Greetings everyone. Since I'm pressed for time, today's picks are brought to you by 6-minute abs, 5-Hour Energy and the late, great 30-second philospher Nipsey Russell.
Many college football teams are still searching for an identity; Florida and Southern Cal I'm looking directly at you. Look for these, and other teams to further discover their personalities tomorrow.
Speaking of personalities, some of you may not be aware the eViL family recently had a new addition to our household. My wife's 21 year-old daughter recently moved in with us, making me an instant stepdad. And as far as you pervs are concerned, my stepdaughter may as well be 5 feet tall, weigh 185 pounds, has a lazy eye growing out of her forehead....in addtion to sporting a kick-ass moustache. Yep, that's my princess.
I never fully realized just how much brain capacity is wasted by the average 21 year-old, and I never really had an appreciation for their thought process. It makes my head hurt just thinking about it. For instance, my stepdaughter recently got a promotion at her job, and is working towards a career in the dental field. So it should come as no surprise she's currently dating a guy with a neck tattoo. Nothing screams upward mobility like permantly tattooing your name under your left ear. You'd think a having a valid passport or drivers license would be enough to prove who you are.
Anyways, they say children change your life forever, and for the first time in my 40+ years of existence I can now say I understand. The Ike Turner Memorial Bachlor Pad (now sponsored by Martha Stewart and Brighton) will never be the same.
Tennessee at GeorgiaThe last time these two teams played each other, BOTH with losing records, was somewhere around the turn of the century...the 20th century...1905 to be exact. I really don't think UGA is as bad as their record indicates, but their record pleases me nonetheless. I still don't know what to make of Tennessee. The team that stood toe-to-toe with Oregon has gone AWOL, and it's been replaced with a team in need of counseling. However I do give the Vols credit for that unstoppable 6-3-4 scheme they used against LSU. UGA is the taller midget here, and they're playing at home.
We Lost to Colorado- 19
We Shoulda Lost to UAB - 17
Southern Cal at Stanford
Okay, so perhaps I underestimated Oregon last week. It happens. But rarely am I wrong about the same team two weeks in a row. Expect Stanford to bounce back in a big way and CRUSH the Trojans, and also expect Lane Kiffin's facial expression to resemble that of a spoiled 7 year-old girl who didn't get the pony she wanted for her birthday.
Trees - 28
Jimmy Hats - 10
Michigan State at Michigan
If you believe all the talking heads on ESPN, this year's Heisman race is all but over. Denard Robinson has it locked up, and he's on pace to make Tim Tebow's 2007 numbers look downright ordinary. Robinson's biggest roadblock to winning the Heisman is his own defense, who can't seem to stop anyone. France thinks Michigan's defense is weak. Hopefully Denard Robinson will hold up the rest of the season...if he does he'll be holding up the Heisman in December. Personally I think he hits a wall over the next month as Michigan starts playing stronger opposition....the wall-hitting starts tomorrow.
Green Monster - 38
Big Blue - 35
Florida State at Miami
Wix and I had lunch at the Wing House on Wednesday, and in between solving the world's problems and discussing the pitfalls of raising children, we both agreed that Miami has too many horses for his Noles to handle. Miami's running game isn't spectacular, but their offensive line is very good, while FSU's defensive line is undersized. Jacory Harris is overrated, but FSU's secondary is soft. Greg Reid still refuses to tackle anyone. FSU's defensive coaches still don't understand the tight end is an eligible receiver. Miami will score and score often....FSU will score too, just not as often.
scUM - 28
Noles - 16
LSU at Florida
Just when Gator Nation reached a boiling point over their offensive shortcomings, next up on the schedule is LSU, who just so happens to be coached by a guy riding the short bus. Last week Les Miles took it to what I like to call "the whole 'nother level" by dragging the opposing coach down to his level....and we're talking about Derek Dooley, an educated man who practiced law before coaching football. Imagine what Miles will do to Steve Addazio. Seriously, watching the end of that Tennessee-LSU game was like watching someone toss baby kittens into a bonfire, only more horrifying. For all that's wrong with UF's offense, LSU's offense is worse. UF's defense is itching to redeem themselves after last week, and the good guys are playing at home under the lights. Advantage good guys.
Reptiles - 24
Cajuns - 10
Alabama at South Carolina
Alabama begins the "lumberjack match" portion of their schedule, when just about all of their opponents have a week off before facing the Tide. I liken this to the old Florida Championship Wrestling days (with your host Gordon Solie) when Andre the Giant would take on multiple scrubs like Raul Matta, Iron Mike Sharp, or any of the Funk or von Erich brothers at the same time in a classic lumberjack match. Just when Andre caught his breath, some fresh new opponent would show up and start wailing on him. Usually a Pier 6 brawl ensued, and it wasn't uncommon for someone's face to become a crimson mask. Good times.
South Carolina might be the best team in the East, but as far as the SEC race is concerned, being best in the East is like being the fastest one-legged person on planet. It only gets you so far, especially when Usain Bolt is waiting for you in Atlanta. Stephen Garcia still drives Steve Spurrier apeshit over his decision making, but for the first time since Fred Taylor, the ole ball coach has a legit tailback who can control the clock and the game.
Bama is in cruise control, and they simply do not make mistakes. They are head and shoulders above everyone in college football. Right now Bama is no worse than the 3rd best team in the NFC West.
Ask yourself these three questions....
- Can you envision a freshman tailback single-handedly beating the Tide? (actually I can, but I was a sophomore at UF when Emmitt did it in way back in 19 and 87)
- Can you see Stephen Garcia carrying out the ole ball coach's instructions perfectly?
- Do you expect South Carolina to do anything other than what South Carolina normally does in so-called big games, regardless of venue?
Tide - 27
Cocks - 13