|Gators, Assume. The. Position.|
Good Day, Fellow Gators (and the rest of y'all....)
It's your good friend, FlawdaGator aka...yadda yadda yadda... Today, I'd like to share with you all a piece of my childhood so that you can better understand how I feel about (by the time you read this) today's game verses the Mighty Corndog Tigers of Louisiana State.
When I was a kid, I was pretty good..a bit of a class clown, but overall, not what most would consider a "bad child"...At times, my hyperactivity and my inability to shut the f**k up while the teacher was talking got me sent to the principals office... Depending on the severity of what the teacher said you did, you'd get what's called a "paddling" (For anybody under the age of 25 reading this, you don't know what paddling is, so you can just skip to the end of this where I explain how it relates to the game)
When getting paddled, the principal or assistant principal or really whoever wasn't in the teachers lounge getting blazed up, would come into the office, close the door, tell you to bend over while they administered 1 or 3 solid and swift strikes to the butt. Some kids cried, some didn't...I wasn't much of a crier... you see, I knew that the asswhoopin I'd get after they called home and told my mom that I had been sent to the principals office would be waaaay worse than anything they could with that raggedy paddle.
Speaking of mom, on special occasions when I really was in class acting a fool, they did the ultimate, they called home. This would prompt one or two different things. One would be my mom coming to school, the other would be her coming to school, but AFTER school to pick me up. Let me explain number two... When they call home and they explain what you've done and they say to you "Your mom will be here at 3 o'clock to pick you up" That's what's called a "special asswhoopin" pay attention, because it'll come back up here in a second. If my mama had to get off from work, drive 30 minutes across town because my narrow black ass was up in class acting a fool; oh you can believe that was a special asswhoopin. When they sent you back to class on "special asswhoopin day" You had the rest of the day to sit...think...pray...for what you just KNEW was going to be the mother of all asswhoopins. This feeling in the pit of your stomach that, to this day, I can't explain, can only be described as 'bubble guts' Bubble Guts happen when impending doom is approaching...aka, that "special asswhoopin"
Enter tomorrow's matchup vs. LSU. I have that feeling in the pit of my stomach. Problem is, I wasn't being bad or anything, but I that tomorrow around 3 o'clock...mama's coming to school and she ain't happy. That special asswhoopin is coming, folks. If LSU is going to rip us a new one, I for one, would like to ask now to be gentle and stay away from my eyes when they finish.