Thursday, September 5, 2013

eViL G's Weekly Picks - September 7th

What's up people?  I hope you all had a great Labor Day weekend.

I'm in the process of putting security measures in place for our traveling party's day trip to South Florida this Saturday, so needless to say I've got some work to do. 

There's only three games worth a damn this week, so I won't waste your time with Western Kentucky-Tennessee or Texas A&M-Sam Houston State.  Hell, Michigan-Notre Dame barely made the cut only because Brian Kelly basically called Michigan a bunch of irrelevant bitches. 

So let's get on with's Miami week!


Notre Dame at Michigan
Not sure if you heard, but Brian Kelly called Michigan a bunch of irrelevant bitches, and suggested Michigan wasn't worthy of being called a rival.  In his weekly press conference, Michigan head coach Brady Hoke responded by showing highlights from last year's BCS Championship Game, then told the assembled media he had sex with Brian Kelly's wife just before the press conference.  When asked why he had sex with Kelly's wife, Hoke said he usually has sex with Kelly's mother, but she was still recovering from the last time he tapped that wrinkled ass.  Go Blue.
Meatchicken - 19
F'n Irish - 14

South Carolina at Georgia
I completely ignored UGA's history of losing early in the season, picked them to beat Clemson and got burned.  That's not happening this week.  If there's a coach who knows how to kick Georgia when they're down, it's that guy at South Carolina. UGA fans find themselves in that old familiar place of questioning whether or not Mark Richt is the right man for the job.  He is, but after losing two weeks in a row, good luck convincing Georgia's fragile fan base.
Cocks - 31
Dawgs - 23

and finally...

Florida at Miami
Chances are UF won't play Miami for a very long time after Saturday.  The fan bases hate each other.  The respective university administrations can't stand each other.  In spite of struggling to fill Sun Life Stadium's lower bowl for anything other than a Pitbull concert, Miami's ticket office stuck just about all of Florida's tickets in the upper deck.  Miami won't hand over the Seminole War Canoe after UF beat the Canes 26-3 five years ago.

No big deal as far as I'm concerned, keep the damn canoe.  But spare us the steady flow of nonsense from the scUM if it's still 1987 and Ray Lewis hasn't quite mastered the art of obstructing justice.  We get it Miami fans, we're not as great as you used to be three decades ago.

After 1987, UF didn't want to play Miami.  In 2013, UF doesn't need to play Miami.   Don't get it twisted scUM fans, you need us more than we need you. If someone other than the Gators were coming to town, your so-called fans would skip the game and take advantage of a Groupon to get their tips frosted.

Back around Memorial Day, when ESPN/ABC/Disney announced this game would be a noon kickoff, it all but guaranteed I'd be watching poolside from the man patio...until I scored a ticket last week.  (Big ups to my future stepson-in-law down in Boca Raton.  I'll see you bright and early Saturday morning.)

Why not play this game directly on the sun's surface?  It's less humid than Miami in early September.  Why not enhance the experience of those in attendance by handing out wool parkas and mittens?  Perhaps the concession stands should only serve delicious coffee and spicy Cuban food cooked by some dude named Hector.  Hell, pretend it's a night game and turn the lights on.

Oppressively hot temperatures and  sauna-like humidity...not to mention the threat of being assaulted by a bunch of guido monkey douches wearing flat billed Miami ball caps and Affliction t-shirts...can't deter select members of the world's most dangerous Internet message board from making this trip.  We will be there, along with another 30,000 or so good guys wearing blue.  Jorts are optional. 

As far as the game goes, there's not really much to break down.  Duke Johnson is a stud (allegedly nursing a mild concussion), but Florida has a clear advantage defensively and in the trenches.  Matt Jones, Loucheiz Purifoy and Antonio Morrison are all back.  Barring a UGA-like performance from Jeff Driskel (unlikely), or a Jameis Winston performance from Stephen Morris (even more unlikely), UF wins this game. 

It's that reverse mojo necessary this week.  UF's defense is the difference.  Gators win.

Gators - 27
Canes - 17

Be good.

1 comment:

  1. Earlier today I made an error, claiming Notre Dame head coach Brian Kelly called his own team a bunch of irrelevant bitches. That was a mistake. It was actually the entire Southeast region who said Notre Dame is a bunch of irrelevant bitches. My bad.