Friday, September 30, 2011

eViLG's Weekly Picks for October 1st

Florida takes on Alabama this weekend

Greetings from Central Florida. This week's picks are brought to you by Bubbalou's BBQ, Jimmy John's Gourmet Sandwiches, and Publix Supermarkets...where shopping is a pleasure.

Tomorrow (likely today by the time you read this) is team building day for my sales group.  After gorging ourselves with BBQ, we're going bowling...because we had a good month and could use some down time.  The Gators had a good month too, but just like in sales, no good month goes unpunished.  I do not expect October's results to look like September's results.

Here in the Sunshine State, lofty expectations have all but ruined the season for some disappointed and somewhat delusional FSU and UCF fans.  As I type this, USF is getting sodomized by Pitt on ESPN, and I've yet to find anyone outside of a few UF homers who expect Florida to beat Alabama Saturday night.

So for the first time in a long time, I'm not going to stress over the next two weeks, or next two months for that matter.  I like the direction of UF's football program.  Emotional tirades aside, Will Muschamp appears to know what he's doing, Charlie Weis is making sweet wine out of sour grapes, and most importantly Georgia sucks.

That's all I got...I need to practice WiiBowling before going to bed.


Buffalo at Tennessee
Lost in the panic over Justin Hunter's season-ending injury, it was recently reported that UT's mascot Smokey also tore his ACL a couple weeks ago. But unlike Justin Hunter, Smokey is expected back for the big game next week against Georgia....who's had their own problems keeping mascots from going to doggy heaven.  Losing to Florida takes its toll I guess.
Vols - 41
Buffalonians - 7

Mississippi State at Georgia
Speaking of the Commie bastards from Athens, Mark Richt looks to quiet his critics, and avenge last year's unexpected loss in Starkville. After getting some pre-season love, MSU QB Chris Relf done lost his mojo...or perhaps opposing defensive coordinators are actually taking time to watch Mississippi State game film, where they've quickly learned that Relf can't hit the broad side of a barn. UGA's freshman tailback has another big game, and Richt's seat cools down for exactly one week.
Athens Dawgs - 21
Starkville Dawgs - 9

Texas A&M at Arkansas
Arkansas can't be as awful as Alabama made them look last week, can they? Man I nope not. Considering Arkansas has wide receivers who actually factor into the passing game (unlike my Gators), I choose to believe they just had a  bad day and crapped the bed. Oklahoma State did all they could to give Texas A&M a win last week, but the Aggies weren't having it. In what promises to be an annual battle to determine 4th place in the SEC West, the home team offers Texas A&M a glimpse of what to expect in God's conference.
Hogs - 27
Aggies - 22

Auburn at South Carolina
Marcus Lattimore just keeps carrying the Gamecocks on his shoulders while Stephen Garcia plays with shiny objects over in the corner. The ole ball coach would KILL to have Doug Johnson right about now. Auburn failed its first road test at Clemson, but you just know at some point South Carolina will lose a game they have no business losing. Seeing as how Auburn doesn't play defense, this probably won't be that game....or will it?
War Eagle - 31
Gamecocks - 30

Clemson at Virginia Tech - A She She Game of the Week
You want a sure thing? Ask yourself this question, "Self, when was the last time in your lifetime Clemson won games against ranked opponents in THREE consecutive weeks?".  Place your bets accordingly.
Hokies - 23
Tigers - 17

Nebraska at Wisconsin
ESPN Gameday chose to broadcast live from Madison instead of Gainesville on Saturday, further fueling speculation that Desmond Howard has a thing for pasty, full-sized coeds.  Considering he attended the University of Michigan, I understand. Most years it's difficult to tell these two teams apart, right down to their red uniforms and pasty, full-sized coeds. But unlike most years Wisconsin has a play-making QB who can beat you with his arm or his legs...and the Badgers are playing at home.
Jump Around - 34
Children of the Corn - 20

And finally...

Alabama at Florida
eViL G welcomes his favorite Alabama fan on the planet, fellow BellSouth alum Garland Harwell, to the world's most dangerous tailgate on Saturday. Garland is making his first trip to Gainesville this weekend, and I'm struggling to envision a scenario where he leaves Gainesville unhappy, outside of getting pelted with urine bombs near Fraternity Row or having the tires slashed on his rental car.  Luckily for Garland we only do that when Tennessee comes to town.

I've been accused of being overly pessimistic about UF's chances. Some of my critics point out that UF's front seven is equipped to contain Trent Richardson, or how stellar UF's special teams have been up to this point, or how Bama's offense outside of Richardson isn't all that exciting, or how great a home field advantage at the Swamp is...all valid points I guess.

If McCarron throws 4 INTs, Chris Rainey blocks a couple punts, Florida's receivers start making plays, and Trent Richardson gets food poisoning, then yeah, the Gators have a shot.  I expect none of that to happen.

Alabama's defense is downright scary.   It has no weaknesses.  Period.

Unlike last season I expect UF to compete, I expect them to have a great game plan and do some things offensively we haven't seen yet. I expect a competitive game for about 3 quarters, at which point the better team pulls away.

There's no shame in losing to a superior team.

Alabama is superior to Florida.

Tide - 28
Gators - 17

Friday, September 23, 2011

eViLG's Weekly Picks for September 24

Greetings from Orlando, and big Lionel Forbes-sized ups to Lionel Forbes for stepping up in here and taking over like he's been paying rent  every month.  Nice job Lionel.  Coach E, Pimp Daddy Keith Edwards and I haven't begun the rookie hazing portion of this little experiment just yet.  But I can guarantee you this...if you spend that much time talking about the NFL again, we will fly to wherever you are, duct tape you to your couch, and force you to watch game film of Steve Addazio's Temple Owls.

As for the week that was in college football, what did we learn?  

We learned FSU isn't quite back yet, but they're close.  We also learned the University of Texas, while regarded by many as the most beautiful girl in the room, might have trouble finding a prom date.  I've always said the most beautiful girl in the room is usually the most difficult girl in the room...bitch is usually high maintenance too.  Who needs that?  Not the PAC-12...for now at least.  

And finally we learned Will Muschamp goes batshit crazy whenever his team gets legitimately flagged for repeatedly groping the opposing team's wide receivers.  Imagine how he'll react to an actual bad call...somebody might get shanked.

That's all I's late, and I'm tired.


Florida at Kentucky
Last time the Gators lost to Kentucky in football, eViLG was a 17 year-old freshman at UF, working at Champs Sports in the Oaks Mall. Father Time just reminded me that was 25 years ago. Air Jordans cost $ it costs about that much to fill up my Pathfinder at Hess.
Gators - 42
Wix's Wildcats - 17

Central Florida at BYU
I was a bit bullish on UCF last week, and they let me down. This week the hometown team travels to scenic Provo, Utah, where they won't be able to breathe halfway through the first quarter. No worries Knight fans, the Big East is still interested.
Mormons - 21
Knights - 13

Georgia at Ole Miss
They're calling this the Hot Seat Bowl...more like the Hot Coed Bowl. Ole Miss got bitch slapped by Vanderbilt last week, and for all the talent in Athens, UGA might finish no better than third in the East. Mark Richt's seat is hotter than Houston Nutt's, if for no other reason Ole Miss fans don't really give a damn about actually winning football games.  They show up for the party.
Dawgs - 23
Rebels - 16

Oklahoma State at Texas A&M
Normally I could care less about what's left of the Big 12, but this is a juicy matchup. OSU's starting QB is older than UF's winning streak against Kentucky, and Justin Blackmon is quite simply the best wide receiver in all of college football. College Station provides the perfect setting for a shootout, but the home fans go home disappointed.
Cowboys - 41
Aggies - 34

Florida State at Clemson
Clemson won't score 38 points this week, and FSU wins whether E.J. Manuel plays or not. Unlike Auburn, FSU plays defense.  In an unrelated story, Dabo Swinney and Will Muschamp recently signed a contract to fight each other at UFC 134.
Noles - 20
Tigers - 14

LSU at West Virginia
WVU gets its return match after last year's six point loss at Baton Rouge, and they'll be lucky to score six points against LSU's defense. I'm not exactly sold on LSU's offense, and Les Miles is still Les Miles, but can anyone tell me the last time West Virginia beat a Top 5 team? Anyone?
Geaux - 24
WVU - 10

And finally...

Arkansas at Alabama
The Trent Richardson Experience returns to its regular 3:30 CBS time slot, while Arkansas tries to erase the memory of choking away a 20-7 lead last year in Fayetteville. The Hogs have the SEC's best set of wideouts, which is good because Bama's secondary is loaded...hell Bama's entire defense is loaded.

Like LSU, Bama's offense doesn't exactly set the world on doesn't have to. If Bama only averages 20 points the rest of the season, chances are they still go undefeated. It's not fair we have to wait until November to watch Alabama and LSU destroy each other.

Until then...

Roll Tide - 34
Woo Pig Sooey - 13

Be good.


Thursday, September 22, 2011

Allow me to re-introuduce myself!

Lend me yo' ears and peep the type; for I go by the name of KID DYN-O-MITE!!!
Sorry, I just watched a re-run of 'Good Times'....'Sweet Daddy Williams' episode. Google it, if you have nothing better to do. At any rate, I'd like to thank Corch E and eViL G for the opportunity to contribute to the blog. I've added comments here and there, but I fully enjoy the art of Journalism--- Hell, it was my major for a whole semester. #DontJudgeMe.

With that out of the way, I'd like to take an opportunity, just this once, to talk NFL on the college football blog. Just not any football or football player, We're talking about the greatest football player in the history of football players.  Now, before you go thinking I'm talking about Merrill Hoge or Sean Salisbury, I'll save the you that drama right now. Today, we're talking about former Gator and current backup clipboard holder for the Denver Broncos, Tim "ThirdStringJesus" Tebow. #15 In your football programs, #3 behind Brady Quinn, but #1 in our hearts (and up until recently, NFL jersey sales)

No need to look over your shoulder, Tim. Ain't nobody back there but a bunch of medical staff, ball boys, and 84,000 people wondering just how in the hell you can let Brady Quinn be a better quarterback than you in practice.

Now, I realize that by now, you're about tired of hearing about Tebow. Don't get me wrong, I love the guy (no homo) But honestly, I'm sick of hearing about him too.... However, unlike most people who just complain without actually offering up a suggestion on how to make the situation better, I'm here to offer up an easy solution to make Tim's transition from "Great College QB" to " Great NFL QB" a reality. I've outlined it in one simple step:

  1. Get Tim on the first thing smoking out of Colorado. 
That's really it....I don't have anything other than that.  Listen, Everyone talks about mechanics like that's all you need in order to be a successful NFL QB. By that logic, I'm going to go dress 'Corky' from 'Life Goes On' next week against The Detroit Lions defense (wow...never thought I'd be saying anything good about the city of Detroit or their football team).  Seriously speaking, we all know that mechanics make up only a percentage of what makes a quarterback excel in the NFL. Tim has the heart, soul, determination and most of all...He's a damn winner.

One of the things that Tim has against him is that the NFL lockout of 2011 hurt him deeply in a lot of areas. As any professional football player will tell you, the Summer between your first season and your second season is where you have to take the time to get in the gym and work out with your position and strength coaches; you work on things like learning the playbook fully; not just "packages" as well as being able to be in the facility daily, going over film with your coaches, and learn from them what they want you to do and how they want you to execute it. Additionally, being around the facility gives you the opportunity to work with, and earn the trust of your teammates so that when it counts, in a game, you know exactly who you can go to and where you can look on a football field when a situation calls. Unfortunately for Tim, he missed out on all of that.

Enter the 2011 NFL season. Tebow is loved by the fans, Tebow fully believes that he's going to be the starter...But....Tebow has a brand new set of coaches who didn't draft him and honestly, could care less about just handing him the keys to the Broncos offense.  Kyle Orton is returning for his second season in Denver and according to anyone with a whistle and clipboard, is MILES away from Tebow in practice. However, as far as the fans are concerned, he's the equivalent of  "Woody" from the movie Toy Story... In case you're keeping track at home, That would make Tim "Buzz Lightyear." Tebow is currently listed as second or third on Denver's depth chart (which is comical in itself, because let's just keep it real as the kids say these days, he's 3rd string).  So that would make him miles away from Orton and in the same crappy neighborhood as Brady Quinn...Lock your doors, people. That's not a safe neighborhood.

Here's how this is a double edged sword for Tim and why I feel that if he is EVER to become a great QB or even an "okay at best" quarterback in the NFL, he HAS to leave Denver. First things first, Tim isn't going to learn how to be a great quarterback in the NFL from Kyle Orton or Brady Quinn. So if you're telling me that Tebow is a backup at best, he needs to learn from the best. No...Brady Quinn is NOT a great backup (or starter for that matter, but this isn't about Quinn) Tebow needs to either  Be behind a great quarterback or behind (or at least competing against) a solid NFL backup; and before you even say it, YES... I'm taking into consideration that John Elway is the GM of the Broncos, but John Elway isn't lacing them up every Sunday. Tim needs to sit for another year behind a solidified quarterback who can show him the ropes on how to command a NFL locker room, command a NFL huddle, and command a NFL football game.  What does that mean? Well...It means that he needs to be traded. To where? Glad you asked, because I made a list.

  • Indianapolis Colts. Peyton's Manning's neck has finally said "enough is enough" It can't hold Peyton's big ass head up any longer. Peyton has about 2 or 3 more years in him. Just enough time to show Tim the ropes and for him to learn the playbook in and out. Also, enough time for Indy to draft some receivers that weren't born in the 60's.
  • New England Patriots. Brady can't play forever, right? Right? Brady isn't old, but I think a couple of years of sitting behind and learning from Tom Brady wouldn't be a horrible thing for Tim. To learn from arguably one of, if not the best coach/quarterback tandems in league history would make a Tebow transition into being Brady's successor or at the very least, a "Matt Cassell" for another team, would be priceless
  • New Orleans Saints. This is my dark horse team. There's no doubt that Drew Brees is a good quarterback. However, he's young, he's going to play for probably another 5-7 years and Tim is far too good to sit on a team with that much young talent for that amount of time. Drew Brees would be a great teacher for Tebow and show him a lot of the intangibles about the game that you don't pick up on Sundays or on the field for that matter.
Of course then there's the carousel of teams that could pick Tim up that he could possibly fit on, but he wouldn't have that mentor  type older QB to "tuck him under his wing" so to speak, to give Tim everything that he needs. For example, Philadelphia, any NFL team from the state of Florida, San Diego, Minnesota...literally, the list goes on and on, but you get my point.

Tebow is a winner by nature. Give him an opportunity, in a game, when it counts, and I wouldn't bet against him. All of the things that makes Tebow great will never be highlighted in a practice. Maybe that's why he's not a great "practice" QB. If a play breaks down in practice, coaches blow a whistle and you reset. When it happens on Sunday, you have to improvise. Michael Vick has made a career of it and if given the right set of circumstances, so can Tim Tebow.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Coming Soon.....

Raised on the mean streets of Wabasso, Florida, our newest contributor is a 2004 University of Florida alum, as well as a member of Gator Marching and Pep Bands. He also has been known to love Ron Zook just a little bit too much.

As a budding comedian and entertainer, his sometimes "inappropriate" humor has garnered praise from the likes of Actor/Rapper 'Common', ESPN commentators Jemele Hill and Stuart Scott, as well as comedians Bill Bellamy and NBC's 'Last Comic Standing' finalist, Roy Wood Jr.

His unconventional, and at times, outrageous comedy can currently be heard on his sometimes weekly podcast available on iTunes as well as spotlighted on BlogTalkRadio's 'Chuck & PJ Show'.

Most importantly, ten years ago this young man introduced eViLG to the most powerful super secret Internet message board on the planet, thereby altering the course of history forever.

So without further adieu, coming soon to a fledgling college football blog near you, from the "What's Goin' Down" episode of "That's My Mama", Jackson Heights' OWN....LIONEL "FlawdaGator the Entertainer" FORBES!!

Thursday, September 15, 2011

eViLG's Weekly Picks for September 15th and 17th

Tyler Tyler Tyler Bray y'all.......

Welcome to Week Three...brought to you by Gatorade G2, Big Ed's Pizza, Lean Pockets and Snyders-Lance Snack Foods, Home of the delicious Van-O-Lunch snack cookies.

Irrational...ridiculous...subjective...uninformed...pulled straight up out of his ass...over the past 15 years all of these words have been used to describe my weekly picks.  And after the past two weeks, you can't argue or dispute my remarkable consistency.  Just shut up and recognize that I am the man.

As far as this week's games go, quality trumps quantity, with each of Florida's Big Three facing its biggest test of the young season.  Coach E will be making his Gainesville season debut at our super secret internet message board tailgate, and I'm setting the over/under at 7 UF coeds who mistake him for Chris Leak's uncle, Rufus Rantavious LeShawn Leak.

Coach E, you have been missed, and I speak for the greatest collection of super secret internet message board posters on the planet when I say we look forward to basking in your glow on Saturday.


LSU at Mississippi State
Les Miles is a perfect fit for ESPN Thursday night games. Something wacky always happens...the only thing missing is Tracey Wolfson getting throat choked during the halftime interview.  Mississippi State was a goal line option pitch away from stealing one at Jordan-Hare last week, and they take a big step up in weight class tonight.  LSU already rolled the ultimate spread team in Oregon, and they should roll tonight.
LSU - 37
MSU - 19

Auburn at Clemson
Auburn dodged a bullet again last weekend, while Clemson struggled to put away the mighty Wofford Terriers. In spite of Clemson being the SEC's version of Georgia, Auburn's young team won't know how to deal with the first of many hostile road environments.
CJ Spiller U - 24
Bo Jackson U - 21

Michigan State at Notre Dame
I almost feel sorry for Notre Dame....almost. They've outplayed what appeared to be two lesser opponents, only to lose to both in heartbreaking fashion. Sparty is better than USF and perhaps Michigan too, so if Notre Dame continues average 4 turnovers every week the final score will look something like this....
Sparty - 41
Irish - 21

Texas at UCLA
How many Texas QBs does it take to beat UCLA? It's UCLA...Bevo could start at QB and Texas would still cover. UCLA is the PAC-12's version of Georgia.
Horns - 31
Bruins - 13

Ohio State at Miami
They're calling this game the IneligiBowl. Against Maryland, Miami lost a close game that shouldn't have been all that close, and Ohio State won a close game against Toledo. I like Miami in this game. I have no explanation for it, other than the feeling that Ohio State now resembles every other team in the Big 10 with the exception of Wisconsin.
Canes - 21
Buckeyes - 10

Florida International at Central Florida
Arguably the second best college football team in Florida goes up against the most surprising college football team in Florida.  UMiami's unofficial coach in waiting Mario Cristobal pulled off a shocker last week, beating down Charlie Strong's Louisville squad in impressive fashion.  UCF is coming off its second victory over BCS competition, beating Boston College like Boston College owed them a bunch of money.  FIU's T.Y. Hilton will find the yards much tougher to come by Saturday, as UCF keeps auditioning for one of those 16-team superconference spots.
Knights - 34
Panthers - 17

Oklahoma at Florida State
Something's gotta give...either Oklahoma finally sacks up and wins a big-time road game, or the A She She improves its record against Top 5 teams to a sparkling 2-32. Oklahoma is without its best defensive player in Travis Lewis, and outside of Ryan Broyles do the Sooners have another game breaker?  FSU has its own question marks, with a suspect offensive line and a not quite championship caliber QB in EJ Manuel.

Historically Oklahoma's had FSU's number dating back to Ron Simmons and J.C. Watts, but that ends on Saturday. FSU's defense is no joke. The Noles take the early inside track to New Orleans before losing the season finale in Gainesville by 5 TDs. Perhaps I'm getting ahead of myself.
Noles - 31
Sooners - 30

And finally....

Tennessee at Florida
Oklahoma-FSU can't bump Florida-Tennessee from the "and finally" spot, because Florida-Tennessee is the game which defined this football forum in its formative years....and FSU sucks.  Back in the 90s, little work got done in the Knoxville, Nashville, Memphis, Orlando and Jacksonville sales offices of the company formerly known as BellSouth during this week.....and it was glorious. 

Fast forward some 15 years later and you can't tell who's who anymore.  Tennessee has the wide open offense, while Florida's got the grind it out, ball-control team hell bent on slowing the game down.  Tyler Bray has been on fire, and UT's offense looks almost mid-90s Spurrier-esque.  Factor in UF starting two true freshmen in the secondary, and Tennessee fans haven't been this confident coming to Gainesville since 1991.  

UF's defensive front is scary talented, but they put little pressure on UAB or FAU's QB.  I'm still waiting on Ronald Powell to prove why he was the #1 high school recruit a couple years ago.  He looks great in a football uniform though.  UF gets Shariff Floyd back, which should free up other defenders to make plays...hopefully. 

UT's defense and special teams are both average at best, and this is where UF has to capitalize.  Rain is in the forecast, so UT had better get a handle on those turnovers the past two weeks.  It would also be nice if UF could force a turnover or two.

I considered a reverse mojo pick here, but Bray's stats up to this point came against the likes of Memphis, Vanderbilt, Kentucky, North Carolina, Montana and Cincinnati....not exactly a roll call of defensive juggernauts.  Saturday will mark Bray's first start outside the state of Tennessee in his college career.  The kid walks a fine line between showing supreme confidence and being a bit of a head case.  But you get the feeling he won't be fazed by the hostile environment.  Hell he might even thrive in it.

Tennessee has the pieces in place to win on Saturday.  I think they lose a close game and get their payback next year in Neyland.  Gators win, but they do not cover.  Place your bets accordingly.

Florida - 27
Tennessee - 23

Be good.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

eViLG's Weekly Picks for September 10

Enough already.....

Welcome to Week Two, brought to you by Under Armour, Nike Pro Combat and whatever Adidas calls its version of high-tech football apparel guaranteed to make your eyes bleed.  

This college football fashion makeover nonsense is getting out of hand.  When I tune into a football game, I should immediately know who's playing based on the uniform.  Georgia looked like Utah, Boise State looked like snowmen and Oregon looked like Oregon.  Maryland looked like the team Mel Gibson played for in Braveheart.  Can we please stop the madness?

Usually I'm good for another paragraph or two of filler, but I've got a big presentation tomorrow and I ain't close to being ready.  So until next week.....


Alabama-Birmingham at Florida
Encouraged is the word I'd use to describe Gator Nation after last week's performance.  Still, John Brantley looks a little iffy throwing passes down the field, the offensive line could improve, and the secondary is extremely young.  UF's young secondary will receive a test from UAB's wide open passing attack....a good tune up for Tyler Bray & Company in a little over a week.
UF - 35
UAB - 14

Cincinnati at Tennessee
Speaking of Tyler Bray & Company, a few talking heads are taking Cincy in an upset.  Seeing as how Tennessee recently lost to Wyoming at home, and should have lost to UAB a year ago, I guess it's possible.  The good folks over at are bellyaching about the offensive line play, and at the same time puffing their chests over Tyler Bray being the next big thing on Rocky Top.  Vols win rather handily.
Big Orange - 23
Half Bear the other Half Cat - 14

Notre Dame at Michigan
Catholics have always been hypocritical to a degree, and after 11 years of Catholic school I'm more than qualified to say as much.  Brian Kelly is talking heat for yelling at his football team?  Give me a break.  Lou Holtz did the exact same thing, with a face mask grab thrown in every now and then.  After the Irish dispose of a weak Michigan team, no one in South Bend would care if Coach Kelly sacrificed a virgin at midfield.
Hypocrites - 37
Michigan - 19

Alabama at Penn State
Two things are certain...Nike Pro Combat uniforms will not make an appearance in Happy Valley on Saturday, and there will be little happiness amongst the home fans...unless of course they bet on Alabama to cover the spread.  Whatever the spread is, Alabama will cover by at least 10 points.  Hell, Penn State might not reach double digits. 
Bama - 38
Penn State - 9.7

Mississippi State at Auburn
The Dan Mullen Reclamation Project makes a stop in Opelika to stomp a mudhole in the defending national champs.  Mississippi State might be the third best team in the West, which means they'd likely be the best team in the East.  Hey Coach Mullen, I hear there might be a coaching vacancy in Athens around this time next year.
MSU - 27
War Eagle - 14

Boston College at Central Florida
UCF students are wearing red bandannas to honor a former Boston College lacrosse player who lost his life while saving about a dozens lives on 9/11.  Classy move Knight fans. 
Knights - 24
Eagles - 20

And finally.....

South Carolina at Georgia
In hindsight, I should have picked Boise State last week.  UGA debuted yet another horrendous alternative uniform, this one worse than all the others, AND their opponent's colors were orange and royal blue.  Double whammy.  Clearly UGA learned nothing from the Bama Blackout fiasco of 2008, and the black helmet/black pants combo they wore against UF in 2009.

Mark Richt is sitting on the hottest seat in all of college football, and rightfully so.  UGA is the SEC's poster child for underachievement.  Nobody does less with more.  Clemson thinks UGA squanders talent.

Enter Steve Spurrier, a man with just a little experience in making Georgia miserable.  The Gamecocks started out slow last week, then rolled over ECU after they discovered no one in Conference USA bothers to play defense.

UGA's defense is also suspect, and South Carolina's offense is balanced enough to keep the Dawgs on their heels.  On the flip side, if UGA had trouble with Boise State's defensive line, South Carolina should give them fits.  Expect the boo birds to be out in full force between the hedges.  After this game UGA's athletic director will have Kirby Smart's cell phone number permanently on speed dial.

Gamecocks - 34
Dawgs - 21

Be good. 

Friday, September 2, 2011

Welcome to Week One of college football, otherwise known as Christmas in September.  After one of the most bizarre off-seasons in recent memory it's great to be able to sit back and watch some football without all the side show shenanigans and drama.

Speaking of drama, these weekly picks are brought to you courtesy of Southwest Airlines, Lifetime Network and the absolutely breathtaking Newark International Airport.  Take a few deep breaths near this airport and you'll know what I'm talking about.

You guys all remember eViLG's stepdaughter...our little princess who put college on hold to move up to New Jersey so she could be with the love of her life?  Well that's over, but not after months of drama and some tense moments.  Long story short she's come to her senses, and Mr. and Mrs. eViLG are headed up to Jersey to bring the little one back home.

This toxic relationship is eerily similar to many of the homecoming-caliber match ups on Saturday.  In the short time our little princess moved to New Jersey, she became a state certified pharmacy tech, while working full-time and paying the lion's share of loser boy's bills.  On the other hand, this dude is 26 years old, without a GED or driver's license, and has no desire to obtain either.  In the game of life, she's Alabama and he's Kent State...a complete mismatch.

So as you read these picks, I'll be somewhere between a one-way flight to Newark (with a layover in St. Louis) on Thursday and a LONG drive back to Orlando on Friday.  Think of me as I navigate I-95 South for about 14 hours....


Kent State at Alabama
After decades without a Heisman Trophy winner, Trent Richardson begins his quest to bring Bama its second Heisman Trophy in three years.  I love watching this kid run, but I'll be damn glad when he turns pro next season.
Tide - 42
Flashes - 9

Florida Atlantic at Florida
The Muschamp Era begins in Gainesville, and no one really knows what to expect.  Supposedly John Brantley loves the new offense, and from all accounts he no longer curls up in the fetal position during 7-on-7 drills.  That's progress.  My Gators will be much improved from last season, but the schedule is so brutal our 2011 results may not be much different from 2010.I'm just glad Steve Addazio is gone.
Gators - 45
Owls - 20

Louisiana-Monroe at Florida State
I will reserve judgment on FSU's return to national prominence after Oklahoma comes to town in two weeks.  Until then.....
Noles - 51
Monroeans - 14

Montana at Tennessee
Speaking of renewed optimism, the future looks bright in Knoxville...very bright. The Vols have the SEC East's best set of skills players, and they aren't going anywhere anytime soon. Tennessee is one year away from doing some serious damage in God's favorite conference.
Big Orange - 31
Montana - 12

SMU at Texas A&M
Let me be the first to unofficially welcome the Aggies to SEC Country.  Don't cash those gigantic TV checks in one place.  And don't get any crazy ideas about actually winning the SEC anytime soon....winning the Big 12 was damn near impossible enough.  Just be grateful that you've instantly replaced Mississippi State as the SEC's best team wearing maroon.  That's a good enough start.  Hoteliers near College Station will be also pleased to know SEC schools travel much better than Baylor.  Meanwhile SMU is auditioning for a spot in the Big 12 once Oklahoma jumps ship for the PAC-12.
Aggies - 34
Mustangs - 23

South Florida at Notre Dame
From all indications, the Irish have the right guy in Brian Kelly.  He's already reinstated a starter who ran afoul of the law this off-season, and rumor has it he's attempting to get the academic requirements "relaxed" so he can recruit kids who have no business taking classes at Notre Dame.  It worked for Lou Holtz.  USF has an athletic, but at times undisciplined team who has somehow found a way to underachieve in the Big East of all places.
Irish - 23
Bulls - 20

Miami at Maryland
With so many Hurricanes suspended for the opener, Vegas took this game off the board.  Many Hurricane fans want to forget a season that hasn't started yet.  I feel for you Al Golden, you inherited a train wreck.  Good news is JoePa can't live forever.
Terps - 27
Canes - 21

Boise State vs. Georgia @ The Georgia Dome
I hate Georgia like the Tea Party hates President Obama, only worse.  But I'm smart enough to put aside petty differences and support my conference brother.  UGA is a 3-point the Georgia Dome.  That alone should provide enough motivation to take Boise State out of the national title picture.  If not, I will giggle like a little bitch at UGA for losing to Boise State and UCF in consecutive games.
Dawgs - 24
Broncos - 22

And finally...

Oregon at LSU @ Cowboy Stadium
With all the distractions going on in Baton Rouge, Oregon is a very sexy pick, and I'm tempted to pull the trigger. LSU is missing its starting QB and its Percy-like play maker in Russell Shepard.  Oregon SHOULD be without its starting QB, but that's another story.  LSU's backup QB has plenty of experience, and I'm still not convinced Oregon can compete against the SEC's elite teams in the trenches. We feast on undersized d-lines in the SEC. However if Oregon jumps ahead quickly, the only way they know how, LSU could be in major trouble.  Expect a close, low scoring game into the third quarter, at which point Les Miles puts the root on LaMichael James, causing him to fumble on consecutive possessions.
Tigers - 30
Ducks - 28
Be good.