Thursday, October 20, 2011

eViL G's Weekly Picks for October 22nd

Greetings from The City Beautiful, and many thanks to Keith Edwards and Lionel Forbes for their contributions this past week.  Great job guys!

It's worth noting that just a couple days ago I spent about two hours on the phone with Keith Edwards solving most of the world's problems...from politics, to professional wrestling, the keys to domestic tranquility, and just enough NFL discussion to keep me from hanging up in his face.  I'm pleased to report that based on our little bonding session, he is now TIED for first place as my favorite Alabama fan named Keith.  He mentioned Tim Tebow's name one too many times to overtake Keith Williams, and it goes without saying neither one of those guys are on the same planet as Garland Harwell.

A glance at this week's schedule is about a pleasant as that picture of Gaddafi with a bullet in his he.....please hold.....I'm being told by our production staff the picture I'm referring to was a picture of Gaddafi when he was still alive.  You can barely tell the difference. 

Anyways, this week's schedule is chock full of stank, to the point where I had trouble deciding which games to pick.  So please accept my heartfelt apologies for what you are about to read.

Oklahoma State at Missouri
I feel it's my duty to start paying attention to Missouri on a certain level.  I know their colors are black and gold, and their mascot is the same as Auburn, LSU, Clemson, Grambling, Princeton, Memphis, and Tuskegee...that's about it.  Missouri gets a taste of what to expect in God's Conference, courtesy of an Oklahoma State team looking to crash the BCS party in New Orleans.
Cowboys - 34
Tigers - 21

North Carolina at Clemson
With apologies to Turner Gill, I chose this game over Kansas State-Kansas. Coach Dabo's boys might be the most entertaining team in the southeast.  Last time Clemson had it rolling like this, 12-year old eViL G watched Homer Jordan and Perry Tuttle beat Nebraska in the 1982 Orange Bowl, winning Clemson's only national title...all orange...
Orange - 27
Baby Blue - 6

Arkansas at Ole Miss
Texas A&M-Iowa State got bumped over this game.  I didn't realize Iowa State still played football.  Houston Nutt gets blasted by his former team.
Hogs - 30
Rebs - 7 

Tennessee at Alabama
Trent Richardson...2011 Heisman Trophy Winner...everybody say it with me.  Tyler Bray, Tyler Perry, William the Refrigerator Perry, Texas Governer Rick Perry, Justin Hunter, Catfish Hunter, Justin Timberlake and former ECW Heavyweight Champion Justin Credible could all be 100% healthy and suited up for the Big Orange, and it wouldn't matter...although Texas Governer Rick Perry would probably give an entertaining yet slightly incoherent pep talk during pre-game.
Tide - 31
Vols - 7 

Georgia Tech at Miami
Illinois-Purdue barely missed the cut here.  I can already hear Lionel bitching about his boy Zook being left out.  I have one letter and one word for your boy Lionel...F Zook.  I hate Miami too, but recently they've had a knack for slowing down Georgia Tech's option attack. 
Canes - 26
Wrecked - 17

Wake Forest at Duke
This game got the nod over Indiana-Iowa...or did it?
Cleaning Out The Gutters - 45
Watching Either Game - 3

Wisconsin at Michigan State
Alright, now this should actually be an entertaining game.  Sparty's got a great defense and Wisconsin at times is unstoppable on offense.  But please spare me the talk about Russell Wilson being a Heisman frontrunner.  He's an excellent player, but the level of competition makes him look better than he really is.  Troy Smith agrees with me.  Sooner or later there's gonna be an upset in college football folks.
Sparty - 28
Bucky - 27

Texas Tech at Oklahoma
Nebraska-Minnesota...sorry.  America doesn't need to be subjected to watching a grown man succumb to a seizure on the sideline after Rex Burkhead scores his 5th TD in the second quarter.  Let's watch to see if Oklahoma has any chinks in their armor before my adopted Oklahoma State Cowboys wreck their season.
Sooners - 42
Red Raiders - 24

Washington at Stanford're cut.  Oregon doesn't need LaMichael James this week, and Colorado stopped recruiting L.A. gang members who bang the coach's daughter a long time ago.  I'll go with Andrew Luck throwing for 749 yards and 12 TDs against a Washington team that won't be ranked after Saturday.
Cardinal - 84
Huskies - 17

Jacksonville State at Kentucky
Southern Cal-Notre're cut.  This so-called national rivalry is now irrelevant.  Besides, how many opportunities do I get to pick Kentucky?
Wix's Wildcats - 7
Duval County State - 6 (3OT)

Maryland at Florida State
The only drama this series produced recently is whether or not Myron Rolle would make it back from his Rhodes Scholar interview in time to take poor pursuit angles all night long.  FSU crushes Maryland in front of 30,000 empty seats.
Wix's Seminoles - 28
Scott Van Pelt U - 10
Amount of Money Wix saved by staying in Orlando - $583.92

and finally...

Auburn at LSU
Apparently Honey Badger really doesn't give a shit...and he's uncharacteristically mellow...and he's craving a big ass bowl of Fruity Pebbles at 3:00 in the morning.  College students smoke weed you say?  Entitled student athletes who get tons of national publicity feel like they're above it all?  You gotdamn right they do. 

Not that it matters, because Charles Barkley's Auburn Tigers are indeed turrble, but if you're Les Miles you have to be concerned with your kids being somewhat distracted while patiently waiting for November 5th to roll around.  Then again if you're Les Miles, you're probably wondering why Gatorade keeps raining from the sky inside of a domed stadium.

Can a brother get a sippy cup?
Up In Smeauxke - 23
We Juss Turrble - 9

Be good.

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