Friday, December 3, 2010

Championship Week Picks

The ACC Championship Game:  Making Empty Seats Look Like North Carolina Fans Since 2005

Welcome to Championship Week, brought to you by the 48 car, Ric Flair, and the WNBA's Phoenix Mercury.

So let me get this straight....former Oklahoma State receiver Dez Bryant can go to dinner with Deion Sanders, which isn't an NCAA violation.  But if you lie to the NCAA about doing something that's not an NCAA violation, like Bryant did, the NCAA can immediately suspend you for virtually the entire season.  A.J. Green got a four-game suspension, making what amounted to chump change for hawking some of his UGA game jerseys on eBay.  

But if you pimp your son to the highest bidder, it's cool as far as the NCAA is concerned, as long as the pimpee had no knowledge of being pimped.  The ho can just keep on trickin'.  Unlike our true pimp Mr. Edwards, up until this season I really had no quarrel with Auburn University.  Now it's clear between Auburn's decision to rule Cam Newton ineligible, and the NCAA's warp speed decision to reinstate him in less than 24 hours, there's enough shadiness here to make Charles Rangel and Bernie Madoff look like eagle scouts.

Shame on Auburn University, SEC commissioner Mike Slive and the NCAA for opening up an Rex Ryan-sized can of worms and setting a potentially disastrous precedent.  

Pimpin' ain't easy, but until this loophole is closed, apparently it's legal. 


Oregon at Oregon State
I'll go ahead and get the shocker out of the way (no...not that shocker) need to prolong the drama.  Oregon State throws the mother of all monkey wrenches into the BCS by denying Oregon a shot at the national title.  Over the next two weeks, TCU and all the 1-loss teams begin furiously lobbying Michael Wilbon and Tony Kornheiser on PTI as to why they deserve a shot to play for all the marbles.  You notice I didn't mention Auburn.  If you're intrigued, by all means please read on.
Beavers - 24
Ducks - 23

Yeah, this game is

Conference USA Championship Game
Southern Methodist at Central Florida
My employer has naming rights at UCF's on-campus stadium, and my sister is employed by UCF, so it's only right I show some love for the home town team.  I turned down tickets in my employer's club suite for the same reason that overweight beer delivery guy removes Miller High Life from dog shows and polo matches.  Give me two seats in the end zone with the unwashed masses.  Better yet, give me a two-way splitter, two flat screen TVs in the living room, a steady flow of Makers Mark and an unlimited supply of salted pistachio nuts.  That my friends is living the high life.  By now, based on all this filler material, you've come to the realization I know absolutely nothing about these two teams, and any speculation about tomorrow's outcome is about as reliable as John Brantley on 3rd and 9.
Knights - 34
'Stangs - 23

ACC Championship Game
Virginia Tech vs. Florida State
FSU looked like world-beaters last week, but given the competition that's not saying much.  The Noles have been up and down most of the season, winning games they shouldn't have (Clemson) and losing games they shouldn't have (UNC and NC State).  Meanwhile since the James Madison fiasco, VT is playing the nation's best football outside of Eugene and Opelika.  In what should be an evenly matched game, I'm picking FSU to win, if for no other reason my predictions usually suck ass.  Come on reverse mojo.....
Noles - 37
Hokies - 17

Big 12 Championship Game
Oklahoma vs. Nebraska
It's no secret Nebraska had no desire to stay in the Big 12, earning chump change while Texas pulled in the lion's share of spite of a 5-7 season.  Truth be told, everyone left in the Big 12 feels that way....except of course Texas.  You wonder how much Oklahoma has left in the tank after that wild game in Stillwater, while Big Red coasted against Colorado.  No reverse mojo necessary here...Nebraska gets in one last parting shot before taking their talents to a conference with its own TV network.  Big Game Bob falls short again, which saves America from having to watch him fall short in a BCS bowl.
Huskers - 26
Sooners - 18

...and finally

SEC Championship Game
Auburn vs. South Carolina
It's amazing how close Auburn came to not playing in this game.  A close win on the road at Mississippi State here, a comeback for the ages at Alabama there...not to mention an overtime escape at home against Clemson that would have already ruined the perfect BCS scenario. 

Steve Spurrier is no stranger to this game, but you wonder if his players will be satisfied with advancing to the title game instead of competing to win it.  The only motivation they need is tape from the first game these two teams played.  The Gamecocks were a fourth quarter Stephen Garcia meltdown away from winning at Auburn.

It's possible SEC commisioner Mike Slive may not watch this game, but that's contingent upon Slive removing his head from his ass sometime before 4:00 EST tomorrow.  As badly as I want to pick South Carolina, there's some cosmic forces at play that don't appear willing to let Auburn lose.  The legend of Cam Newton grows and Auburn's title run continues. 

Sorry can take comfort in knowing there's a very good chance Auburn's SEC (and national) title(s) will be vacated in a couple years.

War Eagle - 28
Fried Chicken - 21

Be good.

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