Friday, October 29, 2010

October 30th Picks


Happy Halloween everyone.  eViL G and Coach E are headed home to Jacksonville this weekend, and based on what's likely to happen at EverBank/Alltel/Gator Bowl Stadium, chances are we'll both relive and reopen some deep psychological childhood scars.  The good news is there's still plenty of Zoloft and scotch to go around, thanks to the generosity of our sponsors from Florida-Alabama weekend.

Luckily we have a handful of other games that actually matter, games the rest of the country will be paying more attention to than the abortion Coach E and I will be forced to sit through.  I haven't been this excited about a Florida-Georgia game since 1988.

Compounding my misery is the recent revelation that my darling stepdaughter is planning on moving to New Jersey to live with her boyfriend, which has mRs. eViL all in a tizzy.  The hormone level around this place is through the roof.  Thankfully I get some quality time with Coach E this weekend, and I plan on picking his brain all weekend on the finer points of negotiating marital relations while navigating a domestic minefield.....without having to remodel the master bathroom as a major concession.

Lastly our prayers go out the family of the Notre Dame manager who lost his life this week, and the kid from Rutgers recovering from that terrible spinal injury.


Tennessee at South Carolina
Derek Dooley flew his crazy flag last weekend, comparing his Vols to German armed forces during the attack on Pearl Harbor in Rome while David Hasslehoff was performing in Berlin with the Temptations.  Who knew?  You don't expect a guy with hair that perfect to go all Zookdazzio in front of the media.  This week his Vols will resemble France, and don't expect Darth Spurrier to let up once this thing gets out of hand.
Cocks - 40
Vols - 14

Michigan State at Iowa
It is God's will that no Big 10 team not named Ohio State will ever go undefeated.  It's right there in the Book of Revelations.  Sparty's had a good run, but when you factor in they needed a fluke fake FG to beat a Notre Dame squad who just got waxed by Navy....well now you understand why MSU's coach suffered that heart attack.  Mess with God's will and bad stuff happens.  Michigan State, you're eliminated.
Hawkeyes - 20
Sparty - 17

Missouri at Nebraska
It's Letdown Time in Lincoln.  All week Missouri's squad has been showered with the love and attention that only the finest Big 12 coeds can administer.  Now fellas, think about how motivated you are to do anything after one happy multiply that times a week...with a college kid's libido. I bet some of you fell asleep just thinking about it.  Nebraska ROLLS Mizzou tomorrow.  Book it....Missouri, you are also eliminated.
Huskers - 45
Tigers - 17

Auburn at Ole Miss
This is the sexy upset pick of the week.  Granted, Auburn needed some luck against Clemson and a late drive to fend off pesky Kentucky, but this team appears to be on a mission.  I think Bama eventually beats them in Tuscaloosa, but until then I expect Auburn to cruise through what's left of their conference schedule.  I must admit, the thought of an Auburn-Oregon BCS title game sounds pretty damn entertaining.
War Eagle - 37
Hoddy Toddy - 24

Oregon at Southern Cal
Speaking of Oregon, they look like the nation's best team, in spite of being smallish on defense.  They will STRUGGLE this weekend against the Trojans.  I have a feeling Oregon will teeter on the brink of elimination before pulling out a miracle finish they'll replay over and over again in Eugene for the next 20 years.
Ducks - 29
Trojans - 27

And finally...

Florida vs Georgia
Does this game deserve the coveted "And finally..." spot?  Probably not.  You have to go back over 30 years to find a Florida-Georgia game with both teams unranked.  I think Coach E and I were 6th graders at Holy Rosary Catholic School back then, most likely in trouble for making fun of Sister Mary Berna's moustache.

What's certain about this UF team is its complete and utter offensive incompetency.  You can hang your hat on that.  I don't care about Urban Meyer vowing to fix the offense, the fact is this UF team has easily one of the worst offensive coaching staffs in America...from Steve Addazio to running backs coach Stan Drayton to QB coach Scott Loeffler to offensive line coach Steve Addazio to wide receivers coach Zach Azzani to offensive coordinator Steve Addazio.  I think that's everyone.

The most telling thing about UF's offense (and coaches) is apparently it takes NFL-ready personnel like Aaron Hernandez, Percy Harvin, Riley Cooper, Louis Murphy and an all-timer like Tim Tebow to succeed.  Take away Harvin and Murphy, and the offense is merely average.  Take away Tebow, Cooper and Hernandez and the offense is downright dreadful.  Meanwhile Steve Spurrier took Chris Doering and made him the SEC's all-time leader in TD receptions. 

The UGA fans I know are cautiously optimistic, some downright paranoid about the possibility of losing to UF's worst team since Spurrier came back to Gainesville.  Personally I think UGA's last three wins were all smoke and mirrors...Tennessee, Kentucky and Vanderbilt aren't exactly elite teams.  But UGA will have the best player on the field tomorow in A.J. Green, and unlike UF, they run an offense that works more often than not.

When you factor in UF's defense losing its mojo recently, the pick is an easy one.  Mississippi State dared UF to stop them from running, and UF couldn't.  UGA will bring a more diverse attack, and quite frankly I'm expecting the worst.  Urban Meyer gets a pass this season, but his program is about to hit rock bottom...with South Carolina and FSU still left to play.

You gambling types out there....take UGA and lay the 3 points.  This is easy money.

UGA - 31
UF - 10

Be good.


  1. I nearly blew out my prostrate from laughing at the Sister Mary Berna reference!

  2. I hated that bitch....good times.

  3. By the way Coach E, the BP crew is tailgating in Lot Z tomorrow.