Friday, November 29, 2013

eViL G's 2013 Hate Week Picks

Welcome to Hate Week.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!  Here's hoping you had a great day spending time with friends, family and loved ones.  If you didn't have a great day spending time with friends, family and loved ones, I hope you faked it so as not to cause unnecessary drama on a day when we're supposed to count our blessings.  Nobody likes being around an asshole on Thanksgiving.

Hate Week is upon us, but unlike years past I'm struggling to muster up excessive amounts of animosity and general dickishness.  Being subjected to the last two months of Gator football has me more apathetic than pissed.  I'll stop short of ripping the coaching staff or Jeremy Foley.  Why bother?  Gator Nation is emotionally drained, and we're ready for this season to be over. 

Thankfully by this time tomorrow it will be.


South Florida at Central Florida
As far as Hate Week rivalries go, this one is barely old enough to successfully poo poo in the potty without getting a little bit of shit on the bathroom floor.  USF is used to having its way with UCF, winning all four games in the series.  But that ends tomorrow night.  Your hometown Knights have patiently waited all year to lay down this ass whuppin'.
UCF - 40
USF - 14

Texas A&M at Missouri
Not exactly two teams who hate each other, but the stakes are high for Mizzou, who can clinch a spot in the SEC title game, and Johnny Manziel, who I've grown to hate and I'm sure you have too.  Mike Evans doesn't get nearly enough love, and he deserves it because he's bailed out Johnny Acne countless times this season.  A&M's defense is garbage, and Missouri's gigantic receivers should have a field day.  Go Tigers, and F Manziel.
Mizzou - 38
aTm - 28

(Oh and Kevin Sumlin, I should clarify that I hate your QB, not your team and especially not you.  You are a wonderful human being.  If for whatever reason you get tired of College Station...we'll be over here, sucking ass and longing for a new football coach...hugs and kisses.) 

Ohio State at Michigan
As a Florida fan/alum, how do you reconcile Urban Meyer winning two national titles at UF with laying the groundwork for the steamy crapfest Gator football has become?  By hating his fucking guts...that's how.  Good news is Ohio State won't sniff the BCS title game this season.  The bad news is Ohio State gets to masquerade as a legit title contender again...even though anyone paying attention knows FSU or Alabama would beat the Buckeyes like Chris Brown beat Rihanna.  Michigan doesn't stand a chance because their offense sucks almost as badly as ours, without being forced to play their 3rd string QB.  Buckeyes attempt to embarrass Michigan in their house, then bad things happen...stay tuned.
Buckeyes - 31
Wolverines - 17 

Georgia at Georgia Tech
Clemson at South Carolina
Nothing on the line here...just two in-state rivalries no one cares about outside of Georgia or South Carolina.  However I'm curious to see if ClowneyMonster takes one last chunk out of Tajh Boyd's ass.  I'd also like to wish a speedy recovery to UGA's Aaron Murray.  Even though he played for the enemy, he consistently sucked ass against UF for four straight years, and somehow Georgia won three of those games in spite of him doing all he could to help the Gators win.
Dawgs - 17
Jackets - 16

Cocks - 38
Tigers - 24 

FSU at Florida
Man, this is depressing.  I'm having trouble fostering legitimate hatred for FSU.  They're an amazing team to watch.  Jameis Winston should win the Heisman.  If the Crimson Tide get past Auburn and Missouri, FSU's passing game will give Alabama fits. I just hate that UF won't offer one bit of resistance, in The Swamp on Senior Day, in front of 40,000 Seminole fans.  In all kinds of weather we all stick together.  I say fuck this weather.  An epic FSU beat down might just be what the doctor ordered to make things right again.  I hate what UF has become more than what FSU has accomplished...and I'm not alone.  To all my FSU friends and co-workers, enjoy the game.  I'll be watching, hoping for a miracle.
Noles - 52
Crocs - 10
and finally... 

Alabama at Auburn
Nick Saban has plenty of haters.  Hate Nick Saban all you want, he doesn't care.  Nick Saban doesn't know you exist, nor does he care.  You are a pimple on Nick Saban's ass crack.  And when Nick Saban finishes taking a dump, he wipes shit all up in your face.  

The only saving grace for Nick Saban's haters is he doesn't appear to enjoy having the entire college football universe as his bitch.  I'm guessing a lesser person like you or me would handle that type of power differently.  We'd be bigger assholes than Nick Saban...we'd be Lane Kiffin with four national titles.  How fucked up would that be?

As for Auburn, if we leaned anything this year, we learned Gus Malzahn did the heavy lifting three seasons ago while Gene Chizik got all the credit.  Gus is a great coach.  Gene Chizik is unemployed.

The problem with Auburn is, their strengths don't match up well against Alabama.  Auburn can't pass consistently unless two UGA defenders crash into each other on 4th and 18.  Bama struggles defensively against passing teams.  Auburn's rush attack is great.  Bama's rush defense is as great, if not greater.

I don't expect this game to be cosmetically pleasing.  Bama is a notoriously slow starter...and that'll bite them in the ass if they play FSU, but they grind out  an old fashioned SEC street fight.  Roll Tide.

Bama - 18
Auburn - 14

Be good.

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