Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Even MORE Good News for Georgia Fans

Lost in the media's witch hunt a couple weeks ago over Urban Meyer's arrest total since coming to Gainesville, eViLG and Coach E have learned that UGA had another player arrested this past weekend, their 10th this year.  A backup linebacker from Orange Park, Florida was busted for underage drinking (gasp) and has since been kicked off the team under Richt's "zero tolerance" policy (wink wink).

UGA has had more players arrested than Florida (ditto for Penn State) over the past 6 years, but you'd never know it...and don't expect to hear about it.  I'd love to see Michael Wilbon spend the requisite one minute and thirty seconds on PTI ripping the UGA program, but we all know that's not going to happen.  Hell, seeing as how the kid is from a town just outside of Jacksonville, Wilbon will probably add it to UF's total.

The silver lining is UGA football fans can now take pride in beating UF at something.  In fact they're running up the score.

Random Musings on the Trouble in Athens

Okay Bulldog Nation, let's put this the current chaos emanating from Athens into perspective. Sadly, UGA is caught up in an avalanche of multiple negative things happening all at the same time. It's like quicksand, once you're caught in it, it is nearly impossible to get out.

You've got Damon Evans holding women's drawers & crying himself out of a job in Buckhead (bless his heart). You had a disaster of a DC in Willie Martinez run a legendary defense into the ground. Transitioning to a 3-4 defense is very difficult because now your linebackers have to be a lot more disciplined and from what I've seen, my son's pet rock is smarter than your whole linebacker corp. We all witnessed the basketball program jump off the mediocrity cliff into the valley of suck (although your new coach is killing it in recruiting).

From a football perspective, it seems to me that UGA has simply not maximized the recruiting window of opportunity they had when they were the pre-season number one team a few years back. Aside from Pay J. Green and Aaron Murray, UGA has whiffed on a lot of kids. The biggest misses have plauged the offensive line and defensive side of the ball with DL and secondary in particular. Dabo Swinney in Clemson has been out-recruiting UGA and a lot of schools have been poaching the Peach State for the past 3 years.

I agree with all the pundits that we need to see a new side of Mark Richt. Some of the prima donnas wearing the silver britches need to become acutely aware that they lack focus, desire, and discipline. Mark comes from the FSU family of non-discipline (e.g. Chuck Amato, Bobbeh Bowden, etc.) and it's blatantly obvious in games. When you combine lackluster recruiting with a lack of discipline, you get an 0-3 SEC record.

I'm still not willing to hang out Richt yet and call for his job. Luckily, you have some winnable games upcoming on the schedule (thank goodness for Colorado, Vanderbilt and Tennessee). With A.J. Green back, there is a reliable target for Murray to throw to and he will help open up other receivers. If you can improve the play of the offensive line. A mediocre bowl is still within reach. Make your reservations for Nashville or Shreveport.

Dead Man Barking?

Starkville, Mississippi is the only SEC venue Coach E and I have never visited.

Why?  Because Starkville, Mississippi is located in Starkville, Mississippi.

Starkville is where bad things happen.  It's where bad things happen to good teams, and it's where opposing coaches go to die.  Shane Matthews threw 5 INTs at Mississippi State back in 1992, only days after his mother passed away.  Steve Spurrier called for an intentional safety back when UF played in Starkville in 2000....on 3rd down.  Ron Zook met his fate in 2004 when UF lost to a Mississippi State team that lost to lowly 1-AA Maine.  Last year's concensus #1 UF team (before Bama sodomized them) barely left Starkville alive, thanks to Bizarro Tebow throwing not one but TWO pick-6s, and thanks to some timely assistance from the zebras on an obvious fumble that was called a touchdown.

Now UGA appears to have hit rock bottom, after visiting Starkville.  The Dawgs are 0-3 in the SEC for the first time in forever, and UGA is a Kentucky-like 2-7 in their last 9 conference games.  It's almost enough to make you feel sorry for them...almost... 

Now is not the time to crap the bed, let alone in Starkville.  Richt has a new boss, one who came from a culture of winning championships, a boss who also appears to be averse to driving drunk with red panties in his lap.  Richt already has losses to Spurrier and Urban Meyer's former right hand man....with Auburn, Florida, an improved Kentucky team and Georgia Tech left to play.  Yes I know Tech looks like hot garbage, but did you expect UGA to lose in Starkville?  Neither did I.

Mark Richt, the clock is ticking.

Kirby Smart, you might want to dust off that resume.

Stay tuned...

Friday, September 24, 2010

Coach E 9/25/2010 Picks

Coach E’s has finally found the strength and time to come out of self-imposed exile and rejoin the CFB community. Life has been crazy over the CFB off season. My 10 yr old son is getting huge and eats me out of house & home. My 4 yr old is a spoiled brat (but a cute one). My wife still plays Jedi like mind tricks on me to obtain whatever jewelry she wants and I’m about to embark on a bathroom remodel that will leave me flat broke. The Coach E Love Embargo still goes on strong but I just don’t care now that it’s football season and I have a FLO TV.

With no further delay, it is time to put out some investment advice for those of us who need to supplement our incomes in our robust economic environment where the fertile green shots that were talked about this spring have withered in the oppressive summer heat. It’s good to be back folks!

Moneymakers for Speculators (the weekend of away team covers)

UGA & MSU (-1)
Oftentimes, programs take a step back before they move forward. The 2010 Mississippi State Bulldogs are a textbook example of that phenomenon. Georgia’s move to the 3-4 and the creative blitz packages that go along with it prove to be enough to quell the murmurs in Athens for another week.

Georgia -21
Miss. State - 17

USC @ Wazzu (+22)
Some easy cash can be made on this one. The line opened at 23.5 and is now down to a reasonable 22. Media types have been questioning Lil’ Lane Kiffin’s motivational acumen given some lackluster Trojan performances this year. If there was a perfect time to get the hapless Cougars on your schedule, this is it. Men of Troy roll…

USC – 38
Wash. State - 10

Stanford @ Notre Dame (+4)
Bet any disposable income that you have that Jim Harbaugh lays down the thump on Brian Kelly in South Bend. Forget all talk about Jake Locker. The best QB in the PAC-10 if not all of college football is Andrew Luck.

Cardinal - 38
Irish - 17

NCSU @ Ga. Tech (-8.5)
NCSU loses the lead late due to the relentless pounding you take from defending the option and lack of defensive depth. However; 8.5 points is too much for the Yellowjackets to cover with a defense that as softer than Coach E without his Levitra.

Jackets – 31
Wolfpack - 27

Fresno State @ Ole Miss (-2)
It’s been awhile since Pat Hill has lived up to his giant killer image. And it’s usually speculating suicide to bet on a west coast team traveling east, but the Rebels/Admiral Akbars are ripe for another 2nd half collapse. I’ll take the Valley Boys to pull off the win.

Fresno State – 24
The Grove -17

Sucker Bets (Keep yo’ money in yo’ pocket games)

South Carolina @ Auburn (-2.5)
Gamecocks steal one in the Plains catching Auburn flat after last week’s slugfest with Clemson.

Gamecocks - 24
Tigers – 21

Alabama @ Arkansas (+7.5)
Nick Saban must be stopped. Too bad it won’t be this weekend.
Slammer Jammer – 24
Sooo-ieee – 10

WVU @ LSU (-10.5)
The line opened at 6.5 for LSU and Cajun cash rolled into sports book establishments across the nation. The line has ballooned up to 10.5 as I write this. I wouldn’t touch this game with a ten foot pole but this is the game to watch this weekend for entertainment value. We have a stark raving head coaching idiot on the home sideline matching wits against the nicest guy you’ll ever meet head coach of the visitors. LSU has superior athletes with distinct advantages on the defensive front seven and offensive line but something tells Coach E that the Mountaineers keep this one close because Jordan Jefferson downright stinks. LSU wins the field position battle and the game because Patrick Peterson makes a highlight reel play late, and West Virginia’s secondary will give up a couple of big plays to the speedy Tiger receivers.

Tigahs – 24
Eers - 17

Oregon State @ Boise State (-17)
Mike Riley never ever wins on the road and the Broncos are looking for style points to solidify their BCS position. This one gets ugly early in the 2nd half as Boise lays 50+ points on the Beavers.

BSU – 52
OSU – 24

Wake Forest @ Florida State (-20)
I hate garnet and gold. FSU wins easily because Wake has the 2nd worst defense in the ACC behind Duke. The days of LB Aaron Curry, LB Jon Abbate, CB Alphonso Smith, NG Boo Robinson, and S Patrick Ghee are distant memories no that the Deacons have decided to recruit character guys again. As a conference, the ACC is all sizzle & no dad-gum steak.

Noles - 41
Deacons - 14

Kentucky@ Florida (-14)
Florida’s offensive coordinator Steve Addazio has done nothing except underachieve & disappoint since assuming the role from current Miss. State head coach Dan Mullen. On paper, this contest should not be close, However; the anemic and inept play calling will allow the Wildcats to keep this one competitive late in the 4th quarter until Ahmad Black creates a turnover to dash the hopes of Joker Phillips.

Gators -27
Wildcats - 13

Be safe and be Human!
Coach E

Thursday, September 23, 2010

September 25th Picks

Welcome to Week Five of the college football season, brought to you by Southwest Airlines, Harris Teeter, and the Asheville Comfort Inn and Suites.  The award winning eViLG and Coach E traveling party made another successful road trip to Knoxville this past weekend, and we were treated to another fabulous tailgate hosted by my Vol buddy Tim and his wife Sharon.  Our good friend John Buchanan even stopped by to say hello. 

I’d like to personally thank the Tennessee ticket office for bringing me closer to God this weekend…literally.  My seats were at the top row of Neyland Stadium’s upper deck.  Michael Jackson, UGA VII, Bernie Mac and Jesus kept telling us to sit down so they could see.

That’s all I got this week, real life stuff is kicking my ass with a vengeance.


Georgia at Mississippi State
Mark Richt is catching all kinds of hell from Dawg fans, and as you might imagine I’m enjoying every minute of it.  Richt made his bones in the SEC East back when Ron Zook was ruining Florida and a seemingly uninterested Phil Fulmer was beginning to wear out his welcome in Knoxville.  Now his butt is squarely on the hot seat, with Florida, Auburn and Georgia Tech all left to play.  Mississippi State should have taken Auburn to overtime back in Week One, and every time I watch Dan Mullen’s team I harken back to a time when UF could actually pull off a big play or two on offense.   Can you imagine living in a world where UGA starts out 0-3 in conference play?  We can only dream….
Athens Bulldogs – 21
Starkville Bulldogs – 17

South Carolina at Auburn
We saw the best and worst of Cam Newton last week against Clemson.  The first half he looked like ass, just like the kid I remember stinking up the Orange and Blue spring game a few years ago, the same kid who couldn’t beat out Johnny Brantley for the honor of being Tim Tebow’s backup in 2008.  The second half he looked like Vince Young in the Rose Bowl.  Expect more of the same Auburn faithful…this kid is the walking definition of inconsistent, and he’s going to drive you crazy.  Stephen Garcia’s been driving Steve Spurrier crazy for over three years now, but the proverbial light bulb may have finally come on.  The Gamecocks make a major statement down on the Plains.  Keith Edwards rejoices.
Cocks – 33
Tigers – 27

Oregon State at Boise State
ESPN says this is a big game, so against my better judgment I’m including this battle of super awesome traditional college football powerhouses in the weekly picks.  Are we to believe that by beating the mighty Oregon State Beavers, Boise State belongs in the national title conversation?  Child please…..nothing short of 28-point beatdown will get my attention. 
Broncos – 31
Beavers – 27

Kentucky at Florida
ESPN’s Mark May thinks Kentucky will win this game.  Kentucky thinks Kentucky will win this game.  Florida’s offense continues to underwhelm, and the defense plays brilliantly long enough to allow a big play thanks to blown coverage in the secondary.  If Florida was a high school team, Jeff Demps might be our only D-1 prospect.  I refuse to pick Kentucky, but don’t be surprised if the unthinkable happens.
Orange and Blue – 27
Just Blue - 23

Stanford at Notre Dame
Stanford is the best team in the PAC-10, and they will absolutely murderize Notre Dame in their own house.  Yes, I said murderize…don’t judge.  Stanford’s QB gets no Heisman love because the left coast media hacks enjoy slurping Jake Locker for some reason, but this Luck kid can flat out play.  Jim Harbaugh might be the most underrated coach in the country.  I don’t want to see this guy anywhere near the Southeastern Conference, unless of course he’s named the new Florida coach after next week’s Bama massacre causes Urban Meyer’s heart to explode on national television.  Stanford is for real folks.
Cardinal – 38
Irish – 17

Wake Forest at Florida State
FSU gets another tune up before the Hurricanes come calling.  Wake will offer a little more resistance than the Mormons did last week, but this isn’t the same Wake Forest that owned FSU from 2006-2008.
Noles – 27
Deacs – 9

West Virginia at LSU
One team is coached by Ned Flanders from the Simpsons, the other is coached by Coach McGirk from Home Movies.  If you’ve never seen Home Movies on Adult Swim, shame on you.  LSU rarely loses big home games, especailly at night, and West Virginia rarely wins big games, ever.  Hell they should have lost to Marshall a few weeks ago.
LSU – 23
WVU – 14

And finally….

Alabama at Arkansas
Arkansas was cruising against Georgia until they fell asleep, while Bama had the Duke game in cruise control before the first quarter ended.  Ryan Mallett had a mini-Heisman moment last week, but he steps up in weight class on Saturday.   Much has been said about Bama’s defense replacing 9 starters, but the majority of these new guys are upperclassmen who got plenty of playing time last year. 

Arkansas has no answers for Bama’s offense.  I’m struggling to think of anyone in college football does.  Alabama might be the best college football team since the 2001 Miami Hurricanes.

God help us all.

Tide – 36
Hogs – 21

Be good.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

September 18th Picks

Welcome to Week Four of the weekly picks, brought to you by TV Azteca and the Heisman Memorial Trust.  The matchups this week aren’t nearly as interesting or intriguing as last week, but there’s been plenty of news off the field to keep things lively. 
Reggie Bush channeled his inner Pete Rose, coming clean with his misdeeds a mere 5 years after initially proclaiming his innocence.   In spite of how great you were at USC, I can’t give you a pass on this Reggie...giving back something you didn’t deserve before it gets taken away isn’t noble.  What IS noble is Reggie voluntarily dealing with that attention whore Kim Kardashian.  Her maintenance meter is perpetually stuck on “H”, she takes WAY too many pictures of herself and she makes really bad sex tapes.  It’s not a stretch to suggest that KK’s hips will need their own zip code by 2013, at which point Reggie will probably give her back too.
Speaking of attention whores, this Mexican reporter suing the New York Jets is pissing me off too.  Yes, she’s beautiful and fun to look at.  But you shouldn’t be allowed to sue professional football teams because you’re beautiful and fun to look at, if for no other reason you’re only relevant because you’re beautiful fun to look at.  It’s like a john suing a whorehouse claiming he didn’t feel loved.
Finally, what would Florida-Tennessee week be without a little off the field drama?  Chris Rainey is suspended indefinitely…which means he’ll miss the Tennessee and Appalachian State games…for felony stalking.  As the story goes, Chris sent a text to his girlfriend that read “Time to die”.  
I have two theories as to why I think this is all one big misunderstanding.  I think it’s possible that once the authorities take a look at Rainey’s cell phone, they’ll discover the text message immediately preceding the so-called threat read “A time to be born and…”.  The next two text messages read “A time to plant”, followed by “A time to reap”.  Everyone knows Chris Rainey is a huge fan of The Byrds, and the biblical undertones clearly point to a Tebowesque influence.
I also think it’s possible Rainey was merely attempting to be a good, helpful boyfriend.  By now you may have seen pictures of this gal on something called “Facebook”.  I think Chris was concerned about his woman binging on Hagen Daaz, cheese steaks and sausage biscuits, but his “Time to diet” text message was mistakenly autocorrected by his iPhone. 
The truth is out there.
Brigham Young at Florida State
BYU is a welcome sight for FSU.  What better way to shake off a nationally televised beatdown than by laying the smack down on a bunch of slow, unathletic Mormons?  I predict Christian Ponder throws for 300 yards and Greg Reid returns a punt to the house, but not before whiffing on no fewer than three open field tackles.   FSU shakes off their OU hangover by winning a shootout in front of 25,000 empty seats at Doak.
Noles – 41
BYU – 31

Alabama at Duke
Who says SEC schools don’t schedule tough out of conference road games?  Okay maybe they don’t.  Duke loves to pass the football, and at times they’ll test Bama’s green secondary with a wide open offense that Steve Addazio couldn’t begin to comprehend.  Meanwhile Bama will test Duke in all phases of the game.  In spite of having some of the brightest minds in all of intercollegiate athletics, Duke will fail miserably.  Duke gave up 50+ points to Wake Forest.  Mark Ingram is back even though he won’t be needed.
Tide – 49
Devils - 17

Mississippi State at LSU
Mississippi State should have beaten Auburn a few weeks back, and it’s clear Dan Mullen has the SEC’s "other" Bulldogs on the right track.  Les Miles on the other hand is VERY close to wearing out his welcome in Baton Rouge.   That said I think LSU has too much talent to cancel out the Gump-like IQ of their coach.  But don’t be surprised if he finds a way to turn a blowout into a close game, or a close game into an upset.
LSU – 24
MSU - 21

Arkansas at Georgia
Speaking of wearing out your welcome, Mark Richt is in a MUST win situation this weekend after a sloppy loss to Spurrier’s Cocks.  UGA can kiss the SEC East goodbye with another loss this week. Everyone was gushing over Arkansas and Ryan Mallett before the season started, and I think he’ll have his way with an emotionally fragile UGA team….until UGA realizes they still have Florida and Auburn left to play.  Houston Nutt channels his inner Les Miles and chokes this one away.
Dawgs – 28
Hawgs - 24

Arizona State at Wisconsin
Cute, tanned coeds vs. cheese-fed pasty coeds.  That’s about all I know (or care) about either of these schools. 
Badgers – 24
Sun Devils – 14

Iowa at Arizona
See Arizona State at Wisconsin, but substitute corn for cheese.
Iowa – 34
Arizona – 16

Clemson at Auburn
These two schools are mirror images of each other.  Their school colors are about the same, and both schools have a loyal fan following.  They have the same boring mascot.  Both schools aren’t quite an afterthought nationally, but they’re pretty damn close in spite of sending plenty of kids to the NFL.  It seems like both teams finish somewhere around 8-4 every season.  Both schools would rather beat their in-state rival than win the conference title…as if they have a choice.  What better way to settle this game than a couple overtime periods, right?  Wrong.
SEC Tigers – 35
ACC Tigers – 14

Texas at Texas Tech
This matchup doesn’t have the same national profile it did two years ago, and Texas hasn’t really looked like Texas yet.  Can Tuberville take advantage?  Probably not.
Horns – 27
Red Raiders - 10

And finally….

Florida at Tennessee
This matchup doesn’t have the national profile it did over a decade ago, but that’s not stopping eViL G and Coach E from making yet another trip to Knoxville.  It’s by far our favorite road trip in the SEC, and there’s nothing better than heading directly into hostile territory knowing you SHOULD win.  Sensing my optimism about UF’s chances, the Tennessee ticket office did its best wet blanket imitation, sticking us 30 rows up in Neyland’s upper deck.  I’m considering leaving my binoculars at home and packing a telescope instead, and I’m retaining the services of a Sherpa.

Much has been made about the Chris Rainey arrest, and he will be missed…primarily on special teams.  Rainey was Florida’s best return man, and he’s good for blocking a punt every now and then.  Offensively Rainey is expendable, especially when you consider UF’s offense has looked its best operating out of the I-formation with a 250lb TE instead of a 180lb slot receiver. 

Florida’s defense has been solid, but not great.  Seeing as how Tennessee’s weakness offensively (passing game) is Florida strength (secondary), I expect Tauren Poole to carry the ball early and often.  I’m not sold on Tennessee’s QB, in spite of his bloodlines.  I do expect UT to have success running the ball early.

Can Tennessee win this game?  Sure they can, but they’ll need some help.   At the end of the day I think Florida’s defense is good enough to shut down a Tennessee offense that isn’t quite ready for prime time.   Florida’s offensive line is finally healthy, and while everyone is expecting a big game out of Jeff Demps, some kid named Gillislee winds up stealing the show in the second half.

Gators – 31
Vols – 20

Be good.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Things We Learned This Weekend

Only two weeks in, the sucktitude of my weekly picks has already reached mid-season form.

FSU's defense still can't stop a nosebleed. Greg Reid is easily the biggest playmaker in all of college football. The problem is he makes plays for both teams.

Virginia Tech giveth to Boise State, Virginia Tech taketh away from Boise State.....and there was light, or something.

The ninth circle of hell is 15 degrees cooler than it was in Gainesville this past Saturday. (Spare me the "Gainesville IS hell" comments from the peanut gallery...I know they're coming.)

I must remember to pack a telescope this weekend. My seats in Neyland are 30 rows up in the upper deck.

Mark Richt could very well lose his job after his season.  Kirby Smart, how YOU doin?

By the time you've read this far, Jeff Demps ran from Gainesville to Key West and back.

Tennessee fans are looking forward to basketball season for as long as Bruce Pearl remains employed. Kentucky head coach John Calipari doesn't think Bruce has anything to worry about.

The Heisman campaign of Jacory Harris is officially dead, but not all is lost.  Sources tell me he's a finalist to play JJ in a movie remake of Good Times.

The Los Angeles Clippers think ACC Football is an inferior product.

I got the feeling Bama really wasn't trying all that hard to beat Penn State.

Friday, September 10, 2010

September 11 Picks

Welcome to Week Two of the weekly picks, brought to you by the Dove World Outreach Center located in beautiful Gainesville, Florida.  We've got a slew of juicy matchups tomorrow, none more anticipated than the battle between the idiot Alachua County preacher and common sense.  As if we Gator fans don't have enough to be concerned with on the field without the possibility of jihad breaking loose outside The Swamp.

The latest twist to this so-called "news story" has the idiot preacher reconsidering his little publicity stunt IF somehow the proposed mosque near Ground Zero is relocated elsewhere. According to this morning's Orlando Sentinel, the preacher man is headed to New York City this weekend to meet with Muslim leaders...because if anyone can convince New York City Muslims what to do with their vast real estate holdings, it's a hack preacher from Gainesville.

Now I've been a recovering Catholic for nearly two decades, so my faith isn't exactly where it should be, especially for someone my age. But I'm all about solving problems, so my solution to all this madness is simple. This Ground Zero mosque, Muslim community center or whatever you want to call it...if you want to force their hand on relocating, just open a BBQ pork chop joint next door and a strip club across the street.  Problem solved. 

Baby back ribs and table dances in the name of Allah...does it get any better?


Florida State at Oklahoma
This might be the best of the so-called great matchups this weekend. FSU looked like world-beaters beating up on a 1-AA team not named Jacksonville State, while Oklahoma paid tribute to FSU's 2009 defense by giving up nearly 500 yards to lowly Utah State. Historically Oklahoma owns FSU. Few people know this but I grew up a huge FSU fan, and as a youngster I attended both of FSU's Orange Bowl losses to Oklahoma in the late 70s. If only I could be there in Norman to watch the Noles lose to Oklahoma again...but since I won't...
FSU - 24
OU - 16

Oregon at Tennessee
Week #2 of the Derek Dooley Experience brings a legit PAC-10 team to Knoxville.  Tennessee's had problems with mediocre PAC-10 teams coming to Knoxville recently, let alone the defending PAC-10 champs.  Oregon looked great last week pummeling New Mexico (whose coach is about as stable as Courney Love hopped up on Red Bull and meth), and Tennessee took care of business.  The good folks over at Volnation.com are still playing the doom and gloom card, and it's justified this week.  I think Oregon has too much offense, and Tennessee doesn't have enough.  The Vols will eventually find their way this season, but until then...
Ducks - 24
Vols - 17

Michigan at Notre Dame
Michigan looked great last week, and it appears they have the athletic, dual threat QB Rich Rod has been searching for....a brother with dreadlocks named Denard, who bears a striking resemblance to the Appalachian State QB who ran circles around Big Blue 3 years ago.  Notre Dame looks like your typical serviceable Midwest team, possibly the 3rd or 4th best team in Big 10 if they ever had the balls to join. I think their new coach will get ND back to the BCS, but not this season.  However they will upset Michigan tomorrow.
Irish - 20
Michigan - 17

South Florida at Florida
Never in the history of Florida football has a 22-point win caused so much pain for Gator Nation. USF, located where few geography experts consider to be South Florida, has a knack for playing giant killer on the road.  Last year it was FSU, and a couple years ago the Bulls knocked off Auburn.  USF's QB is reminiscent of Michael Vick, minus the herpes, illegal dog fighting operation and celebratory birthday gunplay.  UF's warts were exposed for the world to see, and just like last week I have no idea what to expect.  The center exchange issues will get worked out.  I'm not so sure our offense can overcome its coordinator who appears to be over his head.  No way Florida loses this game right?
Bulls - 24
Crocs - 23

Penn State at Alabama
This promises to be the least competitive of the so-called great matchups this weekend. The big, slow plodding Big 10 team travels down to SEC country?  Come on...Penn State starts a true freshman at QB, and I'm predicting by the 2nd quarter his white pants will have some fresh new yellow and brown stains.  Expect Trent Richardson to run over, around and through Penn State's defense, kicking off a Heisman campaign of his own.  Bama makes a huge statement tomorrow.
Boring Red Uniforms - 44
Boring Blue Uniforms - 10

Georgia at South Carolina
I know it's early, but based on what I've seen so far Stephen Garcia looks like the best QB in the Southeastern Conference.  That's right I said it.  UGA is without its best player, who was only trying to get his hustle on by selling a few game jerseys on eBay.  I admire A.J. Green's entreprenurial spirit, but you have to be a little more stealth when breaking NCAA rules....isn't that right Mike Pouncey??  Speaking of the NCAA, South Carolina received an official letter of inquiry from the Death Star, which can only mean one thing...the Gamecocks have cheated long enough to make a serious run at the SEC Eastern Division title.
Cocks - 27
Dawgs - 14

And finally....

Miami at Ohio State

Hurricane fans STILL have their panties in a bunch over the 2003 Fiesta Bowl, and for good reason. They haven't been relevant nationally since then....and yes, that pass interference call was one of the worst I've ever seen.  If I'm defending Miami, you know it was bad.

Fast forward 7 years and Miami has yet to win the lowly ACC, yet we're supposed to believe all the bandwagon riding, gold chain having, house arrest bracelet wearing Hurricane fans who swear that THIS is the year "Da U" returns to the national limelight.  Yes Miami returns a core group of exceptional athletes, but they're still led by Black Les Miles.  A good start would be mastering the ACC Coastal Division. 

Ohio State is stuggling to be taken seriously outside the Midwest, after getting bent over repeatedly on college football's biggest stage by the likes of Florida, LSU and Texas. Sure they beat Oregon in the Rose Bowl last year, in a game that meant virtually nothing.  Oregon is the west coast's version of Virginia Tech.

That said, I think Terrelle Pryor will be in NYC for the Heisman ceremony, and the Buckeyes return too much thump on defense for Miami to handle.  People, this is the same Miami team that lost to WISCONSIN.  We're supposed to believe they're ready to knock off Ohio State at the horseshoe?  Not likely....

Buckeyes - 30
Canes - 17

Be good.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Some Thoughts From The Weekend....

In no particular order....

  • Let's handle the bad stuff first...in my 30+ years of watching the Gators play intercollegiate varsity football, I've never seen as pathetic an offensive performance as this past Saturday.  Steve Addazio, you are the worst offensive coordinator on the planet not named Mike Shula.  Twenty-six yards of total offense after three quarters?  Fix that shit NOW!!

  • Les Miles might be both the dumbest and luckiest man on the planet. 

    • I'd like to thank Jacksonville State for keeping my Gators from being the lead story on SportsCenter.

    • Scanning the box scores on ESPN.com, it appeared that every major FBS program decided to get its homecoming game out of the way early.

    • Someone please stop Nike before they ruin everything I love about college football.  The only thing missing from Virginia Tech's uniforms last night was the ability to transform into Optimus Prime and Megatron....and perhaps the ability to stop simple running plays up the middle.

    • Speaking of Virginia Tech, for anyone who questions why we watch college football instead of the NFL, I hope you all saw the Hokies pre-game entrance to Metallica's "Enter the Sandman" last night.  I haven't seen a crowd react like that since the Oprah gave away all that stuff on her show. 

    • Boise State, I'm still not impressed.  Chances are I won't be even if you do run the table.  The next time Virginia Tech wins a game with any sort of national significance will be the first time.

    • Michigan looks much improved from last season.  I'm not sure if Notre Dame has enough speed to keep up this week.

    • Tennessee and Florida are on notice this week.  Oregon is that good and I fear Florida's offense really is that bad. 

    That's it for now...

    Friday, September 3, 2010

    September 4 Picks

    Welcome to Week One of the now infamous weekly college football picks, brought to you by Chatroulette, Twitter, Facebook and any other popular method of letting everyone know what you’re doing at any given point in time, no matter how disturbing. Brandon Spikes, I’m looking at you….and I’m shocked, disappointed, yet impressed all at the same time. What do you feed that thing?

    Anyway, I’d like to thank the good people at Blogger for allowing me to take our little football forum to the nether reaches of the internet. And I’d like to thank my loyal followers…all both of you. I’m still trying to figure out how to get editing privileges for multiple users (if it’s even possible), so in the meantime just use the comment feature to be heard.

    You know what time it is…..


    Tennessee-Martin at Tennessee
    I’ve been working undercover during the off-season, moonlighting as an annoying rival poster over on the VolNation.com message board. Now I fully realize that the good people over at VolNation.com aren’t representative of all Tennessee fans, but the overwhelming sentiment there seems to be gloom and doom following the departure of Lane Kiffin. I liken it to a girl who just got dumped by her playboy boyfriend, after all of her friends (and enemies) tried to tell her what a scumbag the guys was. Now she’s dating a “nice guy” who will never be a millionaire or bold enough to keep the lights on during sex. But from all appearances his heart is in the right place, and he’d never intentionally do anything to hurt you. The obvious issue with all this is, and we’ve seen it play out many times, the girl eventually gets bored with the boy scout even though the poor guy was just doing the best he could. We’re probably a couple years away from a break-up, so in the meantime Vol fans I hope you enjoy going to the bowling alley on date night, Kenny G concerts and the missionary position with the lights off.
    Vols – 34
    UTM - 3

    Miami (OH) at Florida
    Who says the Gators are afraid to play Miami? Hell, they even scheduled Miami the year AFTER Tebow leaves. I won’t spend too much time on this game because the matchup doesn’t deserve it, but I’m really looking forward to watching John Brantley make every other Gator fan forget about Tim Tebow as much as I have. I’ve turned the page Gator Nation….it’s time for you to do the same.
    Gators – 45
    Ben Rapelisberger U. - 7

    Purdue at Notre Dame
    It doesn’t matter who the coach at Notre Dame is…..this recovering Catholic hopes they lose just enough games to still be eligible for a BCS bowl, where they inevitably get curb stomped by a team that actually deserves to be in a BCS bowl. Beating an overrated Big 10 team is a good enough start.
    Irish – 24
    Boliermakers - 14

    Louisiana-Lafayette at Georgia
    It’s to the point now where Mark Richt has to dive 30+ feet, full dressed, into a swimming pool to get any sort of publicity. It doesn’t help matters when your AD gets busted deep in enemy territory with a young hoochie, drunk off his ass. In spite of this and other off the field transgressions that don’t involve the head (tee hee hee) of their athletic department, the Dawgs are the sexy pick to dethrone UF in the East. We’ll know just how sexy a pick that is once South Carolina comes calling. Until then…
    UGA – 31
    ULL – 14

    Texas at Rice
    I love me some Scottie Ray, and on a certain level I fear Scottie Ray. For those of you who don’t know Scottie, he’s a huge Texas fan who just so happens to be like an 11th degree black belt, in addition to standing somewhere around 6-4. What I’m trying to say is, Scottie is to our little football forum what Texas is to what’s left of the Big 12. If Scottie really wanted to make us all his bitch, pretty much all he’d have to do is ask. Texas showed the nation its pimp hand, cutting loose a couple of bitches, making the remaining nine work to cover their shifts, while taking in the lion’s share of the cash. Who said pimpin’ wasn’t easy?
    Texas – 52
    Rice – 10

    San Jose State at Alabama
    Speaking of pimps, I had a wonderful conversation with everyone’s favorite pimp and second-favorite Alabama fan Keith Edwards. He has a cautious optimism about the Tide’s title chances, and that’s good. Last year was the least amount of fun I’ve ever had following my alma mater, in spite of a 13-1 record and BCS bowl win. Keith is not buying into all the hype. Personally I think he should. Bama is loaded and deep on offense, and for all the concerns over the losses on defense, the majority of new guys have plenty of talent and experience. I’d also like to give a shout out to my favorite Alabama fan on the planet Garland Harwell, who makes up 50% of my followers on Blogger.
    Tide – 35
    SJSU – 17

    LSU vs. North Carolina
    This had the makings of a great matchup, until UNC went all Jerry Tarkanian with the NCAA rule book. As it stands now, UNC has to replace half its defense, and its offense was never anything to write home about. Even Les Miles can’t screw this up…..right?
    LSU – 23
    UNC – 14

    Samford at Florida State
    Bobby Bowden is gone, although you’d never know with all the publicity he’s been doing lately. We get it Bobby, you wanted to stay one more year so you could let your assistants do all the heavy lifting. What’s clear since his departure is Jimbo Fisher is recruiting his ass off. The question is whether or not FSU can stop anyone. This week it won’t matter.
    Noles – 56
    Fred G. Samford - 3

    And finally….

    Virginia Tech vs. Boise State
    Count me in the camp who thinks Boise State is all sizzle and no steak. They play no one, and that includes Virginia Tech. They beat no one, and that includes an underachieving Oregon program last year and an Oklahoma program who really didn’t give a shit in the Fiesta Bowl a few years back. Call me an elitist, SEC-loving, ACC-hating homer, but that’s how I feel. You need to beat someone other than a single Top 15 program to get a place at the big boy table. That said….
    Boise State – 17
    Virginia Tech – 16

    Be good…