eViL G's Hate Week 2011 Picks

Consider yourselves warned...




Greetings everyone.  I'm wishing you all a safe and happy Thanksgiving weekend with friends, family and loved ones.  Please travel safe and take some time to reflect on all the things we are truly blessed and thankful for in our lives.

(eViL G is reflecting...please hold...)

Alright, we got that out of the way, so let's talk about something we can all identify with...good old-fashioned hatred.  I'll begin, and I'm apologizing up front to my mother, because Hate Week brings out the worst in her baby boy.

Welcome to Hate Week

I hate Lebron James.  I hate Lebron James as much if not more than I hate Georgia's football team.  I hated Lebron when he played for Cleveland.  His Cavs lost the Eastern Conference Finals to my beloved Orlando Magic, and Bron Bron couldn't bring himself to shake hands with or acknowledge his opponent.  Bron went straight up Isaiah Thomas and walked off the court like a little bitch.  I hate that just about everyone hates Lebron James now when I hated him four years ago....I HATED HIM FIRST DAMMIT!!  I hated him before The Decision, I hated him before that stupid Miami Dream Team pep rally.  Truth be told, I hated Lebron as soon as he walked across the NBA Draft stage wearing that white suit looking like Morgan Freeman in Bruce Almighty.

Now usually the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree, so it's no shock that I also hate Lebron's alcoholic mother...that's right, I said it.  She's a gotdamned drunk.  At no point during my limited sports career did I ever have to tell my mother to "sit her ass down" because she was acting a fool in the stands.  No wonder your boy disappears in crunch time Gloria, he's too worried about the possibility of you banging one of his teammates, punching hotel valets and driving around Collins Avenue with a 0.16 blood-alcohol level.  

Lebron and Gloria James, I fucking hate both of you.

See how easy that was?  Surely you can find it within your heart to come up with a similar example of something you hate to the point where you're tempted to punch an elderly person in the chest for no good reason.  I know it's not just me.

Welcome to Hate Week...and Happy Thanksgiving. 

PICKS!!!

Duke at North Carolina

These schools hate each other, but from a football standpoint, this game should be about as exciting as watching two bald men fight over a comb.  That said, I fucking hate Roy Williams.  I hate that we share the same last name, and I REALLY hated how he turned Billy Donovan in to the NCAA for successfully recruiting Mike Miller to Gainesville.  Fuck you Roy Williams, I hope Coach K makes you eat his shit for the next decade.  But as far as football goes....

Tar Heels - 34

Blue Devils - 21

Alabama at Auburn

The rivalry that defines Hate Week.  Trees get poisoned, dogs get kicked and people get shot over this game.  My wife would tell you how much I hated watching Cam Newton win a Heisman and national title wearing Auburn navy blue instead of Florida royal blue.  I have a love/hate relationship with Alabama's Trent Richardson...I love watching him run, and I hate him choosing Bama over UF (not that I blame him one bit).  Many folks hate that Alabama has an easier path to the national title game than LSU or Arkansas.  Don't hate the player, hate the game.  Alabama is headed to the BCS title game, and there's not much a weak Auburn squad can do about it.

Bama - 27

Auburn - 6

Texas at Texas A&M

Now I don't hate Texas, but I understand why many people do.  Texas is the closest thing to a true college football pimp.  For doing the same amount of work as their conference brethren, Texas gets the lion share of TV revenue to the point where they started their own TV network.  If that's not pimpin' I don't know what is.  Small wonder why the rest of the Big 12 doesn't feel the least bit sorry for Texas struggling....again.  Texas A&M sends Texas a parting shot...just like Missouri did...before leaving for God's favorite conference.

Aggies - 30

Horns - 14

Georgia at Georgia Tech

My feelings about Georgia football are well-documented.  I fucking hate them.  Go Georgia Tech.  And if for some reason UGA decides to send the entire team on the field to illegally celebrate their first touchdown, I hope each and everyone of those fuckers tears an ACL.  Go Georgia Tech.

Georgia Tech - infinity

Georgia - negative infinity

Tennessee at Kentucky

I hate that Tennessee historically finishes up the regular season against Kentucky and Vanderbilt, while the rest of the country plays real competition.  Now that Tennessee is now slightly above the level of Vandy, and we've got a 7-game winning streak against them, it doesn't bother me as much.  Kentucky basketball is another story altogether...I fucking hate them.

Big Orange - 42

Little Blue - 10

Ohio State at Michigan

Like many of you, I hate it when Desmond Howard attempts to complete a sentence.  It's painful and disturbing, like watching two really fat people have sex.  When he does manage to blurt out a complete thought, usually it's something completely irrational, like E.J. Manuel is a legit Heisman Trophy candidate.  Brilliant Desmond...brilliant...

Meatchicken - 20

Ohio State - 17

Florida State at Florida

I pride myself on having a keen sense of self-awareness.  So I completely acknowledge the fact that my alma mater is universally hated by just about everyone.  I'm gonna go all B-Rabbit from 8 Mile and point out everything non-Gator fans say about us.  Let's see...you're sick and tired of the media attention a certain former UF QB gets over in Denver (his name escapes me at the moment), our fan base has a reputation for being overly obnoxious, our football success only dates back to 1990, our trademark Gator chomp was stolen from a movie about a shark, we get preferential treatment from referees, our school colors don't translate well into normal society...AAAAAND we've got a handful of national championships in football and basketball over the past 5 years.  So by all means, continue to hate us, we've earned it.  Having said all that, I hate our offense, I hate our defense, I hate our coaching staff and I hate knowing FSU is gonna beat the dogshit out of us Saturday night.  I also hate Urban Meyer for bailing on us because he knew he didn't have the talent everyone thought he had.  Enjoy Columbus you motherfucker you.

Noles - 32

Gators - 17

Virginia at Virginia Tech

I hate that Virginia had to win the same game three different times in the last 10 seconds last week in Tallahassee.  That was some bullshit.  However I love knowing FSU or Miami won't play each other for the A She She Championship anytime soon.  Virginia Tech owns the conference for now, and they win at home tomorrow.

Hokies - 17

Wahoos - 16

Clemson at South Carolina

Steve Spurrier, do I hate you?  You gotdamn right I do.  Fuck Steve Spurrier until he coaches a team that's not on UF's schedule every year.  The memories are much appreciated, but fuck you just the same.  Now please go beat Clemson...or not...

Tigers - 16

Cocks - 14

Texas Tech at Baylor

I hate all the attention Andrew Luck gets.  All the talking heads are slobbering over Luck and how he translates to the next level, while forgetting he plays against a bunch of surfers in the PAC-12.  Meanwhile, Robert Griffin III is the best quarterback in college football.  Period.  If my mancrush on Trent Richardson wasn't so strong, and I had a Heisman vote, Griffin would get my Heisman vote.

Baylor - 48

TTech - 31

And finally....

Arkansas at LSU

There's plenty for me to hate about this game.  The SEC East, once the premier division in all of college football, looks like the old Big 12 North compared to today's SEC West.  I fucking hate that.  Since LSU assistant coach Billy Gonzalez left UF, we've been stuck with a steamy pile of whale shit at the wide receiver position.  Finally, my sister has a basketball game scheduled at 2:30 on Friday, and my family will be in attendance, meaning I'll have to shut out all outside information so I can catch the game on DVR later that evening.  While I hate schedule conflicts, family is more important than LSU-Arkansas.

Arkansas looks like a legit national title contender (stop snickering Bama fans), and their offense is peaking at the right moment.  But at the end of the day LSU won't disappoint, in spite of losing 3 of the last 4 to Arkansas.  LSU's defense is too tough, and Arkansas' passing game plays right into the hands of LSU's strength...their secondary and pass rush.

The days of second-guessing Les Miles are over.  The man can flat out coach.  I just want LSU 100% healthy for their beatdown of UGA in a little over a week.  However if an Arkansas player takes out Tyrann Mathieu, I won't be disappointed.  I hate that little overrated motherfucker.

LSU wins, and the BCS gods breathe a huge sigh of relief for now.

LSU - 30
Arkansas - 23

Be good.

eG

Monday Afternoon Hangover



Reassurances from the Bowl Championship Series...



This is what happens when I take a week off…..Psycho Puppy makes an appearance up in here and all hell breaks loose.  Now chaos is the order of the day...and coming weeks.  How else do you explain Lee Corso dropping F-bombs on Gameday, or Mark Richt slipping his wife the tongue on national television?

Two words:  Psycho Puppy

Now I didn’t expect Oklahoma State to go undefeated, because they’re Oklahoma State.  Certain schools have no business contending for national championships, and when they do, at some point the pucker factor kicks in...right Clemson?  

In fact, I should have seen that Iowa State upset coming a mile away.  Last week Keith and I spent WAAAAY too much time talking about scenarios that would put his beloved Crimson Tide back in the national title game.  We also had some spirited dialogue about whether or not Herman Cain is actually B.B. King.

What many of you may not know is Keith’s father, a proud Iowa State alum, lost his battle with cancer not too long ago.  I suggested that Keith have Pops call in a favor with the man upstairs, and the rest is BCS history.  Thanks to Pops, Oklahoma State, Oregon and Oklahoma are toast, and Alabama looks to have the easiest path to the national title game…all in one weekend.  It just goes to show how much lifelong equity you build with the Almighty after raising Keith Edwards. 

Pops, you are the man, and we miss you....thanks for shaking things up.

eG

Gone Fishing....

Hey guys, thanks to a brutal work schedule I'm taking this week off.

I'll be back for rivalry week, better known as Hate Week around these parts.

In the meantime, please enjoy this picture of Psycho Puppy.

Be good....or Psycho Puppy will poop on your carpet, then use your jugular vein as a chew toy.

(Yeah, it's been one of those weeks....)

eG

WE ARE.....

Maybe I'm jumping the shark so to speak, with the "We Are" idea. But let's be honest with each other....If I can't be cocky for the Furman game, then the terrorist have already won. Actually, I checked the line from our "friends" out in the desert, and according to them, we're 17 point 'dogs vs. the terrorist. If I were you, I'd take those points. This season has just been a blur; and as we wind down this season, I'd like take the time to thank eViL G and Corch E as well as the 'Bama Keith's' for making this season enjoyable. Not sure if this will be the last contribution this season for me or not since if we happen to beat Furman, we're probably going to lose to FSU and I don't want to be up on here using foul language in front of mama eViL G. Perhaps I'll make a bowl game appearance for our December 1st bowl game vs Eastern Omaha Steaks State....Our friends in the desert are saying we're a 3 point 'dog in that game....I'd take the points if I were you.

-FlawdaGator

Remember to follow me on the twitters... @FlawdaGator

eViL G's Weekly Picks for November 12th

Greetings everyone.

After the 2009 season I made a deal with myself not to take college football so seriously...I know, easier said than done.  That season I "suffered" through UF going 13-1 and just missing out on their third BCS title game in four years.  With the exception of a minor meltdown after losing to Georgia a couple weeks ago, for the most part I've been true to myself.  Again, easier said than done, especially when Georgia is involved.  I'm working on it mama, I really am.

College football is a game, an extracurricular activity.  It's a welcome diversion for many, a source of pride for alums, students and fans, but at the end of the day it's a game.  This season more than any in recent memory, we've received a sobering education on the lengths some folks will go to win football games, consequences be damned.

Ohio State lost its coach over tattoos and memorabilia.  Miami is in the crosshairs of an NCAA investigation, but from all accounts the hookers and strippers were of age.  My hometown UCF Knights' athletic department took a major hit based on NCAA allegations of agent activity on campus...a story that hit way too close to home.

Penn State just raised the bar...more on them later.

If we learned anything this week, we learned there are far more important things in life than winning a football game.  We also learned Herman Cain is a freak and Rick Perry is an idiot.

Can Saturday get here any quicker?  We could really use a diversion.

PICKS!!!

Florida at South Carolina

How bad is Florida's offense?  How good is South Carolina's defense?  Gamecock defensive end Melvin Ingram has 3 touchdowns.  If Ingram played for Florida, he'd be in a second place tie with Trey Burton for most rushing TDs.  Any questions?

Cocks - 21

Crocs - 10

Miami at Florida State

How irrelevant is the Miami-FSU rivalry in 2011?  Yesterday I had lunch with FSU alum, 20+ year FSU season ticket holder and the pride of Terry Parker High School, Steven Biletnikoff SnoopMinnis Wix.  Wix is to FSU what I am to Florida, only more pessimistic, and he hates Miami more than I hate Georgia.  How big is this game?  Wix will be watching from his living room in East Orlando.

Noles - 41

Canes - 15

Auburn at Georgia

Mark Richt got chippy with the media when asked if any players were suspended for Saturday's game against long-time rival Auburn.  Urban Meyer took harsh criticism for UF players getting in trouble with the law.  Truth be told, during Meyer's stay in Gainesville (one year too many), two schools had more arrests than UF.  UGA was one.  The other?  Penn State...more on them later.  UGA can all but wrap up the 2011 Tallest Midget contest...aka the SEC Eastern Division championship.  Auburn is too young to play spoiler, not that I want them to.  What I do want is for UGA to get a woodshed beating from LSU in the SEC Championship Game.

Dawgs - 24

Plainsmen - 14

Alabama at Mississippi State

Every now and then Bama tends to struggle at Starkville.  In spite of a lingering post-LSU hangover, Mississippi State will have Bama's full attention...eventually...

Crimson Tide - 31

Other Dawgs - 10

Nebraska at Penn State

JoePa is out, and now PSU assistant coach/super ginger Mike McQueary is out too...but he gets to keep his job for now.  Do you honestly think Penn State's football team is in the proper frame of mind to win this game? 

Huskers - 28

Lions - 23

Oregon at Stanford

You just know Andrew Luck is pissed at the Miami Dolphins for beating Kansas City last week.   I'd be pissed too.  Who wants to play in Indianapolis?   Expect this game to resemble the Toledo-Western Michigan track meet from Tuesday night, only with better athletes, smarter students and Tiger Woods on the sidelines.

Ducks - 66

Trees - 63

And finally...

Penn State University vs. Common Motherf**king Sense

Link - Penn State Assistant Coach Jerry Sandusky Sexual Assault Grand Jury Report

If you haven't already read the 23-page grand jury report detailing sexual assault allegations of former Penn State defensive coordinator Jerry Sandusky, and you think you have the stomach for it, click the link above and check it out.  If you made it past Page 5, you did better than most.

There's plenty of blame to go around, but what's crystal clear is there were far too many people more concerned with protecting Penn State than the children Sandusky allegedly had his way with.  Everyone involved, from Mike McQueary to Joe Paterno to University Police, they all fell short of their moral obligation to protect kids who couldn't protect themselves.

A faction of Penn State students showed their ingorance and their collective asses on national television, blaming the media for this mess.  ESPN's Colin Cowherd was on point when he said, "Don't blame Weather Channel for the Category 5 hurricane."  What's ironic is several of the victims mentioned in the grand jury report are now college-aged.  Sometimes youth is wasted on the young.

At best, Paterno didn't do enough.  At worst, he's part of a larger conspiracy which allowed a child predator to operate unchecked within the facilities of his football program.  Paterno wasn't implicated or accused of any wrongdoing, and from all reports isn't a target of the Sandusky investigation.  So it makes perfect sense he's contacted a prominent defense attorney to represent him.....represent him for what exactly?

And why is no one digging deeper into the disappearance of Ray Gricar, the original district attorney who worked the Sandusky investigation back in 2005?  Gricar went missing in April 2005 and has since been declared dead, but his body was never found.  

This story isn't going anywhere soon, and as I type this new allegations are surfacing regarding Sandusky, his Second Mile charity and some wealthy Penn State donors...and it's not pretty.  Civil suits will cost Penn State millions of dollars.  As time passes we'll find out more people either suspected or knew about Jerry Sandusky, but failed to take action.  More victims will come forward.  Mike McQueary will eventually leave Happy Valley, voluntarily or involuntarily.  If convicted, Jerry Sandusky will eventually gain the perspective of his victims...hopefully often and without consent.

And least important of all, Penn State will lose some football games. 

Be good.

eG