Greetings from Orlando, and big Lionel Forbes-sized ups to Lionel Forbes for stepping up in here and taking over like he's been paying rent every month. Nice job Lionel. Coach E, Pimp Daddy Keith Edwards and I haven't begun the rookie hazing portion of this little experiment just yet. But I can guarantee you this...if you spend that much time talking about the NFL again, we will fly to wherever you are, duct tape you to your couch, and force you to watch game film of Steve Addazio's Temple Owls.
As for the week that was in college football, what did we learn?
We learned FSU isn't quite back yet, but they're close. We also learned the University of Texas, while regarded by many as the most beautiful girl in the room, might have trouble finding a prom date. I've always said the most beautiful girl in the room is usually the most difficult girl in the room...bitch is usually high maintenance too. Who needs that? Not the PAC-12...for now at least.
And finally we learned Will Muschamp goes batshit crazy whenever his team gets legitimately flagged for repeatedly groping the opposing team's wide receivers. Imagine how he'll react to an actual bad call...somebody might get shanked.
That's all I got...it's late, and I'm tired.
Florida at Kentucky
Last time the Gators lost to Kentucky in football, eViLG was a 17 year-old freshman at UF, working at Champs Sports in the Oaks Mall. Father Time just reminded me that was 25 years ago. Air Jordans cost $75...today it costs about that much to fill up my Pathfinder at Hess.
Gators - 42
Wix's Wildcats - 17
Central Florida at BYU
I was a bit bullish on UCF last week, and they let me down. This week the hometown team travels to scenic Provo, Utah, where they won't be able to breathe halfway through the first quarter. No worries Knight fans, the Big East is still interested.
Mormons - 21
Knights - 13
Georgia at Ole Miss
They're calling this the Hot Seat Bowl...more like the Hot Coed Bowl. Ole Miss got bitch slapped by Vanderbilt last week, and for all the talent in Athens, UGA might finish no better than third in the East. Mark Richt's seat is hotter than Houston Nutt's, if for no other reason Ole Miss fans don't really give a damn about actually winning football games. They show up for the party.
Dawgs - 23
Rebels - 16
Oklahoma State at Texas A&M
Normally I could care less about what's left of the Big 12, but this is a juicy matchup. OSU's starting QB is older than UF's winning streak against Kentucky, and Justin Blackmon is quite simply the best wide receiver in all of college football. College Station provides the perfect setting for a shootout, but the home fans go home disappointed.
Cowboys - 41
Aggies - 34
Florida State at Clemson
Clemson won't score 38 points this week, and FSU wins whether E.J. Manuel plays or not. Unlike Auburn, FSU plays defense. In an unrelated story, Dabo Swinney and Will Muschamp recently signed a contract to fight each other at UFC 134.
Noles - 20
Tigers - 14
LSU at West Virginia
WVU gets its return match after last year's six point loss at Baton Rouge, and they'll be lucky to score six points against LSU's defense. I'm not exactly sold on LSU's offense, and Les Miles is still Les Miles, but can anyone tell me the last time West Virginia beat a Top 5 team? Anyone?
Geaux - 24
WVU - 10
Arkansas at Alabama
The Trent Richardson Experience returns to its regular 3:30 CBS time slot, while Arkansas tries to erase the memory of choking away a 20-7 lead last year in Fayetteville. The Hogs have the SEC's best set of wideouts, which is good because Bama's secondary is loaded...hell Bama's entire defense is loaded.
Like LSU, Bama's offense doesn't exactly set the world on fire...it doesn't have to. If Bama only averages 20 points the rest of the season, chances are they still go undefeated. It's not fair we have to wait until November to watch Alabama and LSU destroy each other.
Roll Tide - 34
Woo Pig Sooey - 13