Thursday, December 1, 2011

eViL G's Championship Week Picks


I'll take "Things You Won't See Again For A Long, Long Time" for $800, Alex.....

Greetings from Orlando, and welcome to Championship Week.

I didn't get a chance to post my Sunday Morning Hangover segment this week, and that's my bad because there was all sorts of news flying around.  This much is certain, Urban Meyer will headline my Hate Week 2012 picks next year.  Speaking of Hate Week, I'd like to introduce my latest follower, Arkansas head coach Bobby Petrino, who was no doubt inspired by my words...so much so he decided to share them with Les Miles.


My Gators and FSU played easily the worst game in the history of the UF-FSU series.  It's only fitting considering both teams had absolutely nothing to play for.  That may as well have been Ball State going at it with Charleston Southern out there.  Mike Shula thinks UF's offense is too conservative and predictable.  Meanwhile, in spite of his season-long regression, E.J. Manuel is still Desmond Howard's pick to win the Heisman Trophy.

That's all I got...time to do some real work....


PICKS!!!


Oklahoma at Oklahoma State
Not too long ago, Bedlam looked to be one half of the national championship picture...the half that gets pounded by the SEC school.  Then Oklahoma lost at home to Texas Tech, Ryan Broyles blew out his knee, Okie State lost to Pop's alma mater, followed by the Sooners losing at Baylor.  Oklahoma is dinged up and can't stop anyone from scoring, while Okie State can score on just about anyone not named LSU or Alabama.  Throw in an emotional Senior Day for Oklahoma State's Brandon Weeden, his three children and six grandchildren, and this pick is a no brainer.
Pokes - 38
Sooners - 24


PAC-12 Championship Game
UCLA at Oregon
This is NOT what the PAC-12 had in mind...a 6-6 UCLA team led by a lame duck head coach heading to Duckland to get their shit pushed in at the inagural championship game.  Oregon might score 70, and their mascot's arms could fall off from doing a bazillion push-ups.  Until Southern Cal comes off probation, this game will continue to be lopsided.
Oregon - 68.9
UCLA - 10


A She She Championship Game
Virginia Tech vs. Clemson
You know Christmas is just around the corner...Virginia Tech is ranked in the Top 10 in spite of not beating anyone worth a damn, and Clemson loses 3 out of their last 4 games.  Some things never change.  Clemson beat the snot out of Tech in Blacksburg earlier this year, but that was before Clemson realized they were in fact Clemson.  The good news for the A She She is these two teams travel well, so  chances are the ratio of breathing human beings to empty seats will be slightly higher than 1:1.
Hokie Hoke Hokie Hi - 23
We are Clemson -  14


Big 10 Championship Game
Michigan State vs. Wisconsin
This is the 2nd most anticipated rematch in college football.  Wisconsin is a couple last second miracles from stamping their ticket to New Orleans, while Michigan State is out to prove the first game's ending wasn't a fluke.  Memo to Michigan State: That first game was a fluke, and now you have Wisconsin's full attention.  Badgers win, and Montee Ball has a good enough game to get invited to New York City to watch Trent Richardson win Bama's second Heisman Trophy in 3 years.
Badgers - 24
Sparty - 20


and finally...


SEC Championship Game
Georgia vs. LSU
Talking heads at ESPN and CBS Sports are doing their damndest to convince us that Georgia has a chance to throw the ultimate monkey wrench into the BCS.  Georgia's defensive stats are bogus because they didn't play Bama, LSU or Arkansas.  Georgia's offensive stats are misleading because they didn't play LSU or Bama.  But they've won 10 straight games...all against unranked teams.  UGA lost to the only ranked teams they played this season, Boise State and South Carolina.

Meanwhile LSU won on the road (okay, a neutral site) against Oregon, at West Virginia and AT Alabama.  LSU's defense has no weaknesses, and their offense wears you down like a timeshare salesman.  LSU has wins against the #2, #8 and #9 teams in the country.  UGA beat the worst Florida Gator team in over 30 years by 4 points.

LSU-Bama II is a foregone conclusion.  Georgia's pain is my joy.

Geaux Tigers - 36
Hunker Down - 14


Be good.
eG


Tuesday, November 22, 2011

eViL G's Hate Week 2011 Picks

Consider yourselves warned...


Greetings everyone.  I'm wishing you all a safe and happy Thanksgiving weekend with friends, family and loved ones.  Please travel safe and take some time to reflect on all the things we are truly blessed and thankful for in our lives.


(eViL G is reflecting...please hold...)


Alright, we got that out of the way, so let's talk about something we can all identify with...good old-fashioned hatred.  I'll begin, and I'm apologizing up front to my mother, because Hate Week brings out the worst in her baby boy.

Welcome to Hate Week
I hate Lebron James.  I hate Lebron James as much if not more than I hate Georgia's football team.  I hated Lebron when he played for Cleveland.  His Cavs lost the Eastern Conference Finals to my beloved Orlando Magic, and Bron Bron couldn't bring himself to shake hands with or acknowledge his opponent.  Bron went straight up Isaiah Thomas and walked off the court like a little bitch.  I hate that just about everyone hates Lebron James now when I hated him four years ago....I HATED HIM FIRST DAMMIT!!  I hated him before The Decision, I hated him before that stupid Miami Dream Team pep rally.  Truth be told, I hated Lebron as soon as he walked across the NBA Draft stage wearing that white suit looking like Morgan Freeman in Bruce Almighty.

Now usually the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree, so it's no shock that I also hate Lebron's alcoholic mother...that's right, I said it.  She's a gotdamned drunk.  At no point during my limited sports career did I ever have to tell my mother to "sit her ass down" because she was acting a fool in the stands.  No wonder your boy disappears in crunch time Gloria, he's too worried about the possibility of you banging one of his teammates, punching hotel valets and driving around Collins Avenue with a 0.16 blood-alcohol level.  

Lebron and Gloria James, I fucking hate both of you.

See how easy that was?  Surely you can find it within your heart to come up with a similar example of something you hate to the point where you're tempted to punch an elderly person in the chest for no good reason.  I know it's not just me.

Welcome to Hate Week...and Happy Thanksgiving. 


PICKS!!!


Duke at North Carolina
These schools hate each other, but from a football standpoint, this game should be about as exciting as watching two bald men fight over a comb.  That said, I fucking hate Roy Williams.  I hate that we share the same last name, and I REALLY hated how he turned Billy Donovan in to the NCAA for successfully recruiting Mike Miller to Gainesville.  Fuck you Roy Williams, I hope Coach K makes you eat his shit for the next decade.  But as far as football goes....
Tar Heels - 34
Blue Devils - 21


Alabama at Auburn
The rivalry that defines Hate Week.  Trees get poisoned, dogs get kicked and people get shot over this game.  My wife would tell you how much I hated watching Cam Newton win a Heisman and national title wearing Auburn navy blue instead of Florida royal blue.  I have a love/hate relationship with Alabama's Trent Richardson...I love watching him run, and I hate him choosing Bama over UF (not that I blame him one bit).  Many folks hate that Alabama has an easier path to the national title game than LSU or Arkansas.  Don't hate the player, hate the game.  Alabama is headed to the BCS title game, and there's not much a weak Auburn squad can do about it.
Bama - 27
Auburn - 6


Texas at Texas A&M
Now I don't hate Texas, but I understand why many people do.  Texas is the closest thing to a true college football pimp.  For doing the same amount of work as their conference brethren, Texas gets the lion share of TV revenue to the point where they started their own TV network.  If that's not pimpin' I don't know what is.  Small wonder why the rest of the Big 12 doesn't feel the least bit sorry for Texas struggling....again.  Texas A&M sends Texas a parting shot...just like Missouri did...before leaving for God's favorite conference.
Aggies - 30
Horns - 14


Georgia at Georgia Tech
My feelings about Georgia football are well-documented.  I fucking hate them.  Go Georgia Tech.  And if for some reason UGA decides to send the entire team on the field to illegally celebrate their first touchdown, I hope each and everyone of those fuckers tears an ACL.  Go Georgia Tech.
Georgia Tech - infinity
Georgia - negative infinity


Tennessee at Kentucky
I hate that Tennessee historically finishes up the regular season against Kentucky and Vanderbilt, while the rest of the country plays real competition.  Now that Tennessee is now slightly above the level of Vandy, and we've got a 7-game winning streak against them, it doesn't bother me as much.  Kentucky basketball is another story altogether...I fucking hate them.
Big Orange - 42
Little Blue - 10


Ohio State at Michigan
Like many of you, I hate it when Desmond Howard attempts to complete a sentence.  It's painful and disturbing, like watching two really fat people have sex.  When he does manage to blurt out a complete thought, usually it's something completely irrational, like E.J. Manuel is a legit Heisman Trophy candidate.  Brilliant Desmond...brilliant...
Meatchicken - 20
Ohio State - 17


Florida State at Florida
I pride myself on having a keen sense of self-awareness.  So I completely acknowledge the fact that my alma mater is universally hated by just about everyone.  I'm gonna go all B-Rabbit from 8 Mile and point out everything non-Gator fans say about us.  Let's see...you're sick and tired of the media attention a certain former UF QB gets over in Denver (his name escapes me at the moment), our fan base has a reputation for being overly obnoxious, our football success only dates back to 1990, our trademark Gator chomp was stolen from a movie about a shark, we get preferential treatment from referees, our school colors don't translate well into normal society...AAAAAND we've got a handful of national championships in football and basketball over the past 5 years.  So by all means, continue to hate us, we've earned it.  Having said all that, I hate our offense, I hate our defense, I hate our coaching staff and I hate knowing FSU is gonna beat the dogshit out of us Saturday night.  I also hate Urban Meyer for bailing on us because he knew he didn't have the talent everyone thought he had.  Enjoy Columbus you motherfucker you.
Noles - 32
Gators - 17


Virginia at Virginia Tech
I hate that Virginia had to win the same game three different times in the last 10 seconds last week in Tallahassee.  That was some bullshit.  However I love knowing FSU or Miami won't play each other for the A She She Championship anytime soon.  Virginia Tech owns the conference for now, and they win at home tomorrow.
Hokies - 17
Wahoos - 16


Clemson at South Carolina
Steve Spurrier, do I hate you?  You gotdamn right I do.  Fuck Steve Spurrier until he coaches a team that's not on UF's schedule every year.  The memories are much appreciated, but fuck you just the same.  Now please go beat Clemson...or not...
Tigers - 16
Cocks - 14


Texas Tech at Baylor
I hate all the attention Andrew Luck gets.  All the talking heads are slobbering over Luck and how he translates to the next level, while forgetting he plays against a bunch of surfers in the PAC-12.  Meanwhile, Robert Griffin III is the best quarterback in college football.  Period.  If my mancrush on Trent Richardson wasn't so strong, and I had a Heisman vote, Griffin would get my Heisman vote.
Baylor - 48
TTech - 31


And finally....


Arkansas at LSU
There's plenty for me to hate about this game.  The SEC East, once the premier division in all of college football, looks like the old Big 12 North compared to today's SEC West.  I fucking hate that.  Since LSU assistant coach Billy Gonzalez left UF, we've been stuck with a steamy pile of whale shit at the wide receiver position.  Finally, my sister has a basketball game scheduled at 2:30 on Friday, and my family will be in attendance, meaning I'll have to shut out all outside information so I can catch the game on DVR later that evening.  While I hate schedule conflicts, family is more important than LSU-Arkansas.

Arkansas looks like a legit national title contender (stop snickering Bama fans), and their offense is peaking at the right moment.  But at the end of the day LSU won't disappoint, in spite of losing 3 of the last 4 to Arkansas.  LSU's defense is too tough, and Arkansas' passing game plays right into the hands of LSU's strength...their secondary and pass rush.

The days of second-guessing Les Miles are over.  The man can flat out coach.  I just want LSU 100% healthy for their beatdown of UGA in a little over a week.  However if an Arkansas player takes out Tyrann Mathieu, I won't be disappointed.  I hate that little overrated motherfucker.

LSU wins, and the BCS gods breathe a huge sigh of relief for now.

LSU - 30
Arkansas - 23


Be good.

eG

Monday, November 21, 2011

Monday Afternoon Hangover


Reassurances from the Bowl Championship Series...

This is what happens when I take a week off…..Psycho Puppy makes an appearance up in here and all hell breaks loose.  Now chaos is the order of the day...and coming weeks.  How else do you explain Lee Corso dropping F-bombs on Gameday, or Mark Richt slipping his wife the tongue on national television?

Two words:  Psycho Puppy

Now I didn’t expect Oklahoma State to go undefeated, because they’re Oklahoma State.  Certain schools have no business contending for national championships, and when they do, at some point the pucker factor kicks in...right Clemson?  
In fact, I should have seen that Iowa State upset coming a mile away.  Last week Keith and I spent WAAAAY too much time talking about scenarios that would put his beloved Crimson Tide back in the national title game.  We also had some spirited dialogue about whether or not Herman Cain is actually B.B. King.
What many of you may not know is Keith’s father, a proud Iowa State alum, lost his battle with cancer not too long ago.  I suggested that Keith have Pops call in a favor with the man upstairs, and the rest is BCS history.  Thanks to Pops, Oklahoma State, Oregon and Oklahoma are toast, and Alabama looks to have the easiest path to the national title game…all in one weekend.  It just goes to show how much lifelong equity you build with the Almighty after raising Keith Edwards. 
Pops, you are the man, and we miss you....thanks for shaking things up.
eG

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Gone Fishing....

Hey guys, thanks to a brutal work schedule I'm taking this week off.

I'll be back for rivalry week, better known as Hate Week around these parts.

In the meantime, please enjoy this picture of Psycho Puppy.



Be good....or Psycho Puppy will poop on your carpet, then use your jugular vein as a chew toy.

(Yeah, it's been one of those weeks....)

eG

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

WE ARE.....

Maybe I'm jumping the shark so to speak, with the "We Are" idea. But let's be honest with each other....If I can't be cocky for the Furman game, then the terrorist have already won. Actually, I checked the line from our "friends" out in the desert, and according to them, we're 17 point 'dogs vs. the terrorist. If I were you, I'd take those points. This season has just been a blur; and as we wind down this season, I'd like take the time to thank eViL G and Corch E as well as the 'Bama Keith's' for making this season enjoyable. Not sure if this will be the last contribution this season for me or not since if we happen to beat Furman, we're probably going to lose to FSU and I don't want to be up on here using foul language in front of mama eViL G. Perhaps I'll make a bowl game appearance for our December 1st bowl game vs Eastern Omaha Steaks State....Our friends in the desert are saying we're a 3 point 'dog in that game....I'd take the points if I were you.

-FlawdaGator

Remember to follow me on the twitters... @FlawdaGator

Thursday, November 10, 2011

eViL G's Weekly Picks for November 12th

Greetings everyone.

After the 2009 season I made a deal with myself not to take college football so seriously...I know, easier said than done.  That season I "suffered" through UF going 13-1 and just missing out on their third BCS title game in four years.  With the exception of a minor meltdown after losing to Georgia a couple weeks ago, for the most part I've been true to myself.  Again, easier said than done, especially when Georgia is involved.  I'm working on it mama, I really am.

College football is a game, an extracurricular activity.  It's a welcome diversion for many, a source of pride for alums, students and fans, but at the end of the day it's a game.  This season more than any in recent memory, we've received a sobering education on the lengths some folks will go to win football games, consequences be damned.

Ohio State lost its coach over tattoos and memorabilia.  Miami is in the crosshairs of an NCAA investigation, but from all accounts the hookers and strippers were of age.  My hometown UCF Knights' athletic department took a major hit based on NCAA allegations of agent activity on campus...a story that hit way too close to home.

Penn State just raised the bar...more on them later.

If we learned anything this week, we learned there are far more important things in life than winning a football game.  We also learned Herman Cain is a freak and Rick Perry is an idiot.

Can Saturday get here any quicker?  We could really use a diversion.


PICKS!!!


Florida at South Carolina
How bad is Florida's offense?  How good is South Carolina's defense?  Gamecock defensive end Melvin Ingram has 3 touchdowns.  If Ingram played for Florida, he'd be in a second place tie with Trey Burton for most rushing TDs.  Any questions?
Cocks - 21
Crocs - 10


Miami at Florida State
How irrelevant is the Miami-FSU rivalry in 2011?  Yesterday I had lunch with FSU alum, 20+ year FSU season ticket holder and the pride of Terry Parker High School, Steven Biletnikoff SnoopMinnis Wix.  Wix is to FSU what I am to Florida, only more pessimistic, and he hates Miami more than I hate Georgia.  How big is this game?  Wix will be watching from his living room in East Orlando.
Noles - 41
Canes - 15


Auburn at Georgia
Mark Richt got chippy with the media when asked if any players were suspended for Saturday's game against long-time rival Auburn.  Urban Meyer took harsh criticism for UF players getting in trouble with the law.  Truth be told, during Meyer's stay in Gainesville (one year too many), two schools had more arrests than UF.  UGA was one.  The other?  Penn State...more on them later.  UGA can all but wrap up the 2011 Tallest Midget contest...aka the SEC Eastern Division championship.  Auburn is too young to play spoiler, not that I want them to.  What I do want is for UGA to get a woodshed beating from LSU in the SEC Championship Game.
Dawgs - 24
Plainsmen - 14


Alabama at Mississippi State
Every now and then Bama tends to struggle at Starkville.  In spite of a lingering post-LSU hangover, Mississippi State will have Bama's full attention...eventually...
Crimson Tide - 31
Other Dawgs - 10


Nebraska at Penn State
JoePa is out, and now PSU assistant coach/super ginger Mike McQueary is out too...but he gets to keep his job for now.  Do you honestly think Penn State's football team is in the proper frame of mind to win this game? 
Huskers - 28
Lions - 23


Oregon at Stanford
You just know Andrew Luck is pissed at the Miami Dolphins for beating Kansas City last week.   I'd be pissed too.  Who wants to play in Indianapolis?   Expect this game to resemble the Toledo-Western Michigan track meet from Tuesday night, only with better athletes, smarter students and Tiger Woods on the sidelines.
Ducks - 66
Trees - 63


And finally...


Penn State University vs. Common Motherf**king Sense

If you haven't already read the 23-page grand jury report detailing sexual assault allegations of former Penn State defensive coordinator Jerry Sandusky, and you think you have the stomach for it, click the link above and check it out.  If you made it past Page 5, you did better than most.

There's plenty of blame to go around, but what's crystal clear is there were far too many people more concerned with protecting Penn State than the children Sandusky allegedly had his way with.  Everyone involved, from Mike McQueary to Joe Paterno to University Police, they all fell short of their moral obligation to protect kids who couldn't protect themselves.

A faction of Penn State students showed their ingorance and their collective asses on national television, blaming the media for this mess.  ESPN's Colin Cowherd was on point when he said, "Don't blame Weather Channel for the Category 5 hurricane."  What's ironic is several of the victims mentioned in the grand jury report are now college-aged.  Sometimes youth is wasted on the young.

At best, Paterno didn't do enough.  At worst, he's part of a larger conspiracy which allowed a child predator to operate unchecked within the facilities of his football program.  Paterno wasn't implicated or accused of any wrongdoing, and from all reports isn't a target of the Sandusky investigation.  So it makes perfect sense he's contacted a prominent defense attorney to represent him.....represent him for what exactly?

And why is no one digging deeper into the disappearance of Ray Gricar, the original district attorney who worked the Sandusky investigation back in 2005?  Gricar went missing in April 2005 and has since been declared dead, but his body was never found.  

This story isn't going anywhere soon, and as I type this new allegations are surfacing regarding Sandusky, his Second Mile charity and some wealthy Penn State donors...and it's not pretty.  Civil suits will cost Penn State millions of dollars.  As time passes we'll find out more people either suspected or knew about Jerry Sandusky, but failed to take action.  More victims will come forward.  Mike McQueary will eventually leave Happy Valley, voluntarily or involuntarily.  If convicted, Jerry Sandusky will eventually gain the perspective of his victims...hopefully often and without consent.

And least important of all, Penn State will lose some football games. 

Be good.
eG

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

With Joe Pa out, Urban Meyer In?

Greetings from God's waiting room, Indian River County. Today blogisode (again, not a word...but as soon as I get this petition off the ground, it just might become one) I thought that it'd be interesting to use my sarcasm and wit for more than Twitter, Facebook, and the occasional post on the World's largest and greatest Super Secret Internet Forum (SSIF) for short, and use it towards talking college football. (Which is why eViL G brought me here in the first place, apparently.)


Today's topic: Urban Meyer



Urban Meyer (Corch Urban Meyers for those of you reading this from inside the Nat Moore or Corrine Brown household) was Florida's head coach from 2005-2010. In that time frame, The Gators accumulated 2 BCS National Championships, 2 SEC Conference Championships, 3 SEC Championship appearances, as well as a Heisman Trophy winner in Tim Tebow.  Long story short, he returned Florida to relevancy in the state as well as the Nation after Steve Spurrier resigned in 2001. 

Passing the torch? 
Fast forward to this year.  Urban Meyer resigned from coaching the Gators due to health and family issues, and is currently an analyst for ESPN. Joe Paterno is in what is probably the biggest non-cheating scandal to ever hit college football. Today, Joe Paterno announced that effective at the end of the season, he will resign as Head Coach of the Penn State Nittany Lions. Without getting into the meat and potatoes of the scandal and having this blog turn into the opening statement of my college thesis, I'll save you all the details of the retirement; since I'm sure that by now,  you all are aware why he is. If you're not aware, check me out on iTunes this Friday where I'll get more into it.

First things first, Joe Paterno has coached the Lions of Penn State for 61 years. He IS Penn State. I don't know what it is about head football coaching in the state of Pennsylvania, but if ever you're fortunate enough to get a job coaching the game of football in that state, you're there for the long haul. In a society where high profile teams allow you a very limited window to show their fans what you have as a head coach, Penn State is a anomaly. They allow their coaches to recruit, coach, rebuild, compete, try, fail, and eventually, find the correct recipe for winning.  This would be the perfect condition for Urban Meyer.

As the head coach at Florida, it's safe to say that Meyer put pressures on himself to win. Win at all costs; even if it meant straining the relationship between his children, his wife, or even his health.  Those pressures paid off with the aforementioned accolades he acquired while in Gainesville, but they left a toll on him both mentally, physically, and emotionally. Coaching in the SEC and specifically at Florida is NOT an easy job. I will say that Meyer stepped up to the plate while in Orange and Blue, and at the end of the day, his legacy and his stamp on this program will never be forgotten.

With Joe Paterno retiring at the conclusion of this season, there will be a head coaching position open in University Park, Pennsylvania; and for the first time in 61 years, there will not be a Paterno roaming the sidelines. It's safe to say that because of the black eye Penn State has suffered from this scandal, they will look to start over completely. Starting over means not having anyone with the last name "Paterno" being on their football team's staff. Urban Meyer is a perfect fit for this job. He would have been out of football going on two years, he would have been able to spend time with his two smoking hot daughters, and his son, whatshisname....as well as his MILF of a wife, Shelley.

Going to Penn State makes sense. He's not going to worry himself into a stroke, and PSU won't push him to bring them back to relevancy and prominence in one years time. They'll allow him to do the shopping, do the cooking, and serve the meal. They'll allow him to recruit, rebuild, and restore the image of Penn State Football to what it was in Joe Pa's hayday. Let's be clear, he's not going to overshadow anything Paterno has meant or done for that community or university over the past 61 years, but if ever there was someone who could come in and get the job done and keep traditions running strong in University Park, Pennsylvania, it's Urban Winston Meyer.

(For the record, I know Urban's middle name isn't Winston)

Until next week,
-FlawdaGator


Follow me on "the twitters" @FlawdaGator 
Facebook at facebook.com/lionelforbescomedy

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Sunday Morning Hangover

Alabama kicker Cade Foster practices sleeping with one eye open


I'm sitting here on the couch, at 12:05 EDT...about to be EST in about 2 hours...attempting to catch my breath after that defensive masterpiece.  It's not often I'm riveted to the TV set watching two teams combine for 15 points, but like many of you I was on the edge of my seat for over three hours, and didn't miss one play.

How awesome were those two defenses? When was the last time Trent Richardson looked almost ordinary? Who expected Bama to make uncharacteristic mistakes in OT....who breaks the huddle with 12 men at such a crucial point? Who knew Jordan Jefferson would be the difference on offense?  Marquis Maze...catch the damn punt!  And that poor kicker...

My heart goes out to Bama buddies KeithE, KeithW and Garland...I know you guys are hurting right now. I exchanged a couple dozen text messages with Keith Edwards, who somehow found his way inside Bryant-Denny Stadium to watch that grindfest in person.

Meanwhile, Coach E was in Winston-Salem watching Wake Forest-Notre Dame, and we swapped another 30 texts throughout the evening.

Yes folks, Coach E is alive.

Some other thoughts from the weekend...

- Congratulations Georgia Bulldogs...best of luck in the SEC Championship Game. I understand your opponent is pretty good.

- Honey Badger Matheiu has been officially exposed. He's an effective blitzer with solid ball skills, but he's LSU's 3rd best defensive back behind Reid and Claiborne, not to mention a decent cheap shot artist.  Claiborne is a flat out stud.

- By finishing the season 6-6, my Florida Gators will be bowl eligible.  Of course I'm assuming we beat Furman in a couple weeks.  Basketball season can't get here soon enough.

- Speaking of basketball, Dwight Howard called a press conference this weekend to announce he's leaving the Orlando Magic to join the Big 12.

- I think the refs got the Reid INT call correct.  Very close call but I think they got it right.

- Kentucky won the Pink Slip Bowl...Houston Nutt, thanks for playing.  The Memphis job should be open soon.

- Congratulations Charlie Strong...HUGE win at West Virginia with a freshman QB.

That's all I got.

Be good.
EG

Thursday, November 3, 2011

eViL G's Weekly Picks for November 5th



Greetings from Central Florida, where the hometown UCF Knights just lost a tough game to Tulsa as I type this. 

Speaking of UCF, I'd like to wish an early HAPPY BIRTHDAY to 2-time Conference USA Champion, Conference USA Coach of the Year, 2-time Gold Medalist with USA Basketball's Womens U19 National Team, and MY sister...Joi Williams.  Happy Birthday Coach!!!  Love you!!

A shout out also goes to my second favorite Alabama fan on the planet, Keith Edwards, for checking in before the big game.  You know Alabama's having a good year when Keith calls me every week asking how to format posts on Blogger.  It should also be noted that Keith is terrified of my sister, who nearly severed his jugular vein with a butter knife at the SEC Womens' Basketball Tournament back in the mid-90s.  One day I'll share that story with the entire internet...and by entire internet, I mean my 13 followers here on Blogger.

I've been deliquent in posting my wildly popular Monday Morning Hangover segment, a recap of the week that was, so please accept my apologies.  Truth be told, based on recent developments my weekend hangovers are lasting well into Wednesday and Thursday, with no end in sight.  Will Muschamp has managed to out-Zook Ron Zook, and he's not done yet.  Bowl eligibility is about as good as it gets for Gator Nation.

That's all I got...let's get on with it....


PICKS!!!


New Mexico State at Georgia
The silver lining from UGA's win over Florida is two-fold.  There's a good chance UGA wins the East, where they will get absolutely destroyed by the Bama-LSU winner, and Mark Richt gets to stay in Athens a while longer.  The rest of the SEC should send UF (Chris "Butterfingers" Rainey in particular) a fruit basket.  Mark Richt is a mediocre football coach whose success has come when Florida, LSU, Tennessee and Alabama were all down.  With the exception of LSU and Bama, history appears to be repeating itself.  Nice timing on those suspensions...
Dawgs - 42
NMSU - 14


Vanderbilt at Florida
Will Muschamp has taken the joy out of fall Saturdays in Gainesville, so I made an executive decision to sit this one out.  I'd rather save gas money and relax on the couch watching games on two flat screens (one with picture-in-picture), and thanks to the WatchESPN app, two more games on the iPad and iPhone.  That's five games at once folks.  I'll be watching this game on the iPhone.  This is Vandy's Super Bowl, and UF doesn't really give a shit about much of anything right now...and you thought we hit rock bottom during the Zook Era. 
Vandy - 24
Rock Bottom - 23


South Carolina at Arkansas
If two 7-1 teams still in contention for their division and conference title play the same week #1 plays #2, does anyone care?  It's a shame this game starts at 7:15, because it's the perfect JV warm-up game before Bama-LSU.  Arkansas can play spoiler on their way to the Capital One Bowl, making plenty of friends in Athens along the way.  South Carolina is a totally different team without Marcus Lattimore, and just like their in-state rival Clemson last week, sooner or later the Gamecocks have to start living down to their historic expectations of underachievement...it's science.
Hogs - 27
Cocks - 19


Do you really care about Kansas State-Oklahoma State, Oregon-Washington or Boise State-UNLV?

That's what I thought.


and finally....


LSU at Alabama
Game of the Century....Ali vs. Frazier....Hulk Hogan vs. Ultimate Warrior.....Desmond Howard vs. The English Language....Aretha Franklin vs. Gravity....you get the picture.  It's the game we've all been waiting for.

Throughout the season I've shown lots of love to my Crimson Tide buddies Keith Edwards, Keith Williams and the legendary Garland Harwell.  Therefore it's only fair I give equal time to my favorite LSU fan on the planet, Nall Gearheard, who makes up 1/13th of my followers.  Like Garland and Keith, Nall lives in Atlanta and is subjected to UGA fans on a regular basis, so there's a special place in heaven awaiting him in the afterlife.  Nall, if you're making the trip to Bryant-Denny, be safe and enjoy yourself.

Bama and LSU appear to be mirror images of each other.  Offensively both teams rarely make mistakes, defensively both teams create mistakes and there's always the possibility of a little trickeration on special teams.  In the trenches, both defensive lines are better than the offensive lines they'll face Saturday night.  Trent Richardson and Spencer Ware are both powerful runners who can run by defenders just as easily through them.  Marquis Maze and Reuben Randle are both deadly deep threats.

You're tempted to give Bama the coaching edge based on Nick Saban's methodical management style versus Les Miles and his various eccentricities.  However I give a slight talent edge to LSU.  I particularly like the matchup of their secondary against Bama's receivers.  I also think A.J. McCarron is the weak link.  Julio Jones is gone, and for all the hype surrounding honey badger Tyrann Matheiu, Morris Claiborne is a better cover corner.  That's how good LSU's secondary is.

Bama gets the home field advantage obviously, and I expect the atmosphere to be off the charts.  But there's something about this LSU team.  Yes, Les Miles might be due for another Special Olympics clock management moment.  Yes, Bama is virtually unbeatable at home.  And yes, Trent Richardson is the best college running back I've seen since Shaun Alexander.

But it's 2011, and the BCS title game is in New Orleans.  LSU won their last two national titles in 2003 and 2007...the last two times the BCS title game took place in New Orleans. 

It's science.

LSU - 23
Bama - 20

Be good.
eG

Hate Week and Honey Badgers

Finally, it's that time of year where any feelings of love, compassion or human kindness must give way to our innermost tendencies toward pure hatred -- thank God Hate Week is back!!!

To start things off properly, I HATE LSU... not as much as Auburn mind you, but it's pretty damn close. With all due respect (or disrespect) for the blood feud / border war that is the Tennessee game, I am lobbying the Tide to temporarily move the Bayou Bengals up from our 3rd biggest rival to our 2nd. Why you ask? It's simple: I HATE LSU much more than Tennessee.

My Armageddon ticket is in grave jeopardy... as some of you know, my precious golden ticket to the Apocalypse has been hanging by a thread for the last few weeks and it looks like my perpetual lucky streak is about to come to an end. To his credit, my friend's sick father has successfully used his life threatening illness to steal the free ticket I was shamelessly mooching off of his son (how dare he?!?). Since all attempts to drive a wedge between father and son have failed, I have no choice but to execute "Plan B" (depicted below) on my friend. I've found it to be a timeless negotiating tactic and should afford me the opportunity to attend the game with the sick father while my buddy "sits this one out". And before you ask, yes the sneaker is mandatory (that's how you do it where I'm from). BTW - in case you might've forgotten... I HATE LSU.

Speaking of HATING LSU... here is a multiple choice question (my favorite type). Of the options listed below, what do YOU consider a REAL honey badger to be? As info, option C would've been much more graphic but I know eViL's mom is a regular reader of the blog. I'll share the poll results next week.

Good luck to everyone's teams this weekend (except Auburn and LSU),


Roll

Thursday, October 27, 2011

eViL G's Weekly Picks for October 29th


Greetings from Central Florida.

Normally this week I mention something about how Halloween used to be about kids getting candy from neighbors, but now it's turned into an excuse for young women to dress up like a bunch of sluts. I'll spare you that, because I know how much you all hate slutty women...right Lionel?

Let's keep the conversation to football...

Thanks largely in part to the overall awesomeness of Alabama and LSU, who are both off this week, Saturday's slate of games are for the most part irrelevant. Oklahoma made things interesting last week, but all they did was save themselves from being humiliated. Oklahoma State, you're on deck.  Clemson, please stand by.  Stanford, we'll start taking you seriously after this week.  Wisconsin, thanks for playing.  Boise State, the kiddie table is over there...go play nice with Cincinnati and Houston.

There's your BCS picture right there folks.
Until next week, that's all I got...November 5th can't get here soon enough.


PICKS!!!


Michigan State at Nebraska
I took some heat last week from some non-believers who actually thought WISCONSIN was worthy of national title consideration. You know who you are. No team outside of Tuscaloosa or Baton Rouge is worthy of national title consideration. A win in Lincoln gives Sparty a commanding lead in the Big 10 Legends Division...how weird does that sound? I'd say about as weird as Michigan State winning the Big 10...or perhaps Nebraska playing in the Big 10. Sparty might win this game, but they won't beat Wisconsin twice. Check that, they won't win this game either.
Huskers - 26
Spartans - 21


Wisconsin at Ohio State
Your Ohio State Buckeyes are sitting in fifth place in the Big 10's Leaders Division, one game in front of last place Indiana. Wisconsin can kiss a January trip to New Orleans goodbye, but chances they'll get another shot at Michigan State in the Big 10 title game. Raise your hand if you feel sorry for Ohio State. Anyone?
Bucky - 34
Brutus - 24


I just picked two Big 10 games back-to-back...I'll lose a couple followers over that.


South Carolina at Tennessee
Derek Dooley addressed the media earlier this week, dropping knowledge as only the spawn of Vince Dooley's demon seed can. Coach Dooley shared some motivational secrets with the press, telling the assembled media how he's keeping his struggling team focused and hungry. Here goes...Dooley told his team...and I quote, "The smallest room in the world is a mushroom, and the biggest room in the world is the 'room for improvement'". Several UT players are expected to miss Saturday's game after their heads exploded.
Gamecocks - 21
We Need A Bigger Room - 14


NC State at Florida State
And I thought last week's games sucked donkey balls. This game sucks donkey balls, if for no other reason FSU appears to be hitting stride now that the pressure's off. I sense an outbreak of Nolesheimers coming.
Can We Play Clemson Again? - 28
NC State - 10


Southern Cal at Stanford
USC's freshmen beat Notre Dame's seniors last week. Stanford is not Notre Dame. If the Trojans somehow manage to win this game I'll start believing Lane Kiffin can actually coach worth a damn. Until then.....
Stanford - 41
So Cal - 21


Missouri at Texas A&M
A preview of things to come in God's Conference...two mediocre football programs battling it out for 4th place in the SEC West. Thanks for the new TV markets.
Aggies - 24
Mizzou - 13


...and finally


Florida vs. Georgia
I'd consider skipping this game if I didn't grow up in Jacksonville, and my mother wasn't cooking macaroni and cheese (hint hint), my grandmother didn't need help loading letter-sized paper into her HP inkjet printer, and my father could figure out how to download pictures from his digital camera. Please don't discount how serious these family obligations are.

But just like every year for the past quarter century, like clockwork, I'll be at whatever they're calling the Gator Bowl this year, wearing orange and blue. And just like last year, my expectations are low, as I don't expect John Brantley or Jeff Demps to play meaningful snaps. I take little comfort in UGA's Aaron Murray leading the SEC in TD passes, as UF's secondary can't cover a dead cockroach with a beach blanket. I'm also starting to lose faith in Will Muschamp, because for the past three weeks UF has looked about as disorganized as I can remember.

But in spite of all this I'll be tailgating in Lot Z, along with several members of the world's most dangerous super secret Internet message board, in what's become an annual tradition. This is easily my favorite game of the year...it always will be. But until I see something resembling a competitive football team wearing orange helmets and blue jerseys, my heart can't overrule my head.

UGA - 28
UF - 16

Be good.
eG

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

The World's Largest Sub-Par Meeting Between Two Teams That Used To Matter In The Race For The SEC East

Greetings from the Treasure Coast! I took a second out from the search for two convicted killers on the loose in my neighborhood to bring you all another blogisode (probably not a word) of FlawdaGator the Entertainer Presents. As you can tell by the overly long but spot on title of this blog, it's Florida vs. Georgia week; aka 'The World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party'. The city of Jacksonville along with the NCAA tried to rename it to something else a few years back. Honestly, I don't remember what it was and to be perfectly honest with you, it's 12:30 in the morning, and I'm not googling that $#!t to find out; and since I'm old school, I'm just going to call it what I've always called it TWLOCP (abbreviated; obviously)

The only good looking thing about this game...You're looking at it.


This yearly "neutral" battle between SEC East foes used to be an epic battle of the titans in Jacksonville. (and let's be honest, probably the only time that Alltel Stadium ever gets near capacity or sold out, unless there's a really good team playing the Los Angel...I mean Jacksonville Jaguars or a Steely Dan outdoors concert)...You're welcome, City of Jacksonville. At any rate, onto the game. As eViL G pointed out a week or so ago, this game could possibly come down to see who would be the lucky SEC East representative to get their $#!t pushed in by either LSU or Alabama come the first week in December.

I tell you what, that darn eViL G is like a mocha colored genie in a bottle!! Because, wouldn't you know it.... here we are, face to face, a couple of silver spoons away from controlling our own piss poor destiny to (possibly) have the chance to earn our way to Atlanta to take on the soon-to-be 6th straight BCS/NCAA National Champion.

Usually, I save my prediction for the game until the day before, the day of, or until eViL G has made his pick, but since I've already typed all of this out, I might as well finish it. Florida has a chance to win this game. They honestly do. John Brantley supposedly will return from injury, Jeff Demps is back to 100% speed and is injury free, and we only have one linebacker who is injured and unable to play. My heart tells me to choose Florida. My head says Georgia.

My beloved Gators have lost 3 straight coming into this game and honestly, they've looked about as shaky and unstable as Aretha Franklin standing on a card table. But like Aretha, they deserve a little R-E-S-P-E-C-T. They are losers of 3 straight and are coming off of a bye week. They are rested, they are ready, and again like Aretha, I'm sure they're hungry. So for those reasons, and those reasons alone, I say that the Gators will march their happy asses into Jacksonville (minus the Orange Pants) and win against the Bulldogs from Athens.


Final Score:
Gators 31
Puppies 24

Go Gators!
Flawda

Follow me on the twitters @FlawdaGator

Thursday, October 20, 2011

eViL G's Weekly Picks for October 22nd




Greetings from The City Beautiful, and many thanks to Keith Edwards and Lionel Forbes for their contributions this past week.  Great job guys!

It's worth noting that just a couple days ago I spent about two hours on the phone with Keith Edwards solving most of the world's problems...from politics, to professional wrestling, the keys to domestic tranquility, and just enough NFL discussion to keep me from hanging up in his face.  I'm pleased to report that based on our little bonding session, he is now TIED for first place as my favorite Alabama fan named Keith.  He mentioned Tim Tebow's name one too many times to overtake Keith Williams, and it goes without saying neither one of those guys are on the same planet as Garland Harwell.

A glance at this week's schedule is about a pleasant as that picture of Gaddafi with a bullet in his he.....please hold.....I'm being told by our production staff the picture I'm referring to was a picture of Gaddafi when he was still alive.  You can barely tell the difference. 

Anyways, this week's schedule is chock full of stank, to the point where I had trouble deciding which games to pick.  So please accept my heartfelt apologies for what you are about to read.















Oklahoma State at Missouri
I feel it's my duty to start paying attention to Missouri on a certain level.  I know their colors are black and gold, and their mascot is the same as Auburn, LSU, Clemson, Grambling, Princeton, Memphis, and Tuskegee...that's about it.  Missouri gets a taste of what to expect in God's Conference, courtesy of an Oklahoma State team looking to crash the BCS party in New Orleans.
Cowboys - 34
Tigers - 21


North Carolina at Clemson
With apologies to Turner Gill, I chose this game over Kansas State-Kansas. Coach Dabo's boys might be the most entertaining team in the southeast.  Last time Clemson had it rolling like this, 12-year old eViL G watched Homer Jordan and Perry Tuttle beat Nebraska in the 1982 Orange Bowl, winning Clemson's only national title...all orange...
Orange - 27
Baby Blue - 6


Arkansas at Ole Miss
Texas A&M-Iowa State got bumped over this game.  I didn't realize Iowa State still played football.  Houston Nutt gets blasted by his former team.
Hogs - 30
Rebs - 7 


Tennessee at Alabama
Trent Richardson...2011 Heisman Trophy Winner...everybody say it with me.  Tyler Bray, Tyler Perry, William the Refrigerator Perry, Texas Governer Rick Perry, Justin Hunter, Catfish Hunter, Justin Timberlake and former ECW Heavyweight Champion Justin Credible could all be 100% healthy and suited up for the Big Orange, and it wouldn't matter...although Texas Governer Rick Perry would probably give an entertaining yet slightly incoherent pep talk during pre-game.
Tide - 31
Vols - 7 


Georgia Tech at Miami
Illinois-Purdue barely missed the cut here.  I can already hear Lionel bitching about his boy Zook being left out.  I have one letter and one word for your boy Lionel...F Zook.  I hate Miami too, but recently they've had a knack for slowing down Georgia Tech's option attack. 
Canes - 26
Wrecked - 17


Wake Forest at Duke
This game got the nod over Indiana-Iowa...or did it?
Cleaning Out The Gutters - 45
Watching Either Game - 3


Wisconsin at Michigan State
Alright, now this should actually be an entertaining game.  Sparty's got a great defense and Wisconsin at times is unstoppable on offense.  But please spare me the talk about Russell Wilson being a Heisman frontrunner.  He's an excellent player, but the level of competition makes him look better than he really is.  Troy Smith agrees with me.  Sooner or later there's gonna be an upset in college football folks.
Sparty - 28
Bucky - 27

Texas Tech at Oklahoma
Nebraska-Minnesota...sorry.  America doesn't need to be subjected to watching a grown man succumb to a seizure on the sideline after Rex Burkhead scores his 5th TD in the second quarter.  Let's watch to see if Oklahoma has any chinks in their armor before my adopted Oklahoma State Cowboys wreck their season.
Sooners - 42
Red Raiders - 24


Washington at Stanford
Oregon-Colorado...you're cut.  Oregon doesn't need LaMichael James this week, and Colorado stopped recruiting L.A. gang members who bang the coach's daughter a long time ago.  I'll go with Andrew Luck throwing for 749 yards and 12 TDs against a Washington team that won't be ranked after Saturday.
Cardinal - 84
Huskies - 17


Jacksonville State at Kentucky
Southern Cal-Notre Dame...you're cut.  This so-called national rivalry is now irrelevant.  Besides, how many opportunities do I get to pick Kentucky?
Wix's Wildcats - 7
Duval County State - 6 (3OT)


Maryland at Florida State
The only drama this series produced recently is whether or not Myron Rolle would make it back from his Rhodes Scholar interview in time to take poor pursuit angles all night long.  FSU crushes Maryland in front of 30,000 empty seats.
Wix's Seminoles - 28
Scott Van Pelt U - 10
Amount of Money Wix saved by staying in Orlando - $583.92


and finally...


Auburn at LSU
Apparently Honey Badger really doesn't give a shit...and he's uncharacteristically mellow...and he's craving a big ass bowl of Fruity Pebbles at 3:00 in the morning.  College students smoke weed you say?  Entitled student athletes who get tons of national publicity feel like they're above it all?  You gotdamn right they do. 

Not that it matters, because Charles Barkley's Auburn Tigers are indeed turrble, but if you're Les Miles you have to be concerned with your kids being somewhat distracted while patiently waiting for November 5th to roll around.  Then again if you're Les Miles, you're probably wondering why Gatorade keeps raining from the sky inside of a domed stadium.

Can a brother get a sippy cup?
Up In Smeauxke - 23
We Juss Turrble - 9

Be good.
eG

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Broken Ankles and Golden Tickets

Normally I hate to see black on black crime but Trent Richardson's vicious abuse of Senquez Golston's ankles in the Grove this weekend was a thing of beauty. It kinda made me grin, bounce in my seat and clap my hands (somewhere eViL and Scottie Ray are smiling -- I miss the good old days)

Junk n' stuff I learnt this weekend...

Trent Richardson is an inhuman beast... I never cease to be amazed by his ability produce after first, second and sometimes third contact. I'm not saying they will give him the Heisman but if he stays healthy (prayers) and keeps doing what he does, he should be in the mix. I've always thought he was the best running in the country but with Marcus Lattimore's unfortunate injury there is no longer any doubt (at least at this point in the season).

** RELATED NOTE: MAJOR props to the BAMA O-line for playing like men and making the inhuman beast a bit more inhuman. Please send some of their game film to the team that plays on Sundays in western Pennsylvania.

Bama's other running backs are "baby beasts" in training... Eddy Lacy, Jalston Fowler and Blake Sims also absorb first contact and still keep churning. Not sure what they are feeding these guys down in Tuscaloosa but we will need this tough depth as we go deeper in the season.

***GOLDEN TICKET ALERT***: My LSU ticket is in JEOPARDY WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!... my best friend/fellow filmmaker/de facto ticket broker/parole officer and I have attended key Bama games together for 25 years but we have a problem. His dad (who is very ill) is attempting to travel to the game from out of town and they desperately need to do some bonding. So this puts me in the tough position of having to... DRIVE A FREAKIN' WEDGE BETWEEN AN AILING MAN AND HIS SON. There is no way, I'm going to let some father son bond keep me from going to this game. With that said, I've begun to remind my friend of all the times his dad didn't: 1) let me come out to play 2) ever get him that motorcycle he always wanted 3) let him play football 4) ever let him borrow his car etc., etc. I'm not saying I'm proud of this but a guy has gotta to do what he's gotta do PERIOD!!

Roll

Friday, October 14, 2011

Florida Basketball; It's Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaantastic

First things first, that phrase is copyrighted (c) 1998 by Lionel Forbes. Let's just get that out in the open. Someday, on another blog not dedicated to college football, I'll get into it more in depth. eViL G has instructed me that I am allowed to talk about ONE topic other than college football per contribution. Therefore...FOOOTBAWWWWWWWW!!!!!

I bring you greetings from the LOVELY Myrtle Beach Convention Center Hotel. Had I know that Stephen Garcia was free, I'd give him a call and we'd burn this sonofagun down.

This week, I'd like give a special shout out to the fighting Zookers of Illinois. As previously stated in my intro, my love for coach Zook knows no bounds. I'd spend some additional time explaining my reasons why, but I'm sure that if I did, eViL G would snatch me up out of this window like Batman did the bad guy in 'The Dark Knight'. I'm glad that Zooker has gotten the ability to go shopping, cook the dinner, withstand a couple of stomach bugs that may, or may not have been his fault, and is now able to serve it without any sort of issues.  With that said, he's about to enter what most are calling (and by most, I just mean myself) as the "Florida Gauntlet" They face 3 top 25 programs coming up over the next month (Michigan and Wisconsin in the top 10) 

If all goes well, the Ron Zook led Illinois Fightin' Zookers will find themselves in the catbird seat for the Rose Bowl (which is the equivalent of what the Sugar Bowl means to Gator fans) So with that said, good luck to the Zookers, I'll always be rooting for you. May the sun always shine brightly upon your face, may there always be a breeze at your back, and may you always be a bubble screen or reverse-quarterback option away from victory.

- FlawdaGator aka Kid Dy-No-Mite, aka No, I'm not related to Rerun from 'What's Happening'

Thursday, October 13, 2011

eViL G's Weekly Picks for October 15th


Exhibit A
Greetings from the Sunshine State.  This week's sponsors include, but are not limited to, just about any product or service whose target audience does not have a penis...Cooking Light Magazine, the Oprah Winfrey Network, Michael Buble's next CD, you name it.

What used to be the Ike Turner Memorial Bachelor Pad (2003-2007) has been invaded, infiltrated and downright liberated by mRs. eViL G's younger sister and niece, who flew down from Buffalo Wednesday morning for a long weekend in God's Country.

If you're scoring at home, that's a female-to-male ratio of 4:1 once you factor in the wife and stepdaughter. This place is oozing with estrogen and other unexplained hormones, so for the most part I've been on my best behavior.  The last time this many women were in my cozy little condo, I was not married. That's all I have to say about that, because I am happily married.

Under normal circumstances I'd probably make some sexist comment about expecting a hot meal and a clean house when I get home from work, but my mother reads this blog and I'm not trying to get throat punched in a couple weeks when we head home for the annual Cocktail Party in Jacksonville.  Therefore I would ask that you refer to Exhibit A. 

I didn't say it mama, so don't throat punch the messenger.

That's all I got...


PICKS!!


Georgia at Vanderbilt
Florida State at Duke
Alabama at Ole Miss
LSU at Tennessee 
Speaking of 4:1 ratios, I'm doing a 4-for-1 pick here, because these four matchups are all essentially the same game. The home team gets mauled by a superior opponent, with the possible exception of UGA looking average against a better than usual, yet still average Vandy squad. Tennessse fans, good luck against LSU without your starting QB and top playmaker, and welcome to my world.  Take the average score of each game, and you get...
Road Team - 41.75
Home Team - 12.25


Ohio State at Illinois
The Fighting Zookers are undefeated and bowl eligible, but they've got an upcoming gauntlet of Penn State, Michigan and Wisconsin looming in a couple weeks.  Ohio State's QB is expected to play after spraining his ankle last week, but Illinois is playing at home and Zook has a knack for knocking off the Buckeyes more often than he should.
Illini - 23
Buckeyes - 21


South Carolina at Mississippi State
Earlier this week we all learned the answer to the age-old question, "How many failed drug tests does it take to get kicked off South Carolina's football team?". Now that we know the answer, you can expect several current UF players to request a transfer. Spurrier exorcises his Starkville demons while Dan Mullen's rose loses a few more blooms. The big maroon honeymoon is just about over.
Goodbye Garcia - 19
Hello Losing Season - 3


Oklahoma State at Texas
The current state of Texas football is somewhat similar to my beloved Gators, in that they're breaking in a bunch of freshmen in key positions, the coaching staff went though some transition and they just got pounded by the best team(s) in their region.  Mack Brown is also extremely overrated, in spite of Colin Cowherd's mancrush.  Mark my words, Oklahoma State will give Oklahoma all they can handle next month.  And like Oklahoma, they'll pound the snot out of Texas on Saturday.
Pokes - 42
Horns - 17


Arizona State at Oregon
My contract with Blogger states that I must pick at least three PAC-12 games throughout the season, so here goes.  Oregon beats Arizona State in spite of LaMichael James sitting this one out.  One down, two to go...
Ducks - 41
Sun Devils - 23


And finally....


Florida at Auburn
The NCAA cleared Auburn of any wrongdoing in the recruitment of Cam Newton. The NCAA also found nothing suspicious about Casey Anthony's alleged involvement in her daughter's death. The NCAA expects the NBA lockout to end later this evening.  The NCAA prefers Ginger to Mary Anne, and despite millions of dollars spent on advertising, marketing and product packaging, the NCAA still actually believes it IS butter.

The NCAA thinks Florida's offense is a well-oiled machine, and the NCAA was recently quoted as saying, "UF's defensive front has really lived up to the pre-season hype...Ronald Powell is a sure-fire Butkus Award finalist".  The NCAA views Auburn as a poster child for compliance, much like the NCAA views Charlie Weis as the poster child for wellness.  The NCAA describes Will Muschamp's sideline demeanor as "poised and stoic".

The NCAA thinks Florida beats Auburn by a touchdown Saturday night.  I think otherwise. 
Orange & Navy Blue - 24
Orange & Royal Blue - 16

Be good.
eG