Friday, December 31, 2010

2010-11 Bowl Picks Edition

Happy New Years Eve everyone.

I hope all of you had a Happy Holidays with friends and family, and I trust that you will all celebrate responsibily later this evening.

It's almost noon, so I'm up against a Sun Bowl deadline....but I have to give some love to Derek Dooley and the Tennessee Volunteers.  Derek Dooley is the first coach in NCAA history to lose two games he won in the same season.  This guy is the anti-Les Miles.  Hell, Derek Dooley totally explains Les Miles.  That whole life balance, yin-yang all makes sense now.

Blame the refs all day long Vol fans...make an extra point and we're having a different discussion.  I do think the head referee was premature in calling the game HAVE to review that spike play...and I also think college football should adopt the NFL's ten second run-off in situations like we saw last night.  But from a pure entertainment standpoint, that game was about as good as it gets.  The Music City Bowl should win an ESPY for Biggest Clusterfuck of a Bowl Game Involving Teams with Pastel Colors.

Be safe everyone....


Sun Bowl
Miami vs. Notre Dame
Catholics vs. Convicts revisited?  Waking up the echoes while grooving to some 2Live Crew booty music?  Hardly.  Reuniting these two teams, at this point in their respective histories, in El Paso, has the same charm as watching Terry Funk wrestle Arn Anderson at the Charlotte/Mecklenberg County Fair.  Both was well past their respective primes, and for the most part no one cares.
Convicts - 26
Catholics - 14

Liberty Bowl
Georgia vs. Central Florida
The home team squares off against my most hated rival on the planet.  UCF was arguably Florida's best college football team, and they have a future star in QB Jeff Godfrey.  This is an emotional pick, one that'll likely come back to bite me in the ass, but I get the feeling UGA isn't all that motivated, and UCF is eager for a little national respect.
Black and Gold - 24
Red and Black - 21

Chik Fil'a Bowl
South Carolina vs. Florida State
Speaking of most hated rivals, the ole ball corch reunites with the team that owned him during his glory days in Gainesville.  FSU is on a steady rise, getting the UF monkey off their back in addition to making some serious noise on the recruiting trail.  The Seminoles are indeed back....but South Carolina is better.  The Cocks will have the best running back and receiver on the field, and their defense is superior.  Spurrier beats Bowden  Fisher.
Chickens - 34
Savages - 17

Gator Bowl
Mississippi State vs. Michigan
Odd pairing of a traditional power with a traditional doormat.  Mississippi State officially locked down Dan Mullen for another 4 years, while Rich Rod could be shown the door any day now.  Similar to the UCF-UGA game, one team is fired up to be there while the other wonders what the hell they're doing playing Mississippi State. 
Miss State - 17
Meatchicken - 16

Capital One Bowl
Alabama vs. Michigan State
Michigan State's 1-loss season isn't as impressive as it looks, and Alabama's 4th place finish in the SEC West isn't as bad as it looks...unless of course you're an Alabama fan.  I usually catch this game, thanks to free food and booze from my employer, but on this day I'll be in Tampa enjoying food and booze with some very good friends.  Michigan State's highlight of the day will be their marching band's kick step entrance.  Bama sleepwalks through the first half before waking up.
Tide - 30
Spartans - 13

Outback Bowl
Florida vs. Penn State
I'm tempted to do a reverse mojo pick here, but it's wasted on this game.  Nothing I've seen from Penn State this season concerns me...and if UF can't get up for Urban Meyer's last game then they deserve to lose.  In spite of everything that's wrong with the 2010 Florida Gators, I refuse to believe a 7-5 Penn State team is any better.
Crocs - 21
Lions - 10

Rose Bowl
Wisconsin vs. TCU
Can TCU stop Wisconsin's punishing rush attack?  Can Wisconsin stop super ginger Andy Dalton and TCU's aerial attack?  Stay tuned...this game has me totally baffled.  I've never thought much of Wisconsin as a national power, and TCU crapped the bed last year against Boise State.  If I had money to bet on this game, I'd take the over, and I'd take the team from the big boy conference.
Badgers - 41
Frogs - 38

Fiesta Bowl
Oklahoma vs. Connecticut
This would have been a great basketball game 3 years ago...Blake Griffin vs. Hasheem Thabeet.  Hell, UConn-Oklahoma in womens hoops is 100 times more entertaining than this garbage matchup.  There should be a performance clause in the BCS bylaws.  If your conference champion continues to get beaten senseless on college football's biggest stage, you lose your automatic bid.  Yeah I know it will never happen, but we can dream can't we?
Sooners - 45
Huskies - 10

Orange Bowl
Virginia Tech vs. Stanford
Andrew Luck is getting lots of love lately.  Stanford was one bad night in Eugene from getting destroyed by Auburn in the national title game.  Meanwhile the Hokies are only the hottest team in college football.  I like the team who had the least distance to travel.  Tech is becoming an Orange Bowl regular.
Hokies - 27
Cardinal - 17

Sugar Bowl
Arkansas vs. Ohio State
Just when you thought the NCAA couldn't be more inconsistent....they sit on Tattoo Gate for a year, then allow the kids to play the bowl game.  Really?  Who cares about next season?  If all this stuff happened when the NCAA says it did, the Ohio State players in question should have missed five games this past season.  Right A.J. Green?  Meanwhile, no one is talking about Arkansas, and that's just fine with them. 
Hogs - 34
SEC's Bitch - 24

Cotton Bowl
LSU vs. Texas A&M
When the next round of conference re-alignment happens, expect these two teams to face off every year.  I don't know much about Texas A&M, but they don't have a prayer against Les Miles and his evil brand of college football sorcery.
LSU - 38
TAMU - 13

And finally....

BCS National Championship Game
Auburn vs. Oregon
How seriously is Oregon taking the BCS national championship game?  They're unveiling new uniforms to be worn specially for the big game.  A man much wiser than me once said, "The only cure for vanity is laughter, and the only fault that is laughable is vanity."  Memo to Oregon:  Your uniforms are ugly, and glow-in-the-dark neon green socks won't make you play defense any better.

No matter how you attempt to break this game down, you inevitably come to the conclusion that Auburn will obliterate Oregon.  It's's's the motherf**king Southeastern Conference.  It is what it is.

Auburn has the better defense, the better QB and better offensive line.  Period.  I can't come up with a scenario where Oregon wins this game....outside of AU turning the ball over 3-4 times...mixed in with Oregon blocking a punt and recovering the opening onside kickoff. 

Defense wins championships.  Auburn has one, Oregon doesn't.

Auburn - 52
Oregon - 24

Be good.


Monday, December 13, 2010

Legends and Leaders? BUAHAHAHA!!!

As if the Southeastern Conference needed another reason to laugh hysterically at the Big 10. It's not enough that you're our bitch in BCS title games. It's not enough that your last national championship required the mother of all pass interference calls...five seconds after the play. It's not enough that you crap the bed on TV's biggest stage year after year. It's even cliché to make light of the fact that you still refer to yourselves as the Big 10 even though you now have 12 member schools.

Legends and Leaders? The Big 10 has had over a year to figure this out, and with all those excellent institutions of higher learning in the Big 10, that's the best you got? 

Wow, just wow.....Legends and Leaders.

Now I give the Big 10 credit for what appears to be a fair and equal distribution of contenders in each division; Michigan/Nebraska/Iowa on one side and Ohio State/Penn State/Wisconsin on the other. But those division names sound like a Harry Potter book, or a Tony Robbins seminar. It makes you wonder what names missed the cut.

Well, wonder no more. Thanks to the crack research staff here at eViL G and Coach E's Football Forum, we were able to get our hands on that list.

Here are your "Top 10 Rejected Big 10 Division Names":

10. "SEC Victims" and "Future SEC Victims"
9. "Slow" and "Slower"
8. "STFU" and "GTFO"
7. "Six In One" and "Half a Dozen In the Other"
6. "Peaches" and "Herb"
5. "Yogi" and "Boo Boo"
4. "BCS Bowl Loser" and "Outback Bowl Loser"
3. "George" and "Weezie"
2. "Ndamukong" and "Biakabatuka"

And finally...

1. "Please Be Michigan" And "Please Be Ohio State"

Saturday, December 11, 2010

As I Was Saying Earlier This Week...

UF names Dan Mullen this guy as its next football coach.
Let me be among the first to welcome Bill Westchamp to Gator Nation as UF's next head football coach.  The press conference would have been televised earlier tonight on ESPN, but they had some awards ceremony or something going on...probably the ESPYs.

Anyways, Coach Westchamp as I understand it was the next in line at Texas, but since Mack Brown isn't close to death like Bobby Bowden, Bill decided to head east.

As I read more about this guy (and please excuse me while I read more about this guy) it appears as though he's been a very good defensive coordinator, an excellent recruiter, and he's a native of Gainesville. 

So far so good.  (still reading up on Coach Muskstamp...)

His coaching stops included Texas, Auburn, LSU and the NFL's Miami Dolphins.  Westchase played college football at the University of, this has to be a misprint.  No way in hell UF would hire a former UGA player would they?  I'm sure there's an explanation for this, so I'll reserve judgment about this guy's background until after National Signing Day.

In the meantime, I welcome Coach Trampstamp to Gainesville with open arms.  Gator Nation is behind you coach.  No pressure...just win every game and we will love you conditionally.

Peace and love.

eViL G

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Urban Leaving = Love Wins!!!

Few Florida fans will readily admit this but aside from recruiting, Urban leaving is a win win for everyone. Follow me...

1) Most obviously, gay love wins out!! When was the last time anyone saw Urban "cheese" like he is in the pic to the left? Most of us thought that winning a championship is what he was smiling about but after much analysis (and consulting with a few gay friends of mine), I now know that this is the look of a man in physical and romantic love with another man. And you know what? It's ok. In fact, IT'S BEAUTIFUL DAMMITT!! My condolences to all the homophobic Superman followers, Verne Lundquist, Gary Danielson, religious zealots and the thousands of smokin' hot UF co-eds who went untouched by Timmy for four years.

One way ticket from Gainesville to Denver $525. Saving your virginity for your college head football coach, priceless. Get your smile back Urban...get your smile back.

2) Steve Addazio can sleep with the in whatever corner of the 2 million square miles of Sunshine State swamp that eViL G and Coach E have contracted for his final resting spot...allegedly.

3) Every paramedic and heart specialist on 24/7 standby in Gainesville can finally breathe a sigh of relief.

4) The genius behind the website "Fire Steve Addazio" should now have time to run for any number of political offices in Florida -- Good Luck and God Speed sir!!

5) Mercifully, Dan Mullen's poor family can escape from Mississippi or should I say M, I, crooked letter, crooked letter, I, crooked letter, crooked letter...

6) Should benefit #5 not happen, maybe SOS (that's cool Gator code for Steve Spurrier) and Jeremy Foley can reconnect, given the close "brother like" relationship they've always enjoyed. In all seriousness, I can guarantee you the old ball coach's passion and spirt would be more into it than what UF fans were subjected to this year.


Welcome Home Coach Mullen

Goodbye Starkville

Let me be the first to welcome Dan Mullen BACK to Gator Nation.  I know he hasn't been hired yet, but inside sources close to eViL G and Coach E's College Football Forum have learned that Dan Mullen is currently up in his attic, gathering all of his old UF gear to pack up for Gainesville.  He's got a press conference to get ready for next week, and more importantly he's got recruits to call.

As for all of the supposed usual suspects, if I hear John Gruden's name again I swear I'm gonna dropkick a baby kitten into rush hour traffic.  I was looking through the yellow pages to find an air conditioner repair guy, and you know whose name came up?  John Gruden.  I dropped off my dry cleaning this morning and John Gruden handed me a claim ticket.  My wife went to get a  manicure, and she had to reschedule because her normal nail technician was busy training John Gruden.  Is there a job opening in America this man is NOT interested in?

As for Bob Stoops, how many times can one man turn down the same job?  I'm happily married, but back in my single and more reckless days as a bachelor, even I had enough pride not to go back to the well after a chick gave me the Heisman 7 or 8 times.  Going from Oklahoma to Florida is a lateral, not a promotion.  Texas is down and Stoops is poised to own what's left of the Big 12 for years to come.

And finally, here's to you Urban Meyer.  Thanks for 6 great years, two national championships, two SEC titles, another Heisman winner, Percy Harvin, never losing to Tennessee and having fewer players arrested than Georgia.  You may never be as beloved as the ole ball corch in Gainesville, but you will definitely be missed by this UF alum.  You raised the bar to heights never seen around these parts, and I wish you, your wife and your smoking hot daughters nothing but the best.

Peace and love.

eViL G

Friday, December 3, 2010

Championship Week Picks

The ACC Championship Game:  Making Empty Seats Look Like North Carolina Fans Since 2005

Welcome to Championship Week, brought to you by the 48 car, Ric Flair, and the WNBA's Phoenix Mercury.

So let me get this straight....former Oklahoma State receiver Dez Bryant can go to dinner with Deion Sanders, which isn't an NCAA violation.  But if you lie to the NCAA about doing something that's not an NCAA violation, like Bryant did, the NCAA can immediately suspend you for virtually the entire season.  A.J. Green got a four-game suspension, making what amounted to chump change for hawking some of his UGA game jerseys on eBay.  

But if you pimp your son to the highest bidder, it's cool as far as the NCAA is concerned, as long as the pimpee had no knowledge of being pimped.  The ho can just keep on trickin'.  Unlike our true pimp Mr. Edwards, up until this season I really had no quarrel with Auburn University.  Now it's clear between Auburn's decision to rule Cam Newton ineligible, and the NCAA's warp speed decision to reinstate him in less than 24 hours, there's enough shadiness here to make Charles Rangel and Bernie Madoff look like eagle scouts.

Shame on Auburn University, SEC commissioner Mike Slive and the NCAA for opening up an Rex Ryan-sized can of worms and setting a potentially disastrous precedent.  

Pimpin' ain't easy, but until this loophole is closed, apparently it's legal. 


Oregon at Oregon State
I'll go ahead and get the shocker out of the way (no...not that shocker) need to prolong the drama.  Oregon State throws the mother of all monkey wrenches into the BCS by denying Oregon a shot at the national title.  Over the next two weeks, TCU and all the 1-loss teams begin furiously lobbying Michael Wilbon and Tony Kornheiser on PTI as to why they deserve a shot to play for all the marbles.  You notice I didn't mention Auburn.  If you're intrigued, by all means please read on.
Beavers - 24
Ducks - 23

Yeah, this game is

Conference USA Championship Game
Southern Methodist at Central Florida
My employer has naming rights at UCF's on-campus stadium, and my sister is employed by UCF, so it's only right I show some love for the home town team.  I turned down tickets in my employer's club suite for the same reason that overweight beer delivery guy removes Miller High Life from dog shows and polo matches.  Give me two seats in the end zone with the unwashed masses.  Better yet, give me a two-way splitter, two flat screen TVs in the living room, a steady flow of Makers Mark and an unlimited supply of salted pistachio nuts.  That my friends is living the high life.  By now, based on all this filler material, you've come to the realization I know absolutely nothing about these two teams, and any speculation about tomorrow's outcome is about as reliable as John Brantley on 3rd and 9.
Knights - 34
'Stangs - 23

ACC Championship Game
Virginia Tech vs. Florida State
FSU looked like world-beaters last week, but given the competition that's not saying much.  The Noles have been up and down most of the season, winning games they shouldn't have (Clemson) and losing games they shouldn't have (UNC and NC State).  Meanwhile since the James Madison fiasco, VT is playing the nation's best football outside of Eugene and Opelika.  In what should be an evenly matched game, I'm picking FSU to win, if for no other reason my predictions usually suck ass.  Come on reverse mojo.....
Noles - 37
Hokies - 17

Big 12 Championship Game
Oklahoma vs. Nebraska
It's no secret Nebraska had no desire to stay in the Big 12, earning chump change while Texas pulled in the lion's share of spite of a 5-7 season.  Truth be told, everyone left in the Big 12 feels that way....except of course Texas.  You wonder how much Oklahoma has left in the tank after that wild game in Stillwater, while Big Red coasted against Colorado.  No reverse mojo necessary here...Nebraska gets in one last parting shot before taking their talents to a conference with its own TV network.  Big Game Bob falls short again, which saves America from having to watch him fall short in a BCS bowl.
Huskers - 26
Sooners - 18

...and finally

SEC Championship Game
Auburn vs. South Carolina
It's amazing how close Auburn came to not playing in this game.  A close win on the road at Mississippi State here, a comeback for the ages at Alabama there...not to mention an overtime escape at home against Clemson that would have already ruined the perfect BCS scenario. 

Steve Spurrier is no stranger to this game, but you wonder if his players will be satisfied with advancing to the title game instead of competing to win it.  The only motivation they need is tape from the first game these two teams played.  The Gamecocks were a fourth quarter Stephen Garcia meltdown away from winning at Auburn.

It's possible SEC commisioner Mike Slive may not watch this game, but that's contingent upon Slive removing his head from his ass sometime before 4:00 EST tomorrow.  As badly as I want to pick South Carolina, there's some cosmic forces at play that don't appear willing to let Auburn lose.  The legend of Cam Newton grows and Auburn's title run continues. 

Sorry can take comfort in knowing there's a very good chance Auburn's SEC (and national) title(s) will be vacated in a couple years.

War Eagle - 28
Fried Chicken - 21

Be good.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Easy Like Sunday Morning Multiple Choice Question

The above photo best describes....

a) Florida's offense, defense, coaching, and everything else except Andre Debose returning kickoffs

b) My stepdaughter's decision-making process

c) The 2010 Texas Longhorns

d) The political career of the dude who busted President Obama's lip

e) My neighbor attempting to deep fry a turkey

f) Desmond Howard attempting to speak coherently

g) Boise State's kicker

h) Bama offensive lineman #61 who got abused all day long by Auburn's Nick Fairley

i) All of the above

Friday, November 26, 2010

Hate Week '10, $cam Newton & The Gary Coleman Glare Of Death!!

Major props to eViL and Coach E for letting me take this baby for a spin!!

It's the day after Thanksgiving. The smell of turkey, cranberry and various desserts still linger in the air. The temperature has finally dropped a few degrees and I'm enjoying a cup of warm coffee as I watch a stray leaf blow gently across my lawn. This can only mean one thing...HATE WEEK IS UP IN THIS MUTHA!!!

As we give thanks for the things that mean the most to us, we should also take a few moments and talk about things we hate as well. Allow me to get us started...

I HATE AUBURN. This isn't the type of hate where once you strip it away, there is admiration and respect, this is the type of hate where once you strip it away, there are 6 or 7 more layers of hate. And you know what, I'm good with that. Auburn is like a black widow spider, there is absolutely nothing valuable they contribute to society; they exist only to cause pain to others (most notably me). In true Auburn form, they've given the world a whole new reason to hate them this year. I present to you exhibit #1.
$cam Newton -- not only is he "rich bitch" but his f'#*$ed up soap opera has been the biggest blight on the face of college football in recent history. Even worse, this relentless crap almost single handedly made me turn to the NFL for relief. Can any of us remember life before this (very talented) moron came on the scene? For the record: it no longer matters whether he "did it or not", the irreparable damage has long since been all of us.
In the spirit of Hate Week, I unveil the terrifying Gary Coleman Glare Of Death or GCGOD. I bestow this only on people or things that really piss me off. Much like Medusa's stare, this is meant to bring the recipient the worst possible skin rash, nose pimples, hemorrhoids, and ingrown pubic hairs that life has to offer.

1) Auburn University - Inclusion of this demonic institution should come as a surprise to no one (see above)
2) Jim McIlwain - Bama's OC is almost as bad as Steve Addazio. I think Garland Harwell and I have been utilized more than Ingram and Richardson -- inexcusable. He is the primary reason we won't be playing in Glendale. What a freakin idiot!!!
3) Tom Brady, Vince Young and Brett Farve - Bad hair, overgrown brat and the most overrated player in this history of sports. But enough about the NFL.
Who do you hate?
Safe Holidays and Roll Tide Roll!!

Thanksgiving Weekend Picks

The joyride ends this weekend.
On behalf of the entire staff of eViL G and Coach E's College Football Forum....all both of us....we hope you had a happy and safe Thanksgiving celebration with friends and family.  For the first time in 41 years I spent Thanksgiving in Orlando instead of Jacksonville.  mRs. eViL G made a feast fit for a king, and I am forever thankful she decided to marry me.  I'm truly blessed to have such a wonderful wife.

That's all I got...I'm tired from eating 5000 calories and I missed the deadline on Texas-Texas A&M.  For the record I had A&M winning by 7.


Michigan at Ohio State
Ohio State's president doesn't think TCU and Boise State are worthy of BCS title game consideration, and being the SEC snob I am, I totally agree.  You know who else doesn't deserve BCS title game consideration?  Ohio State.  El Presidente's comments would appear a little less self-serving if OSU wasn't one of several 1-loss teams jockeying for BCS position, and his comments wouldn't ring so hollow if the Buckeyes didn't get destroyed the last two times they played for college football's biggest prize.  Sure they'll dominate Michigan this weekend, but the Rose Bowl is as good as it gets this season, and Wisconsin has the inside track to Pasadena.
Buckeyes - 51
Meatchicken - 24

Georgia Tech at Georgia
UGA salvages a forgettable season by destroying one of the weaker Georgia Tech teams we've seen in several years.  I hope A.J. Green enjoys his last game between the hedges....I will not miss you A.J.
Dawgs - 38
Bees - 13

Notre Dame at Southern Cal
Memo to Coach Kelly:  When you coached at Cincinnati U, you could hide players who sexually assaulted women who later went on to commit suicide. Local sports media were too busy covering that 3-ring circus called the Cincinnati Bengals to give a damn.  In South Bend that's not the case.  Losing to the worst USC team in over a decade...not good either. Wrongful death lawsuits...even worse.
Trojans - 20
Irish - 13

LSU at Arkansas
LSU and Les Miles really need their own TV's impossible to take your eyes away from these guys.  It's like watching a train wreck, but somehow the train manages to avoid danger at the last second by successfully jumping over a cliff and landing safely on the other side.  Someone much smarter than me recently said betting against LSU is like betting against fate.  Well, even fate is wrong every now and then.  For proof look no further than my first marriage.  Arkansas outscores LSU in the most entertaining game of the holiday weekend.
Hogs - 41
Cajuns - 38

Kentucky at Tennessee
Tennessee's record winning streak over Kentucky looked to be in serious jeopardy when the season started.  Now that Bray is locked in, look for the Vols to extend that streak for at least another 2 years.  Matt Simms should transfer to Blinn Junior College while he has some eligibility left.
Orange - 28
Blue - 17

South Carolina at Clemson
Back when the ole ball corch roamed the sidelines in Gainesville, he admitted to resting players against FSU so his Gators would be fresh for the SEC Championship Game.  This year you wonder if beating lowly Clemson registers on the radar in a season where South Carolina can make some real history.  Since forfeit isn't an option, expect South Carolina to look ahead, yet still squeak out a close road win before heading to the big game in Atlanta next week.
Cocks - 20
Tigers - 17

NC State at Maryland
Speaking of teams who've never been there before, NC State can win the ACC's Atlantic Division with a win over Maryland.  ACC Commissioner Josephus Billy Bob Swofford is giddy at the thought of NC State bringing 40,000 fans from nearby Raleigh to the ACC Championship Game....too bad he'll have to settle for 10,000 FSU fans instead.  NC State chokes away a golden opportunity that won't come their way again anytime soon.
Turtles - 33
Wolfpack - 14

Oklahoma at Oklahoma State
Ryan Broyles and Justin Blackmon duel it out for the Biletnikoff Award while both defenses take the day off.  Oklahoma State manages to win late on a long FG by their stud kicker.  Okie State and Nebraska play for the Big 12 title on ABC....75% of American households tune in to watch that armadillo special on Discovery Channel instead.
Cowboys - 45
Sooners - 42

Florida at Florida State
UF has no offense, no pass rush and spotty run support.  FSU leads the nation in sacks, and John Brantley involuntarily goes into the fetal position when an opposing defender gets within ten feet of him.  Florida's best all-around player Janoris Jenkins may not play due to a concussion, special teams demon Andre Debose is gimpy with an ankle injury and Jeff Demps will undergo surgery any day now to amputate his foot that got stepped on back in September.  Other than that UF is the best 4-loss team in America with a functioning retard as offensive coordinator.  Even though I don't think FSU is really all that good, UF really is that much worse.  All streaks come to an end, and it's about time the young offspring of my Nole friends got a chance to celebrate a Seminole victory for the first time in their lifetimes.
Noles - 24
Gators - 13

Arizona at Oregon
It doesn't seem right...Oregon is on their way to an undefeated season.  It's like Cleveland making the Super Bowl or Missouri winning the Big 12.  Even though Oregon looks like the best team in the country not named Auburn (for now), I'm not sold on them.  I'm not brave enough to pick against Oregon at home, but if the Ducks lose, just remember who almost called it.
Ducks - 21
Zona - 17

Boise State at Nevada
Ugh...this is Boise State's toughest game?  We're still supposed to take these guys seriously.  #19 Nevada? Really?  The last team from Nevada deserving to be ranked that high was coached by Jerry Tarkanian.
Broncos - 45
The Other Wolfpack - 20

And finally....

Auburn at Alabama
In 1992, by their count, Alabama won their 29th national championship.  The following year Auburn went undefeated, but wasn't eligible for the national title because they were on probation.  Before accepting the Alabama job, Nick Saban led LSU to a national title in 2003.  The following year Auburn went undefeated, but didn't play for the national title thanks to the BCS.  Auburn's only national title came in 1957, awarded by the Associated Press, in spite of the Tigers being on probation and ineligible for a bowl game that year.  

Given their history it's easy to understand Auburn's stance on this Cam Newton saga.  Win now, and take your chances later...who cares if the title gets vacated 3 years from now?  If Auburn loses, then it's just the football karma gods putting Auburn in their rightful place, looking up at Alabama.  It's college football's version of the Yankees and the Red Sox, only in this case the Red Sox haven't won anything meaningful since integration....and Auburn fans are nowhere near as obnoxious as Red Sox fans.

Alabama is an afterthought nationally, which suits Nick Saban just fine.  It's Senior Day in Tuscaloosa, which also applies to NFL-bound juniors Julio Jones and Mark Ingram.  Maybe I'm still shell-shocked from the last two Bama ass-whuppins, but I had Bama winning this game in September, and I still do now.  I expect another NFL-bound junior, Marquis Maze, to overshadow Ingram, Richardson, Jones and yes, even Cam Newton.  In fact, I expect Bama to win this game much easier than the experts think.

Roll Tide - 31
War Eagle - 20

Be good.

Friday, November 19, 2010

November 20th Picks

FCS powerhouse Appalachian State (in red) takes on Liberty Bowl-bound UF (in white) tomorrow.

Happy Friday everyone.

This week's matchups are about as stale as that Halloween candy you still have sitting around the house.  It's the week before Hate Week, when most teams mix in a second homecoming opponent before ending the season against their most bitter rival.  Sure there might be a couple games worth our time, but for the most part tomorrow's slate of games are straight up booty.


Appalachian State at Florida
See what I mean?  It's Senior Day in Gainesville, and as you might imagine plenty of tickets are available following last week's "effort" against South Carolina.  I'll be there, because this senior class deserves my support after bringing home two crystal trophies....and there's a good chance the Gators might actually win this game.
UF - 38
App - 10

Virginia Tech at Miami
Tech can wrap up the ACC Coastal Division title this weekend.  Since dropping their first two games, the Hokies are playing some of the best football outside of Eugene.  Miami's stuck in neutral, and will be until Randy Shannon moves's hoping he doesn't move on.
Hokies - 24
Canes - 13

Florida State at Maryland
The only drama or intrigue this game produced recently was whether or not Myron Rolle would make it back to College Park in time from his Rhodes Scholar interview.  Other than Oklahoma, you could argue FSU is playing great football and they've given away games they easily should have won.  You could also argue the ACC sucks, and FSU should never need field goals to beat lowly Clemson and North Carolina at home.  I think both arguments are true.
Noles - 30
Turtles - 14

Arkansas at Mississippi State
This is the SEC's best matchup tomorrow....again, booty.  This game could decide who gets the Cotton Bowl bid, but other than that it's about as meaningless as an Arkansas-Mississippi State game gets.  The Hogs have too much firepower, and they've proven to be pretty damn good on the road.
Hogs - 34
MSU - 20

Ohio State at Iowa
Perhaps the best game of the day on paper, but I think the Buckeyes have too many weapons offensively and too many athletes defensively for Iowa to defend its house.  Iowa's defensive front keeps the score low, but Ohio State takes this one.
Buckeyes - 19
Hawkeyes - 16

Tennessee at Vanderbilt
As if this is ever a home game for Vandy.  Tennessee found its mojo just in time to keep that winning streak alive against Kentucky next week.  I can't recall a worse Vandy team in my lifetime, so this game will prove to be nothing more than a tune-up.
Vols - 35
Dores - 6

Wisconsin at Michigan
The Badgers put up EIGHTY-THREE POINTS against Indiana last week. Wisconsin's basketball team rarely scores 83 points.  I slept though their boring 1st round NCAA tournament game against Wofford in Jacksonville back in March.  It's easy for an SEC homer like me to bash Wisconsin for being a bunch of slow, one-dimensional corn fed kids who can't hang with the big boys.  But it appears this year's team is for real.  Michigan's defense is downright horrific...and Wisconsin's offense is licking its chops.  If Rich Rod wasn't already on notice, this game will have fans screaming for Jim Harbaugh more than ever.
Badgers - 48
Meatchicken - 24

And finally....

Bethune-Cookman vs. Florida A&M - The Florida Classic
The only guaranteed sellout at the dilapidated Citrus Bowl, other than the recent Wrestlemania where Ric Flair officially retired (woo?), is THIS game....EVERY year.  The records don't matter, the SWAC or MEAC or whatever conference these teams play in don't matter.

As a young child my parents, both FAMU alums, would take me and my sister to this game when it was played in Tallahassee, in a devious attempt to brainwash us into becoming an FSU fans.  And it almost worked.  Usually this game conflicts with a UF home game, so I haven't been in years.

The marching bands are a bigger draw than the football, and the party got started here in Orlando around Tuesday afternoon.  I usually have to turn down family members who want a place to crash over the weekend, because like many of you, I have some family members who really don't need to know where I live.

All in all, while many of you could care less about this game, there's a nostalgia about this matchup that brings back some great childhood memories of spending time with family, while watching mediocre football and exceptional marching bands.


FAMU - 964
BCC - 7

Be good.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Bizarro Meyer/Addazio Press Conference

As if getting bent over by lowly South Carolina at home by 3 TDs wasn't bad enough, all season long Gator Nation has been subjected to even more painful Monday press conferences, featuring Urban Meyer and his mentally challenged offensive coordinator Steve Addazio.  It's clear Meyer and Addazio both think towing the company line is the way to go.....why air your dirty laundry, even if it's scattered all over your neighbor's lawn for the whole subdivision to see?

For this reason I think the media should take a reverse psychology angle and start asking questions that play directly into Meyer's and Addazi's rose petal and puppy dog kisses view of what is easily the worst UF team in a quarter century.

In a perfect world, the Mike Bianchis, Pat Dooleys and those of their ilk would ask questions like this....

(initiate dream sequence....)

Coach Meyer, that minus-10 yard pass Brantley threw to himself, was that a wrinkle you've been working on all year, or just this week?"

Corch! Corch! Over here...your plan to speed up the tempo by running the same shitty plays faster, do you think it succeeded in getting South Carolina the ball back faster, or is there room for improvement on just how fast you can give the ball back to your opponent?

Corch Addazi, when you sit there on the sideline with the offense after a hard fought 3-and-out, and you just sit there, not saying a word to the offensive line or skill players, does it frustrate you that they refuse to telepathically take in your innermost thoughts and dreams?

Corch Addazio. According to those folks that know you well, your work ethic is legendary and you spend countless hours per week drawing up your gameplan. I recognize there is only 24 hours in a day, but have you ever considered watching film of the other team's defense as part of your weekly preparation?

Coach Addazio, follow-up to that last you consider the fact that other coaches watch your team's game tape and therefore seem to predict exactly what you're going to do to be a form of cheating?

Corch Meyer!  Can you rub your belly and pat your head at the same time?

Corch Meyer Corch Meyer...we've heard some fans grumble because Andre Debose looks so good on special teams, and yet we don't get him involved in the offense. Have you considered just taking Debose off special teams, too, to quiet the fans down a bit?  And did you realize you're rubbing your chest, not your belly?

(dream sequence ends as my neighbor's dog starts barking at 5:30am)

If only the media had the balls to cut through Meyer and Addazio's bullshit....we can dream, can't we?

Thursday, November 11, 2010

November 13th Picks

Greetings football fans....this soap opera going on in Starkville, Auburn, and regrettably Gainesville has taken on a life of its own. The latest turn has the Mississippi State pimp Kenny Rogers claiming Cam Newton's father, the preacher pimp, originally made the "pay for play" demands of his son, the whore.  Taking it to what I like to call "the whole 'nother level", there's now a report claiming that some conversations were taped, including Newton's tearful confession to MSU coaches that he couldn't turn down Auburn because "the money was too great".

At no point during this ordeal have the Newtons come out and directly say, "We did not request payment for Cam to attend MSU or Auburn, nor did we receive payment from anyone during Cam's recruitment to Auburn."  And Auburn's leadership has been eerily silent while all of this plays out....oh, and there's those miraculous church renovations that kept Rev. Newton's church from being torn down.

NOW we find out Cam may have cheated on some tests during his stay at UF, which for starters makes you wonder why he didn't attend FSU instead.  This most recent development puts my alma mater directly into the cross-hairs of this train wreck.  The tinfoil hat delegation is convinced the evil, vindictive Urban Meyer has patiently waited to leak this story to the media after Newton left Meyer two years ago.  Nevermind leaking confidential student information is a violation of federal law.  Clearly Meyer is above the law and has more media influence than Oprah and Rupert Murdoch combined....and like most sinister types, he was born without a chin.

Hopefully this grease fire gets put under control, and soon.  A good start would be the Newtons fessing up.

On a personal note, this weekend promises to be quite historic for yours truly.  Saturday afternoon at 4:00 my sister's UCF hoops squad takes on the Lady Gators in Gainesville.  In case you're wondering, I will be wearing black and gold, cheering my head off for UCF to beat the snot out of my alma mater.  Of course two hours later I'll wearing orange and blue, sitting in my familiar cheap seats in Section 2 Row 7, cheering my head off for Florida to beat the snot out of South Carolina.

Live long enough and there's no telling who you wind up cheering for....or against....


Mississippi State at Alabama
Bama is one Auburn victory (which at some point will be vacated) away from having nothing to play for except a second Sugar Bowl bid in the past 3 years...not exactly what the Tide faithful had in mind when the season started.  Mississippi State on the other hand has their eyes on a New Years Day bid (Cotton Bowl perhaps).  Mississippi State also has the motivation of playing for their fallen teammate Nick Bell who recently lost his battle with cancer.  Noble cause indeed, but Bama is still Bama and they're playing at home.
Tide - 34
MSU - 13

Georgia at Auburn
Georgia coming to town is just what the doctor ordered for AU...not because UGA will be a pushover, but because the War Cheaters can finally focus on playing football.  It seems like Auburn's last football game was a year ago.  Don't expect the distractions to end anytime soon Tiger fans.  This whole Newton situation smells fishy, and you know it.  The home team wins as the evidence mounts.
AU - 32
UGA - 21

Oklahoma State at Texas
One team is 4-1 in the Big 12 South, ranked #10 in the country and has its sights on a BCS bowl.  The other team is Texas.  Sure Okie State is the Big 12's South Carolina, but this year Texas is the Big 12's Kentucky.  The Longhorns defense can't stop anyone, and Okie State can score like Coach E at a 1985 Bishop Kenny house party.  Too bad we didn't have iPhones back then....
Pokes - 31
Horns - 16

Ole Miss at Tennessee
This game is relevant for one reason.  Heralded tailback recruit Mike Bellamy is making an official visit to Knoxville this weekend.  Florida was never in the hunt for this kid, and it was reported Bellamy left the Florida-LSU game at halftime because he was "bored".  Clemson leads for Bellamy's services, and I need it to stay that way.  I don't need Tennessee or ANYONE in the SEC getting this kid.  He's the next C.J. Spiller.  I need Taylor Bray to play like a true freshman, and I need UT's offensive line to play like ass.  Considering Ole Miss is in town I'm probably asking too much.
Vols - 20
Rebel Bear Thingees -7

Penn State at Ohio State
Conference realignment can't come fast enough for the Big Ten, where we're headed for a 3-way tie between Ohio State, Wisconsin and Michigan State.  After head-to-head matchups, the next tiebreakers are penalty kicks and a 1,000 word essay on the Discovery Channel documentary, "The Armadillo: Nature's Little Tank". 
Buckeyes - 41
Lions - 14

Clemson at Florida State
It must be Week 11 of the college football season, because Christian Ponder is worn down to the point where he can't play.  You can almost set your watch by it.  Jimbo Fisher got his first taste of Wide Right last week, but I think E.J. Manuel manages the game well enough to beat your garden variety, mediocre Clemson team who recruits well every year, only to lose 4-5 games.  This will be one of them.  I've seen your future Mike Bellamy, and it involves Champs Sports Bowl bids and losses at home to Wake Forest and NC State.
Noles - 27
Tigers - 23

And finally......

South Carolina at Florida
Like clockwork, South Carolina's late season implosion is on.  You can set your watch by that too.  Only this season, for the first time since the SEC split into divisions, the East is garbage. 

The Gamecocks boast an excellent run defense and a forgettable pass defense, which is great for them because Florida's playbook doesn't have a pass play longer than 8 yards in it.  UF fans quick to jump on the Jordan Reed bandwagon need to be reminded of exactly who the Gators played last week...easily the worst Vanderbilt team in recent memory.  And unless UF shores up its offensive line issues, it won't matter who plays QB.

Marcus Lattimore is 100% healthy, and Alshon Jeffery can single-handedly turn Janoris Jenkins into a second day NFL draft pick.  A.J. Green has nothing on this kid.  For UF, Jeff Demps and Andre Debose are healthy too, so UF will have all of its weapons.  Sadly, Steve Addazio is also 100% healthy for this game.

Usually this is one of those reverse mojo games where I pick UF to lose, only to feel better when they win.  Screw that...The Swamp will be rocking, and Stephen Garcia will not disappoint the home fans, completing passing in stride all night to UF's talented secondary.  South Carolina does not win championships, not in Gainesville, regardless of who their coach is.

Gators - 27
Gamecocks - 21

Be good.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

November 6th Picks

The jury is out on that halo Cam....

Welcome to the post-cocktail hangover edition of the weekly picks, brought to you by Saltines brand crackers, Pepto Bismol, Five Guys Burgers and Fries, and those Chaser pills you buy at CVS before binge drinking on your adult beverage of choice.

There's HUGE news out of the Plains, and it involves college football's poster boy Cam Newton.  Word is he was sold to the highest bidder, who if this story is true, obviously turned out to be Auburn.  Tennessee and Mississippi State were also mentioned, and it's rumored that MSU coach Dan Mullen blew the whistle on Auburn after Cam's handlers made their asking price known.  Tennessee couldn't afford the alleged price because they're still paying Phil Fulmer's buyout, and they haven't received the bill from Bruce Pearl's legal defense team.

Now Cam is the son of a preacher man, and as the story goes the preacher man's church building was perilously close to being condemned, and at the 11th hour Pastor Newton recieved the necessary funds to save his church.  I've heard this story before, but it usually involves a local community center that's about to be demolished so an evil, greedy developer can build a strip mall.  Luckily the neighborhood teenagers threw together an impromptu break dance contest, attracting the best hip-hop dancers in town, and at the end of the day the kids raise enough cash, saving the day while dancing to the funky funky beat.

Personally I think Auburn is in deep trouble.  There's only one school in the state of Alabama that's allowed to buy its players without serious repercussions, and it's not Auburn....or Samford. 

The truth is out there.


Florida at Vanderbilt
I expect Florida to keep the momentum going after last week's big win in Jacksonville.  In addition to having our resident stalker Chris Rainey back in the fold, tailbacks Mike Gillislee and Emmanuel Moody are both coming back from injuries.  As far as Vandy goes, I hope SEC-TV mikes up their head coach before, during and after the game....I'm gonna miss that guy next season.
Gators - 30
Dores - 21

North Carolina at Florida State
Christian Ponder hasn't looked right all season, and this was before his late fumble at Raleigh last week.  The kid is a warrior, but he takes a pounding even though his offensive line is supposedly the team's strength.  Meanwhile, UNC is staring Southern Cal-like sanctions in the face.  Lucky for them it'll take the NCAA another 16 years to fully investigate all the illegal crap they did.  UNC has nothing to play for, and they'll play like it on Saturday
Noles - 28
Heels - 7

Arkansas at South Carolina
Two of the SEC's most talented and inconsistent QBs face off in Columbia.  The Gamecocks can lose this game and still win the East by knocking off my Gators next week.  Meanwhile Arkansas is playing for 2nd place in the West unless the planets line up.  I like South Carolina's defense against an erratic Ryan Mallett.  The Razorbacks' defense can't cover a baby with a beach blanket.
Cocks - 38
Hogs - 20

Arizona at Stanford
Arizona gets some key players back from injury for this game, but Stanford will be too much to handle at home.  Andrew Luck has made Jake Locker all but invisible in the PAC-10.  The smart kids win.
Cardinal - 41
'Zona - 28

Tennessee at Memphis
The Vols dip back into Conference USA for a much needed feel-good win.  By the end of the season Vol fans will wonder why this Bray kid wasn't named the starting QB sooner.
Vols - 27
Tigers - 10

Nebraska at Iowa State
Iowa State can't sneak up on anyone after pimp slapping Texas in their own house.  Nebraska will be ready, and Troy Polamalu's mini-me goes off for another 200+ yards on the ground. 
Huskers - 44
Cyclones - 17

TCU at Utah
This game came very close to getting the "And finally..." slot, but then I remembered no one really cares about these two teams, the conference they play in, or their supposed chances to make the BCS title game.  It's Texas Christian and Utah.  This game should be televised on ESPN6.  I might give a damn once Utah is in the PAC-10 and TCU accepts that Big 12 invite.  Until then...
Utah - 3
TCU - 2

Lamar at Georgia State
Lamar travels to Atlanta to play upstart Georgia State.  I bet Georgia State could field an entire team with dudes living in Atlanta named Lamar...and a competitive one at that.
GSU - 56
Lamar - 10

And finally....

Alabama at LSU
Historically Baton Rouge has been kind to Alabama.  Actually it's been kind to a lot of teams, but we'll let those wacky Cajuns think there's something magical about Death Valley.  Sure it's a cool venue, it's crazy loud and the crowd is nuts, but the truth is Bama feels right at home in Red Stick.

Defensively LSU matches up well against Bama, as they do against most teams.  LSU has a national championship caliber defense.  Offensively LSU is about as consistent as my stepdaughter's moods.

The smart money is on Bama, but I'm past the point of second guessing Les Miles.  Yes, he doesn't appear to be very smart, and he doesn't possess the clock management skills you want as your head coach.  But the guy just finds ways to win when he has no business doing so.  If LSU wins I won't be shocked, but Bama has too much on the line with very little margin of error left to make it to the big game(s).  A Crimson Tide loss makes the Iron Bowl virtually irrelevant....who wants that?

Roll - 23
Geaux - 20

Be good.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Coming soon.....

eViL (small black guy), Scottie Ray (large white guy) and friends.
Against my better judgment, I've given guest editing privileges to my second-favorite Alabama fan on the planet, Keith Edwards.  Lord knows if he'll ever show up here to brighten our day with his wisdom...worst case I'll owe John Buchanan fifty bucks if he doesn't.

For those of you who don't know Keith, I'll give you a little background.

He's a pimp....the end.

The eager staff at your Orlando Airport Hooters wouldn't take the time to make that sign if it wasn't true.

Keith....the floor is yours whenever you're ready....

Some LATE thoughts from this past weekend's action....

The word "irony" comes to mind.....
  • Between the pre-game and post-game tailgate, Baby Coach E wore Uncle eViL out this weekend.  I slept like a dead man Saturday, but not after running over an oversized raccoon on I-95 on the way back home to Orlando.  The left front quarter panel of my sweet sweet ride took on some damage....goodbye $500 deductible....
  • Yes, I know I had UGA crushing UF by 3 touchdowns.  If you actually bet money on the game based on my advice, my rich uncle in Nigeria would like your name, e-mail address and social security number so you can share in his fortune.
  • Who had Baylor winning the Big 12 South?  No one?  
  • Who has Scottie Ray drinking heavily?  Everyone?
  • If there's one coaching staff that should refrain from making the "choke" sign at a Florida player, it's Georgia's coaching staff.  Nice work Coach just gave UF added motivation to make sure we take UGA seriously next year.  Think of it as a poor man's 2007 end zone celebration.
  • Joakim Noah in a blue mumu thinks Cam Newton looked hot in in his Halloween fairy costume.
  • Speaking of hot....UGA's coeds >>> UF's the scoreboard just about every year, some things never change.
  • Similarly, UF's thugs >>> UGA's thugs....Chris Rainey single-handedly out-thugged Washaun Ealey, Caleb King, Tavarres King and the rest of UGA's thugs.
  • I wonder if Notre Dame misses fatass, frontbutt-having Charlie Weiss yet.

Friday, October 29, 2010

October 30th Picks


Happy Halloween everyone.  eViL G and Coach E are headed home to Jacksonville this weekend, and based on what's likely to happen at EverBank/Alltel/Gator Bowl Stadium, chances are we'll both relive and reopen some deep psychological childhood scars.  The good news is there's still plenty of Zoloft and scotch to go around, thanks to the generosity of our sponsors from Florida-Alabama weekend.

Luckily we have a handful of other games that actually matter, games the rest of the country will be paying more attention to than the abortion Coach E and I will be forced to sit through.  I haven't been this excited about a Florida-Georgia game since 1988.

Compounding my misery is the recent revelation that my darling stepdaughter is planning on moving to New Jersey to live with her boyfriend, which has mRs. eViL all in a tizzy.  The hormone level around this place is through the roof.  Thankfully I get some quality time with Coach E this weekend, and I plan on picking his brain all weekend on the finer points of negotiating marital relations while navigating a domestic minefield.....without having to remodel the master bathroom as a major concession.

Lastly our prayers go out the family of the Notre Dame manager who lost his life this week, and the kid from Rutgers recovering from that terrible spinal injury.


Tennessee at South Carolina
Derek Dooley flew his crazy flag last weekend, comparing his Vols to German armed forces during the attack on Pearl Harbor in Rome while David Hasslehoff was performing in Berlin with the Temptations.  Who knew?  You don't expect a guy with hair that perfect to go all Zookdazzio in front of the media.  This week his Vols will resemble France, and don't expect Darth Spurrier to let up once this thing gets out of hand.
Cocks - 40
Vols - 14

Michigan State at Iowa
It is God's will that no Big 10 team not named Ohio State will ever go undefeated.  It's right there in the Book of Revelations.  Sparty's had a good run, but when you factor in they needed a fluke fake FG to beat a Notre Dame squad who just got waxed by Navy....well now you understand why MSU's coach suffered that heart attack.  Mess with God's will and bad stuff happens.  Michigan State, you're eliminated.
Hawkeyes - 20
Sparty - 17

Missouri at Nebraska
It's Letdown Time in Lincoln.  All week Missouri's squad has been showered with the love and attention that only the finest Big 12 coeds can administer.  Now fellas, think about how motivated you are to do anything after one happy multiply that times a week...with a college kid's libido. I bet some of you fell asleep just thinking about it.  Nebraska ROLLS Mizzou tomorrow.  Book it....Missouri, you are also eliminated.
Huskers - 45
Tigers - 17

Auburn at Ole Miss
This is the sexy upset pick of the week.  Granted, Auburn needed some luck against Clemson and a late drive to fend off pesky Kentucky, but this team appears to be on a mission.  I think Bama eventually beats them in Tuscaloosa, but until then I expect Auburn to cruise through what's left of their conference schedule.  I must admit, the thought of an Auburn-Oregon BCS title game sounds pretty damn entertaining.
War Eagle - 37
Hoddy Toddy - 24

Oregon at Southern Cal
Speaking of Oregon, they look like the nation's best team, in spite of being smallish on defense.  They will STRUGGLE this weekend against the Trojans.  I have a feeling Oregon will teeter on the brink of elimination before pulling out a miracle finish they'll replay over and over again in Eugene for the next 20 years.
Ducks - 29
Trojans - 27

And finally...

Florida vs Georgia
Does this game deserve the coveted "And finally..." spot?  Probably not.  You have to go back over 30 years to find a Florida-Georgia game with both teams unranked.  I think Coach E and I were 6th graders at Holy Rosary Catholic School back then, most likely in trouble for making fun of Sister Mary Berna's moustache.

What's certain about this UF team is its complete and utter offensive incompetency.  You can hang your hat on that.  I don't care about Urban Meyer vowing to fix the offense, the fact is this UF team has easily one of the worst offensive coaching staffs in America...from Steve Addazio to running backs coach Stan Drayton to QB coach Scott Loeffler to offensive line coach Steve Addazio to wide receivers coach Zach Azzani to offensive coordinator Steve Addazio.  I think that's everyone.

The most telling thing about UF's offense (and coaches) is apparently it takes NFL-ready personnel like Aaron Hernandez, Percy Harvin, Riley Cooper, Louis Murphy and an all-timer like Tim Tebow to succeed.  Take away Harvin and Murphy, and the offense is merely average.  Take away Tebow, Cooper and Hernandez and the offense is downright dreadful.  Meanwhile Steve Spurrier took Chris Doering and made him the SEC's all-time leader in TD receptions. 

The UGA fans I know are cautiously optimistic, some downright paranoid about the possibility of losing to UF's worst team since Spurrier came back to Gainesville.  Personally I think UGA's last three wins were all smoke and mirrors...Tennessee, Kentucky and Vanderbilt aren't exactly elite teams.  But UGA will have the best player on the field tomorow in A.J. Green, and unlike UF, they run an offense that works more often than not.

When you factor in UF's defense losing its mojo recently, the pick is an easy one.  Mississippi State dared UF to stop them from running, and UF couldn't.  UGA will bring a more diverse attack, and quite frankly I'm expecting the worst.  Urban Meyer gets a pass this season, but his program is about to hit rock bottom...with South Carolina and FSU still left to play.

You gambling types out there....take UGA and lay the 3 points.  This is easy money.

UGA - 31
UF - 10

Be good.

Friday, October 22, 2010

October 23rd Picks

Happy Friday everyone.  Today's picks are brought to you by ABC Fine Wine and Spirits, Reese's Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter Cups and IcyHot medicated patches.

If you added a "What are" in from of this week's sponsors, you'd have the correct Jeopardy question to the answer "This is how eViL gets through the work week without taking a hostage at his real job."

Speaking of that real's calling out for me like right now....


Michigan State at Northwestern
ESPN's Mark Schlabach picked Northwestern to knock off No. 7 Michigan State tomorrow.  Mark Schlabach also smokes crack and molests llamas (allegedly).  The Fighting Wilbons are a respectable (and misleading) 5-1, laying waste to college football powerhouses like Rice, Illinois State, Vanderbilt (ugh) and Central Michigan.  Sparty is the first of at least three conference beatdowns for the Wildcats, as Michigan State makes a BCS case no one thought possible when the season started.
Sparty - 34
Wilbons - 7

Nebraska at Oklahoma State
Like Northwestern, Oklahoma State has been living a lie and will get exposed at home tomorrow.....but not as badly.  Nebraska's receivers literally dropped any chance Nebraska had of making it back to the national title game...they get it all corrected and squeak by on the road.
Cornboys - 24
Cowboys - 20

Wisconsin at Iowa
The match-up between Wisconsin's offensive line and Iowa's defensive line will be fun to watch...until Adrian Clayborn and company impose their will and stonewall John Clay and the talented freshman White.  On second thought I take that back.  Watching Iowa and Wisconsin play each other on Saturday is a lot like watching the Ravens play the Giants on Sunday....not exactly fun, but it's good background noise.  It holds your attention for about a quarter then you wind up doing yard work.
Hawkeyes - 23
Badgers - 14

Alabama at Tennessee
Bama continues their climb back in the BCS title hunt, while Keith Edwards cheers on Northwestern, Missouri and Air Force as though his life depended on it.  Bama didn't look all that great last week against Ole Miss, but raise your hand if you're ready to pick Tennessee to cover, let alone win this game.  That's what I thought.
Crimson - 28
Orange - 10

Oklahoma at Missouri
I know absolutely nothing about undefeated Missouri.  I know Oklahoma is talented but very young, and they've had a couple close calls already.  Aw what the hell...
Mizzou - 24
Sooners - 21

And finally....

LSU at Auburn
In hindsight I would have purchased a laptop for Cam Newton...a shiny new MacBook, or perhaps an HP Pavillion from Best Buy.  Now all I can do is wonder what could have been.

Auburn looks like the real deal, on one side of the ball at least.  If they had a real defense (like LSU), they'd be knocking on Atlanta's door.  As it stands now we all must wait patiently for the mother of all Iron Bowls next month.

Like Northwestern, Missouri and eventually Michigan State, LSU is living on borrowed time.  In spite of Les being Les, he's exceeded expectations so far this season, which means he'll likely be back next season.  That's enough to make any SEC fan not wearing purple feel good.

The bottom line is Cam Newton is a beast, and he's proven me wrong at every turn this season.  LSU's defense will be his toughest test to date.  It won't be easy and it won't be pretty, but Auburn marches on.

LSU, you're eliminated.

Plainsmen - 31
Cajuns - 27

Be good.