eViL G's Championship Week Picks

I'll take "Things You Won't See Again For A Long, Long Time" for $800, Alex.....

Greetings from Orlando, and welcome to Championship Week.

I didn't get a chance to post my Sunday Morning Hangover segment this week, and that's my bad because there was all sorts of news flying around.  This much is certain, Urban Meyer will headline my Hate Week 2012 picks next year.  Speaking of Hate Week, I'd like to introduce my latest follower, Arkansas head coach Bobby Petrino, who was no doubt inspired by my words...so much so he decided to share them with Les Miles.

My Gators and FSU played easily the worst game in the history of the UF-FSU series.  It's only fitting considering both teams had absolutely nothing to play for.  That may as well have been Ball State going at it with Charleston Southern out there.  Mike Shula thinks UF's offense is too conservative and predictable.  Meanwhile, in spite of his season-long regression, E.J. Manuel is still Desmond Howard's pick to win the Heisman Trophy.

That's all I got...time to do some real work....

PICKS!!!

Oklahoma at Oklahoma State

Not too long ago, Bedlam looked to be one half of the national championship picture...the half that gets pounded by the SEC school.  Then Oklahoma lost at home to Texas Tech, Ryan Broyles blew out his knee, Okie State lost to Pop's alma mater, followed by the Sooners losing at Baylor.  Oklahoma is dinged up and can't stop anyone from scoring, while Okie State can score on just about anyone not named LSU or Alabama.  Throw in an emotional Senior Day for Oklahoma State's Brandon Weeden, his three children and six grandchildren, and this pick is a no brainer.

Pokes - 38

Sooners - 24

PAC-12 Championship Game

UCLA at Oregon

This is NOT what the PAC-12 had in mind...a 6-6 UCLA team led by a lame duck head coach heading to Duckland to get their shit pushed in at the inagural championship game.  Oregon might score 70, and their mascot's arms could fall off from doing a bazillion push-ups.  Until Southern Cal comes off probation, this game will continue to be lopsided.

Oregon - 68.9

UCLA - 10

A She She Championship Game

Virginia Tech vs. Clemson

You know Christmas is just around the corner...Virginia Tech is ranked in the Top 10 in spite of not beating anyone worth a damn, and Clemson loses 3 out of their last 4 games.  Some things never change.  Clemson beat the snot out of Tech in Blacksburg earlier this year, but that was before Clemson realized they were in fact Clemson.  The good news for the A She She is these two teams travel well, so  chances are the ratio of breathing human beings to empty seats will be slightly higher than 1:1.

Hokie Hoke Hokie Hi - 23

We are Clemson -  14

Big 10 Championship Game

Michigan State vs. Wisconsin

This is the 2nd most anticipated rematch in college football.  Wisconsin is a couple last second miracles from stamping their ticket to New Orleans, while Michigan State is out to prove the first game's ending wasn't a fluke.  Memo to Michigan State: That first game was a fluke, and now you have Wisconsin's full attention.  Badgers win, and Montee Ball has a good enough game to get invited to New York City to watch Trent Richardson win Bama's second Heisman Trophy in 3 years.

Badgers - 24

Sparty - 20

and finally...

SEC Championship Game

Georgia vs. LSU

Talking heads at ESPN and CBS Sports are doing their damndest to convince us that Georgia has a chance to throw the ultimate monkey wrench into the BCS.  Georgia's defensive stats are bogus because they didn't play Bama, LSU or Arkansas.  Georgia's offensive stats are misleading because they didn't play LSU or Bama.  But they've won 10 straight games...all against unranked teams.  UGA lost to the only ranked teams they played this season, Boise State and South Carolina.

Meanwhile LSU won on the road (okay, a neutral site) against Oregon, at West Virginia and AT Alabama.  LSU's defense has no weaknesses, and their offense wears you down like a timeshare salesman.  LSU has wins against the #2, #8 and #9 teams in the country.  UGA beat the worst Florida Gator team in over 30 years by 4 points.

LSU-Bama II is a foregone conclusion.  Georgia's pain is my joy.

Geaux Tigers - 36

Hunker Down - 14

Be good.

eG

eViL G's Hate Week 2011 Picks

Consider yourselves warned...




Greetings everyone.  I'm wishing you all a safe and happy Thanksgiving weekend with friends, family and loved ones.  Please travel safe and take some time to reflect on all the things we are truly blessed and thankful for in our lives.

(eViL G is reflecting...please hold...)

Alright, we got that out of the way, so let's talk about something we can all identify with...good old-fashioned hatred.  I'll begin, and I'm apologizing up front to my mother, because Hate Week brings out the worst in her baby boy.

Welcome to Hate Week

I hate Lebron James.  I hate Lebron James as much if not more than I hate Georgia's football team.  I hated Lebron when he played for Cleveland.  His Cavs lost the Eastern Conference Finals to my beloved Orlando Magic, and Bron Bron couldn't bring himself to shake hands with or acknowledge his opponent.  Bron went straight up Isaiah Thomas and walked off the court like a little bitch.  I hate that just about everyone hates Lebron James now when I hated him four years ago....I HATED HIM FIRST DAMMIT!!  I hated him before The Decision, I hated him before that stupid Miami Dream Team pep rally.  Truth be told, I hated Lebron as soon as he walked across the NBA Draft stage wearing that white suit looking like Morgan Freeman in Bruce Almighty.

Now usually the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree, so it's no shock that I also hate Lebron's alcoholic mother...that's right, I said it.  She's a gotdamned drunk.  At no point during my limited sports career did I ever have to tell my mother to "sit her ass down" because she was acting a fool in the stands.  No wonder your boy disappears in crunch time Gloria, he's too worried about the possibility of you banging one of his teammates, punching hotel valets and driving around Collins Avenue with a 0.16 blood-alcohol level.  

Lebron and Gloria James, I fucking hate both of you.

See how easy that was?  Surely you can find it within your heart to come up with a similar example of something you hate to the point where you're tempted to punch an elderly person in the chest for no good reason.  I know it's not just me.

Welcome to Hate Week...and Happy Thanksgiving. 

PICKS!!!

Duke at North Carolina

These schools hate each other, but from a football standpoint, this game should be about as exciting as watching two bald men fight over a comb.  That said, I fucking hate Roy Williams.  I hate that we share the same last name, and I REALLY hated how he turned Billy Donovan in to the NCAA for successfully recruiting Mike Miller to Gainesville.  Fuck you Roy Williams, I hope Coach K makes you eat his shit for the next decade.  But as far as football goes....

Tar Heels - 34

Blue Devils - 21

Alabama at Auburn

The rivalry that defines Hate Week.  Trees get poisoned, dogs get kicked and people get shot over this game.  My wife would tell you how much I hated watching Cam Newton win a Heisman and national title wearing Auburn navy blue instead of Florida royal blue.  I have a love/hate relationship with Alabama's Trent Richardson...I love watching him run, and I hate him choosing Bama over UF (not that I blame him one bit).  Many folks hate that Alabama has an easier path to the national title game than LSU or Arkansas.  Don't hate the player, hate the game.  Alabama is headed to the BCS title game, and there's not much a weak Auburn squad can do about it.

Bama - 27

Auburn - 6

Texas at Texas A&M

Now I don't hate Texas, but I understand why many people do.  Texas is the closest thing to a true college football pimp.  For doing the same amount of work as their conference brethren, Texas gets the lion share of TV revenue to the point where they started their own TV network.  If that's not pimpin' I don't know what is.  Small wonder why the rest of the Big 12 doesn't feel the least bit sorry for Texas struggling....again.  Texas A&M sends Texas a parting shot...just like Missouri did...before leaving for God's favorite conference.

Aggies - 30

Horns - 14

Georgia at Georgia Tech

My feelings about Georgia football are well-documented.  I fucking hate them.  Go Georgia Tech.  And if for some reason UGA decides to send the entire team on the field to illegally celebrate their first touchdown, I hope each and everyone of those fuckers tears an ACL.  Go Georgia Tech.

Georgia Tech - infinity

Georgia - negative infinity

Tennessee at Kentucky

I hate that Tennessee historically finishes up the regular season against Kentucky and Vanderbilt, while the rest of the country plays real competition.  Now that Tennessee is now slightly above the level of Vandy, and we've got a 7-game winning streak against them, it doesn't bother me as much.  Kentucky basketball is another story altogether...I fucking hate them.

Big Orange - 42

Little Blue - 10

Ohio State at Michigan

Like many of you, I hate it when Desmond Howard attempts to complete a sentence.  It's painful and disturbing, like watching two really fat people have sex.  When he does manage to blurt out a complete thought, usually it's something completely irrational, like E.J. Manuel is a legit Heisman Trophy candidate.  Brilliant Desmond...brilliant...

Meatchicken - 20

Ohio State - 17

Florida State at Florida

I pride myself on having a keen sense of self-awareness.  So I completely acknowledge the fact that my alma mater is universally hated by just about everyone.  I'm gonna go all B-Rabbit from 8 Mile and point out everything non-Gator fans say about us.  Let's see...you're sick and tired of the media attention a certain former UF QB gets over in Denver (his name escapes me at the moment), our fan base has a reputation for being overly obnoxious, our football success only dates back to 1990, our trademark Gator chomp was stolen from a movie about a shark, we get preferential treatment from referees, our school colors don't translate well into normal society...AAAAAND we've got a handful of national championships in football and basketball over the past 5 years.  So by all means, continue to hate us, we've earned it.  Having said all that, I hate our offense, I hate our defense, I hate our coaching staff and I hate knowing FSU is gonna beat the dogshit out of us Saturday night.  I also hate Urban Meyer for bailing on us because he knew he didn't have the talent everyone thought he had.  Enjoy Columbus you motherfucker you.

Noles - 32

Gators - 17

Virginia at Virginia Tech

I hate that Virginia had to win the same game three different times in the last 10 seconds last week in Tallahassee.  That was some bullshit.  However I love knowing FSU or Miami won't play each other for the A She She Championship anytime soon.  Virginia Tech owns the conference for now, and they win at home tomorrow.

Hokies - 17

Wahoos - 16

Clemson at South Carolina

Steve Spurrier, do I hate you?  You gotdamn right I do.  Fuck Steve Spurrier until he coaches a team that's not on UF's schedule every year.  The memories are much appreciated, but fuck you just the same.  Now please go beat Clemson...or not...

Tigers - 16

Cocks - 14

Texas Tech at Baylor

I hate all the attention Andrew Luck gets.  All the talking heads are slobbering over Luck and how he translates to the next level, while forgetting he plays against a bunch of surfers in the PAC-12.  Meanwhile, Robert Griffin III is the best quarterback in college football.  Period.  If my mancrush on Trent Richardson wasn't so strong, and I had a Heisman vote, Griffin would get my Heisman vote.

Baylor - 48

TTech - 31

And finally....

Arkansas at LSU

There's plenty for me to hate about this game.  The SEC East, once the premier division in all of college football, looks like the old Big 12 North compared to today's SEC West.  I fucking hate that.  Since LSU assistant coach Billy Gonzalez left UF, we've been stuck with a steamy pile of whale shit at the wide receiver position.  Finally, my sister has a basketball game scheduled at 2:30 on Friday, and my family will be in attendance, meaning I'll have to shut out all outside information so I can catch the game on DVR later that evening.  While I hate schedule conflicts, family is more important than LSU-Arkansas.

Arkansas looks like a legit national title contender (stop snickering Bama fans), and their offense is peaking at the right moment.  But at the end of the day LSU won't disappoint, in spite of losing 3 of the last 4 to Arkansas.  LSU's defense is too tough, and Arkansas' passing game plays right into the hands of LSU's strength...their secondary and pass rush.

The days of second-guessing Les Miles are over.  The man can flat out coach.  I just want LSU 100% healthy for their beatdown of UGA in a little over a week.  However if an Arkansas player takes out Tyrann Mathieu, I won't be disappointed.  I hate that little overrated motherfucker.

LSU wins, and the BCS gods breathe a huge sigh of relief for now.

LSU - 30
Arkansas - 23

Be good.

eG

Monday Afternoon Hangover



Reassurances from the Bowl Championship Series...



This is what happens when I take a week off…..Psycho Puppy makes an appearance up in here and all hell breaks loose.  Now chaos is the order of the day...and coming weeks.  How else do you explain Lee Corso dropping F-bombs on Gameday, or Mark Richt slipping his wife the tongue on national television?

Two words:  Psycho Puppy

Now I didn’t expect Oklahoma State to go undefeated, because they’re Oklahoma State.  Certain schools have no business contending for national championships, and when they do, at some point the pucker factor kicks in...right Clemson?  

In fact, I should have seen that Iowa State upset coming a mile away.  Last week Keith and I spent WAAAAY too much time talking about scenarios that would put his beloved Crimson Tide back in the national title game.  We also had some spirited dialogue about whether or not Herman Cain is actually B.B. King.

What many of you may not know is Keith’s father, a proud Iowa State alum, lost his battle with cancer not too long ago.  I suggested that Keith have Pops call in a favor with the man upstairs, and the rest is BCS history.  Thanks to Pops, Oklahoma State, Oregon and Oklahoma are toast, and Alabama looks to have the easiest path to the national title game…all in one weekend.  It just goes to show how much lifelong equity you build with the Almighty after raising Keith Edwards. 

Pops, you are the man, and we miss you....thanks for shaking things up.

eG

Gone Fishing....

Hey guys, thanks to a brutal work schedule I'm taking this week off.

I'll be back for rivalry week, better known as Hate Week around these parts.

In the meantime, please enjoy this picture of Psycho Puppy.

Be good....or Psycho Puppy will poop on your carpet, then use your jugular vein as a chew toy.

(Yeah, it's been one of those weeks....)

eG

WE ARE.....

Maybe I'm jumping the shark so to speak, with the "We Are" idea. But let's be honest with each other....If I can't be cocky for the Furman game, then the terrorist have already won. Actually, I checked the line from our "friends" out in the desert, and according to them, we're 17 point 'dogs vs. the terrorist. If I were you, I'd take those points. This season has just been a blur; and as we wind down this season, I'd like take the time to thank eViL G and Corch E as well as the 'Bama Keith's' for making this season enjoyable. Not sure if this will be the last contribution this season for me or not since if we happen to beat Furman, we're probably going to lose to FSU and I don't want to be up on here using foul language in front of mama eViL G. Perhaps I'll make a bowl game appearance for our December 1st bowl game vs Eastern Omaha Steaks State....Our friends in the desert are saying we're a 3 point 'dog in that game....I'd take the points if I were you.

-FlawdaGator

Remember to follow me on the twitters... @FlawdaGator