Monday, August 31, 2015

2015 Pre-Season Rant - The Will Muschamp Nightmare is OVER!!!

"Over the past three seasons, UF's average pass attempt was this long."
- Jim McElwain
Greetings everyone.

Last year eViLG took the season off, to the point where 2010 Urban Meyer and Jamarcus Russell questioned my work ethic. 
Now I’m not making any promises for 2015, but if I do take some time off again you won’t hear me making bullshit health excuses like Urban did 5 years ago.  Hey Urbs, anyone with their ear to the ground in Gainesville knows what really went down (allegedly), who they went down on, and why our wide receiver coach suddenly found greener pastures in Baton Rouge.  Streets talk Urban, but I digress… 

I’m in a strange place this season folks, turned the corner in life if you will.  This December my parents will be married 51 years.  The ring bearer in their wedding, now in his mid-50s, has a 6-7, 300 pound beast of son who’ll play left tackle at UNC Chapel Hill this fall.  My mother’s best friend, a close family friend who passed away many years ago, her grandson is UF freshman wide receiver Kalif Jackson.  Nearly 30 years ago I graduated from Bishop Kenny High School…God’s alma mater…with the father of UF freshman center Tyler Jordan. 

So as the season wears on I’ll struggle with balancing the right amount of smart assed commentary with the understanding that these kids are in fact kids.  

Where was I...oh yeah, football season… 

Have you ever been let down by the same person so many times, perhaps a friend or family member who can’t get his/her shit together, to the point where you celebrate when they do something so basic, so common, so ordinary relative to other people?  That’s the collective psyche of Gator Nation right now.  Ponder that this weekend, when UF completes two consecutive forward passes in the same drive and you lose your gotdamned mind. 

Then you question why you’re celebrating this nonsense in the first place, causing you to resent that person even more for compromising your standards.  Shouldn’t we expect better?  Is a 9-3 or 8-4 season really worth doing backflips? 
Sadly Gator fans, the answer is yes.
Jeremy Foley hired a retarded caveman to run my alma mater’s football program, and in less than four years Captain Cavemen damn near burned it to the ground.  He invented ways to lose games never before seen in the history of college football. 
Hold an opponent to 95 yards of total offense and still lose?  Check. 
Get four takeaways in the first half and still lose?  Check. 
Hold an FCS opponent to ZERO PASSING YARDS and still home?  Check. 
Continue to start Jeff Driskel when the one-armed kid on UF's basketball team is clearly a more accurate passer?  Check. 
Even last year's Georgia win felt tainted, because it bought that ape Muschimp more time.  I never really had legitimate reason to HATE Auburn, now I do.  Screw that guy. 

Enter Jim McElwain and his folksy swagger, his goofy smoothness, his “that’s what it’s all about” tagline…seems like he gets it.  Coach Mac made Charlie Strong his bitch in the 2009 SEC Championship Game.  He convinced Jeremy Foley to pry open his wallet for an indoor practice facility.  He miraculously healed Antonio Morrison’s knee.  HE HAS HEAD COACHING EXPERIENCE!!!  WAS THAT SO HARD JEREMY???  WAS IT??? 

From all accounts he’s saying the right things and our kids appear to be buying in.  Time will tell if he’s the answer.  Twenty-five years ago Gator football was in a similar funk, mired in mediocrity, and we brought in an offensive-minded coach who changed everything. 
Hopefully history repeats itself.

Be good.


  1. Glad to see you back in stride. Will keep my eyes open for you Saturday!

  2. Glad to have you back BUT the Jamarcus Russell reference was an insult to all Tigers. Why? Et tu Brute?

    Just saying, I have heard from several Gators they expect an SEC East title this year. Hope springs eternal. McIlwain, really? Good luck with that, but I am not seeing it.

    Have a great season, eG. Great to have you back.

  3. Yes! You're back! I couldn't handle losing you AND Jon Stewart!
    Go Gators!