Friday, September 10, 2010

September 11 Picks

Welcome to Week Two of the weekly picks, brought to you by the Dove World Outreach Center located in beautiful Gainesville, Florida.  We've got a slew of juicy matchups tomorrow, none more anticipated than the battle between the idiot Alachua County preacher and common sense.  As if we Gator fans don't have enough to be concerned with on the field without the possibility of jihad breaking loose outside The Swamp.

The latest twist to this so-called "news story" has the idiot preacher reconsidering his little publicity stunt IF somehow the proposed mosque near Ground Zero is relocated elsewhere. According to this morning's Orlando Sentinel, the preacher man is headed to New York City this weekend to meet with Muslim leaders...because if anyone can convince New York City Muslims what to do with their vast real estate holdings, it's a hack preacher from Gainesville.

Now I've been a recovering Catholic for nearly two decades, so my faith isn't exactly where it should be, especially for someone my age. But I'm all about solving problems, so my solution to all this madness is simple. This Ground Zero mosque, Muslim community center or whatever you want to call it...if you want to force their hand on relocating, just open a BBQ pork chop joint next door and a strip club across the street.  Problem solved. 

Baby back ribs and table dances in the name of Allah...does it get any better?


Florida State at Oklahoma
This might be the best of the so-called great matchups this weekend. FSU looked like world-beaters beating up on a 1-AA team not named Jacksonville State, while Oklahoma paid tribute to FSU's 2009 defense by giving up nearly 500 yards to lowly Utah State. Historically Oklahoma owns FSU. Few people know this but I grew up a huge FSU fan, and as a youngster I attended both of FSU's Orange Bowl losses to Oklahoma in the late 70s. If only I could be there in Norman to watch the Noles lose to Oklahoma again...but since I won't...
FSU - 24
OU - 16

Oregon at Tennessee
Week #2 of the Derek Dooley Experience brings a legit PAC-10 team to Knoxville.  Tennessee's had problems with mediocre PAC-10 teams coming to Knoxville recently, let alone the defending PAC-10 champs.  Oregon looked great last week pummeling New Mexico (whose coach is about as stable as Courney Love hopped up on Red Bull and meth), and Tennessee took care of business.  The good folks over at are still playing the doom and gloom card, and it's justified this week.  I think Oregon has too much offense, and Tennessee doesn't have enough.  The Vols will eventually find their way this season, but until then...
Ducks - 24
Vols - 17

Michigan at Notre Dame
Michigan looked great last week, and it appears they have the athletic, dual threat QB Rich Rod has been searching for....a brother with dreadlocks named Denard, who bears a striking resemblance to the Appalachian State QB who ran circles around Big Blue 3 years ago.  Notre Dame looks like your typical serviceable Midwest team, possibly the 3rd or 4th best team in Big 10 if they ever had the balls to join. I think their new coach will get ND back to the BCS, but not this season.  However they will upset Michigan tomorrow.
Irish - 20
Michigan - 17

South Florida at Florida
Never in the history of Florida football has a 22-point win caused so much pain for Gator Nation. USF, located where few geography experts consider to be South Florida, has a knack for playing giant killer on the road.  Last year it was FSU, and a couple years ago the Bulls knocked off Auburn.  USF's QB is reminiscent of Michael Vick, minus the herpes, illegal dog fighting operation and celebratory birthday gunplay.  UF's warts were exposed for the world to see, and just like last week I have no idea what to expect.  The center exchange issues will get worked out.  I'm not so sure our offense can overcome its coordinator who appears to be over his head.  No way Florida loses this game right?
Bulls - 24
Crocs - 23

Penn State at Alabama
This promises to be the least competitive of the so-called great matchups this weekend. The big, slow plodding Big 10 team travels down to SEC country?  Come on...Penn State starts a true freshman at QB, and I'm predicting by the 2nd quarter his white pants will have some fresh new yellow and brown stains.  Expect Trent Richardson to run over, around and through Penn State's defense, kicking off a Heisman campaign of his own.  Bama makes a huge statement tomorrow.
Boring Red Uniforms - 44
Boring Blue Uniforms - 10

Georgia at South Carolina
I know it's early, but based on what I've seen so far Stephen Garcia looks like the best QB in the Southeastern Conference.  That's right I said it.  UGA is without its best player, who was only trying to get his hustle on by selling a few game jerseys on eBay.  I admire A.J. Green's entreprenurial spirit, but you have to be a little more stealth when breaking NCAA rules....isn't that right Mike Pouncey??  Speaking of the NCAA, South Carolina received an official letter of inquiry from the Death Star, which can only mean one thing...the Gamecocks have cheated long enough to make a serious run at the SEC Eastern Division title.
Cocks - 27
Dawgs - 14

And finally....

Miami at Ohio State

Hurricane fans STILL have their panties in a bunch over the 2003 Fiesta Bowl, and for good reason. They haven't been relevant nationally since then....and yes, that pass interference call was one of the worst I've ever seen.  If I'm defending Miami, you know it was bad.

Fast forward 7 years and Miami has yet to win the lowly ACC, yet we're supposed to believe all the bandwagon riding, gold chain having, house arrest bracelet wearing Hurricane fans who swear that THIS is the year "Da U" returns to the national limelight.  Yes Miami returns a core group of exceptional athletes, but they're still led by Black Les Miles.  A good start would be mastering the ACC Coastal Division. 

Ohio State is stuggling to be taken seriously outside the Midwest, after getting bent over repeatedly on college football's biggest stage by the likes of Florida, LSU and Texas. Sure they beat Oregon in the Rose Bowl last year, in a game that meant virtually nothing.  Oregon is the west coast's version of Virginia Tech.

That said, I think Terrelle Pryor will be in NYC for the Heisman ceremony, and the Buckeyes return too much thump on defense for Miami to handle.  People, this is the same Miami team that lost to WISCONSIN.  We're supposed to believe they're ready to knock off Ohio State at the horseshoe?  Not likely....

Buckeyes - 30
Canes - 17

Be good.


  1. I hope you are correct on Alabama/Penn State. I noticed Keith, the second greatest Roll Tide fan, has joined.
    Look for me on ESPN tomorrow night. I will be wearing crimson.

  2. Good stuff, guys. Hope you don't mind if I follow. SEC boy, haunted by "The Hat" so I love me some good smack-talking. Keep it light, it's only a game, right?

    Go Tigres! GO find another coach so we can once again contend.

  3. We don't mind at all. Welcome aboard!!

    Be sure to tell all your LSU and SEC buddies about us.

    Good luck to your Tigers this season...the West looks loaded.

  4. I don't usually accept 2nd billing to any man (especially as it relates to the Crimson Tide) but if there is an exception, that man would be...GARLAND HARWELL!!! I'm envious of your trip to T-town this weekend. I was there last week to break in the new expansion and it was very cool. BTW - if you've got an extra ticket for Florida and need a wingman, count me in :-)

    As for Penn St, I too hope that eViL's pick holds up but I think it might be a bit closer than that. In spite of only 3 pts last week, our defense was not championship caliber...yet. I'm hoping to see some improvement against a better opponent on Sat. If they continue to gel (as the inexperienced offensive line did last year), I'll feel much better.

    I'm not sure how many of you guys go to Deadspin but I find myself there quite a bit. If you haven't seen this already, take a look at this hateful top 25 rundown from the hilarious Drew Magary -- I particularly liked the Penn St. entry. Let the Hate continue and Roll Tide Roll!!