|Tennessee fans react to Derek Dooley's continued employment.|
Greetings from the 34761. Mama say mama sah, ma ma coo sah.
I'd like to start off by apologizing to my Bama buddies in Atlanta and Birmingham. Goofy shit happens when I take the week off, so I take full responsibility for that Texas A&M debacle. If it's any consolation, Auburn really sucks this year, and chances are K-State and Notre Dame won't finish undefeated.
For all the bandwagon Alabama fans in Central Florida, driving around with Crimson "A" car flags, Orange County license plates and Valencia Community College parking stickers, I have no sympathy for you. Go buy a Notre Dame jersey and STFU.
In hindsight I should have played hooky this week...Saturday's slate of games are straight up booty. Wofford-South Carolina...Western Carolina-Alabama...UGA-Georgia Southern...it's like Week One all over again minus the humidity.
Finally I feel compelled to express my feelings about the current state of UF Football, but these feelings might be better saved for Hate Week. Stay tuned.
Let's do this.
Jacksonville State at Florida
Those 30,000 empty seats in The Swamp should make Jacksonville State feel right at home. Divine intervention won't be necessary this Saturday, but we might need Tebow to lay hands on Jeff Driskel's ankle before playing the savages from Tallahassee next week.
Doing Yardwork - 45
Paying $55 to watch Jax State on PPV - 3
Florida State at Maryland
Thanks to a rash of torn ACLs, Maryland is down to its 5th string QB. His name is Jennifer.
Noles - 51
Twerps - 7
Southern Cal at UCLA
Hate Week came early for these guys. UCLA's campus was vandalized by USC students earlier this week. A group of UCLA students considered retuning the favor, then reconsidered after realizing which side of town USC's campus is located...Dominos won't deliver there. We've got marching band drama too...UCLA school officials informed the Trojans that if their drum major planted his sword on UCLA's midfield logo, UCLA would fly in Florida A&M's drum majors to beat the ever loving shit out of him.
Bruins - 23
Jimmy Hats - 21
Stanford's smash mouth style of football results in Oregon having to wait until the 3rd quarter to eclipse 70 points.
Ducks - 77
Trees - 63
Kansas State is two wins away from playing for the national championship. TV executives are on suicide watch. Kansas State football has about as much brand recognition as Ron Artest's record label. I haven't watched one down of KState football this season, but I'll definitely switch over Saturday night after Oregon-Stanford gets out of hand.
K-State - 45
Baylor - 20
Vols QB Tyler Bray made headlines this week, claiming he's "paid to win SEC football games". Following that interview Bray asked the reporter for a dollar.
This Tennessee team has been so bad for so long, General Neyland stopped turning over in his grave months ago. Even his rotting corpse knows this game isn't worthy of the coveted "and finally" spot, but I want to give Derek Dooley his due. He's got two regular season games left as Tennessee's football coach before Jon Gruden, Bill Cowher, Bob Stoops and both Harbaugh brothers all simultaneously accept the head coaching job in Knoxville.
So in what will likely be the last time a Dooley-coached Tennessee team is mentioned in this here forum, I'm picking him to do something he hasn't done in three seasons...lose to Vanderbilt.
You're welcome Vol fans...reverse mojo is in full effect.
Vandy - 38
Vols - 34