and life won’t get any easier Saturday after UGA comes to town and drops half a hundred on ‘em.  I don’t know if UGA is the SEC’s best team, but they’ve got the most impressive resume so far, and Alabama just lost their best defensive back from an already weak secondary.  It’s WAY too early to call, but if by chance Georgia finds itself in a position to extend the SEC’s national title streak, you guys would be okay with cheering for Oregon right?  Who’s with me?
UGA – around 50
Vols  – less than 20

and finally... 

Arkansas at Florida
Rewinding back to 1986, I remember picking up football tickets at Simpson Hall on Thursday, hopping the north end zone wall Friday night to tape my flask filled with Captain Morgan under the seat, where it was usually waiting for me on Saturday afternoon.   Fast forward 27 years later, students can’t be bothered to get to football games on time, if they go at all. 

Remember the offensive schemes SEC teams abandoned when Steve Spurrier came to the SEC in 1990?  You’ll see that very same offense from both teams Saturday night.  Kickoff is set for 7:00pm, and this game might be over by 9:00 the way both teams run the football.

Alex Collins should provide a strong test for what's easily the SEC's best defense, even without Easley.  You'd think by now opposing QBs would stop picking on Vernon Hargreaves III, but for some reason they keep thinking he's someone other than the best freshman defensive football player in UF's history...that's right I said it.

This game won't win any beauty contests, but the good guys win...just like we used to in the 80s...with just enough offense and too much defense for the bad guys to handle.

Gators - 20
Hogs - 13

Be good.